I was wondering if any of you have really good friendships with other moms
(someone you have daily contact with)-and do you think these frienships help you with being a sahm?
I sometimes long for a real life built in community of women to share problems with, childrearing, cooking, etc., but this doesn't seem to possible in this modern society.
So let me know how your friendships help you, and are you an introvert or extovert when it comes to making friends.
I only see my friends (moms or otherwise) in the evenings and on weekends. I only have one other SAHM friend and she lives an hour away... once in a VERY blue moon we'll have a play date (for us, really, our kids are quite different in age and temperment).
I had a playdate today (Saturday AM) with my old roommate and her daughter. It was so wonderful, the two of us getting to hang out and the two little girls playing so happily together.
If I could do that once a week with one of my friends I'd be all set.
I am pregnant with my second child so I kind of have to look forward to this but I look forward to getting back to things that are part of me and have nothing to do with parenting. Like running or maybe working. I am curious if it will be easier to maintain friendships once the circumstances are not so parenting-centered.
volunteer at kid's school
hold a tea for lady friends
go to the neighbor's parties (tupperware and such)
hold my own parties (Next up Pi party March 14 th)
have your friends introduce you to their friends
Just be outgoing and welcoming. And smile!
That is a great article! It spells out exactly what I had been hoping for when I was pregnant with my first. I have always thought the idea of individual women being shut in our own separate houses was a little odd. I would have done so well in a tribe!
Kerrie Mama to DD 10 yo, DS 8 yo and DD 5
I feel like sometimes (with the dh and dear kiddos) my energy is zapped, but really I think on some level being with a good friend shouldn't have to difficult, it should be natural and reassuring (ideally).
Our home is now up for sale and we'll be moving across the country. It makes me sad to know that she'll be so far away, and I'll need to start all over trying to find friends.
Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.
I also joined a small moms group from www.matchingmoms.org. My son is the youngest by far but he loves the older kids (and vice versa). We do talk about mom stuff but also politics, current events and all sorts of non mom stuff. It has been very nice! I also make a point to get to my neighbor's one a week, she has a 4 yr old and is babysitting her 10 wk old twin granddaughters. So I get some mom companionship and advice since she has older children and I get to snuggle w. some super cute newborns.
My biggest mom relationships are online though. And that works really well for me.
Lindsey: wife to Noah, Mom to Ethan 5 and Jonathan 2, Baby Boy #3 due May 2012, 7 angels
I agree that you have to be sort of "pushy" sometimes. As in meeting women and inviting them over, asking for a playdate, etc. Sometimes it doesn't work out (I can think of one mom in particular who did not seem to appreciate my "advances"), but more often, they are happy to have been asked. I also remember that I don't have to limit myself to other moms who are just like me... not all of my mama friends are of the same religious persuasion, not all feel the same way I do about vaccinations/breastfeeding/etc, not all will homeschool. And that's okay, because they put up with my non-organic-eating ways and whatever else I do differently.
One's my neighbor the only SAHM in my neighborhood and that it's actually nice, one at church her twin girls and my twins are just friends it's cute and my super best friend that I meet when I move to this area of La Havana she has 3 children.
I don't see them everyday just once weekly but it works for me.
|I sometimes long for a real life built in community of women to share problems with, childrearing, cooking, etc., but this doesn't seem to possible in this modern society.|
Making a new "mommy friend" is one of my new years resolutions infact. Im not sure how to go about it yet...other than watching for other woman out and about with a spit-up stain on their shoulder too
For me, we live in a suburb of a major metro hub so there is unlimited resources but that dosent mean I or anyone would click automatically with someone. I have found IME, that with some women the only thing I had in common was we both had a baby or tot or whatever the age was.
It took me a while to find that "friend" or confidant. Our dds are in the same preschool class together and we have same ideals. She lives a few blocks away and we talk all the time and do things for each other. It also helps our girls get along great. We also have a circle of friends who help each other out etc. We also get all our kids together and do things like scrapbook, bunco etc. One of the girls is now my realtor and will be shortly listing my home.
MY other group of friends is thru LLL. And my friend fits in there as well. Three of us met here in the Find your Tribe section and now we are all active in LLL and do a playgroup together.
But, all in all I also have some mama friends who are VERY mainstream and think I am the hippy freak but we still all get along. I think since the kids will eventually grow up and you will not be the mama of little ones or school age ones etc then you will have time to focus on other relationships and then the ap/mainstream etc stance will go away because you wont have that to discuss anymore. Then you focus on the person not their parenting etc. I remember this when I am in their presence and I also remember I enjoy their friendship, company etc. Its also a lot of fun to go out on those "moms night out" dinners I attend every few months with these mamas.
If you are shopping for that friend or whatever, try out various types and invite different people into your life. You may be surprised what you end up with at the end of the day. Also, I agree w the pp that say be nice and smile! And if someone wants you to back off, move on to someone else and keep that person in your mind- maybe she is having a rough time and cant be a friend at that time.
I also joined a small moms group from www.matchingmoms.org.
Now I'm all nervous, like it's match.com or something!
Busy mom and loving it... dd (2/03), ds (6/05), dd (8/07), ds (12/09), ??? due 5/12