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Anyone else tired of "You've got your hands full" comments?

2K views 34 replies 29 participants last post by  Leilalu 
#1 ·
: Ok mamas out there, how do you respond when you're out in public with your kids and people comment (right in front of your children, of course) "Well, it sure looks like you've got your hands full!" I am getting SOOOOO sick of hearing this every stinking time I go somewhere. I have 3 boys (9, 5, & 2 yrs.) and I'm due with #4 any day. My boys - not to brag or anything
- behave very well. And usually the "hands full" comment is prefaced by saying how good they are. So why do people feel the need to look at me with sympathy just because I have children in tow?
What should I say back?

You'd think I'd have come up with a good response by now, since I've been hearing this on at least a weekly basis since my 3rd son was born. But I honestly can't think of a comeback that validates my children and shows them in front of the rude commenter (btw...I know they don't mean to be rude, they just don't realize how demeaning this comes off to my children, as if people need to feel bad for me because I'm their mom) that I DO NOT view them as a "hand full" but as the biggest blessings in my life. I usually say something along the line of how I enjoy spending time with my kids, but I'd like to have something to say that's a little more...I don't know...expressive or witty or something better than "I like my kids."


So what do you all do when this comes up?
 
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#27 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by bczmama
This thread is so funny. Usually the ladies on the board are complaining about how busy and stressful being SAHM is and that no one appreciates it or acknowledges it. Then when you have people acknowledging all the hard work SAHMs do you're complaining about that!
I guess there's two kinds of SAHMs - those who are overly busy and stressed out, and those who aren't. Or maybe we're all either one or another depending on the day
. Honestly, I am not now and never have been a mom who feels totally overwhelmed by her children and I keep a very loose schedule, so I never feel stressed by having too much to do. Maybe that's why I don't get the "sympathy" stuff I get from other people - I'm not in need of any sympathy because I'm having the best time of my life.
 
#28 ·
i get that too; with 1 special needs kid and one severe ADHD. i think it's meant more as a sympathetic attempt at small talk. i say try not to let it bother you. i usually get it though when my kids are being really difficult! i think in general people mean well. however, i much prefer when little old ladies behind or in front of me in line say things like "ahh i remember those days" and
.
 
#29 ·
"I was irritated by this comment at first (my children are close together and I was feeling sensitive to people's assumptions about our choice), but I started looking at their faces when they say this, and most often they're trying for empathy, some kind of connection. And I DO have my hands full. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy, so I just say in return, "Yup, and I love every minute of it." We exchange smiles and go our separate ways, no harm, no foul."

I like this response. I agree. I think that it might be a generational thing because I actually have said this! But then, I'm an older mom (over 40 with toddlers) and people my age say this as a way to empathize with others. I've never heard a person younger than myself say this...mostly my age or older and sometimes much older...but never from a younger person--that to me might be insulting...although I can't say because I'd have to gauge the speaker's intent by tone of voice and manner in which it was said. And yes, my two CAN be a serious handful sometimes.
 
#30 ·
Quote:
but I started looking at their faces when they say this, and most often they're trying for empathy, some kind of connection. And I DO have my hands full. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy, so I just say in return, "Yup, and I love every minute of it." We exchange smiles and go our separate ways, no harm, no foul.
True for me as well.
 
#31 ·
Yes I hate that comment and I get it everytime I'm out with my kids and I only have 2!

I have very rarely had anyone offer me any sort of assistance when I have my children in tow. In fact, I was walking from my garage to my house the other day carrying my 4 week old's carseat (with him in it of course), holding my 21 month old's hand and carrying 3 bags from Target.

I was struggling to say the least and my neighbor was driving along the road and actually HONKED at me because he had to wait while we got out of his "way". It's not even a main road it's a driveway. I was soooo mad!
 
#32 ·
BCZmama - that is exactly what I was thinking!

The comment doesn't really bother me and I always smile and say how "Yes, it is a fun & busy time"

I can't believe somebody said it when your hands were actually full and didn't offer a hand - I'd think he were a jerk if he didn't sound like an idiot


BJ
Barney & Ben
 
#33 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood
I was struggling to say the least and my neighbor was driving along the road and actually HONKED at me because he had to wait while we got out of his "way". It's not even a main road it's a driveway. I was soooo mad!
that's so SAD! i adore my neighbors and i truly believe that would never happen to me. eg. one winter morning i was struggling with moving the trash can thru the snow, and a neighbor in a fancy shmancy suit, on his way to work, stopped his lexus, got out in at least a foot of snow, and helped me with the garbage can. another time i accidently tipped the trash can over and it was so overloaded i couldnt get it back right-side-up so i just left it. the next morning i went to decide what to do about it, and some neighbor had fixed it! when my husband was in the hospital for a month, i had neighbors dropping over with casseroles, and when my neighbor lost her son during delivery, we all got together even those we'd never met and didn't know their names, and bought them fruit and flowers. my only point being there are still good people in the world and sometimes it seems like we're surrounded by schmucks who beep when you need a hand ... we need to remember the other side to keep our faith in humanity and the human connection because really what else have we got?
 
#35 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by phathui5
I've started saying:

"I left the other five at home."
AWESOME



You should've seen the looks people would give me when I would go out to TJ's with ds in a sling, dd in a jogger,and neighbor child one year younger than dd and older than ds also in stroller. Said child was also Japanese.
We are not Japanese, but of mostly German origin. lol. Everyone thought we had adopted. For months after people would ask me where my third child was.
 
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