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#1 of 49 Old 01-08-2006, 07:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was wondering how other SAHM think of this, esp. the AP parent because it seems AP parents are less in a hurry to put their child into school.

I am a SAHM parent of a 3 yr old bright little man.
People have often puhsed the subject of putting him into pre-school.
I am a SAHM I don't see why I should have to pay preschool for them to baby sit my kid for the one and only reason for him to socialise with other kids.
I believe I have more to teach my child than pre-school, we(hubby & I) are raising our son BiLingual(I am dutch Hubby is American). I also believe that he is not ready for school yet. I also enjoy the time I spend with him at home as his stay at home mommy.

Is this such a bad thing? Why must everyone always nose into someone elses life, and tell them how they should live, when I don't tell them how they should live.

No offense to those who put their children into school as early as 2.
But I don't see the hurry in putting your child in school that early.

Maybe its because I love teaching my son things myself, maybe its because I am not ready for him to be in school.

How do you feel about putting kids in school as early as 3?
Just very curious. I understand if you are a working mom, but when your a SAHM, I don't see why you pay for pre-school to have them take care of your child while you sit at home.
I just don't understand.

Thanks for reading, but I never get a real answer from mainstream moms, they always tell its a "social" thing, I think that is weird, because your child can socialise at 3 years old, without being put in pre-school, esp when they aren't ready to be in school.
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#2 of 49 Old 01-08-2006, 08:09 PM
 
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Tell em to bug off...nicely


>>>Is this such a bad thing? No

>>>How do you feel about putting kids in school as early as 3? It's

Come on down to the Homeschooling board, it really dosn't matter if you plan on sending him to school later, you will still be welcome.
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#3 of 49 Old 01-08-2006, 09:04 PM
 
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I put my ds now 4 years old into preeschool part time at three. He went for only 4 hours a week. He now goes 9 hours a week. Around here there are no kids his age to play with. We do go to the park and he is usuallly the oldest kid there. Most parents put their kids in daycare allday. Preschool help to get him around a steady group of kids to play with. I have also seen an improvement with behavior. If their were more kids at home I would probably kept him home.
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#4 of 49 Old 01-08-2006, 09:06 PM
 
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I am with you, they have 18 years to be in school. They don't need to start now. Besides the research shows that any gain children may have in preschool is lost by like fifth grade and it is more important for them to develop emotional intellegence and firm attachment to parents at this age- that can't be caught up on later.

Even if my kid doesn't know ANYTHING at kindergarten (not likely ) he will be caught up by the end of the first month of kindergarten. Honestly it is like crawling up stairs, if you don't have stairs in your house and so your kid never sees a stairs in an hour after he is old enought to crawl up stairs he will be crawling up and down them as well as a kid who had stairs in his house and has always been playing on them.

And your right- a heck of an expense to do what? Catch the flu?

I think that my kids are getting pleanty socalized at the park and at play dates and toddler groups. I don't see the value in it.
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#5 of 49 Old 01-08-2006, 09:41 PM
 
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#6 of 49 Old 01-08-2006, 09:44 PM
 
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#7 of 49 Old 01-08-2006, 09:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by DoubleOven
I actually read recently that any advantage kids have in Kind. is lost by 1st grade!! I guess it also depends a lot on the individual child, too.
Lets go with your number
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#8 of 49 Old 01-08-2006, 11:14 PM
 
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I didn't send my dd to prek last year when she was 3. She goes a couple hours a day T-F now (at 4) and enjoys it but really it's just a playgroup to her anyway. I really don't see much value in pre-k for my kids except that dd enjoys it and since we just moved here it's been nice for her to meet some kids. But I didnt send her last year and when people asked why, I just said I thought she needed to be home more. Most people left it alone after that.
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#9 of 49 Old 01-08-2006, 11:25 PM
 
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My son is in speech at my old elementary school twice weekly. I homeschool him. They bugged the PISS out of me to put him in preschool for weeks. They've finally hushed about it.

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#10 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 02:36 AM
 
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Well, my son is only 2, but I think a lot of 3 year olds would not be ready to be away from home for that period of time yet. It's a big step.

I don't think preschool is all that necessary and of course you can teach him much more at home - at home you can teach him whatever you want, basically - as much or as little as you feel is appropriate!!

INDIVIDUAL schooling is almost ALWAYS going to have better results than schooling large groups of children.

So if anyone bugs you about it, maybe you can just tell them that you've taught him way more than he would learn in preschool.

I don't mean to offend anyone with children in preschool, every family is different.
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#11 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 04:18 AM
 
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I put ds1 in preschool at 3 (which is late around here, even for SAHM's) because he really needed the time with an alternate authority figure. He had a lot of social anxiety and the little time away (4 hours a week) was a good segueway for him. It was extremely valuable and I don't think he would have had such a good transition to Kindergarten if it were not for his 3 yo teachers and the program.

For us it was not about socialization or anything academic, it was to help him work through his anxiety and panic attacks in as gradual as way as possible.

So for some of you it may seem like but for us it was absolutely necessary.

Jen, former attorney and now SAHM to 11 yo ds and 8 yo ds

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#12 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 04:30 AM
 
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The government-funded research done on preschool has been done on Head Start (low socioeconomic) children. They benefit from preschool because they often don't have access to the nutritious food, variety of books, trips, and a variety of things that many children are accustomed to. Preschool is not necessary at all. Provide a stimulating, wholesome, loving environment for your child. Encourage her to interact with the mailman, the neighbors, the grocery store clerk, the librarian, children in the park, etc. She will get a much wider variety of socialization that way - in comparison to being in a preschool surrounded by 30 other 3-yr-olds all day.
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#13 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 04:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kaliki_kila
She will get a much wider variety of socialization that way - in comparison to being in a preschool surrounded by 30 other 3-yr-olds all day.
Sorry to butt in again, but do you guys who are against preschool think it's some kind of all day thing?

For us and at least one other poster that I saw, we're talking 2 hours a day, 2 days a week. Which leaves plenty of time for all sorts of other things.

Oh and if you're in a class all day with 30 other 3yo's, you need to find a better preschool.

Just to clarify.

Jen, former attorney and now SAHM to 11 yo ds and 8 yo ds

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#14 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 05:04 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jkpmomtoboys
Sorry to butt in again, but do you guys who are against preschool think it's some kind of all day thing?

For us and at least one other poster that I saw, we're talking 2 hours a day, 2 days a week. Which leaves plenty of time for all sorts of other things.

Oh and if you're in a class all day with 30 other 3yo's, you need to find a better preschool.

Just to clarify.
I skimmed the thread and assumed it was all-day preschool because all of the children I know who attend preschool attend from 8-5ish, dropped off by their parents on the way to work. I do know one child who goes part-time, but certainly not as little as only 2 hours a day, 2 days a week. 30 other 3-yr-olds was being sarcastic. It bothers me when people say children who don't attend preschool aren't getting the "socialization" they need. Children should be socialized with people of all ages, not just their peers. Preschool is a great way for your child to get together and play with other kids, sure, but not a great way to socialize your child with the community.
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#15 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 05:08 AM
 
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I will not be sending my kids to preschool. It might be all well and good for some. A fun structured activity time and a break for mom. But not in any way necessary and no more beneficial than any structured activity that gives mom some away time. Great for moms who want it and have the money. Nothing missed for those who dont.
If you want some really good reasons why not though, you might want to read "Hold On to your Kids" It really put the whole value of early socialization in new light for me.
Joline
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#16 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 05:09 AM
 
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My ds is 20mos old, he is enrolled in Head Start home vistits, I was hesitant at first but we actually enjoy it very much~ sometimes we go to the library for story-time but mostly the teacher Gloria comes over once a week for an hr and a half and we do arts and crafts ect.. My ds really likes her also I couldn't have been luckier to have Gloria be the one she is a spontaneous, down to earth, yoga-loving, kind-hearted being
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#17 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 05:21 AM
 
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Going from 8 til 5 is not preschool; that is daycare. It bugs me when daycares call themselves preschools....

I have three kids. The first two each started co-op preschool when they were three. It was two hours a day, twice a week. One of those days I stayed to work in the classroom and the other I dropped her off. So on any given day, you had the teacher, 16 kids and 8 moms (or the occassional gramma, aunt, dad, grampa, etc.) I am trying to remember (has been quite a few years) but almost all of the moms in the co-op were SAHMs.

It was fabulous for them and for me. They got to play with other kids their age and yes, learn some socialization. They got to practice at what a school environment was like when they weren't expectations of perfection; it was a learning process. They made friends, as did I. I got a lot of support from those co-op moms. My child learned she could accept help from other trusted adults. There were lots of opportunities that were not generally available at home - the woodworking area, paint/messy and varied art/playdough every day (we do have these things of course - I just don't get them out all the time), toys different than the ones we had at home including a sand/water table, etc.

I think co-op preschool is a great transition from being home with me all day - for them and for me! My dh said I needed the transition more than they did... So that first year of preschool (when they were three) was co-op as described above. Second year of preschool (when they were four) was your classic drop off style - four days a week, two and a half hours per day. I did volunteer in the class here and there. Then off to full day kindergarten (all that is offered in our alternative, multi-age elementary). Both dd1 and dd2 did this, and dd3 will start preschool this fall when she is three.

Besides liking preschool for what it was for the kid in it, I loved having some one on one time with my dd2 when dd1 went to preschool. Same for dd3 when dd2 went. Usually the second and third kids don't get that one on one time with the parent like the firstborn gets. My second and third got that when their older siblings went to preschool.

Plus it was fun!
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#18 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 10:10 AM
 
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I think three is awfully young for a school environment.

We plan to homeschool anyway.

That said, recently I have, a few times, thought longingly of putting Ramona in preschool with the hope that perhaps she would learn that the world does not revolve solely around her.

If people give you a hard time about preschool, simply tell them that you believe that your son is getting everything he needs and more by being home with you.

Namaste!
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#19 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 10:36 AM
 
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I am Mama to two children and my oldest went to school at 2.5. She is a brilliant little girl (I know we all think our kids are bright!) and she asked to go. She LOVED it. Still does. We did a really thorough search and found a great school for her and she adored her teacher, still does. She went three days a week from 9-1pm. I do not work outside of my home and had visions of homeschooling my children, but I can see that my oldest will not enjoy that option she loves going to school everyday. And I don't think it makes me a less AP Mama, rather more so, in our case because I am responding to her direct needs as opposed to my pre-conceived notions of what would make her happy.

You know your children, child very well and know what would make them happy. I have a friend whose daughter was not ready and she took her out and kept her home. It's different for each one. But I personally do not think it is a bad idea to send them to school if they want to go and I think socialization is a complicated thing and underrated thing. As a former college professor, I think more and more teenagers and young adults could benefit from a return trip to kindergarten and pre-school where sharing and ethics are the norm.

Good luck with your family's decision,
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#20 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 10:49 AM
 
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My oldest was homeschooled until he was 5.5 (then we opted for school) but the 2 younger went to preK at 4.

I just dropped my son off this morning. It's a very happy place. The teachers are wonderful.

I found that in my area there weren't enough opportunities for homeschooled kids of that age. Homeschooling does work for a lot of people here of course but not for us.

I see preK as being a transition into full-time school. I don't think it's necessary but it can be nice.
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#21 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 01:55 PM
 
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It sounds like you are confident that you are doing the right thing for your child, and I too think you should just ignore the people putting pressure on you.

Is preschool necessary? Absolutely not, espcecially if you are enjoying your time at home with your ds and finding fun and stimulating activities to do. When I was young, preschool wasn't commonly done at all.

Do I think 3 is too young for preschool? Yes for some, but not for others, judge on an individual basis. And it depends on the program. I think an all day program is too much for a child that age, but a few hours a day once or twice a week sounds more reasonable. Plus the style of learning/care is important too. I did alot of research and looked at many places before finding a place I was comfortable with. My biggest goal was finding a place where he would be with other kids, have fun, and the emphasis wasn't placed on learning letters or numbers.

Do I have my 3/yo in preschool? Yes, but he goes two days a week for 2-3 hours a day. They do the same things that I do with him at home, reading books, having a snack, coloring/painting/stringing beads/gluing items to paper, and playing outside. If ds chooses not to participate in any of the above, he is not forced to. He can go to the reading corner or play blocks or trucks or at the sand table instead. If he's hungry or thirsty, he can eat or drink.

I personally was tearing my hear out last winter, (it was a cold snowy winter) being alone with ds all day. And he was bored. I am not the best with crafts/stimulating activities and am better with reading and cuddling. I also have low energy due to a chronic health issue. Ds loves being with other kids, and we live in an isolated area. Any other kids his age in the area are either in preschool or daycare all day (figures eh?) And I love the break I get, I admit it. So it's a good fit for us. I am a sahm and thought I'd never send ds to preschool, and that it was unecessary and even detrimental to kids. But as you can see, I've changed my mind.
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#22 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 03:45 PM
 
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your a SAHM, I don't see why you pay for pre-school to have them take care of your child while you sit at home.
I should just ignore this, but I'm tired and it keeps bugging me. Then again, maybe I wouldn't be as tired if I actually sat at home while DS was in preschool instead of running errands, picking up dry cleaning, buying groceries, or hurrying home to clean the house and start dinner during the 2 1/2 hours he is at preschool. I even, gasp!, meet my friends once in a while for a cup of coffee where we can have uninterupted conversations that don't require spelling out the juicy bits. I also used preschool time to schedule all my OB apppointments when I was pregnant.

I don't understand why anyone would bother you about whether or not your child goes to preschool, but I also don't understand why you are so critical of moms who do send their DC to preschool.

DS likes going to preschool - it's fun for him and my DSs both learned things that it hadn't occurred to me to teach them yet. Plus they get to play with a wider assortment of playthings than we own (or care to own) and interact with a variety of friends. In my area (and maybe this varies) preschool is only 2-3 hours per day, a few days per week depending on age (2 days for 2s, 3 days for 3s, etc.). He gets to play and I get things done so in the afternoon he can have my undivided attention during the baby's naptime.

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#23 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 03:46 PM
 
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I agree that ou sound like you have thought it out and made a good decision for your family.

My younger son will be 3 in June and I will not send him to ps next year - he is not even close to ready for that sort of time away from me on his own - I might when he is 4 (a couple of mornings a week for a couple of hours, not all day) depending on what signs he is sending me.

My older son went to ps when he was younger (2.5) for a number of reasons --- including that the first thing he did every morning was walk straight to the front door hang on the knob and scream "out! out! out!" I would take him out and to the park and library and whatnot, but it didn't seem to cut it for him so I found him a nice Montessori program that he ENJOYED and asked to go to on his days off. It was nice for him, but I don't even think it would be nice for my second son. When children are this young - it is a very individualized decision to know what you & your kids are ready for.

I don't think preschool is necessary nor do I think it is sad to tune into what your kids want/need and find them a fun learning environment.

BJ
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#24 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 05:53 PM
 
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My thought is that time is so limited while they are young that I want to keep them with me as long as I can. This works for me, I can't speak for anyone else.
My dd, who will be 4 soon, does not go to pre-school.
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#25 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 06:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teensy
I should just ignore this, but I'm tired and it keeps bugging me. Then again, maybe I wouldn't be as tired if I actually sat at home while DS was in preschool instead of running errands, picking up dry cleaning, buying groceries, or hurrying home to clean the house and start dinner during the 2 1/2 hours he is at preschool. I even, gasp!, meet my friends once in a while for a cup of coffee where we can have uninterupted conversations that don't require spelling out the juicy bits. I also used preschool time to schedule all my OB apppointments when I was pregnant.

I don't understand why anyone would bother you about whether or not your child goes to preschool, but I also don't understand why you are so critical of moms who do send their DC to preschool.

DS likes going to preschool - it's fun for him and my DSs both learned things that it hadn't occurred to me to teach them yet. Plus they get to play with a wider assortment of playthings than we own (or care to own) and interact with a variety of friends. In my area (and maybe this varies) preschool is only 2-3 hours per day, a few days per week depending on age (2 days for 2s, 3 days for 3s, etc.). He gets to play and I get things done so in the afternoon he can have my undivided attention during the baby's naptime.

If you have read my post, you would also read that I said NO OFFENSE to those moms WHO DO put their children in pre-school. I personally can only speak from my point of view, wonderful that your happy being at home while your child is in pre-school, like I said, I just don't understand it. And now I have read your point of view, I can see why some moms do like having their children in pre-school so they can have "mommy social time" or however you want to call.
Sometimes we need to see someone elses point view to understand a certain thing.
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#26 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 06:38 PM
 
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Didn't the last preschool thread get locked?........



I'll bite though if your kids being home with you is working for you then great, keep it up. Don't let people tell you otherwise some kids aren't ready some parents aren't ready, that is all fine.

That said ds started preschool at 3, 2hours a day 2 days a week (gasp I was without my son for 4 WHOLE HOURS A WEEK) dh was working long hours and finishing his PHD dissertation so those 4 hours a week with only one high needs child were wonderful. He now goes 2 hours a day 3 days a week (6 whole hours a week).


I have never once in 1.5 years of preschool sat at home and rested/relaxed/exercised or anything "me" related, I do the grocery shopping with only one child, run errands/ doctors appointments whatever with only 1 child. I look forward to sending dd in a few years so manybe I could pee alone, something I haven't done in 4.5 years. Ok ranting over.


Also ds's preschool is wonderful, he is in a class with 8 kids total, a teacher and aid (a 1 to 4 ratio) they play and do crafts, they provide him with activities and stimulations that I just can't. He has friends indepedent of me, he doesn't just have to play with kids because I'm friends with their mom's, he can decide who he wants to play with (out of 7 other kids) he's developing a small amount of independance....... For us it has not only been wonderful for me, but he has really blossomed. I looked into a number of preschools and found a great one.

Mom to ds 9 dd 7 : and dd 3/08 : if I can I go to
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#27 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 07:20 PM
 
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If you have read my post, you would also read that I said NO OFFENSE to those moms WHO DO put their children in pre-school. I personally can only speak from my point of view, wonderful that your happy being at home while your child is in pre-school, like I said, I just don't understand it. And now I have read your point of view, I can see why some moms do like having their children in pre-school so they can have "mommy social time" or however you want to call.
Ummm, that still sounded really judgmental and snarky.

I'll bite too. DS goes to a toddler program that's part of a local preschool. It's 2 hours, two mornings a week. I normally wouldn't have sent a 2 year old to "school," but he has a speech delay and one of the things I learned in researching that is that a big predictor of "outcome" is whether or not the child has peer interaction. We had been going to lots of activities (Gymboree, swim class, story time, etc.), but I was always with DS and able to "translate" for him. For our situation, it's been really beneficial. I also like that I get to give DD (9 months) my undivided attention during those times, something she doesn't get too much with her big brother around.

If he didn't have the speech delay issues, however, I'd probably have started him in Montessori at 3 (two mornings a week.) Why? Because I'm a fan of the Montessori teaching style and programs and as a Montessori "grad" myself, I have really great memories of having a lot of fun there.

I love being a SAHM (gave up a career as a litigator to do so) and am very comfortable with my decision to have DS in the program for those 4 (total) hours each week. And when you say things like this in your OP:
Quote:
I don't see why you pay for pre-school to have them take care of your child while you sit at home
it makes it sound a lot more like you're judging those moms that make different decisions and are looking to rip on them instead of being interested in listening to and learning about people's reasoning and choices.

Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.

 

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#28 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 07:59 PM
 
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Just an added note, if ds had not liked school or probably even cried when I tried to leave, I would not have tried sending him.
But I'm not going to say that I use the time I get alone for errands and cleaning, I don't. I make my doctors appts. for that time, go to the gym, take a walk, then have a leisurely shower or breakfast on one of the days, the other day I may do errands. So yes, sometimes I am sitting at home while he's going sometimes, and enjoying every minute!
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#29 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 09:37 PM
 
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If I didn't have a cool parent co-op play based preschool in town, he wouldn't go. Like the others said, 2 days a week, 2.5 hours. He has somewhere to go and play with fun different toys, paint, do crafts (which I encourage at home as well, don't get me wrong), play outside with other kids his age. For whatever reason he picks up things from his teacher that go in one ear and out the other when I say it (ie: covering a cough). It has also helped me guage the way he operates in a social and school setting... and the parents are very involved, it is so cool to be there watching and playing. and when I'm not there, I get to watch Lost. Hooray for tivo!
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#30 of 49 Old 01-09-2006, 09:57 PM
 
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Well, I think each parent has to make the right decision for their own child. I don't think it's right to make blanket statements and certainly, to the OP, nobody should be pushing you in a direction you don't want to go.

That being said, dd is 3, almost 4 and started... GASP!!!!... FULL-TIME preschool this year!! And I'm... A SAHM!!! Flame me now!!!!

But this is why we send her...

We will not homeschool. It is not for us for more reasons than can be listed. We are a multi-cultural, multi-lingual family and we want dd to be raised as diversely as possible in this crappy midwest city (as long as we are here). Dd goes to an International (over 50 countries represented by the student body), language immersion private school. It happens that because school is NOT conducted in English, but the target language, that the first couple of years of school is basically learning the language and culture of the target language. It is NOT daycare in any way. They spend the whole day, except for a short quiet time in the afternoon, learning, playing, and socializing in the target language.

Dd BEGGED me to go to school since we returned from living in Germany last year. At the time we were there, all of her friends were in the process of getting ready to go to Kindy. She so wanted to go. From day one of school this past August, FULL TIME from the beginning, she has never had a single problem going to school. When she's home, we engage her in all sorts of things and she loves her time at home as well. But honestly, over Christmas break... she got bored and couldn't wait to go back to school.

So, I don't see anything at all wrong with preschool. Even full-time. But it's not for everyone and I'd never judge anyone for NOT sending their kids.
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