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to foster parent or not...

887 views 8 replies 9 participants last post by  VickV 
#1 ·
I have always wanted to be a foster parent and thought this time, while I am a SAHM and baby is young, was the best time. Now I am having doubts. Here are my concerns:

I want to parent fully to my dd. Maybe this isn't fair to her right now. (She's 9 months old). Maybe I would be overwhelmed. Maybe the foster child wouldn't get anough attention.

But also, I feel these are small sacrifices to make so that we can give a child a decent home and good parental attention. Also, I have a REALLY soft spot about this, as I had some bad situations as a child. Maybe I am trying to meet my own needs. I just feel like I really want to help other children, and why "hog" all of these resources we have? Good parents, nice home, mom at home all the time....What do you think?
 
#2 ·
I think you should wait until you are 100% you are doing the right thing. If there is doubt, then just give it a little time. This is something I have always wanted to do too, but my dh isn't completely on board for this stage in our life. I want everything to be right before we start. For the child's sake, you know? Your heart is definitely in the right place though!
 
#3 ·
Dh and I are planning to foster too.

We spoke to our social worker about it. (We are "involved" with social services due to a behavioural disorder with one of our ds) She's not technically our worker, but she leads the support group we are in...anyway, we asked her about it and any info she had for us when you have other children in the home. She said, it works best if the foster children are younger than the "bio" children. And if the "bio" children are much older and able to understand whats going on; have a say in their lives changing; etc. Because more than likely, the foster kids will have some issues and will need alot of your time - it wouldnt be fair to either child to only have "half" the parent.
I hope that makes sense.
So we have decided to wait for now. Our youngest is 3 so we're thinking maybe when she's in middle school. In the meantime, we're planning on taking courses and reading all we can to become excellent foster parents in the future. Courses like dealing with behavioural disorders; special needs; possibly some cultural education, if we can (we have a high rate of aboriginal children in cfs); etc.
Good for you for wanting to foster!
Good luck in your decision making!
 
#4 ·
I wouldn't personally do it if I had young children. The life of a foster child tends to be filled with chaos in regards to their birth parents, moving from place to place, etc. They can act out quite a bit and I just wouldn't be comfortable with that possibility with young children about. Plus, it's a lot of unstability for you own children. You can be asked to drop everything and pick up a child/children immediately and you really don't know what you are getting into until you are in it. Then your children may become attached only to have to say good-bye when the foster child is moved or returned to a family member.

Fostering is a wonderful idea, I just wouldn't do it until my own children were out of the house or much older.
 
#5 ·
We went through the info sessions, etc. It was a real eye opener. You could call your state department and attend one. Many agencies will want you to fit certain criteria (like number of years married, age of youngest child, etc.) Also read up on things like Attachment Disorders, etc.
While we seriously considered it when it was just DH and I, I would no longer consdier it now that I am pregnant. When it was just the two of us to make the sacrifices it was fine, but when you ask a third person (our own child) to make sacrifices then that's a totally different thing for us.
We may reconsider when DS is older. Since the foster child more than likely has special needs/ behavior issues it seems to generally work out better if the foster children are the youngest children in the household.
 
#6 ·
We started when dd1 was 3, and dd2 has had foster siblings all her life. If I were you, I'd at least start the application process, attend their preservice training (that can for sure help weed out those not ready). When dd1 was younger it wasn't an issue having children older than her, but the older she gets, the more important it is. Dd2 really doesn't care (she's almost 6). Currently we have a 10yo, and so far so good.
 
#8 ·
I used to work in foster care auditing medicaid files. (Before kids). I *will* become a foster parent, but not until my kids are out of the house. No way no how would I have foster kids while my own children lived here. It's not that foster kid=bad, because they aren't all bad... but that you don't know exactly what you get until later and why risk putting your own little ones at risk? There is certainly a need for good foster parents, though.
 
#9 ·
I appreciate the candor on the thread, as fostering or adopting an older child in need is something I have been considering in lieu of another bio child. In the back of my head, tho, I have had reservations thanks to concerns for the safety of my daughter - I worry that a foster child may have "issues" that my daughter would (directly or indirectly) 'pay' for - be it either direct physical or emotional/mental harm or just a lack of attentiveness from my husband and I while we address the foster child's needs....
 
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