does your working partner remember sah details? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 02:58 PM - Thread Starter
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I know that title sounds weird. Does your working partner remember details you tell him/her about the home, pets, kids, anything related to home life? Mine seems to have a problem remembering some of these little details. He claims the problem is that he is so busy at work that he is distracted but after hearing this for 3 and a half years now it is getting a little frustrating to have to repeat myself to him so often. And, I find myself having to repeat myself a lot to him. He will ask several times in one week about when dd has an appointment or when the new futon couch is being delivered. I would not expect him to remember every little home detail but when he asks about something, because presumably it matters to him, and then forgets the answer and asks again a few hours later or the next day, it makes me annoyed. And, his answer that he is really busy with important work denigrates my work, imo. It is like staying at home details are less important than work details. It is especially annoying when he forgets details about our daughter, like what she did today (after she excitedly told him) or where she is going tomorrow.

Am I wrong to think that the working partner/parent should find the stay at home details as important as his/her work details?
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#2 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 03:03 PM
 
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major details like appointments, major purchase deliveries and such are something both parties should be aware of, but even I have to check the wall calendar every once in awhile to make sure I have the right date/time 'memorized' y/k?

smaller details like which days are teacher accrediation {and therefore half-days} I might mention, but really don't expect that stuff to be retained. I figure he has a million and one things to remember at work that are important daily function type things, the litte stuff like PTO meetings, vet appointments and what brand of kitty litter we use I deal with on my own. If I were to become incapacitated for any length of time, the kids know the 'stuff' details, and the rest is saved on the computer and/or written down in my binder and on the wall..
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#3 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 03:13 PM
 
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I'm guilty of this. I try not to be, but I don't always succeed. It's like my brain shuts off after work and I can't retain anything. Of course, I can't retain anything *at* work either, but I have a calendar and a to-do list and email and a million other little things that do my remembering for me. I don't naturally focus when someone talks to me, either. I need a cue like "hey, j, I want to tell you something" to get me to focus completely on what's being said. I know I shouldn't need it, but I do.
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#4 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 03:19 PM
 
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I don't give DH details LOL

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#5 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 03:26 PM
 
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Maybe he has a weak memory. I forget details I really want to remember, and it bugs me. How does he feel about not being able to remember these things?

On the other hand, maybe it's just short-term memory overload. I am Julieanne's (pp) SAH partner; I have all kinds of household related things to remember that she doesn't have to deal with on a daily basis. On the other hand, when she tells me about her work, I often forget the details even though I really am interested and want to know.

I know it's irritating when someone is forgetting details that are important to you -- believe me, I irritate myself with this all the time. And it can seem like the details just aren't important. If they were important to me, wouldn't I remember them? But memory is only part mental discipline; there's a huge phyisiological component. Maybe he really can't remember that many details.

--
Let your life speak. -- George Fox
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#6 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 03:43 PM - Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharlla
I don't give DH details LOL


Maybe my expectations are just too great.
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#7 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 06:38 PM
 
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Mine remembers and savors. When he was working (gone 13-14 hrs a day, 5-7 days a week) he absolutely LOVED when he came home and we told him about our days. He loved hearing about what the kids were learning about and doing and what we had discovered. He remembers the littlethings I told him about our days when my firstborn was just a baby...almost 8 years ago! I was part of MOMS Club for a bit. We had a mother's day thing where our DH's were to write a little about us as a surprise. Mine wrote this big long wonderful thing about how much it meant to him that I was home with our son and included so many of those little details! Things I figured he wouldn't remember...but he did! People seemed exasperated listening to my husband's being written. Most of the DH's wrote one or two little piddly lines but mine wrote an entire page of love. I'll never forget it and the main reason it was so special is because he was gone al the time, but he remembered all of those little tiny things.

Namaste, Tara
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#8 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 06:45 PM
 
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He absolutely remembers! He's great!
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#9 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 08:13 PM
 
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I send him emails to work, where he puts it in his calendar which synchronizes with his mobile phone. (Yep, techie)

He still manages to ask me plenty of times...
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#10 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 09:29 PM
 
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My dh is in charge of remembering everything around here. My brain is mush and until I get some time without someone needing me, it will continue to be mush. I asked him 3 times last night and once this morning what time he had to go to work today. Sweet man didn't bat an eye and just kept right on telling me, as if it were the first time I asked.
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#11 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 09:35 PM
 
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My DH does pretty good at remembering most of the big things and lots of the little things. However, sometimes he does forget. But sometimes I forget so much too.

We have a wall calander that is our "Schedule". It is where we write anything that we need to accomplish, remember, or appointments to be at. Anything and everything gets written down. If my DH asks me, I usually refer him to the schedule. Now he just checks it himself. We don't argue over it any more either.

I suggest you writing down on a calander by the door, he can check it coming and going, and then he won't have to ask you, and you won't get annoyed for him forgetting. It also helps me to remember when things were done, I can look back as far as I need. If an appointment was cancelled or rescheduled, I note that too. So by the end of the month, the calander is completely filled out correctly and I have a record.

It really helps a LOT!

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#12 of 19 Old 08-16-2006, 09:44 PM
 
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i have an extemely forgetful partner, so i don't really expect him to remember much of what i tell him. it isn't his forgetfulness of appointments and things that bothers me, but more the disinterest he seems to have in my world. i hate the bored look on his face as i tell him about my day... how the babys been, tasks i have completed around the house (not counting dishes and other constant chores), a book im reading, something i found on the net, an old friend i had a phone conversation with, etc. i realize none of those things are particularly exciting but SHEESH! he could show some kind of interest! boring or not, it's my LIFE!
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#13 of 19 Old 08-17-2006, 01:12 AM
 
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Exactly what Jeannie81 said. Are we married to the same guy?

He was always forgetful. He has no concept of all that running the home and caring for the kids entails. He has gotten better at keeping track of his own appointments, though. And as I run around doing it all, he'll yell, "You rock!" from the couch........
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#14 of 19 Old 08-17-2006, 12:13 PM
 
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Nope, doesn't remember anything. DH has an awful memory, he forgot my B-Day on Sunday despite being reminded on Fri. He actually remembered our anniversary this year, but got the days mixed up so we celebrated a day late. DH never comes to appointments with me, I finally dragge him in to meet my MW this week so when she showed up at our house he'd know who she is, I had to remind him every day for a week, again that am, two hours before, and then right before. This memory loss translates to everything, he can't remember where I keep the salt, what clothes he wore yesterday...

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#15 of 19 Old 08-17-2006, 02:58 PM
 
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No, my dh doesn't typically remember these kinds of details. Especially if it doesn't have a direct affect on him personally. I don't find it offensive or anything, because I also never remember details of his work. Which client? What interview? You're hiring someone? Huh? What? etc.. It's just not my everyday life, no matter how interested I am in what he's up to the details just won't 'stick'.
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#16 of 19 Old 08-17-2006, 03:01 PM
 
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We've got an airset account and we're each responsible for putting our appointments on there. Because we both have a lot of responsibilities, we have a pretty strict "you snooze, you lose" policy. In other words, if it's not on the calendar you can't expect the other person to cover for you (with child care, car, whatever).
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#17 of 19 Old 08-17-2006, 03:19 PM
 
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My DH wasn't always remembering I'd told him things either, but then he started keeping a day planner. Now I make a point of telling him to write something in the planner if it's important because he always checks there.

Honestly, I'd like to say it's all him, but since DD's arrival I've become guilty of this on occasion too. He'll be telling me about something at work & I'll be like, "Wait! You've never mentioned that before..." And he'll just give me *that* look (you know, the one we're usually giving them ).

Holly
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#18 of 19 Old 08-17-2006, 04:47 PM - Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Christine&men
I send him emails to work, where he puts it in his calendar which synchronizes with his mobile phone. (Yep, techie)

He still manages to ask me plenty of times...
We do this, too. And, he still sometimes forgets! I think I am just expecting too much of him. My mother, a sahm for almost all of my life, never kept my father informed unless he asked about something or it involved him. Otherwise, he was clueless. And, until he retired a few years back, she managed the money! Those days were sweet as she could slip us some $$ without him knowing about it! I always thought their relationship, in this way, was weird but perhaps it was just a necessity to have mom in charge of the home and dad a bit clueless.


We do have a wall calendar but he never checks it. I am supposed to send him an email and then double check that he put it on his calendar, in his computer calendar, and on his handheld thingy.



Cielle - what is an airset account?
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#19 of 19 Old 08-17-2006, 05:24 PM
 
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I have found that this is often a "guy" thing... it's like the guys I have relationships with (DH, Dad, brothers, and even good friends) really only hear half (IF I'm THAT lucky) of what I say! While it does get annoying quite often I try to also realize that it's often the women's "job" to be the communcator and nurturer... and communication is SO integral to nurturing.... Anyway, I'm sure this doesn't help - really, but at least you can know there's another chica out here who feels unheard much (even most) of the time!

*Sigh*

IntactaLactavist, HomeBirthin' Baby Wearin' Co-sleepin' Homeschoolin', City girl gone Country Livin' SAH(HSing)M

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