What to say when people say, "You're so LUCKY you can be a SAHM!" - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-28-2006, 10:54 PM
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I'm not understanding the people trying to make you feel guilty comment. If you really don't want to start a debate then the thing to say is "Oh yes I am."

This kind of thread reminds me of a post another mama made here once. Her DP had gone to charity fundraiser for hunger (I think it was hanger?). Anyway it gave a fair representation of what people in the world have.

People spent $50 on tickets for dinner. When they came to the event there was a lottery.

2% of the guests ate an amazing gourmet meal
8% ate a decent meal
90% ate rice

If you are able to log on the internet and post on this site, you are lucky. If you are able to feed your children, you are lucky. Sure you may work hard at it, sure you may give up a few luxuries, but those 90% in the world who are lucky to get rice, probably work harder than you and your DP combined and still their kids go to bed hungry.

Knowing things like that makes me not give a rats ass if Susy Jones down the street doesn't get it that her car and mortgage payments alone are more $$ than what DP and I live on for the whole month. Those are her choices and these are mine, and we are both lucky women.
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Old 11-28-2006, 11:08 PM
 
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I could have written this post, because it describes my situation exactly. Except, in my case, my dp has the medical condition. And we, as a same-sex couple, are ineligible for family benefits @ each others' jobs. I make more $ & could probably-- w/tremendous sacrifice & home downsizing-- support our family of 3 while dp sah. Since I cannot sah w/dp's salary, this would be the best alternative. BUT, we couldn't obtain our own insurance w/her pre-existing condition. And even if my co. offered domestic partner coverage, it would be taxed differently than a legally married couple's. So we couldn't afford it either way.

But, I think many posters here ARE lucky/fortunate to sah (totally recognizing the frugality & sacrifices often involved) when so many of us would love to but really, truly CAN'T.
I'm so glad you brought this up. When I was reading a lot of the responses, I was thinking about a couple I know who are in the same position. The woman with the better job is not the bio parent, so her insurance doesn't cover her partner or their daughter.

I am dripping with privilege. I was born into a financially secure, white family in the US. I was educated. I am hetero and have a husband who is healthy and able to work. The list goes on and on.

It's hard for me to understand that some of you don't grasp how lucky you are (and I definitely put myself in this category, so I'm not picking on anyone).

ETA, Art, you rock, as always. Great post!
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Old 11-28-2006, 11:42 PM
 
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Fair enough. I'll be more clear. I should have said her viewpoint was narrow because it fails to see the many and varied reasons that SAH is NOT an option. The posters comment "I too wish more people would see that they really do have a choice" fails to recognize that actually many people DON'T have a choice. It may be simply about money and lifestyle for some - for others there are a lot more issues to consider - many of which have already been explored on this thread so need to repeat here.
True. But the poster may not have been explaining her full opinion. I would rather give her the benefit of the doubt or engage her in a conversation to learn more about her viewpoint. It's possible the opinion stated is her full opinion and she is entitled to feel that way.

I know all you had to go on was a short post on an Internet message board. It's difficult to make good judgement calls about others' viewpoints in such a place when the poster likely does not have time to give a well-rounded picture. I know I sometimes mull over my posts after writing them and wish I would have said more or worded something differently.
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Old 11-28-2006, 11:48 PM
 
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Okay, I'm getting confused here. Who is living the life of privilege? If you want to talk about people who live in third world countries and only eat rice (such as the people symbolized by the charity event), both the WOHM and the SAHM are living lives of privilege because they do not live in third world countries, in which case they are both "lucky."
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I am dripping with privilege. I was born into a financially secure, white family in the US. I was educated. I am hetero and have a husband who is healthy and able to work. The list goes on and on.
There are many WOHMs who are dripping with the same privileges. Again...I'm confused. What does that have to do with being "lucky" to be a SAHM?

Tana, wife to Steve (5/02), mom to Ben (7/03), Joey (10/06) and Caroline (9/09)
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Old 11-29-2006, 12:01 AM
 
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I am dripping with privilege. I was born into a financially secure, white family in the US. I was educated. I am hetero and have a husband who is healthy and able to work. The list goes on and on.
There are many WOHMs who are dripping with the same privileges. Again...I'm confused. What does that have to do with being "lucky" to be a SAHM?
Those lucky enough to be born into these privileges have the background and resources available to them in order to make the choices in their lives that can lead to being a SAHM.
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Old 11-29-2006, 12:59 AM
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Reminds me of a classmate who complained about how small her house was....and then she visited mine and asked, "People LIVE in this?!?" My parent's 3 bedroom house was the size of her BEDROOM!!!! :
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Old 11-29-2006, 01:11 AM
 
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True. But the poster may not have been explaining her full opinion. I would rather give her the benefit of the doubt or engage her in a conversation to learn more about her viewpoint. It's possible the opinion stated is her full opinion and she is entitled to feel that way.

I know all you had to go on was a short post on an Internet message board. It's difficult to make good judgement calls about others' viewpoints in such a place when the poster likely does not have time to give a well-rounded picture. I know I sometimes mull over my posts after writing them and wish I would have said more or worded something differently.
Thanks instinctivemama, No that was not my full opinion. I learn a lot from all who post here. I know for many it is impossible for a parent to stay home(as explained in many of the previous posts). I also know that for many it is possible if they truly want to make the sacrifices. Now, back to the original question.....I would and do just say Thanks.
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:13 AM
 
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I guess the whole thing about luck is: how far do you take it? I mean, is there ever any circumstance in our lives that we get to take credit for our hard work? If you work outside of home do you want other people to say "well, you are just plain lucky that you even have a job". But is it all chalked up to luck? Heck NO. You have to get your butt out of bed every day and get to work on time, you work hard, maybe put up with all kinds of things such as traffic, commuting, crappy boss, crappy co-workers, etc, etc. Is your accomplishment of putting food in your kid's mouths ALL about luck? Nope. And I see no reason why you shouldn't get a pat on the back for what you sacrifice to do what you gotta do.

What about an education? Some of it may be luck, but even if you get a free ride you still have to study, take tests, etc, etc. There is some hard work that goes into getting that degree. Again, I see no reason why someone who gets their degree shouldn't feel proud about the time, energy, effort, and planning that they put into it. And if they say to someone "Yeah, I'm really proud of my degree - I had to work really, really hard and sacrifice for it" does that mean they are putting down those who don't have a degree? No! They are just stating what effort and commitment they put into it.

I guess my point is: as a stay at home mom I DO make sacrifices. We DID have to plan (and still do!). We do work hard. It's NOT all about luck. Plain and simple. Does that mean it's possible for everyone? Nope. Is there some luck involved. Yup. But the fact that there's some luck involved does in no way undermine the fact that it is also hard work and planning and that I DO deserve to feel good about what I do and have what I do recognized just like any other accomplishment out there. Would you tell someone who got their degree/got a promotion/whatever that they didn't do anything to deserve what they accomplished and where they are at? Of course not! Would you take their pride in their accomplishment as a put-down toward those who don't have an education/job whatever? Of course not! You wouldn't look at their pride as saying "I did it so anyone can do it if they really want to" so why automatically take that stance with a sahm who is proud of the sacrifices she has made to sah? If someone tells you they got a degree or a promotion or a new job would you blurt out "You are so lucky". Probably not, because most people recognize that there was probably a lot more than just plain luck involved! Why should it be different with sahms?

*sorry for the novels*
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:20 AM
 
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artgoddess
Thank you.

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awesome post!!
Thank you

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look we're friends again! Thank you.

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ETA, Art, you rock, as always. Great post!
You to sweetie! Thanks





Just my first attempt at the multi quote feature. Carry on.
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:22 AM
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Sparkprincess - I loved your novel but the OP was engaging in small talk. Its like asking "how are you doing?" and getting a diatribe about problems with the parking meter, your MIL calling while the baby is napping, etc. Sure SAHMs should be proud of the work that they put in to be in the position that they are in but really when you are making small talk at a party keep it short and sweet.

FWIW - I consider myself lucky or fortunate to be in the position I am in. I worked like a dog and still do but I am lucky that it paid off for me.
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:32 AM
 
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I feel like I *am* lucky to be home with my children. I worked when my son was born and I hated it. Even on the bad days, I feel so fortunate to be home with my kids.

And I *do* feel that someone is being condensending when they start with the whole "It isn't "luck" but careful planning, blah, blah, blah" stuff. Maybe it's just the way I read it but I read it with a really snotty tone.

Maybe I'm just defensive, it isn't beyond me to admit that. DH and I made some really stupid decisions financially when we first got together. But there isn't anything we can do about it NOW, know what I mean?

Sure it would have been a lot smarter if we would have both finished schooling, if we would have bought a repoed mobile home to live in until we could built a house (instead of buying a new mobile home that we are now stuck with and thus can't build a house), etc. but we didn't and now we are living with it. So when someone says "I made smart choices" I guess it reminds me that we didn't and how there is nothing we can do to change it now.

But on the other hand, I DO think that "luck" has a lot to do with it sometimes. Some people are just born with stronger personalities, some have better life circumstances, better educational opportunities, etc. Yeah, some people do struggle through and pull themselves up and come out on top despite their circumstances. We've all heard the "rags to riches" stories. But I can also tell you that the reason my husband works in a factory and that we are poor while someone's elses husband is college educated and makes enough money so that they are comfotable DOES have more to do with "luck" than some of you would realize.

Mama to:Ben (12), Natalie (9), Zoe (5)
 
 
 
     

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Old 11-29-2006, 03:48 AM
 
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Sparkprincess - I loved your novel but the OP was engaging in small talk. Its like asking "how are you doing?" and getting a diatribe about problems with the parking meter, your MIL calling while the baby is napping, etc. Sure SAHMs should be proud of the work that they put in to be in the position that they are in but really when you are making small talk at a party keep it short and sweet.

FWIW - I consider myself lucky or fortunate to be in the position I am in. I worked like a dog and still do but I am lucky that it paid off for me.
Thanks, that's sweet of you to say.

It sounds like this conversation has come up more than once though, with the op.

It's kinda hard to explain...it's like other off-handed comments that people make that probably really don't reflect any bad intention, but after thinking about it, it makes you wonder what's at the heart of it. Like I said with the promotion/new job thing - you probably wouldn't tell someone in that position that they are just lucky - so why do so many people choose that specific word with sahms?? Ya know what I mean? For me, when someone uses the "L" word I don't necessarily get up in arms with them personally, but it makes me wonder about how our society at large feels about sahms.

(Also, just wanted to say that I really admire the pp who said that there probably IS some defensiveness on her part when it comes to this topic. I appreciate you being able to say that.)
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Old 11-29-2006, 03:58 AM
 
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I dunno, but I've never had the following conversation:

Me: So, what do you do?
Other: I'm a doctor (lawyer, gardner, writer, mechanic, mother, father, etc. whatever).
Me: You're so lucky! (fortunate, blessed, unusual, unique, etc. whatever)

I tend to not get into these kinds of conversations to begin with. And since a lot of the people that I know in the theater world wear many hats and have very diverse interests, I usually find it rude to make judgment calls about what they do. I hate small talk, and I get annoyed with myself if I start making dumb comments just to fill the air -- and I *try* to just let others' comments float on by.

Oh, and to reference the "beautiful hair" train of thought -- I once had a "friend" tell me "You're just genetically pre-dispositioned to look good" and "You're so lucky -- you can clean your whole house in the time it takes me to mop my floors." Compliments? You be the judge...

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Old 11-29-2006, 04:28 AM
 
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I dunno, but I've never had the following conversation:

Me: So, what do you do?
Other: I'm a doctor (lawyer, gardner, writer, mechanic, mother, father, etc. whatever).
Me: You're so lucky! (fortunate, blessed, unusual, unique, etc. whatever)

I tend to not get into these kinds of conversations to begin with. And since a lot of the people that I know in the theater world wear many hats and have very diverse interests, I usually find it rude to make judgment calls about what they do. I hate small talk, and I get annoyed with myself if I start making dumb comments just to fill the air -- and I *try* to just let others' comments float on by.

Oh, and to reference the "beautiful hair" train of thought -- I once had a "friend" tell me "You're just genetically pre-dispositioned to look good" and "You're so lucky -- you can clean your whole house in the time it takes me to mop my floors." Compliments? You be the judge...
at your sample conversation, you are right of course. Before I became a SAHM I did have this conversation with people on more than one occasion...

Then: What do you do?
Me: I make panties.
Them: Come again?
Me: (something or other that explains that I work in product development for a womens lingerie company and what I do)
Them: Wow it sounds like you really enjoy that.
Me: Yep I love it, there are times I look around my office and think "I can't believe they pay me for this"
Them: Wow you're really lucky to have found something you enjoy so much.
Me: Yes I am.

So of course Luck had something to do with it, certainly wasn't all of it.
The fact that I'm very creative, but also very smart and can look at all sides of a design, including saleability, costs, availability of materials, and garment deadlines, isn't luck. But it is what made me successful at what I was doing. The fact that I was in a career I didn't enjoy and I wasn't afraid to take my life in a totally different direction, even if it meant financial ruin wasn't Luck, it was a great leap of faith combined with honing in on my skills and coming up with a career path that met my financial needs as well as my creative needs. It wasn't easy to figure all that out, and then to find employment. But looking at the greater picture of the many who don't have work, and the many who do but work is just a place to punch a time-card & earn a salary and not something they enjoy, then yes I was lucky.
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Old 11-29-2006, 05:02 AM
 
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at your sample conversation, you are right of course. Before I became a SAHM I did have this conversation with people on more than one occasion...

Then: What do you do?
Me: I make panties.
Them: Come again?
Me: (something or other that explains that I work in product development for a womens lingerie company and what I do)
Them: Wow it sounds like you really enjoy that.
Me: Yep I love it, there are times I look around my office and think "I can't believe they pay me for this"
Them: Wow you're really lucky to have found something you enjoy so much.
Me: Yes I am.
:

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So of course Luck had something to do with it, certainly wasn't all of it.
The fact that I'm very creative, but also very smart and can look at all sides of a design, including saleability, costs, availability of materials, and garment deadlines, isn't luck. But it is what made me successful at what I was doing. The fact that I was in a career I didn't enjoy and I wasn't afraid to take my life in a totally different direction, even if it meant financial ruin wasn't Luck, it was a great leap of faith combined with honing in on my skills and coming up with a career path that met my financial needs as well as my creative needs. It wasn't easy to figure all that out, and then to find employment. But looking at the greater picture of the many who don't have work, and the many who do but work is just a place to punch a time-card & earn a salary and not something they enjoy, then yes I was lucky.
Well said!

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Old 11-29-2006, 07:25 PM
 
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I am reopening this thread.

I have removed those posts that veered off into a lifestyle debate. We do not host that.
Our Forum Guielines clearly state:
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Please stick to specific topics of discussion that apply to your life as a SAHM or future SAHM. Any discussions that are of debate or have demeaning comments about mothers who have other lifestyle choices will be closed and the posters alerted or warned.
If you have any questions please feel free to pm me.

Sandy, proud mama and henna artist. :
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Old 11-29-2006, 07:55 PM
 
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I do feel lucky to stay home w/ my son. I am lucky to be his mom! To me it isn't about what sacrafices I made or what sacrifices I feel someone else isn't making. I am just blessed and don't have time to psycho analyze a stranger's random comments.
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Old 11-29-2006, 08:02 PM
 
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So of course Luck had something to do with it, certainly wasn't all of it.
The fact that I'm very creative, but also very smart and can look at all sides of a design, including saleability, costs, availability of materials, and garment deadlines, isn't luck. But it is what made me successful at what I was doing. The fact that I was in a career I didn't enjoy and I wasn't afraid to take my life in a totally different direction, even if it meant financial ruin wasn't Luck, it was a great leap of faith combined with honing in on my skills and coming up with a career path that met my financial needs as well as my creative needs. It wasn't easy to figure all that out, and then to find employment. But looking at the greater picture of the many who don't have work, and the many who do but work is just a place to punch a time-card & earn a salary and not something they enjoy, then yes I was lucky.
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Old 11-29-2006, 08:05 PM
 
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Hmmm. I don't think the lady was trying to make you feel guilty. I think "lucky" just happens to be a poor choice of words. Yet it's what people say. They really should say "Oh, you're so fortunate", or "Oh, I'm envious", or "Oh, that's so great for you and your dc" or something. But they use "lucky" instead. You're right, luck has nothing to do with it. But you are very fortunate that you are able to stay home, even if you are sacrificing to do it. I think, perhaps, a suitable response would be "Yes, I am very fortunate". No need for defensiveness or anger. Just recognize that you are in a wonderful situation, and some people envy you for it.

ETA: I didn't read any of the other replies, and didn't realize there was 4 pages of 'em, so sorry if I just repeated someone else.
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Old 11-29-2006, 08:22 PM
 
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I do feel lucky to stay home w/ my son. I am lucky to be his mom! To me it isn't about what sacrafices I made or what sacrifices I feel someone else isn't making. I am just blessed and don't have time to psycho analyze a stranger's random comments.
Yep, I feel the same way. I consider myself very, very lucky. If someone says that to me, I say "Thank you!" and move on.
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Old 11-29-2006, 08:31 PM
 
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Hmmmm....the post about never getting a "You are so lucky to be a Dr., lawyer, or whatever" sparked a couple of thoughts for me.

The first is, that I have had people who didn't go to college tell me that I am lucky I was able to go to college & graduate school and as a result work in office. Again, I think they are right.

The second is that the difference between me & many of the women who I know who work outside of the home is my dhs profession & success not my own planning, frugality, etc. One of my neighbors works & lives in the same model house I do, but her dh probably makes about 1/2 of what mine does. I know a BUNCH of sahm's here in my own suburban hell whose dhs make a fortune and spend much more money than many of my friends who work ft. I sometimes think it is an internet myth that sahm's are all scraping frugally by...IRL it seems that there are bunches of VERY WELL TO DO sahm's out there as well as many struggling wm's.

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Old 11-29-2006, 08:58 PM
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I guess when I tell people I'm going to be staying home come April (at least for a year and some months... I wish for much longer!) they do say "you're so lucky!" Now, if they are comiserating with me about the difficulties in making that happen, I take it as a general use of the word "lucky" as in fortunate, blessed, yay, etc. But a few times people I know very well have said things like that, and I feel like they are a tad defensive... just from the tone of their voice, and from the choices that I know they have made with their lives. And while it's true I have no magic insight into their entire lives, I can basically say we have similar opportunities. Yes, we've both been blessed in many ways just by being born into the middle class (in general-- barely, for me), but what we've done with those opportunities has differed. I don't spend my money on partying and trips and cars, and I worked my butt off to get out of college with no debt. So everything else being equal (none of the special circumstances mentioned here, which I totally value), I guess I just laugh a little (not AT them, but just at the different views) when they say "lucky" like they're trying to say it just wasn't an option for them. And I just do feel very lucky indeed that I have positioned myself so I can have what I truly want now. While I care very much about careful use of language, I guess I don't get offended at the overly generalize use of "lucky"-- I use it even about my sweet DH, even though I selected who I would date carefully, and my success in college/work which let me get scholarships and good jobs, even though I know I work REALLY hard. I'm fast and loose with "lucky" too I guess.

I like the suggestions for "yes, it's worth the sacrifices" or priority comments. But I would try not to be offended per se.
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Old 11-29-2006, 10:04 PM
 
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I say, "Yes, I am."

It's nothing more than the truth. Sure, we made some "choices" that enabled us to live this way on one income. But in my opinion, luck had a lot more to do with it.

Dh and I were lucky to:

- be born into middle class families who valued a college education

- get good jobs after graduating, enabling us to pay off all college debt

- make enough money to save for a big enough down payment so that we could buy a house one income could pay for.

- get into the housing market at a time a house like that was even available here (it sure ain't these days).

- that dh found a job in his field (not one with a lot of good jobs), with a salary that could support a family.

- that in the worst-case-scenario, we have a really strong safety net: family who won't leave us high and dry.

Yeah, we're frugal, have one car, cook from scratch, buy clothes at resale shops, use cloth diapers, etc. But to me, these things are icing on the lucky cake I'm eating.

So no, I don't get upset when people tell me I'm lucky. Maybe we don't mean "luck" in the same way. But I still think luck has a lot to do with where I am today.
:

Well, minus the paying off of college debt!

Oh, and artgoddess you rock my world as usual...

"There is no belief, however foolish, that will not gather its faithful adherents who will defend it to the death." -Isaac Asimov read.gif

 
 
 
 

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Old 11-30-2006, 12:33 AM
 
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you/we ARE lucky!! we're able to say "no i don't need/want that so I will do without" so many people are raised living beyond their means that they don't know HOW to live on their salary!! so yes i consider myself lucky that we know how to do without the brand new cars, the diamonds, the eating out every day of every week (our pants think this is grea too!! )

and *I* did happen to have enough luck to be able SAH. i didn't have a husband at my sons birth. i didn't have didly squat. dh and i married on a whim (a 3 day decision literally) and we were VERY VERY fortunate that we hadn't wracked up seperate debt or were alreay living beyond our means in the first place. because of that and the sudden influx of cash i was able to stay home. he was making more than he was unmarried and double what i had made in the last year. we didn't plan it at all!!
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Old 11-30-2006, 12:40 AM
 
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I'm not lucky. I am blessed, but we seriously sacrifice. When I got pregnant we were homeless and jobless, so luck had nothing to do with our situation.
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Old 11-30-2006, 12:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TripMom View Post
Here is another dimension. Some have forgone a lot - including the ability to support themselves. So thank god for those that have not "forgone" all life's extravagences in the name of SAH - so there is something out there for people who need the help of others. And I am not singling out anyone on this thread. I have struggled with this issue before. I had a BIL and SIL who lived off the grid and were keen on the supremacy of their lifestyle over ours. However - they were NOT independent. When my dn's needed medical care - thank god for medicaid or else they wouldn't have had any. When they ran low on $$ - thank god for WIC or there wouldn't have been food. Who funds WIC? Who funds Medicaid? Its not the toothfairy.

I can say the same for my own sisters - both ivy league educated. Neither holding a job with medical benes.
I just had to make a comment on this. Since you brought up the issue of needing insurance.

We get Medicaid & WIC. I could work. I have 8 years of experience in medical adminsitration. I have a bachelor's degree. I would not make enough to cover the cost of childcare in our area. When you factored in the added cost of health insurance (since we'd no longer qualify for Medicaid), extra vehicle, gas, car insurance, and we'd loose the Earned Income tax credit it's just not worth it for me to work. We'd literally be *paying* to send our DDs to childcare everyday. My DH works PT and is a FT student finishing his degree. When he's done & employed FT again I'm sure we'll be off Medicaid & WIC, but for the time being that's where we are.

Just like others can't assume that you're living some extravagent lifestyle & really could SAH if you really wanted too, please don't assume that those of us who receive Medicaid, WIC, food stamps, etc are just doing so because we're too lazy or whatever to assume full responsibility for our families. Not saying this isn't the case for your particular extended family, but just don't assume it is for everyone please!

As for "Who funds WIC? Who funds Medicaid?" Um...WE do! I paid into it for the 8 years I was employed & my husband still pays into it now with the taxes on his job. He'll be paying in even more once he gets a new job & higher paying job now that he's finished his degree. Something that was, in part, only possible for him to do because Medicaid in particular was there.

Anyone who has a partner who works pay for it & they are fully entitled to use it. Obviously there are plenty of people who play the system, but the vast majority use it for a few years to help them through a rough patch or schooling or a divorce/partner death/lay off. Not to mention all the folks who ARE 2 income families who still qualify due to low wages. I have a cousin & his GF who have 1 child...they work 4 jobs between the 2 of them & still get WIC, Medicaid & Food Stamps...trust me they pay for it plenty!

Blessings,
Holly
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Old 11-30-2006, 03:34 PM
 
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The comment bugs me too and I see what the OP is saying. We are in the same boat as you--we make sacrifices that a lot of two income families do not make and take forgranted. However, I often find when I am talking to a mom who feels its not an option to SAH, she is sometimes referring to me being lucky to have a partner who is also on board. I have found many women's partners are just not supportive and not willing to make lifestyle choices that support a one income lifestyle. There is a certain amount of luck or "a blessing" if you and your partner can both see the merit in having someone home with the kids and agree upon this and make the necessary sacrifices.
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Old 11-30-2006, 03:36 PM
 
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no one has said that to me, but if they did, i'd probably laugh in their face. they obviously have no idea.

i did have one friend say to me that she didn't know how on earth i did it... day in and day out without a moment to myself.
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Old 11-30-2006, 05:27 PM
 
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I get this all the timme too. Yeah it is great I get to be home with my son : but people don't realize it is alot of work. We are then alone alot of the time with only kids and no adult interaction. I find that there are days a starve for another adult and then I feel guilty about it . I don't only have my son I also care for my niece (who is 3 months older than my son) and my 4 month old nephew. I love having them here but it gets stressful with all the cleaning and not really haveing a pattern we follow yet and then to get them out to the store or something like that is hard. I think people are kind of jealous of a SAHM but also don't realize sometimes it is alot of hard work all day 24/7
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Old 11-30-2006, 05:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by janerose View Post
I just had to make a comment on this. Since you brought up the issue of needing insurance.

We get Medicaid & WIC. I could work. I have 8 years of experience in medical adminsitration. I have a bachelor's degree. I would not make enough to cover the cost of childcare in our area. When you factored in the added cost of health insurance (since we'd no longer qualify for Medicaid), extra vehicle, gas, car insurance, and we'd loose the Earned Income tax credit it's just not worth it for me to work. We'd literally be *paying* to send our DDs to childcare everyday. My DH works PT and is a FT student finishing his degree. When he's done & employed FT again I'm sure we'll be off Medicaid & WIC, but for the time being that's where we are.

Just like others can't assume that you're living some extravagent lifestyle & really could SAH if you really wanted too, please don't assume that those of us who receive Medicaid, WIC, food stamps, etc are just doing so because we're too lazy or whatever to assume full responsibility for our families. Not saying this isn't the case for your particular extended family, but just don't assume it is for everyone please!

As for "Who funds WIC? Who funds Medicaid?" Um...WE do! I paid into it for the 8 years I was employed & my husband still pays into it now with the taxes on his job. He'll be paying in even more once he gets a new job & higher paying job now that he's finished his degree. Something that was, in part, only possible for him to do because Medicaid in particular was there.

Anyone who has a partner who works pay for it & they are fully entitled to use it. Obviously there are plenty of people who play the system, but the vast majority use it for a few years to help them through a rough patch or schooling or a divorce/partner death/lay off. Not to mention all the folks who ARE 2 income families who still qualify due to low wages. I have a cousin & his GF who have 1 child...they work 4 jobs between the 2 of them & still get WIC, Medicaid & Food Stamps...trust me they pay for it plenty!

Blessings,
Holly
Agreed. There are all types of circumstances out there . . .

TripMom . . . . . loving mom : to DS (7) and BBG (4.5)
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