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Anyone else battling isolation/boredom? Longish vent...

774 views 10 replies 10 participants last post by  Taradactyl3 
#1 ·
I'm a SAHM to my wonderful 18 month old son, due with number two any day now!

Sorry if this is long...

About six months ago we moved from the city to suburbia and I am finding the adjustment almost unbearable lately! When we were urban hipsters
I was used to sticking DS in the stroller/sling and heading out in the morning to do errands, go to a few parks, people watch, check out the buses and cars on the bustling streets, etc. And he loved every minute of that, as did I. I never needed the car, had everything in walking distance, including baby gym etc.

Now we moved to a suburban wasteland! It's a new neighbourhood in a new city and there is nothing around us but houses. No parks, no shops, and no people during the day. If we're lucky we can see some tractors and cranes, because there's no shortage of construction, but nothing else. Not even any shade on the streets - and we can go for a walk of about an hour and see only one or two pedestrians and a few cars. It's so depressing.

I can take the bus to some shops and a park, but being 39 weeks pg in July has diminished my energy. My son is bored without any stimulation beyond what I can offer him in and around the house, and I am going stir crazy.

Do any of you SAHMs have experience in this kind of area? We have a mom's group once a week, in another neighbourhood, but I'm just finding these living conditions so difficult. I want to be a SAHM because I think DS can learn about the world through everyday activity, but around here there isn't any activity!!!

Please help...
 
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#3 ·
I know how you feel very often.

Last year we moved from no-man-land (as I called it aka the country) to suburbia. I love our neighborhood, I am a city (well, surbuban type) girl at heart. Living out in the country was terrible. I think that is what played into my feeling depressed off and on.

It takes awhile for the mind and body to get used to new surroundings IMO. {{HUGS}} to you, Mama.
 
#4 ·
I feel your pain.

I am a SAHM to an 11 month old. My DH is in the military, as was I until I got pregnant; we're in Germany.

It really really really sucks, because we don't live on the American base, we live in a small German town about 20 minutes away from the American base - and we live on the outskirts of town, so even stuff in town is a ways away.

On top of that, maybe I'm just sensitive or whatever, but I always feel like I'm being stared at, given dirty looks, etc...I've tried learning German, but haven't gotten much beyond "Guten tag". I know that Americans aren't popular in the rest of the world, and I feel like...I don't know. I just feel very lonely, and very isolated.

When we first took this apartment, we didn't know I was pregnant, and we both loved how isolated it was, because we could separate "home" from "work" and "civilian" from "military". It's amazing how one little thing, like separating from the military, changes your perceptions. We've discussed moving onto the American base, but we would end up losing quite a bit of money doing so - so it just doesn't make sense. It would make more sense to buy a new car, but we're not in a position to do that.

I have taken to exploring the countryside, looking at peoples' yards (Germans are excellent gardners, some of the yards around here could almost be mistaken for botannical gardens!), etc., but it still sucks that I have zero adult interaction. DD doesn't talk yet, so while I get interaction with her, it's not exactly stimulating conversation...lol.
 
#5 ·
I to have a hard time. I love being a SAHM but it can feel like I am so isolated sometimes. I do go to my parents several times a week. I have no IRL friends at all that makes it even harder. If it werent for the internet I would prolly be in much worse shape.
 
#6 ·
Yes. The best way I've found to deal with it is to stay in school part-time, even if that means sending DS to daycare a few times a week.

Lack of meaningful adult interaction will kill you slowly, and for me, a once-a-month LLL meeting and sporadic playdates weren't cutting the mustard... not only was I starved for human interaction, I also found that I was unable to talk to people aside from my husband, out of sheer lack of anything intelligent to say.


Luckily, we have a nice university here, and I really find that going to class twice or three times a week does wonders for my parenting while I'm NOT in class. Weird, eh?
 
#7 ·
Good to know I'm not alone!

There are also few SAHMs in my area... I swear I feel like the only person in a ghost town walking around here sometimes; it's a total bedroom community!

JustJamie... adding the language/cultural barriers on top of isolation sounds really difficult. I feel for you!
 
#8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by eightyferrettoes

Luckily, we have a nice university here, and I really find that going to class twice or three times a week does wonders for my parenting while I'm NOT in class. Weird, eh?
That's not weird at all!! DH just got a new job at a university, and we get to take classes for free. I'm totally going to take advantage of this because it will give me something else to think about besides the next load of diapers I have to wash
Sometimes I've been concerned that I don't have enough things to talk about to people besides my babies and my home. Now don't get me wrong, I love that part of my life and it will always be the main focus, but it will be nice to talk about other things, especially to people who either don't have kids, their kids are grown, or people who are indifferent or uninterested in listening to you talk about baby's latest accomplishments.
 
#9 ·
I'm also in a similar situation. We've lived here for 5 years now and are still considered "transplants." The kids are excluded from things because people don't "know" us, even though they see me every day, at least 2x! I've had people get up and move when I sat down with them at school gatherings. (I did remember to take a shower!
)

I'm trying to get into as much as possible (PTA, girl scouts, boy scouts, etc.) hoping that something will stick.

I'm also interviewing for an adjunct professor position, just so I can have some contact with people who share an interest in literature.
 
#10 ·
babybun, your neighborhood sounds like mine. Empty and boring all day, except the construction workers or occasional landscaper. Even when we have hte car available, it's tough. Our area is kind of removed fromt he rest of hte city still, we drive, well, further than I'd expect in a city to get to anything. We don't even take walks or play ont he slides nearby because it's so darn hot. Gas prices are high, we don't know where everything is yet and it's hot and wastefult o just drive aimplessly looking for something cool to jump out at you.

I am mostly just slowly going insane-just a peice of my mind every day......

Actually I'm trying to find the motivation to join stuff, both for ds to meet kids and for me alone with adults. And looking into the local community college, that will be good for me and probably a good resource for the whole family.

I joined a site called matchingmoms but haven't worked up the guts to actually e-mail anyone yet. MDC has a personals section I recently learned, so I will probably use that as well. Meet other mdc moms in the area. I wonder if you and I are int eh same general area, they sound so similar.

Hope all of us figure this stuff out soon!
 
#11 ·
I suggest joining a local gym if you can swing it. I go at least 3 mornings a week now but lots of weeks I go everyday M-F. I'm in the suburbs but walking distence to shops and stuff so I guess I'm lucky. I think the gym is great for me and DS because he gets other kids to play with while I get a good work out and other women to talk to.

T
 
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