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saw old friend, wanted to cry!

2K views 27 replies 24 participants last post by  Kirsten 
#1 ·
Ran into an old friend of mine; someone I've known half my life and who I adore. She's a kind person and a loyal friend. We have ended up parenting very differently in some ways -- for starters, I'm a SAHM (work from home very part time, mostly when kids are sleeping, and I spend lots of hours working for my son's cooperative preschool); she's part of the full-time *paid* work force, and her two little ones (6 and a baby) do day care.

She plays soccer once a week. She is in a book club. I don't know when she sees her kids . . . a few hours each evening, while juggling dinner, and on weekends (when she also gets time to herself to run 12 miles at a go). Well . . . sometimes the contrast leaves me reeling emotionally. Part of me is nonplussed by her okayness with never seeing her kids, part of me is jealous that she gets so much time to herself, part of me just can't figure out how she does it all with just 24 hours in each day. If she or her husband get sick, no prob! They stay home and rest while the kids go to day care! (I have had one day off in 5 years, when I got food poisoning and was so sick I literally could not stand up.)

The other day when I saw her she looked FABULOUS. Has lost twenty pounds by running and counting calories. She's fit, she was wearing new sporty clothes and a new haircut . . . and instead of being happy for her I just wanted to cry! I would love to loose ten pounds and be in a book group and play a sport regularly etc. etc. Aw, crap. I'd like to just read a book ONCE.

Augh!!! I just need to vent! I know someday I will look back on this time with my kids and be glad about the decisions I made. But . . . but . . . I don't know. Somedays I just feel like I must be doing something *wrong.*
 
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#27 ·
this happened to me this week! A gethring of mom friends....they all look so great, are talking about buying new dresses, going to weddings and leaving their kids at home, working......I really do miss some of that. But ultimately i prefer to be a SAHM. You miss out on something either way, because there are pros and ocns to every choice.

One mantra I like to pull out in cases like this: instead ofstriving ot be the perfect mom, strive to be the perfect you. So, instead of trying to reach some bar, or have what someone else has, decide what YOU need/want....and go for it. good luck!
 
#28 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Cardinal
you are doing what is best and you are a sweet, selfless mom.
I do think that being a SAHM is best in most situations. But I have three daughters. I don't want to model "selfless".

I spent too long neglecting myself; it came back to bite me after ten years. There is a happy medium. We can be there for our kids without completely ignoring our own needs. I go to the gym at 9:00 p.m. when my kids are in bed. I have started reading books that have nothing to do with parenting - just for fun! It isn't wrong to buy yourself a cute outfit and feel like you look good - at whatever weight. I am not going back to mom jeans and Mickey Mouse tee shirts. That doesn't make me a bad mom. I actually think it makes me a better mom - because I am happier.
 
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