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#1 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 02:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yesterday I had to bring dd to the ped. there's a nurse there who we always see. in the past she's looked at me like I'm on crack when I refused a vax so I know she was annoying.

so she comes in and weighs dd, and then I picked her back up. she was talking and dd was smiling at her but leaning against my chest. she's a bit shy around strangers, for goodness sakes shes 11 months old. so the nurse says "Is she not around people much?" huh? "Yes, she is, but she's a little shy sometimes, that's just her personality."
:

that made me remember something my mom said months ago, like "she doesn't get out very often"- she immediately must have realized how untrue that was because she mumbled something to backtrack over it.

just because I'm a sahm, doesn't mean I'm a STAY at home mom, yk? my stepmother says "Are you getting out much?" and that sort of nonsense all the time too. what on earth do these people think? The groceries justs appear in the fridge? The backyard is just for show? I'm sorry but I've worked in daycares and I know my daughter gets OUT to many more places than the average child during the weekdays.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#2 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 03:41 PM
 
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why does an 11 month need to be around scores of people anyway??

is she going to give a lecture to 300 college students on the dynamics of lightspeed?

Is there something she is going to that she just absolutely cannot explore at home but must get in the vastness of people?

Can you tell I am being sarcastic on your behalf??

when my mom had to go work back in the um well certain decade... there was ONE other child the woman kept beside me
TWO of us. TWO. So this thing about a lot of kids when little I keep wondering where it comes from when it pops up
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#3 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 03:49 PM
 
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it's sad that she wouldn't know, as a health care professional who works with children, that 11 months is prime age for stranger anxiety. it's childhood development 101.

raising my two sunshine children.

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#4 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 03:52 PM
 
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my dd is 11 months old and does the same thing. she does not like strangers at all and will lay her head on my chest to hide and shreek when they touch her. totally normal.

my kids are 10, 7, and 4. i'm due any day now
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#5 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 04:24 PM
 
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I did read somewhere on this board a comment from someone who seemed to think that it was a bad thing that a sahm would spend her time taking her kids to all types of classes and events. That struck me.
As a sahm, I DO plan activities for my kids. I DO like to get out of the house. My kids ARE in My-Gym and music classes. No, NOT five days a week, but yes, two or three days a week we have scheduled activities that last anywhere from a half an hour to an hour. They get to ride in the stroller every day.
I think (as a pp mentioned) that SAH kids get out MORE than their daycare counterparts. Afterall, the daycare kids are in the daycare (unless they have a field trip--but that's rare, isn't it?), but a SAH kid gets to go to the store, various appts. for moms, playdates and activities that are not "at home", etc.
I take my kids to the beach (we live at the beach), to the zoo, museum, the library and to the few classes or activities that we pay for.etc.
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#6 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 04:28 PM
 
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Oh, and yes shyness (or stranger wariness) is TOTALLY normal at your child's age. The nurse was clueless.
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#7 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 04:58 PM
 
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Wow. I can't believe that nurse.

My youngest still hates strangers at the age of two. She is getting a bit better, but it's just how she is.
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#8 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 05:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you!!!

and yes, the speed of light lecture was a success, must have been all those baby einstein videos with the e=mc2 (jk, she never watches tv )

that's what I thought also, that 11 months is prime age for stranger anxiety. and jeesh, she was SMILING at her! I should've said "yeah, the only times she's ever been out in public are actually when we bring her here to the office." seriously, what did she want? babies want their mothers, it's not rocket science.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#9 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 09:50 PM
 
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Wow, what an ignorant nurse.
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#10 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 10:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bri276
just because I'm a sahm, doesn't mean I'm a STAY at home mom, yk? my stepmother says "Are you getting out much?" and that sort of nonsense all the time too. what on earth do these people think? The groceries justs appear in the fridge? The backyard is just for show? I'm sorry but I've worked in daycares and I know my daughter gets OUT to many more places than the average child during the weekdays.
Yah, I don't understand these comments either. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who gets them. I was starting to get irritated with dh's family, who are the ones who seem to ask things like that. I always think, how is it that they will hire someone who they barely know to respond to their kids' needs, and then they question whether I am able to respond to my own son's needs enough to give him social interaction? I think that social interaction is the easy part of parenting. Fun to set up, easy to see when they've had too much or too little -- you know, you just do it the way it needs to be done, depending on the personality of your kid. Not rocket science, just very basic skills.

Also, I think the reality is that some kids at daycare get way too much social interaction, and get stressed by it all. If I had ever put ds in a room with 20 kids his age for 8 hours, he'd come home a different kid. Not a happy kid, either. Some kids might thrive in that environment, but I think that one of the great things about being a sahm is that I can give my son the kind of social interaction he actually needs, not just what's available. Kwim?? Again, this is not to insult daycare, but just to say it's weird to hear people questioning the health of one of the things I see as a big benefit to sahming. Sigh.

Mama to two sweet boys, a 7yo superhero.gif and a toddler coolshine.gif.
 

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. - Albert Einstein

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#11 of 25 Old 06-24-2006, 11:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mfp02
Wow. I can't believe that nurse.

My youngest still hates strangers at the age of two. She is getting a bit better, but it's just how she is.
My dd is 2 1/2 and she is the same way. She is a chatter box at home and when she is with new people she clams right up.
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#12 of 25 Old 06-25-2006, 01:19 AM
 
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I have a 4 3/4 yr old dd who is like that. She is very shy around people she is not familiar with and talks nonstop around people she knows very well. My mom is totally understanding though. Because she was like that as a child and her mom used to belittle her for it. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I heard that because my mom is very outgoing and gets along with everyone now!
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#13 of 25 Old 06-25-2006, 09:46 AM
 
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We get out of the house a lot too, but it's more for me and my sanity than for dd. I mean, the things we do are fun for her (or I wouldn't do them), things like storytimes or going to parks. My dd tends to be pretty comfortable with just about anyone, but I think that's more her personality than the fact that we go to storytime a couple times a week.
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#14 of 25 Old 06-25-2006, 11:29 PM
 
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DH will take care of DS for an afternoon and say to me, "He should sleep well tonight; I took him to the park for an hour."

Wow, to the park? For a whole hour? Why haven't I thought of that? He's almost 4, he needs just a little bit more than that to sleep well at night. I love DH but I really wonder what it is he thinks I'm doing all day (and trust me, he knows I'm not cleaning house!).

Holly
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#15 of 25 Old 06-26-2006, 01:15 AM
 
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My 3-yo can be quite "shy." But I'm careful to never use that word about her, and when other people do, I try to disagree. If they say, "Are you shy?" I'll wait a second to give her a chance to answer, and then I reply, "She just talks when she feels like it" or something. She has been called shy enough that she uses it as an excuse sometimes. I'll say, "Do you want to go play with that girl?" And she'll reply, "No, I'm too shy." If I remind her of a time when she was friendly, sometimes that helps her to gain the confidence, and then she really is quite friendly, especially with other children. I don't want her to feel confined by a label like "shy." So I would be very careful not to say "She/he is shy" no matter what. Kids need to figure out who they are without that kind of "help." It is like saying in front of your kid, "She isn't into math" or "He likes to hit." Self-fulfilling!

"If you only knew how many things I want to say and don't, you'd give me some credit."
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#16 of 25 Old 06-26-2006, 01:32 AM
 
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"I know my daughter gets OUT to many more places than the average child during the weekdays"

Oh that was so good to read. See, I am a recluse. By choice. But still, we go more places than he would go if I were at work and he were in the care of someone else all day. Thanks for the reminder!
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#17 of 25 Old 06-26-2006, 10:22 AM
 
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DS is 10 months old, and very shy even around people he knows. Daddy doesn't have facial hair, but grandpa and great grandpa do. He used to cry in terror when they approached him!! He's over it now, but he's still shy in other situations. As a matter of fact we were at the grocery store yesterday and saw great grandpa and his wife, Nancy. Nancy loves to cuddle with Paddy and make a fuss over him. He was in his sling, and she kept tickling him and kissing his cheeks. He blushed, giggled, and buried his face into my shirt
I have felt at times people didn't understand that he's just a shy child, and that is normal for his age. It can be frustrating. Worse is family members who insist on handling him even though he wants to be with me. I've really had to put my foot down about this lately, and thankfully they've backed off.
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#18 of 25 Old 06-26-2006, 08:43 PM
 
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Some people are idiots.

But, I also remind myself that some women in older generations did not drive, or did not have car at home during the day, so getting out was kind of a big deal or more of a challenge than it is for many SAHMs these days.
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#19 of 25 Old 06-26-2006, 08:48 PM
 
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Wow, that is an ignorant nurse. I'd call back and ask to have it in your medical records that you don't want that nurse providing service again. Doctor's offices really listen to stuff like that.

secular classical-ish mama to an incredible 5 year old DS and an amazing 6 year old DD.
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#20 of 25 Old 06-26-2006, 09:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by royaloakmi
Some people are idiots.

But, I also remind myself that some women in older generations did not drive, or did not have car at home during the day, so getting out was kind of a big deal or more of a challenge than it is for many SAHMs these days.
that is very true. however the nurse was in her 30s and my stepmom is in her early 40s so they have no excuse

one thing I do envy about the SAHMs of yesteryear was their social network. I imagine if almost every household on my street had a sahm with kids playing together outside it wouldn't have mattered quite as much if you couldn't drive. the envy stops there though!

eta, Jennifer, my mom is actually a pediatrician in that practice. I think I'll mention it to her.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#21 of 25 Old 06-26-2006, 10:47 PM
 
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Oh, sheesh. People just look for reasons to be critical :

My dd is 5 and 1/2, and is still very shy around people she doesn't know. Once she is comfortable around you, though--watch out! She has a lot to say, lol.

Why are people so critical of shyness in children?

I also get the opposite comments--strangers who observe her and say "Oh, she is shy? Good. She shouldn't be talking to people she doesn't know anyway. That'll keep her safe!" Now, I don't nec believe that shy is better than super-social....I believe that they are equally a blessing and a curse, lol. But it is nice to hear adults acknowledge the benefits (and normalcy) of caution in a young child.
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#22 of 25 Old 07-10-2006, 11:27 PM
 
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that someone working with kids knows nothing about them.

Grr...
sorry for that frustrating time but would it help to know it actually made me laugh? (at the nurse)

so you improved my day just a bit thanks!
Erica
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#23 of 25 Old 07-11-2006, 04:23 PM
 
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That is ridiculous. An 11 month old??? She should be more concerned if your baby had no stranger anxiety.

I think people are so used to "unattached babes" that they see an attached babe and they're confused. I had a friend tell me she was putting her babes in childcare for "socialization". And that was at 6 months. Gimme a break.
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#24 of 25 Old 07-15-2006, 01:45 AM
 
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How rude of her to have said that:

Heck my almost 3yr old is still sometimes pretty shy around new ppl but once she warms up she is a constant chatterbox.


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#25 of 25 Old 07-15-2006, 10:51 AM
 
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That nurses logic makes no sense....i am 24 and i have "stranger anxiety" I dont like to talk to people i dont know either...i dont think that you can make shy kids more outgoing by putting them in more social situations...some people are just more shy than others

Aron Mama to 6 homeschoolers -- 12, 10, 8, 5, 3, baby

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