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#121 of 242 Old 03-16-2007, 06:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by judejude View Post
Can you say a bit more about what you mean by this?

Sure! I try to read about various parenting philosophies as much as I am able, and I know that Gentle Discipline is very popular on MDC. I don't know much about it. I have read (briefly) about Unconditional Parenting and we're not into the "Don't praise or evaluate, just mirror" thing. Asking us not to praise would be like asking us not to hold our daughter when she is crying! We weren't raised like in this philosophy and we're not looking to follow it ourselves. I know some folks are big fans and adherents and that's cool, but we're not

Used to be stay at home parent to our two lovely girls, survived nursing school with family intact, about to graduate and looking for a job! I low-supply nursed my bio daughter for 3 years. 

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#122 of 242 Old 03-17-2007, 01:26 AM
 
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Oh geez, I didn't know there was a philosophy that is called Unconditional Parenting. I guess I was thinking about unconditional love and wondered who wouldn't want that ha ha.

I do know about the whole no praise or crtitisism thing though - not my deal though.

Thanks for the clarification

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#123 of 242 Old 03-17-2007, 01:49 PM
 
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Hee hee hee! Yeah- we definitely love her unconditionally! My parents were great roll models for that

Used to be stay at home parent to our two lovely girls, survived nursing school with family intact, about to graduate and looking for a job! I low-supply nursed my bio daughter for 3 years. 

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#124 of 242 Old 03-17-2007, 06:51 PM
 
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My name is Jenae and I'm 26 and mommy to a 3 year old boy, Griffin. I WOH for the first 3 years and I just quit my job. It was a terrible place to work and I just wanted to be home with my boy. I babysit a few kids to try to make ends meet.

I'm brand new at this SAHM thing and it's tough sometimes. I wouldn't trade it for anything but I could use some help.

We are Christians who are very active in our church. My DH just kinda goes with my AP ideas and isn't very receptive to GD. I really need help in that area as well. When Griff was born I didn't know then what I know now. I only breastfed for a few months but I did babywear the entire time. We co-slept because we all slept better that way.

I'd like help on how to get organized and how to live more a more frugal life. We live way out in the country on my IL's farm. I love it. We usually grow our own garden but have to fight my DH and the IL's on keeping it organic and pesticide free.

I would love to have another baby but right now we're stumped on what to do for insurance. It's a long story. I would love to homebirth with a midwife or even in a birthcenter. Unfortunately there are no birthcenters in Western Ky and no midwives. I'm not comfortable with UC as my DH would FREAK.

Are there any experienced SAHM out there that could help me?

Thanks!
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#125 of 242 Old 03-17-2007, 08:32 PM
 
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[QUOTE=jenae;7582087]Unfortunately there are no birthcenters in Western Ky and no midwives.QUOTE]

Where in Western KY are you? I think there is a homebirth midwife out that way.
Leslie
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#126 of 242 Old 03-18-2007, 01:08 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pdxmomazon View Post
Sure! I try to read about various parenting philosophies as much as I am able, and I know that Gentle Discipline is very popular on MDC. I don't know much about it. I have read (briefly) about Unconditional Parenting and we're not into the "Don't praise or evaluate, just mirror" thing. Asking us not to praise would be like asking us not to hold our daughter when she is crying! We weren't raised like in this philosophy and we're not looking to follow it ourselves. I know some folks are big fans and adherents and that's cool, but we're not
I think this is a misunderstanding of the philosophy. I have read Unconditional Parenting and strive to do it, but do not think of it the way that you present it here. Alfie Kohn opposes positive reinforcement as a replacement for punishment (he is opposed to punishment as well) as in purposely seeking opportunities for when a child gets something "right" to faun all over them or other positive reinforcement techniques like gold stars and chart-keeping. He sees this as just as manipulative as degrading a child and as inopportune a "teaching" method as more punitive measures. It does not mean that you don't honestly congratulate a child on something you see as positive, though he does emphasize stating what is as opposed to relying on handy, inarticulate phrases like "good job." Kohn uses the phrase unconditional parenting just as you would unconditional love. He sees punishment and positive reinforcement as conditional parenting that teaches children that we only love them when they behave how we like them to behave. He believes that we should show them that we always love them, whether we're frustrated with their behavior or thrilled with it. This isn't a matter, I don't believe, of never being honest with our own feelings - in fact I view honesty as quite important - but rather how we express our own feelings and reactions to their behavior is key. If I'm frustrated, I say I'm frustrated and I say why. If I want certain behavior to occur, I explain why rather than simply ordering or yelling. If I am impressed with a son's drawing, I tell him what I like about it. If DS wants me to look at his thousandth Lego creation, I make an observation about it, rather than writing him off with a "good job!" That's what I (and others I've talked to) take it to mean.

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#127 of 242 Old 03-18-2007, 05:41 PM
 
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I think this is a misunderstanding of the philosophy. I have read Unconditional Parenting and strive to do it, but do not think of it the way that you present it here. Alfie Kohn opposes positive reinforcement as a replacement for punishment (he is opposed to punishment as well) as in purposely seeking opportunities for when a child gets something "right" to faun all over them or other positive reinforcement techniques like gold stars and chart-keeping. He sees this as just as manipulative as degrading a child and as inopportune a "teaching" method as more punitive measures. It does not mean that you don't honestly congratulate a child on something you see as positive, though he does emphasize stating what is as opposed to relying on handy, inarticulate phrases like "good job." Kohn uses the phrase unconditional parenting just as you would unconditional love. He sees punishment and positive reinforcement as conditional parenting that teaches children that we only love them when they behave how we like them to behave. He believes that we should show them that we always love them, whether we're frustrated with their behavior or thrilled with it. This isn't a matter, I don't believe, of never being honest with our own feelings - in fact I view honesty as quite important - but rather how we express our own feelings and reactions to their behavior is key. If I'm frustrated, I say I'm frustrated and I say why. If I want certain behavior to occur, I explain why rather than simply ordering or yelling. If I am impressed with a son's drawing, I tell him what I like about it. If DS wants me to look at his thousandth Lego creation, I make an observation about it, rather than writing him off with a "good job!" That's what I (and others I've talked to) take it to mean.
Wow, thanks for the clarification. I didn't even know this book existed until it was mentioned in this thread. I haven't read it but I totally agree with what you said (and what the book says). That whole sticker chart thing and trying to do the big praise stuff is just the flip side of negative reinforcement (threats, whatever consequences, etc.). Neither of them address the issue, but rather try and manipulate the child into behaving a certain way - either way I think the child misses out on valuable teaching and empathy, among other things, because they are too busy trying to "get the praise".
Sounds like a good book.

Sorry for the thread derailment.

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#128 of 242 Old 03-18-2007, 05:53 PM
 
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[QUOTE=wild&precious life;7582699]
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenae View Post
Unfortunately there are no birthcenters in Western Ky and no midwives.QUOTE]

Where in Western KY are you? I think there is a homebirth midwife out that way.
Leslie
I live near Owensboro, are you familiar with that area? I love to know if there is one close. That would be awesome!
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#129 of 242 Old 03-18-2007, 08:38 PM
 
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jenae, I PM'd you about a homebirth midwife.
Leslie
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#130 of 242 Old 03-29-2007, 09:49 PM
 
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Mentor Wanted

Any other introverts out there who have found ways to cope with the demands of their extroverted children? Or other expat moms who have tips on settling a family in a new place?

I'm 37 with 2 & 4 yr old girls. Happily married for 10 years. Medium crunchy. Failed planned home birth with dd#1, VBAC (yeah!) with dd#2. Have been nursing more or less continuously since 2002. Delayed vax, did cloth diaper for 2+ yrs. I cook alot, mostly organic, used to be very healthy. Recently moved from NYC to England. Was a WOHM until 1 year ago in an intense, long hours job with travel.

I surprised everyone who knows me by quitting to stay home, and I have no regrets about the decision to be more fully in my girls' lives, but now I do feel that I'm struggling. For anyone that knows Myers-Briggs personality type indicators, I'm an INTP, so I'm introverted, a thinker, and have trouble maintaining order and routines. I never realized how much time I had while working just to be in my own head (commute, lunch hr, etc.) and I feel very overwhelmed by the constant attention that the girls need. Plus it seems that most of my day now involves managing routines (getting out the door, meals, getting to bed) and maintaining order in the house. And despite plenty of previous experience living abroad (pre-kids), I'm finding the process of learning about everything here and getting settled and finding new friends for everyone to be exhausting.

I had all these great visions of happy educational crafting around the dining table after a veggie stirfry and instead break all my rules by yelling over chicken nuggets before collapsing on a messy couch and putting on a video. Would love to hear from anyone who can relate to any part of my life...
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#131 of 242 Old 03-30-2007, 12:50 AM
 
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I have a 12 mo old son who coslept until he chose to leave the family bed at 8 mo (makes me sad still!), still nursing, still baby wear, made all my own baby food. I am attempting to switch to CD and want to homeschool. We also don't vax.

I also want to have another baby sometime in the near future.

I'm looking for someone holistically minded, who can help me be frugal (!!) and with whom I can just chat about both our lives!

Can't wait to meet you!
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#132 of 242 Old 03-30-2007, 11:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome to you both. I hope you find the matches you are looking for!

Marsmom, I moved from the states to England in my last trimester and lived there for 1 1/2 years. I, too, struggled with making friends and getting settled with a new baby in a new country. I'm happy to chat. Just PM me. Hopefully, you'll find a mentor too! And depending on where you are in England (we were in Hampshire), there are API meetings and a bit of an LLL "underground" as my former leader used to say.
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#133 of 242 Old 04-12-2007, 10:18 PM
 
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I'm a 29 yr old single-mama to four boys (one a nephew I have custody of). I'm a SAHM since Febuary. I'm able to stay home because my two older boys are on disability...one for autism and the other for a heart condition. I "unschool" my 10yr old although he is looking to go to a "Free/Democratic" school in September (needs more kids to hang out with on a daily basis..he's very social LOL). Plan to "unschool" my youngest and nephew unless they choose to go to the "free school" at some point. I Cd'ed and EC'd my youngest. I stopped all vax's in 1999..no more of those!: I tried to bF...so difficult for me even used a SNS til my DS was 1yrs. My 9yr old is autistic and in a private school. Need to work on more GD..wasn't raised GD thats for sure. My family/friends are either far from me or not on the same page..IYKWIM. I try to use all natural products and cloth as much as possible. And I buy used whenever possible...love to be frugal Would love to live somewhere warm and have a farm with alot of animals and of course kids around me
Need some help with budgeting and meal planning..and just a friend who may understand where I'm coming from I in turn know alot about fighting for things with being low-income and having special needs kids. And also know about having kids on special diets. I think everyone that is need of a mentor can also be a mentor in some ways themselves


RayRAy~

Life Learning Momma to DS17, DS16,DS9jumpers.gifas well a dog, a cat, two birds...ttc babygirl.gif homeschool.gifnamaste.gif
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#134 of 242 Old 04-13-2007, 02:22 AM
 
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I am a SAHM (obviously ) to two daughters, Kamille, 27 months, and Lexi, 6 months. I am fairly new to all things Natural Parenting, but am very eager to learn.
I CD Lexi, but Kamille is in sposies/panties as she potty learns.
I am trying to use GD and UP techniques, but lately with DH home 24/7 that has been failing. I hope to get back into my comfort zone with him gone during the day again
I used to be a vegetarian, but DH refuses any meals without meat, so I have been eating a lot of meat lately. DH starts a new job Monday, and I hope to go back to vegetarian meals for breakfast and lunch for me and the girls.
I would really love to have a mentor that has any experience with any of the above situations. Thanks!

jeneca mommy to kamille, 6 lexi, 4
#3 due 2/28/12

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#135 of 242 Old 04-13-2007, 07:44 PM
 
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Ever since I can remember I wanted to be a mom. Now I am a SAHM to my 8 month old son and I am finding parenthood to be a challenge. I never imagined that being a mom would be easy but I can admit I never knew it would be this hard. My husband and I are passionate about AP and sometimes I think that is where the challenge comes. AP seems to be so unconventional. Throughout my life I always followed the rules and pretty much went with the majority. So with that being said I feel like by choosing AP I am making my life a challenge, yet I wouldn't want to change anything about how we are choosing to parent our son.

Some of our parenting choices so far:

*Our planned HB ended in a CS - very very sad!
*Choose not to Circumcise
*Choosing not to VAX or do Well Baby Visits
*Planning to Breastfeed 1 year+ but continually find it challenging to be the sole provider of breastmilk (son won't take a bottle)
*Choosing to Co-Sleep but seem to have a love/hate relationship for it
*Choosing to wear baby lots!
*Choosing to raise our son Christian
*Leaning towards public school but deep down believe home school is the way to go

Is there anyone out there that can relate to my situation? Looking forward to hearing from you!
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#136 of 242 Old 04-19-2007, 09:07 PM
 
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Anyone available to mentor me?

jeneca mommy to kamille, 6 lexi, 4
#3 due 2/28/12

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#137 of 242 Old 04-19-2007, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome to the thread!

Let's see if we can get you all matched up.

Note to those of you reading and thinking that you are not mentor material: You do not have to be an expert parent with perfect children to be a mentor. Expertly flawed parents with fabulously flawed families are especially welcome and needed After all, who can relate to perfection?
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#138 of 242 Old 04-27-2007, 01:14 AM
 
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Oh this is a WONDERFUL thread, I would love a mentor.

ABOUT ME:
I am the happy mom to one, a baby girl named Mackenzie Nichole. She will be 5 months old tomorrow and is my everything! We breastfeed on cue, co-sleep, used to babywear but she is now a bit big for my small frame, go to mommy baby yoga, very selective delayed vax, and attempt to lead a holistic lifestyle. I am a write-at-home-mom, in addition to attending college all while caring for Mackenzie 24/7... so I stay busy!

SOME WAYS I AM LOOKING TO GROW:
Any mamas that know about RIE would be great since we are in a RIE class and use those techniques. (If not I know it is rare.) I would love to learn a bit more about clothing diapering since I am venturing into that arena. As well as about Waldorf and educational options. Also I am learning how to balance a relationship that is on the fence (not bad nor great) with my SO and life as parents together...I am also learning the art of balance with my writing and motherhood.

Any mentors?

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#139 of 242 Old 04-27-2007, 01:36 AM
 
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Oh this is a WONDERFUL thread, I would love a mentor.

ABOUT ME:
I am the happy mom to one, a baby girl named Mackenzie Nichole. She will be 5 months old tomorrow and is my everything! We breastfeed on cue, co-sleep, used to babywear but she is now a bit big for my small frame, go to mommy baby yoga, very selective delayed vax, and attempt to lead a holistic lifestyle. I am a write-at-home-mom, in addition to attending college all while caring for Mackenzie 24/7... so I stay busy!

SOME WAYS I AM LOOKING TO GROW:
Any mamas that know about RIE would be great since we are in a RIE class and use those techniques. (If not I know it is rare.) I would love to learn a bit more about clothing diapering since I am venturing into that arena. As well as about Waldorf and educational options. Also I am learning how to balance a relationship that is on the fence (not bad nor great) with my SO and life as parents together...I am also learning the art of balance with my writing and motherhood.

Any mentors?
What's RIE, please?
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#140 of 242 Old 04-30-2007, 03:23 AM
 
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RIE (Resources for Infant Educarera) www.rie.org is my parenting secret weapon. In my opinion it is pre-Waldorf and focuses on the first two years of a baby's life.

Here is a portion of an article on RIE:

Above all, RIE urges parents to develop respectful relationships with baby within the first weeks of an infant's life. Rather than teach your child to grow by pushing him into structured activities and performance-oriented situations, RIE adherents believe parents should stay out of the way and trust that baby can learn more by exploring on his own. Moreover, Gerber argues, the baby who is allowed to discover and learn on his own will be an active participant rather than a passive recipient in the learning process, and thereby grow into a more confident and self-reliant person.

To begin practicing RIE, Gerber suggests parents spend time watching and reacting to their infants, learning to read their gestures, sounds, and expressions. "Crying," Gerber writes, "is a child's language. It is her way of communicating her needs...Rather than trying to stop your child from crying by distracting her, try to figure out why she is crying so that you are able to help her."

Contrary to what some believe, RIE is far from a "hands-off" approach. Creating a safe, respectful environment in which you can effectively communicate with your child requires considerable thought and attention to detail. Also, learning to interpret your baby's behavior by exercising keen judgment in every aspect of the parent-infant relationship, from breast-feeding to sleep schedules to changing diapers calls for sensitivity and consideration that aren't always obvious to parents in today's rushed and achievement-oriented world.

To read the entire article visit http://www.yourbabytoday.com/feature...ach/index.html

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#141 of 242 Old 06-04-2007, 04:26 PM
 
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Is the mentoring program continuing? Or has interest waned?

Michelle
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#142 of 242 Old 06-05-2007, 11:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The thread has gotten quiet lately but that doesn't mean it can't be revived

For those of you who have posted previously, were you able to make a match and if so, has the experience been beneficial for you? Please feel free to post here or PM me. I'm happy to coordinate ways to improve/change/or enhance the concept to work for as many moms as possible.
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#143 of 242 Old 06-06-2007, 02:37 AM
 
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I know this thread has been kind of quiet, but there's so much that goes on that you don't see.

I'm a mentor, not a mentee, but from my perspective it is going well. I enjoy e-mailing back and forth with my mentees
Obviously some e-mail more than others, but everyone does what they are comfortable with.

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#144 of 242 Old 06-08-2007, 09:53 AM
 
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Ohhh, I could be in either spot.

I have been SAHM for almost 4 years now. I have 3 children. My daughter will be 4 in July. My sons are 2 years old and 9 months. I have experience with non-intervention childbirth (I delivered in a hospital with an OB, but all 3 birthing experiences had different levels of intervention,) breastfeeding/child led weaning, co-sleeping, frugal living (we live on about $30,000 a year,) being a parent with disabilities and just simply managing this many children at such a young age.

I could use some help in the areas of homeschooling, non-vaxing/non-traditional medicine, house-keeping(getting it all done,) and high needs/spirited children.

If anyone is still around and is interested, let me know!
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#145 of 242 Old 06-17-2007, 01:14 AM
 
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Hello, I am Elizabeth from NC. I am 34 years old and have a 13 year old son. I am currently TTC # 2.

I work part time and spend the rest of the time as a SAHM. I plan to work very part time if I am able to have another child.

I would really like to have a mentor for several reasons.

1. I am not so good at organization and schedules.
2. My mom was an excellent SAHM of 4 of us who is currently ill with dementia so I can not get the " How in world do I handle this?" answered.
3. My DH's mom was a work outside of the home mom who does not understand my huge desire to be home to serve my family.
4. Most of my friends are childless by choice so I do not have many close pals that I can discuss things with.


I would really love someone I could talk with about logistics and practical how to's.

I am very committed to becoming a SAHM full time so fully understand the value of SAHMs just need the how tos.

I love to sew, craft, read, and am learning to cook.

I would love to hear from anyone that thinks they could mentor me. I am sure I would enrich your life as well.

Thanks for reading
Elizabeth
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#146 of 242 Old 07-19-2007, 03:22 PM
 
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Well, I hope that there are still some mentors out there, because I would love some help!! I'm a new mother, and I am a full-time SAHM. I've had a job since the day I turned 16, so I still have a lot to learn about life at home, ie cooking, time management with a child, controlling family finances, finding a useful hobby (I can't even sew!!), and everything in between. The only things I'm really good at are cleaning and holding my DD, which is a constant job. Plus, it is even harder for me since I recently moved to a country where I don't speak the language well. Beware ladies...I might be tough!! But I am very willing to learn, and I want to be a great SAHM very badly!! If anyone is willing to take me on, I would greatly appreciate your help. Thanks!

Mama to a wild girl and a chill lil' man , wife to a mad scientist , and resident of a country that I love to hate and hate to love.
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#147 of 242 Old 07-19-2007, 11:07 PM
 
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Mentor Wanted...

I'm 23 and I've been a SAHM since my DD was born 11 months ago. My husband is a police officer and I would love to connect with another police wife who has had more "practice" than me being a SAHM and dealing with a rotating schedule. : (or any one who has a DP who works different schedules)

A few more "highlights"

*We eat as naturally as we can and organic when possible (finances don't always allow)
*We married young (19&20)
*I'm slightly obsessive about cleaning my house and organizing and it's *killing* me that I can't get everything done that I want to in a day.
*I'm very crafty and love to scrapbook, stamp, sew, garden, cook/bake...I love it all - but can't always find the time.
*We don't vaccinate and we're getting some grief from our families about it. They expect me to listen to their side of the arguments but will never listen to mine :
*I'm all about sticking to my budget and living within our means

If anyone wants to adopt me please let me know... I'd love to connect with other mommas who can share some tips!

Mariah
Mommy to Lily & Kane and we're homeschooling joy.gif
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#148 of 242 Old 07-25-2007, 02:15 PM
 
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I have never noticed this sticky until now!

I could sure use some help!
My biggest struggle as a mom is gentle discipline.
I have three kids 5 1/2, 3 1/2 and 13 months; my oldest is a boy and my other two are girls. My husband and I were raised with spanking etc and while we both agree it's wrong we find ourselves yelling and other things that don't work. It's been like this since our son was tiny and I can see it's effects on him but I just can't seem to change.
I also need help with keeping motivated in the house cleaning department.
Things we do:
Homebirth, no-vax,no-circ,homeschool (starting this fal), co-sleep, extended breast feeding, slinging, not currently cloth diapering but we have in the past, healthier diet than most ppl but we don't get enough fresh vegi's and un-processed foods.

Oh yeah, I am 26, DH is 32,we've been married for 7 years and I am a SAHM.

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#149 of 242 Old 07-26-2007, 01:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi to our new posters. I'm hoping there are some potential mentors floating around who may be able to support you.

If you are reading this and thinking "hmmm.... could I be a mentor?" Please post
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#150 of 242 Old 07-27-2007, 01:48 AM
 
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I'd love to have a SAH email pal!

I'm relatively new to the forums...

24 (but i like to tell people i'm 23).
i've been a SAHM since i became pregnant with DD in 2004, but i guess the mommy part came in once she was born in april 05.
two kiddos: DD is almost 28mos and DS is almost 5 mos.

we are delayed/selectively vaxing. we cosleep (DD stopped cosleeping at 9mos). babywear, i have had two failed nursing relationships (I EPd for DS, but have hit hard times lately with pumping). My son has a bilateral cleft lip and palate and so he has some special needs. i'm in the midwest and have the same hard time as others in finding young moms to connect with....most of the young moms i know are not into AP philosophy and i have trouble vibing with anyone that doesn't follow the "only loving touches" rule...
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