SAHMs: how financially dependent are you on your DH/DP right now? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: SAHMs, how financially dependent are you on your DH/DP right now?
I am completely financially dependent on my DH/DP right now. 153 80.95%
I am partially financially dependent on my DH/DP right now. 28 14.81%
I am not financially dependent on my DH/DP right now. 8 4.23%
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#1 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 02:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How financially dependent are you on you DH/ DP right now?
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#2 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 02:51 PM
 
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I'm not sure what you mean. Dh is the only person working for a paycheck at this point, but if anything happened, I have the ability to get a job, decent pay. I also do all the finances. So, at this exact moment, all the money coming in is made by him, but that could change at any moment, if needed.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#3 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 03:23 PM
 
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I am completely finacially dependent on my dh right now....but by my/our choosing. We both want ds to have a sahm, so he works & I do not-aren't most sahm's dependent on their dh/dp though? Or someone else entirely, unless they are wahm's...no?
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#4 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 04:19 PM
 
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I'm somewhat financially dependent on my dh. He makes the only paycheck in the house and if I were to work, I wouldn't be able to make NEARLY the amount he does. Also, while I have a good education, it's been awhile since I've had any gainful employment, so it might be tough finding a decent job.

But I own our house outright. Because of several reasons, our home is not communal property. So, in many ways, he is dependent on me for housing, so it just about equals out.
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#5 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 04:23 PM
 
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#6 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 04:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelbean91
I'm not sure what you mean. Dh is the only person working for a paycheck at this point, but if anything happened, I have the ability to get a job, decent pay. I also do all the finances. So, at this exact moment, all the money coming in is made by him, but that could change at any moment, if needed.
Pretty much my exact situation...
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#7 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 04:28 PM
 
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nak
im still getting mat leave $425 every 2 weeks till the end of july and $189 per month from government as child tax benifit. he makes $15 per hour and works full time. so i guess a bit, but we don't consider our checks our own, we share the money, so to say. if he did(gulp) pass on we have insurance and everthing would be paid for, plus his work has a $50 000 insurance i would get if he passed, i would go back to work, and me and the boys would be fine. but im not going back to work in july and we will still be fine.
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#8 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 04:30 PM
 
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I'm partially dependent on dh right now. He makes 99% of our income; I work very part-time in a baby boutique where I can bring dd to work with me. That doesn't pay much but the discount is great for cloth diapers, clothes, slings, and toys.

However, I'm also the one with the time and drive to research our major (and minor) purchases for the best deal, I have done all the paperwork for financial assistance and appeals when our insurance argued paying our standard pregnancy expenses (i.e. state-mandated blood tests, the one u/s we got, etc.), etc. I've saved us a significant amount of money through being proactive and in a way I count this as "income." At least, income saved. And I have a trade name reserved and the basics for a WAHM business set up in case we need it or for when I have the time to get it going, so I feel like if something happened and I needed to support us, I could make a good start in that direction almost immediately.
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#9 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 05:16 PM
 
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DH is the only one that works outside the home for money right now. While I don't earn money, I run errands, gestate babies, cook, and clean, and share my many other talents.

Its a partnership. Yes, DH technically makes all the money, but our family wouldn't work if we both had to be out working all day everyday. Its not *his* money, its *our* money.

Mama to Raina (9/06) and Peter (8/09)!
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#10 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 06:41 PM
 
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Total financial dependence here, too. I am conflicted about it, don't see that conflict resolving anytime in the foreseeable future, and like you said in your other thread, would be more than a little reluctant to wish it on my own daughter.

What I DO have is a faith in myself-- that if I did need to leave, I would figure something out. It would be hard, and it would be grueling, and I would be poor for a very long time, but I believe I would make it.
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#11 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 09:48 PM
 
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DH is the only one working for a paycheck right now...but if I wasn't a SAHM, he would have real trouble maintaining his work schedule. He works rotating 12 hour shifts, so childcare would be difficult, if not impossible. So, as a previous poster said, it's a partnership.

And while we would not be in a great situation (say, if dh lost his job), we would survive and eventually flourish. I was a single mama for 13 years before dh came along, and while it was tough, I could do it again.
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#12 of 42 Old 04-15-2006, 11:05 PM
 
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i am completely financially dependent. i KNOW that if he were to "pass" we have a VERY large life insurance policy. we joke that he worth more dead than alive...(we know thats not true but we are like that...) i have NO schooling and would only make the min. wage for our area about $10/hr so i know that if i were to provide all the income it would be VERY hard cause we would have to cut a lot of stuff out. tho if something were to happen to me it would be harder on him b/c he would have most of the same exspenses (minus a car with gas and my food consumption sooo...$350 or so) but he would have to have daycare which full time is about $500+ depending on his schedule (he sometimes works 12's and right now works 11 p.m.-7 a.m. yeah daycare at that hour?) thats only financially speaking, shopping, taking care of ethan, diapering, making sure the bills are paid, balancing the checkbook, etc? hahahahaha!! thats a comedy show with him pulling out hair he doesn't have!!
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#13 of 42 Old 04-16-2006, 12:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you ladies for your answers .
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#14 of 42 Old 04-16-2006, 12:30 AM
 
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Dh makes the money and I make the babies.
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#15 of 42 Old 04-16-2006, 12:33 AM
 
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Right now I am financially dependent on DH, but we have a unique situation. DH owns two small business which I am half owner of as well although I am not involved in them at all currently, and haven't been since DD was born. Before then, I was very involved and ran his office. The businesses depend on his knowledge and would likely fail if something happened to DH, I could sell inventory and client lists though.I could easily support myself and dc if need be, I am an RN, although currently not practicing. We also have a very generous life insurance policy on DH, I wouldn't have to work if he died. We do have several real estate investments which currently don't make money, but have a whole lot of equity in them, so selling those would net me a fair chunk of cash. I depend on DH day to day for support but on paper I am worth quite a bit without him if I need to be.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#16 of 42 Old 04-16-2006, 12:43 AM
 
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I would say partially. I mean, he brings in 99.9% of our household money. I get some for watching a old coworkers little guy, but that isn't an every day or very profitable thing, just more of a favor for her since their financial situation is pretty tight too. But, like other moms have said if needed I could go back to work at any time. I actually was the main "bread winner" before DS was born. But I have always made more than the men in my life including DH.

Proud mama to DD#1 (11) DS (4) and DD#2 ( 2 )
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#17 of 42 Old 04-16-2006, 01:44 AM
 
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Completely. And although this arrangement was negotiated and discussed in detail before we had kids, I really, really, REALLY, would like some of my "own" money. I know, I know, his money is really OUR money. And really, it is. Normally, I never think about it as "his". But I just found an old check register of mine when I was working-outside-the-home person and it brought back fond memories of not having to account for much, being able to get extra things without feeling a slight twinge of guilt, and treat myself more often. That said, DH does not make me feel this way. I make myself feel this way.
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#18 of 42 Old 04-16-2006, 03:52 PM
 
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Totally. Which was our plan. I don't see it as being financially dependant on him (which I am), but as him providing for our family (which sounds much better).

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#19 of 42 Old 04-16-2006, 06:12 PM
 
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My dh is the only one working for money but we are both equally financially dependent on each other. He would be up a creek if he had to pay daycare costs and housecleaning costs, and for prepared meals and extended hour daycare- and his kids would suffer for that.

I depend on his income to pay the bills but I could get a job and support myself and my childre if he were to say leave me.

This issue of dependancy never ceases to irritate me. We are all dependent on each other aren't we? Isn't that what society is about? People entertwining their lives for the benifit of all? Or do you want to live in a shack alone off the grid?

Neither my dh or I could do as good a job raising our kids alone as we can depending on each other. Neither of us could do as good a job alone. Our kids need us to function as a partnership to bring the best skills of the couple to bear for their best interest. We do that. We both lean into eachother. There isn't just one of us leaning and the other catching.
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#20 of 42 Old 04-17-2006, 12:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyMine
This issue of dependancy never ceases to irritate me. We are all dependent on each other aren't we? Isn't that what society is about? People entertwining their lives for the benifit of all? Or do you want to live in a shack alone off the grid?
Neither my dh or I could do as good a job raising our kids alone as we can depending on each other. Neither of us could do as good a job alone. Our kids need us to function as a partnership to bring the best skills of the couple to bear for their best interest. We do that. We both lean into eachother. There isn't just one of us leaning and the other catching.
Although I really think the OP was asking a very direct, specific question, and that there is no other way to ask this, really, I do agree wholeheartedly with MommyMine above. This is really how I feel about my partnership with DH. But I also sometimes miss having some "pocket money". I don't think those two feelings have to be mutually exclusive.
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#21 of 42 Old 04-17-2006, 03:00 PM
 
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I am totally dependent on DH financially right now with me at home. He also has much higher earning potential with our current degree levels/fields of training. I supported us through his medical school, and he is supporting us through the childhood years. We really do think of it as "our money". If he were to die, I would be fairly well off financially due to life insurance--enough to put the kids through college and live modestly but comfortably for quite a few years staying at home with kids and going to school to change careers (which I want to do sometime anyway) before having to return to work.

However, without me at home or having an *extremely* flexible work schedule, he would not at all be able to continue his career in the way it is now. He has little to no flexibility--especially on short notice. He also has nights of being on call (one in three), and would need back-up child care often during those times. We also do not live near any family for emergency support/childcare. Our situation is a true partnership and we value each other's work and contributions.

If we were to unexpectedly split and he didn't give me any financial support, I would have to scramble a bit to get on my feet, but I have confidence that it would work out fine.

Stacy-- Wife to my DH, mom to three: noodle girl:, Lego boy , little guy :
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#22 of 42 Old 04-17-2006, 03:23 PM
 
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Since I do not work, I am literally 100% financially dependant on DH.

However, I have the degree and work experience to make as much or more than DH if the need ever came up. So, I choose to be financially dependent but possess the ability make my own living.
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#23 of 42 Old 04-17-2006, 03:37 PM
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100% and it is becoming increasingly annoying to me.

DH has made some recent snide comments about me not working. I work all the time, I don't get *paid*.

I would like to see myself getting some compensation and definately my own 401K.

db
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#24 of 42 Old 04-18-2006, 03:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DebraBaker
100% and it is becoming increasingly annoying to me.

DH has made some recent snide comments about me not working. I work all the time, I don't get *paid*.
My dp said i should get a job, jokingly, of course at a friend's house on Easter Sunday.
Tonight, I informed him if he made that comment again, he would be getting my *bill* for working!
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#25 of 42 Old 04-18-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Getz
Since I do not work, I am literally 100% financially dependant on DH.

However, I have the degree and work experience to make as much or more than DH if the need ever came up. So, I choose to be financially dependent but possess the ability make my own living.
: Although probably not as much as or more than DH - but definitely enough to get by.
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#26 of 42 Old 04-18-2006, 01:57 PM
 
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I'm completely financially dependent on DH, and that doesn't bother me in the least.

Partly, that's because he convinced me early on in our marriage that he really did view any money either of us brought into the household as joint money, and he never made me feel like I wasn't "contributing" because I was a graduate student at the time, making very little money. By the time we had our daughter, we were making about the same amount of money, and had been married more than 10 years. Me being a SAHM is something he was totally in favor of, and I think having such a long time to be sure of how he really felt about financial matters helps me to feel comfortable with the situation.

We also have an excellent life insurance policy in case anything should happen to him, and I have considerable retirement savings in my own name (enough that I wouldn't starve if that was my only source of retirement income, though probably not enough to have a really great lifestyle) from when I was earning an income.

Sonja , 40, married to DH (42) since 5-29-93, DD born 11-3-2004, DS born 1-18-2007.
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#27 of 42 Old 04-18-2006, 02:02 PM
 
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We decided before we even got married that I would stay at home with our children and he would work, at least while they are young. So right now, I am financially dependant on dh. I'm in the same situation as many others though, where if something happened to dh or whatever, I could go out and get a job teaching again. I have the degree and experience.
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#28 of 42 Old 04-18-2006, 02:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by meowee
How financially dependent are you on you DH/ DP right now?
I don't like the term "financially dependent" but if I understand the question correctly, DH makes 100% of the money that is our income. Though I work to save it, invest it, spend it wisely, I control it by taking care of all the finances, I research to figure out the best ways to invest and owe and to get the most back on our tax return.

He is dependent on me for almost everything else, though he is very helpful.

In the past, he has been the one to stay home while I have worked. Right now, he prefers to work than to stay home, he is happy with the way things are and so am I.

All of our assets are in both our names (house, vehicles, bank accounts, investments) though our credit cards are in our own names and get paid off with our joint account.
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#29 of 42 Old 04-18-2006, 02:20 PM
 
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My story is a bit different - I'm a single SAHM. I voted that I am partially dependent, but I'm not sure that is entirely true. We are not divorced, so all of the bills are still in both of our names. He gives me a certain amount a month, and I cover all of our joint expenses with that. He uses the rest for his apartment, his car, his food. Our home (the kids and I live here, but it is still in both of our names, so I have to call it "our home") has an apartment attached, and I keep the rental money from that every month.

Needless to say, the kids and I are barely getting by each month.
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#30 of 42 Old 04-18-2006, 04:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelbean91
I'm not sure what you mean. Dh is the only person working for a paycheck at this point, but if anything happened, I have the ability to get a job, decent pay. I also do all the finances. So, at this exact moment, all the money coming in is made by him, but that could change at any moment, if needed.
Ditto.... I am in college right now so i could get an even better job need be. But I hope that doesn't happen and I can stay home through homeschooling.

Homeschooling SAHM to 3 children under 5 + one on the way.
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