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#1 of 40 Old 01-23-2006, 01:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Have you heard people say this before? I have a friend who is constantly saying this about myself and other people. As if all we do is just stay home. She works and goes to school (BTDT myself) and complains about not having time for anything, yet she criticizes those of us who are SAHMs. I would like to gently let her know it hurts my feelings b/c I do not sit on my butt all day doing nothing. I have a 4 yr. old home with me all day long. Does that not count for anything? I mean, what gives with her thinking that I just stay home?

, , , mama to Ross , Reagan (8/29/05), Joshua (from Haiti...here NOW due to the earthquake!), and Elijah , born safely 9-8-09.
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#2 of 40 Old 01-23-2006, 02:31 AM
 
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I've learned to ignore that stupid comment from people because most of these people who say that I "just stay home" would go mad if they were "just staying home" doing what I do all day. It's ignorance as far as I'm concerned and if it bothers you enough, I say clear the air and let her know how you feel.

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#3 of 40 Old 01-23-2006, 05:02 PM
 
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I usually pipe in with something like, oh I don't *just* stay home. I eat bon bons and watch a lot of Jerry Springer, too.

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#4 of 40 Old 01-23-2006, 06:51 PM
 
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I try to remind myself that people like that are missing out. Some people just do not get the same satisfaction and joy out of their children, grandchildren, or even great-grandchildren. Some people are chasing other forms of fullfillment and gratification, but really, I know that for me, having children and giving as much of myself as I can to my family and home brings me the ultimate satisfaction. Otherwise, why did I have my son? We couldn't wait to have him, and yes, he has required more of my dh and I than i ever could have imagined, but he's given us so much love and joy that we can't wait to have another one!

I think of this often when one of our ds grandma's is off playing golf every day and stops in to visit once every couple of months, and the other grandma (who lives much further) makes it a point to visit him nearly every other week, and always comments on how much he's grown and developed over just a few weeks...

I don't begrudge his other grandma her well-deserved time for herself; she did her job raising her children. But I know that for her, she just doesn't get the same satisfaction out of spending time with her grandchildren that his other grandma craves and needs. I have friends who feel differently towards their children than I do, and it's hard because I no longer relate to them the way I did before I had children. It's been a tough realization and I try to surround myself with as many other positive people as I can who genuinely take pleasure out of being with their kids most of the time.
Sorry this is so long....
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#5 of 40 Old 01-23-2006, 06:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chinaKat
I usually pipe in with something like, oh I don't *just* stay home. I eat bon bons and watch a lot of Jerry Springer, too.

that's great! i love that
seriously tho, there are many women's groups that are doing alot of important work getting out the message that women's unpaid work DOES count. you could check out this website, maybe get a few ideas

http://www.mothersarewomen.com/

Midwifery student , Mama to my 4 amazing kids. treehugger.gif

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#6 of 40 Old 01-23-2006, 07:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mandib50
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seriously tho, there are many women's groups that are doing alot of important work getting out the message that women's unpaid work DOES count. you could check out this website, maybe get a few ideas

http://www.mothersarewomen.com/
Great link; had no idea this site existed! Thanks.
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#7 of 40 Old 01-23-2006, 07:16 PM
 
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I hate that as well. I don't "just" stay home either. With two DC under two a three year old weimeraner (which is just like another child), and babysitting my 10 1/2 week old cousin. I don't "JUST" stay home either. I do have trouble with that term.
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#8 of 40 Old 01-23-2006, 08:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chinaKat
I usually pipe in with something like, oh I don't *just* stay home. I eat bon bons and watch a lot of Jerry Springer, too.

That is exactly what I do all day

I've heard "she just stays home" on occasion but it doesn't really bother me. As hard as it is to be a full time stay at home mom I would much rather be doing this then working full time at this point in my life.

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#9 of 40 Old 01-23-2006, 10:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel very fortunate to be able to stay home and so I just hate comments like that. If I "just stayed home" my DH wouldn't appreciate it very much.

I personally like your response, china.

, , , mama to Ross , Reagan (8/29/05), Joshua (from Haiti...here NOW due to the earthquake!), and Elijah , born safely 9-8-09.
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#10 of 40 Old 01-23-2006, 11:58 PM
 
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I don't get that but from my sister (who doesn't have kids or a job) who says "she doesn't do ANYTHING"...she thinks i'm online too much cuz i come on here duringn his naptimes adn while he eats. whatever.

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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#11 of 40 Old 01-24-2006, 12:05 AM
 
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i use the bon-bon comment to, but couple it with soap operas instead of JS. Most get i'm joking since we are tv free. lol.

My husband always speaks for me- he tells everyone he'd go crazy with my job and that i'm a saint [we have 3 kids 4 and under ] and he goes to work to unwind and relax.
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#12 of 40 Old 01-24-2006, 12:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbow
i use the bon-bon comment to, but couple it with soap operas instead of JS. Most get i'm joking since we are tv free. lol.

My husband always speaks for me- he tells everyone he'd go crazy with my job and that i'm a saint [we have 3 kids 4 and under ] and he goes to work to unwind and relax.
lol that's what my husband says.

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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#13 of 40 Old 01-24-2006, 12:14 AM
 
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*I* am raising the future. *I* am actually shaping and molding another human being. *I* will affect what they are for the rest of their lives.

*They* just go to work outside of the home everyday.

That's how I look at it.

Mama to:Ben (12), Natalie (9), Zoe (5)
 
 
 
     

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#14 of 40 Old 01-24-2006, 12:21 AM
 
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yeah but the way *they* look at it *they* are *contributing* because *they* are bringing in money. according to *them* *we* (SAHM's) bring in no money so what we do is worth *less* it still bothers me sometimes that the act of raising a child is of so little notice. shame.

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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#15 of 40 Old 01-24-2006, 12:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CalebsMama05
yeah but the way *they* look at it *they* are *contributing* because *they* are bringing in money. according to *them* *we* (SAHM's) bring in no money so what we do is worth *less* it still bothers me sometimes that the act of raising a child is of so little notice. shame.
they in that post is the people that think of sahm's as less btw. not working mothers in general.

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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#16 of 40 Old 01-24-2006, 10:44 AM
 
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I think though that people who work outside of home are shaping the future as well... I'm very very proud of the working women of the world. I don't want to say they are ''just'' anything, as I don't want anyone to say I am ''just'' anything.

We may shaping individuals, they are shaping the economy, the working class, the standards of business. ALL have their place and value. The working women of today are paving the way in the workforce in a way that might open up more opportunities for my daughters.. and for that I'm thankful as well.

ETA- did we cross post or did I just miss that last post/ lol. I hear you... but I still feel that way. Even people who think what we do is less I don't want to demean in return... I just hope they see one day that it isn't all fun and games and bon bons. Although there are a lot of fun and games to be had in a day.
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#17 of 40 Old 01-24-2006, 11:09 AM
 
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Rainbow,

I have to say I agree with you. If mothers didn't work, who would have done my biopsy, who would clean my dcs teeth, who would have taught me to read when I was a child, who would be driving the buses, delivering the babies, bringing us the music we love?

I am happy with the choice I've made--with the choice I have been able to make. But without working moms the world would stop, I'm sure of it.

Happy mom to DS2000, DS2002, DD2004, DS2006 and DS 10/2009:
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#18 of 40 Old 01-24-2006, 03:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chinaKat
I usually pipe in with something like, oh I don't *just* stay home. I eat bon bons and watch a lot of Jerry Springer, too.

I like this response!
Really though, I go nuts when some describes me as "just staying home".
I tell them I'm at home taking care of my son, thank you.
And the other thing that makes me nuts is the "so you're still not working?" This usually from people who know me fairly well, and have just "applauded" mothers for staying home to raise their kids in a different conversation. I swear people are brain dead sometimes.
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#19 of 40 Old 01-24-2006, 07:36 PM
 
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I love the responses in this thread!

I wanna say I support every mom out there who has to/chooses to be a SAHM. I know its hard work and not everyone knows that. It doesn't matter what anyone else says!
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#20 of 40 Old 01-27-2006, 12:46 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slabobbin
*I* am raising the future. *I* am actually shaping and molding another human being. *I* will affect what they are for the rest of their lives.

*They* just go to work outside of the home everyday.

That's how I look at it.

This is definitely good information to point out and hopefully guide *them* to a more complete understanding. I would add the fear that BRAVE NEW WORLD would certain come to pass more completely and sooner if not for the SAHMs and SAHHSMs!!!! How do you influence/create an individual? By participating in their lives, being someone to respect and admire, teaching, and so much more. Every SAHM I admire does all and more - and their children are TRUE individuals!

IntactaLactavist, HomeBirthin' Baby Wearin' Co-sleepin' Homeschoolin', City girl gone Country Livin' SAH(HSing)M

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#21 of 40 Old 02-07-2006, 11:03 AM
 
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I know how that feels.


My SIL has a 6 month old son and they ( her and her BF) both work 40-50 hours a week. She is always telling me how hard she has it and she has no time for anything and she doesn't get to rest until her son goes to bed at night.

On top of everything, her mother MIL is over there 5 out of 7 night a week helping them out with the baby, SIL has never taking the baby shopping with her, shr has never taking a day off of work when he is sick, MIL takes times off her job to stay home with him if he has a fever. MIL will go over at night take care of him while SIL gets her rest and the baby's daddy is home to , usually in the back room working on something .

Anyways, SIL is thinking about staying home, quitting her job this month. She has been telling me for the past 2 months that 'it will be much easier when I stay home all the time' , "i will be able to get more done" " I don't see what is so hard about staying home all day'

She also asks me to keep her son when he is sick or do errands for her cause she *has* to work and I am at *home*.

Whenever she says that I feel like crap. I know I shouldn't let that bother me but it does. I stay at home, and I am always on the go with my 18 month old. I clean the house ( she has a cleaning lasy come every week, paid for by MIL) and I jsut about do everything else.

I keep telling my self that people have no clue what somehting is like until they try it. If my SIL ends up staying at home, I know she will have more respect for SAHMS. And I am sure your friend will if she ever becomes a SAHM.

**sorry so long**
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#22 of 40 Old 02-07-2006, 11:45 AM
 
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I think the lure of motherhood is very interesting.

It's very common that women who have been absolutely ambitious, selflessly driven, pursuing career interests to the sacrifice of so many other areas of life, will turn to fulltime motherhood after having kids. Nothing else in life was able to draw their interest away, but the magnitude of the experience of parenting a child competely surplants all of that hard driven carreer energy.

My SIL has been extremely ambitious and successful her entire life. She has an MBA from a presitigious university, and was an executive who jetted all over the world leading a very exciting and fulfilling professional life. Like many, she had no intention of leaving her position when she took her maternity leave. That was three years and two kids ago, and she finds the job of motherhood to be every bit as interesting and stimulating and fulfilling as her career ever was.

I think that speaks to the amazing depths of the experience of parenthood.
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#23 of 40 Old 02-07-2006, 01:45 PM
 
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Came across this not long ago. We were starting a girl scout troop for our area and it was relayed back to me because I missed the first parent meeting. 4 mamas were there and the rep from the council said they need 2 moms to be leader and co-leader (officially, we all share the job). Two moms worked and two moms didnt, the two that worked said "We cant, we work" When this was relayed back to the rest of us SAHMs (who have been doing most of troop stuff now) we just burst out laughing. I mean, come on... I work harder now as a SAHM than I ever did as a WOHM. Not saying WOH is not hard, just that our jobs are JUST as hard.

I seriously just try to ignore it an dif pressured go into detail about what my day ACTUALLY entails.. thats usually enough to make heads spin, lmao.

Mom to Joscelyne 14, Andrew 12, and Mackenzie 10 and wife to Nate.
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#24 of 40 Old 02-08-2006, 06:49 PM
 
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You ladies are wonderful!

It makes me feel good to read your posts.

Thanks!
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#25 of 40 Old 02-08-2006, 07:01 PM
 
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Yes I "just stay home" so instead of being able to leave work and take a break I'm there all the time! On call, 24/7

just call me:
boss
teacher
artist
police woman
doctor
maid
CEO
head chef
laundress
receptionist
activity coordinator
ect. . .

The reason people don't give it a name is because it is too big of a job to have yet one designation. So it becomes this inadaquate phrase "she just stays home".

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#26 of 40 Old 02-08-2006, 08:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4cornersmamma
Yes I "just stay home" so instead of being able to leave work and take a break I'm there all the time! On call, 24/7

just call me:
boss
teacher
artist
police woman
doctor
maid
CEO
head chef
laundress
receptionist
activity coordinator
ect. . .

The reason people don't give it a name is because it is too big of a job to have yet one designation. So it becomes this inadaquate phrase "she just stays home".

Exactly!! I want someone to make up business cards for SAHMs, lol.

Mom to Joscelyne 14, Andrew 12, and Mackenzie 10 and wife to Nate.
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#27 of 40 Old 02-09-2006, 12:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 4cornersmamma
Yes I "just stay home" so instead of being able to leave work and take a break I'm there all the time! On call, 24/7

just call me:
boss
teacher
artist
police woman
doctor
maid
CEO
head chef
laundress
receptionist
activity coordinator
ect. . .

The reason people don't give it a name is because it is too big of a job to have yet one designation. So it becomes this inadaquate phrase "she just stays home".


, , , mama to Ross , Reagan (8/29/05), Joshua (from Haiti...here NOW due to the earthquake!), and Elijah , born safely 9-8-09.
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#28 of 40 Old 02-09-2006, 03:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbow
I think though that people who work outside of home are shaping the future as well... I'm very very proud of the working women of the world. I don't want to say they are ''just'' anything, as I don't want anyone to say I am ''just'' anything.

We may shaping individuals, they are shaping the economy, the working class, the standards of business. ALL have their place and value. The working women of today are paving the way in the workforce in a way that might open up more opportunities for my daughters.. and for that I'm thankful as well.

ETA- did we cross post or did I just miss that last post/ lol. I hear you... but I still feel that way. Even people who think what we do is less I don't want to demean in return... I just hope they see one day that it isn't all fun and games and bon bons. Although there are a lot of fun and games to be had in a day.
I love this post. It is so demeaning to note that a mother "just stays home" and it is just as demeaning to remark that a mother (or person) "just works for money." It is like we can't not think hirerarcally (sp?). DIFFERENT, not better worse right wrong good not so good etc.

It is like our brains are wired wrong.
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#29 of 40 Old 02-21-2006, 08:21 PM
 
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i think i am pretty lucky in that almost all of my friends are SAHM's themselves. personally, i believe that ALL moms are working moms, we just work in different places- but be that as it may, it does sting a bit when old highschool friends find their way to me and while catching up on what is new with each other, it always seems like they think that because i don't have an outside the home, bringing in money job that i consequently don't really "do" anything and with a 12 month old and one more due any day now (and ESPECIALLY this summer when my dh leaves for iraq) i sure as heck will have PLENTY to do.
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#30 of 40 Old 02-21-2006, 10:29 PM
 
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Luckily I've never had anyone say that to me. I'm not sure how I would respond but I know I wouldn't be happy.

Mama to:Ben (12), Natalie (9), Zoe (5)
 
 
 
     

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