Well, early in our marriage I used to cry when DH did things like that. I tried hard not to for awhile, and then finally one day I went out on the front steps, put my head in my arms and sobbed. Dh came out looking terrified and asked what was wrong. I didn't point fingers or accuse -- I just said what I felt. Overwhelmed, disrespected, and like trying to keep our living space in any kind of order was a loosing battle. But at the same time I had to be IN IT all day, and it was depressing to live in that sort of chaos. He responded to tears better than he responded to confrontation.
I'm not saying we don't still have our issues about this sort of crap 10 years later. We do. But its MUCH better.