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#1 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been thinking about this alot lately, although I have mom friends at my church, I only really just see them on the weekend.

I was wondering if any of you have really good friendships with other moms
(someone you have daily contact with)-and do you think these frienships help you with being a sahm?

I sometimes long for a real life built in community of women to share problems with, childrearing, cooking, etc., but this doesn't seem to possible in this modern society.

So let me know how your friendships help you, and are you an introvert or extovert when it comes to making friends.
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#2 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:31 PM
 
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I am very lucky to have a few friends who are also SAHM and who live very close to me. Having those friendships are very important to feeling connected to the world outside of your home and your own kids. The more contact I have with my friends, the happier I am as a SAHM.
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#3 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:40 PM
 
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Someone posted this article a little while back and i think it is so cool
http://www.mothering.com/articles/bo...feed_kids.html
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#4 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:42 PM
 
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I WISH!!!

I only see my friends (moms or otherwise) in the evenings and on weekends. I only have one other SAHM friend and she lives an hour away... once in a VERY blue moon we'll have a play date (for us, really, our kids are quite different in age and temperment).

I had a playdate today (Saturday AM) with my old roommate and her daughter. It was so wonderful, the two of us getting to hang out and the two little girls playing so happily together.

If I could do that once a week with one of my friends I'd be all set.
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#5 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:44 PM
 
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I moved to a new town a few months ago and am still in the process of making friends. I meet other moms through play groups, story hours, and at the library. I don't have any close friends yet but am working on it. I miss having close girl friends too. Hang in there.

working mama to 3 beautiful children and married to my wonderful husband
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#6 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:48 PM
 
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Thanks for sharing the wonderful article. It really makes me want to reach out more.

working mama to 3 beautiful children and married to my wonderful husband
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#7 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by abandbunk View Post
Someone posted this article a little while back and i think it is so cool
http://www.mothering.com/articles/bo...feed_kids.html
Thanks for sharing this article .
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#8 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:51 PM
 
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That is a spectacular article! Thanks for the link. I think women would be so much happier if more moms took this approach to friendship. Companionship makes a huge difference in the lives of SAHM's.
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#9 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:52 PM
 
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I definitely thought motherhood would bring on a bring gaggle of moms friends but that has not been the case. My ONE really good mom friend just moved away. There are other moms I see out and talk to but not nearly the friendships I was hoping for. I tried for a while to create a good friendship with some moms in a playgroup but it turned out just having a few parenting concepts in common did not make them good friends.

I am pregnant with my second child so I kind of have to look forward to this but I look forward to getting back to things that are part of me and have nothing to do with parenting. Like running or maybe working. I am curious if it will be easier to maintain friendships once the circumstances are not so parenting-centered.
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#10 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:56 PM
 
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Well, I'm not a church goer but I find many ways to have an active social life and I've only been in this town 6 months.

Book club
Bunko
volunteer at kid's school
hold a tea for lady friends
go to the neighbor's parties (tupperware and such)
hold my own parties (Next up Pi party March 14 th)
have your friends introduce you to their friends

Just be outgoing and welcoming. And smile!
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#11 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 07:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by abandbunk View Post
Someone posted this article a little while back and i think it is so cool
http://www.mothering.com/articles/bo...feed_kids.html

That is a great article! It spells out exactly what I had been hoping for when I was pregnant with my first. I have always thought the idea of individual women being shut in our own separate houses was a little odd. I would have done so well in a tribe!
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#12 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 08:01 PM
 
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I think that sometimes you really have to be pushy to bring other mamas out of their shells. You have to make an invitation, not a "we should get together sometime" but an actual date and time you would like them to come over or meet you somewhere. People are just too poliet/shy to ask for friendship sometimes.
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#13 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 08:07 PM
 
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I am lucky enough to have some amazing friends that are local to me and that I see AT LEAST once a week. Our kids get along well (most of the time) and we all have similar parenting styles and respect the things that we don't agree on. Unfortunatly, I also have some friends that are moms but we don't agree on parenting stuff and it's really hard. I've hurt some of thier feelings w/my thoughts on thier parenting and they've hurt mine in the same way.

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#14 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know I would really appreciate getting together with more friends during the week, but sometimes I feel like I lack the energy to really be a good friend, ykim?
I feel like sometimes (with the dh and dear kiddos) my energy is zapped, but really I think on some level being with a good friend shouldn't have to difficult, it should be natural and reassuring (ideally).
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#15 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 08:24 PM
 
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I have found one friend since we moved here 3 1/2 years ago where things really click. We have children that are the same ages, we live close by, and we share a lot of similar values - from children to religion to politics. The only difference (and not much of one, really) is that I'm 7 years older than she. It has been wonderful. We met shortly after the births of our younger daughters - and they've grown up together. We see each other at least once a week.

Our home is now up for sale and we'll be moving across the country. It makes me sad to know that she'll be so far away, and I'll need to start all over trying to find friends.

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

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#16 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 08:58 PM
 
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We go to Gymboree classes and though I don't see those moms outside of class, it is a good source of adult mom contact.

I also joined a small moms group from www.matchingmoms.org. My son is the youngest by far but he loves the older kids (and vice versa). We do talk about mom stuff but also politics, current events and all sorts of non mom stuff. It has been very nice! I also make a point to get to my neighbor's one a week, she has a 4 yr old and is babysitting her 10 wk old twin granddaughters. So I get some mom companionship and advice since she has older children and I get to snuggle w. some super cute newborns.

My biggest mom relationships are online though. And that works really well for me.
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#17 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 09:04 PM
 
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Try meetup.com. They have lists of groups of SAHMs in your area. I live in a fairly small town and there were a few groups who regularly met, so hopefully they will have someone close where you live . It would be a good opportunity for you to network and make new friends

Lindsey: wife to Noah, Mom to Ethan 5 and Jonathan 2,  Baby Boy #3 due May 2012, 7 angels

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#18 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 11:33 PM
 
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Yes, I am very blessed to have several good mama friends in the area. Two I met online (one through a local AP group, and one through a local homeschooling group), one I met at a weekly Bible study, one I met through another mom who saw me nursing my then-2-year-old and said "um, wow, I know someone else who nurses her son who is NOT a baby," and I emailed the woman she mentioned (we had previously met, but didn't really "click" at all).

I agree that you have to be sort of "pushy" sometimes. As in meeting women and inviting them over, asking for a playdate, etc. Sometimes it doesn't work out (I can think of one mom in particular who did not seem to appreciate my "advances"), but more often, they are happy to have been asked. I also remember that I don't have to limit myself to other moms who are just like me... not all of my mama friends are of the same religious persuasion, not all feel the same way I do about vaccinations/breastfeeding/etc, not all will homeschool. And that's okay, because they put up with my non-organic-eating ways and whatever else I do differently.
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#19 of 51 Old 01-20-2007, 11:44 PM
 
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I do have friends but I can count them with one hand.
One's my neighbor the only SAHM in my neighborhood and that it's actually nice, one at church her twin girls and my twins are just friends it's cute and my super best friend that I meet when I move to this area of La Havana she has 3 children.

I don't see them everyday just once weekly but it works for me.
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#20 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 12:06 AM
 
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I have several SAHM friends that I could hang out with every day if I wanted to. I'm solitary by nature, so I don't get together with anyone more than once a week or longer. We'll see if I change my mind after this little one is born. I've been pretty content at home alone while dd is in school.
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#21 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 01:23 AM
 
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I am lucky to live on a street with lots of kids that are close in age to my kids. So when the weather is nice, a lot of afternoons we spend just hanging out together in one of our front yards. The kids play and the moms sit and talk. We have also formed a Bunco group that meets at each person's house once a month. Or sometimes I just call one of them up and say, hey let's get the kids together and go to the park or Chik Fil A or something. That helps a lot.

Jill stillheart.gif Chris (7/96), mommy to 3 sweet redheads: jumpers.gif Matthew autismribbon.gif (12/02), Michelle (8/05) and Marissa (1/10). Nursing since 2002.
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#22 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 01:30 AM
 
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I don't have any sahm mom friends or any friends that are moms. Most days, I feel really lonely. I have been to LLL meetings twice and it was a lot of fun. I wish I could do that every week or month or anything. I can't drive so I'm pretty much stuck at home.

Mama to a 3.5 yo dd
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#23 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 02:03 AM
 
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I haven't had a good female friend since I was a sophomore in High School. Well, she wasn't a good friend. More of a mean, controlling friend. Ever since then it has mainly been men (my husbands friends) and their girlfriends or wives by default. I just don't have anything in common with other women and now that I'm a mother, I find that I have just as little in common with the other mothers that I encounter. I'm starting to feel a bit bad though. My son is almost two and rarely has a playdate. He doesn't really seem to mind all that much and has fun and is really well behaved when he's around other kids. I just don't know how to go about the whole "making friends" thing when it seems like there are no women that are even on the same planet of existence. Of course there are many on MDC, but they all live 500 miles away :
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#24 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 02:35 AM
 
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I sometimes long for a real life built in community of women to share problems with, childrearing, cooking, etc., but this doesn't seem to possible in this modern society.
I really long for this too I've just started staying at home now that I've had my third and I feel at a loss for adult compaionship during the day. I have always worked a 60 hr. work week (usually when the kids were sleeping or they came to work with me) and the woman that I know are all more career focused or just to darn busy.

Making a new "mommy friend" is one of my new years resolutions infact. Im not sure how to go about it yet...other than watching for other woman out and about with a spit-up stain on their shoulder too
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#25 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 02:02 PM
 
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Wow great thread. I am social and friendly by nature so it wasnt hard for me to make friends. But before I had my girls, most of my friends had children but lived a little bit farther away so I could rely on them for support-only a phone call away, it was harder to get together. So since I was staying home, I had to find others in my community. I started going to LLL, the breastfeeding support group at the hospital, and I signed up for classes for dd1 to meet others. Then in the summer, I went to the local pool during tot swim and met others as well.

For me, we live in a suburb of a major metro hub so there is unlimited resources but that dosent mean I or anyone would click automatically with someone. I have found IME, that with some women the only thing I had in common was we both had a baby or tot or whatever the age was.

It took me a while to find that "friend" or confidant. Our dds are in the same preschool class together and we have same ideals. She lives a few blocks away and we talk all the time and do things for each other. It also helps our girls get along great. We also have a circle of friends who help each other out etc. We also get all our kids together and do things like scrapbook, bunco etc. One of the girls is now my realtor and will be shortly listing my home.

MY other group of friends is thru LLL. And my friend fits in there as well. Three of us met here in the Find your Tribe section and now we are all active in LLL and do a playgroup together.

But, all in all I also have some mama friends who are VERY mainstream and think I am the hippy freak but we still all get along. I think since the kids will eventually grow up and you will not be the mama of little ones or school age ones etc then you will have time to focus on other relationships and then the ap/mainstream etc stance will go away because you wont have that to discuss anymore. Then you focus on the person not their parenting etc. I remember this when I am in their presence and I also remember I enjoy their friendship, company etc. Its also a lot of fun to go out on those "moms night out" dinners I attend every few months with these mamas.

If you are shopping for that friend or whatever, try out various types and invite different people into your life. You may be surprised what you end up with at the end of the day. Also, I agree w the pp that say be nice and smile! And if someone wants you to back off, move on to someone else and keep that person in your mind- maybe she is having a rough time and cant be a friend at that time.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#26 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 02:04 PM
 
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I wish I knew someone where I live! It seem's like everyone already has their social cirlcles, and its hard being an "outsider" trying to get into one. Its a small rural area, and no one likes outsiders. I moved here 2.5 years ago and still haven't met anyone. :
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#27 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 03:50 PM
 
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I wish I knew someone where I live! It seem's like everyone already has their social cirlcles, and its hard being an "outsider" trying to get into one. Its a small rural area, and no one likes outsiders. I moved here 2.5 years ago and still haven't met anyone. :
That can be really hard, I remember my MIL who moved to a small town saying she felt like an outsider for the first 25 years she lived there. The only reason that wasn't the case for my family while I was growing up was that the town suddenly started expanding. Where I live now isn't exactly a small town, but even so, it seems all of my friends are also transplants from other places. I do have a few friends who are SAHMs but the woman I would call my best friends is in school full time now, so we don't see each other as often as would be nice. I do try to see other moms at least everyother week though. I becams part of a natural foods buying club partly for this reason. It ensures that at least once a month I see and have a chance to talk to other adults who at least share my food philosophies

Mama to three - DD : 1/03, DS 2/06, and DS 6/09.
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#28 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 05:38 PM
 
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I also joined a small moms group from www.matchingmoms.org.
Thanks for posting this! I joined yesterday, and emailed a cool sounding AP mom that lives nearby has a DD close in age to mine. I hope she writes back!

Now I'm all nervous, like it's match.com or something!
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#29 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 05:39 PM
 
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I have a couple of local SAHM close friendships. However I don't see or talk to either of them on even a weekly basis. Honestly, while I think the kind of friendship described in the article would be fun and worthwhile, I'm pretty content with the way things are.

Busy mom and loving it... dd (2/03), ds (6/05), dd (8/07), ds (12/09), ??? due 5/12

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#30 of 51 Old 01-21-2007, 05:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Nikki98 View Post
I was wondering if any of you have really good friendships with other moms (someone you have daily contact with)-and do you think these frienships help you with being a sahm?
Yes and yes, definitely. It also makes our family happier and even my DH happier because he has become friends with some of my friend's husbands and my children have become fantastic friends with their children.
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