Do We Include Pro-SAHMers Here? Yes/No - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 11:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The brainstorming was great. I see two groups here

Pro-SAHMers
They believe SAHMing is ideal. They say things like, "Be a SAHM. It is great! It's benefits are _____." Their fault is: Some of them bash WOHMs-by-choice, "Why even have kids if all you care about is money? You dump off your kids..."

Moms-For-Equality
They believe SAHMing is not generally ideal. It is best for some, and not for other families. Each family decides for themselves what is best for them. Their fault is: Some of them flame all Pro-SAHM statements, even the ones that are not bashing WOHMs.

Questions
Do you want to include Pro-SAHMers on this forum? I think that this can be done if we consentrate on improving our faults.

Or

Do you want this to be a Moms-For-Equality Only board? Pro-SAHMers can post, but can't reveal their Pro-SAHMing beliefs. They must use language that does not contradict the Moms-For-Equality view. This should be added in the sticky.
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#2 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 11:45 AM
 
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I am Pro-SAHM, and I will post here regardless of who this forum is "supposed" to be for. However, I will make sure the language I use is not offensive to anyone.
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#3 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 11:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedWine
I am Pro-SAHM, and I will post here regardless of who this forum is "supposed" to be for. However, I will make sure the language I use is not offensive to anyone.
I am not sure what you mean. Do you mean you will not contradict the Moms-for-Equality view? Or do you mean you will express your Pro-SAHMing views without bashing WOHMs-by choice?

Do you think the way to solve our problems is to become a Moms-for-Equality board, or work on tolerating both viewpoints?
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#4 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 11:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CinnamonDeMarco
The brainstorming was great. I see two groups here

Pro-SAHMers
They believe SAHMing is ideal. They say things like, "Be a SAHM. It is great! It's benefits are _____." Their fault is: Some of them bash WOHMs-by-choice, "Why even have kids if all you care about is money? You dump off your kids..."

Moms-For-Equality
They believe SAHMing is not generally ideal. It is best for some, and not for other families. Each family decides for themselves what is best for them. Their fault is: Some of them flame all Pro-SAHM statements, even the ones that are not bashing WOHMs.

Questions
Do you want to include Pro-SAHMers on this forum? I think that this can be done if we consentrate on improving our faults.

Or

Do you want this to be a Moms-For-Equality Only board? Pro-SAHMers can post, but can't reveal their Pro-SAHMing beliefs. They must use language that does not contradict the Moms-For-Equality view. This should be added in the sticky.
I think I am not understanding something here. I am a lurker and sometimes poster on this forum and have read the threads about this issue and I still don't get it.

Why in the world would there be a SAHM forum if it wasn't for Pro-sahm's to post on? It should be for pro-sahm's, wanna be sahm's or anyone interested at all in sahm'ing. Not people who are coming over to bash it. So, the idea is to have a sahm forum, but not let actual SAHMs post on it because they might hurt someone's feelings? Am I the only one that doesn't get this line of thinking?!
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#5 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twocoolboys
So, the idea is to have a sahm forum, but not let actual SAHMs post on it because they might hurt someone's feelings? Am I the only one that doesn't get this line of thinking?!
I don't get it either!

I think on ANY forum everyone should try to word their posts in such a way as to avoid offending others.

Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

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#6 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:09 PM
 
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I dont get it either.
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#7 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl
I think on ANY forum everyone should try to word their posts in such a way as to avoid offending others.
I second that!
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#8 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We do have some SAHMs who do not think it is ideal. They think it best for their family. If someone else decides it is not the best for their family - so be it. They don't believe in the generalization "SAHMing is ideal."

Imagine this was a Moms-for-Equality forum

When someone posts, "I'm pregnant. I could be a SAHM but I am worried I'll be bored and miss my friends. What should I do?" This would be an appriate response "Well that's a personal decision. I am sure you will make the choice for you. When I was considering becoming a SAHM I thought about these issues ___________. I choose SAHMing because___________. I respect all the mothers who choose to work, for whatever reasons."

We should not say, "Do it! It is the best thing you can do for your baby! You will get to nurture your baby every step of the way, nurse on demand, create precious memories...."
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#9 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:27 PM
 
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Okay. I do believe SAHM is ideal. But it is not for everyone, nor should I think it so.
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#10 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl

I think on ANY forum everyone should try to word their posts in such a way as to avoid offending others.
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#11 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CinnamonDeMarco
We should not say, "Do it! It is the best thing you can do for your baby! You will get to nurture your baby every step of the way, nurse on demand, create precious memories...."

why would you not say that when that IS the truth?

chicken3.gifbelly.gifwow...i'm gonna have another one!!!
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#12 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Focus people. Answer the question-

Do you want to include pro-SAHMers OR Do you want a Moms-for-Equality board?

An answer is "Include Pro-SAHMers." or "I want a "Moms-for-Equality Board"
This is also acceptable"There is another option I want to suggest ____" OR "The question doesn't make sense to me."

If the question doesn't make sense please explain that so I can clearify it.
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#13 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:38 PM
 
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Okay, saying that Moms for equality are thinking that SAHM isn't generally ideal.... that isn't necessarily true.

I am a mother for equality and, while I believe SAH is the best choice, that doesn't mean it is for everyone. I think it is an ideal situation if you can handle it. Again, there are different personalities in this world who love their children with every fiber of their being, but are simply not able to handle their kids 24/7. What is wrong with that? Nothing.

We evolved as a tribal group. There used to be several mothers with children the same age living in one area. Now we are separated by our own wishes in suburbia, with fences, doors... some of us don't even know our neighbors and have lived next door to them for three years (me!!!).

To expect every single woman on this board to be so enamored with sah is just a gross misconception.
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#14 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:38 PM
 
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I want both. There.
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#15 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you BlueNote. She has answered the question by saying she wants both Pro-SAHMs and Moms-for-Equality on this forum.
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#16 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:42 PM
 
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No problem. Always here to serve.
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#17 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CinnamonDeMarco
We do have some SAHMs who do not think it is ideal. They think it best for their family. If someone else decides it is not the best for their family - so be it. They don't believe in the generalization "SAHMing is ideal."

Imagine this was a Moms-for-Equality forum

When someone posts, "I'm pregnant. I could be a SAHM but I am worried I'll be bored and miss my friends. What should I do?" This would be an appriate response "Well that's a personal decision. I am sure you will make the choice for you. When I was considering becoming a SAHM I thought about these issues ___________. I choose SAHMing because___________. I respect all the mothers who choose to work, for whatever reasons."

We should not say, "Do it! It is the best thing you can do for your baby! You will get to nurture your baby every step of the way, nurse on demand, create precious memories...."
I think anyone pg who is considering being a SAHM would only post on this board if they expect to get support and encouragement to be a SAHM. If they are looking for something else, they should not post here. It IS the SAHM forum. They should not expect to get encouragement to be a working mom. Or validation for choosing to be a working mom if that is what they choose.

I say lets keep this board about SAHMs and full of support for SAHMs.
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#18 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:47 PM
 
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It's kind of making me sad that we even have to have a thread like this. I would hope that a SAHM forum could encompass many different views of what it means to be a SAHM. How does one grow if there aren't any dissenting opinions? Why wouldn't we want to include ALL SAH parents, regardless of whether they view SAHing as the ideal or as the right choice for their family? I guess I'm not getting it either.
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#19 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:48 PM
 
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[QUOTE=CinnamonDeMarco]Focus people. Answer the question-

Do you want to include pro-SAHMers OR Do you want a Moms-for-Equality board?

[QUOTE]
First i must ask this pressing question. Are you the Mod for this forum? Have you been tapped by Peggy?

MDC is for everyone. There isn't a forum here that excludes. I have posted in every single forum. The circ forum (and my boys are circ's, but i had a question for Frank about doing a cath on intact babies, so I went there). Mmy kids are fully vaxed, but I had a question about Hep B, because of my job they encourage it, so I went to the vax forum and asked around and did some lurking. I wanted to homeschool so I started a thread there, even though my kids have gone to public and private schools. I posted in the queer parenting forum because a thread caught my eye, and I am "straight". I will support a mama in the single parents forum if her post speaks to my heart and I am married. I could go on and on, but never has anyone told me: You're straight! you cant post here! or You're married, you cant post in the single parent forum! Or your a right winger and aren't welcome in the politics forum (or whatever its called now). Ever. And many of my views are vastly different than most here. But never have I ever in all the three years I have been a member at MDC seen such divisive, demeaning pot stirring crap as I have seen lately in this forum.
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#20 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:49 PM
 
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I guess I don't understand why the question is even being asked.
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#21 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:49 PM
 
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I don't understand. And I've never posted here so I don't really know the dymanics of this forum. But, this is the SAHM forum right? For SAHMs, right? So you're asking if people want to exclude a 'category' of SAHM's? That makes no sense to me.
So, I guess my answer is that if you SAH and want to post here, you should be able to post here.
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#22 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetbaby3
First i must ask this pressing question. Are you the Mod for this forum? Have you been tapped by Peggy?

MDC is for everyone. There isn't a forum here that excludes. I have posted in every single forum. The circ forum (and my boys are circ's, but i had a question for Frank about doing a cath on intact babies, so I went there). Mmy kids are fully vaxed, but I had a question about Hep B, because of my job they encourage it, so I went to the vax forum and asked around and did some lurking. I wanted to homeschool so I started a thread there, even though my kids have gone to public and private schools. I posted in the queer parenting forum because a thread caught my eye, and I am "straight". I will support a mama in the single parents forum if her post speaks to my heart and I am married. I could go on and on, but never has anyone told me: You're straight! you cant post here! or You're married, you cant post in the single parent forum! Or your a right winger and aren't welcome in the politics forum (or whatever its called now). Ever. And many of my views are vastly different than most here. But never have I ever in all the three years I have been a member at MDC seen such divisive, demeaning pot stirring crap as I have seen lately in this forum.
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#23 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueNote
Okay. I do believe SAHM is ideal. But it is not for everyone, nor should I think it so.
YES!
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#24 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:52 PM
 
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I just want a SAHM forum without any WOHP bashing--which option is that?

I think it is very much possible to be pro-SAHM without making snarky comments about "mothers who work for their expensive cars/houses/vacations". No one gains anything by saying that. We must remember that the line between SAHP and WOHP isn't that well-defined. There are many moms who work very part-time (and don't need to!) but do so because they love their job, but would consider themeselves primarily SAHMs--because they are at-home with the kids 90% of the time. There are also SAHMs who are transitioning back into the workforce or WOHMs who are transitioning to SAH.

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#25 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am trying help the SAHM forum improve. I asked this question because these things have come up possible solutions in the brainstorming thread. If you read that thread I think you will see that I am not trying do "demeaning pot stirring crap." I didn't invent the idea to exclude Pro-SAHMers. In fact I want to include them. So now you know what I want.

I never said I was the moderator and whichever side gets more votes will win. I want to know what you-all want. I still don't know what you-all want because people are not clearly answering the question.
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#26 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 12:59 PM
 
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i don't even understand why the OP is even asking this question.

this is a SAHM forum, if anyone has any questions/comments relating to SAHM, they post here. there is also a Workin' Mommas forum on MDC, so if anyone has questions regarding that, well, there's a place for it.

i see this board not being one or the other (pro-SAHM or mothers for equality), just a place to discuss SAHM.

i agree that there shouldn't be any bashing of anyone's choices, just a place to discuss and get honest feedback. why wouldn't we include everyone??

Momma to K ('01), E ('03) and A ('07)
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#27 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 01:03 PM
 
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This forum is here for moms at home to celebrate their life and choice, and talk about issues.

It is not, however, exclusive to anyone. Period. Any one of the members can post. It is not a forum in which people can hide and spout divisive demeaning crap about other womens choices.

I am pro woman. I want so much for women, and my daughter, and my future daughters in law.

And lets not forget its a privilege to post anywhere here at MDC, much less this forum, not a right.
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#28 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 01:05 PM
 
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word to sweetbaby.

i've actually been seeing it all over mdc-- people thinking a forum is exclusive to people of a certain viewpoint.

eta: that was for your first post. i like the second one too.
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#29 of 29 Old 05-27-2006, 01:14 PM
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Thread closed. Don't start another one for this or any similar discussion. Post to the forum within the guidelines or we will have to return this forum to moderation.

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