I am lucky that my dh helps and without asking or begging him too. MIL thinks he should do nothing. Her exdh was a lazy slob, he didn't work, he didn't clean, he drank beer and watched tv. YOu would think that she of all people would respect that her son is helping his wife out, but she whispered to Dh the other night when I left the room....I can't believe you have to word hard all day at work and then come home and do dishes (unload the dishwash). He just looked at her and said...don't even start, she works all day taking care of ds and the house, the least I can do is unload the dishwasher. She was pissed.
Oh yes. Of course their sons work sooooo harrrrd and all we do is spend their son's money. Yep.
She is jealous because your husband is decent and she couldn't have one who was.
C.- WOHM, CPST Instructor, and all around busy Mama to A.- 02/04, I. 01/07,E. 09/10 and
expecting the surprise of our lives Fall 2012!
DH doesn't do much, not because he thinks he shouldn't but because he doesn't see the mess. He has a crazy high tolerance for mess, clutter and disarray. I'll ask him to pick up and he'll actually ask me what needs cleaning, he just doesn't see it. That said, his mom did ALL the house work/cooking/laundry/yardwork and was a full-time teacher. FIL just retired and is helping for the first time ever. He frequently tells DH to get off his butt and help me, that he didn't do enough and DH needs to do more. I do work, 20 hours a week and still do most of the housework. DH puts DD down every night, cleans up from dinner maybe twice a week, takes out the trash, sometimes helps fold the laundry (twice a month?) and helps pick up some on the weekends (maybe half an hour or so). I do everything else.
If I catch my dh cleaning house or emptying the dishwasher, I am usually confident that he is going to try to get lucky later.
I read that men who do housework get a lot more sex than men who don't.
I just don't get how one person gets to rest and one doesn't.
We don't argue about housework. My husband is on the same page. He married a partner, not a parent to take care of him.
Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.
I have been a full time sahm for 4 years and have a 9 yr old ds. I do all of the house work, but that is because for us that is what works. My dh has a very physically demanding job and he comes home very tired. There have been times that he has come home and gone strait to bed. I honestly think that it would be very unfair of me to ask him to do more around the house than what he wants to do. But if he had a less physical job I might expect more of him. Right now he takes care of the lawn(only he can get that stupid mower to run lol) and all house repairs on the weekends. During the week the most he does is take down his dishes or put his clothes in a hamper.
I don't think that there is anything wrong if the stay at home parent does all the house work. It only becomes a problem when one starts to resent having to do all the work and is not appreciated for the work, I think.
If you're happy doing it all yourself, more power to you! It just sucks when that's what's happening (one partner doing all the work) and it wasn't the agreed upon deal.
Oh, and if I'm picky about the way a certain chore is done, I buck up and do it myself. Nagging him to do it up to my standards isn't worth the time or stress. Of course, it goes both ways too. He does all the dishes because he hates the way I load the dishwasher. And I do all the laundry, because I'm super picky about how stuff is washed and folded and I have a system for putting stuff away that he STILL hasn't figured out 6 years into the marriage.
I guess I'm in the minority here. I can't imagine expecting my husband to do housework. In my opinion, he works at a job that's a lot worse than being a SAHM and he deserves to come home and rest. I know my job as a SAHM means I never get to rest, but that just makes it all the more important to me. My husband doesn't expect me to do housework, but he's extremely grateful and happy because of it. When he's happy, I'm happy. To me, that's better than arguing about who does what. Actually, the few times he's done the dishes or the floor, it makes him lose so much masculinity just watching him. I don't like that, I want a man!
You NEVER get to rest? If that is true, then you are in for a rotten surprise if you get terribly ill or break a leg or something. You could have an accident from never resting. Then, where would you be?
Hey, don't get me wrong. If you are happy being in that kind of lifestyle, please, be my guest.
I don't get your "losing masculinity" thing, though. A real man is not afraid to wash a dish, mop a floor or change a diaper when needed. A real man steps up to the plate to help his partner, to make sure things get done. A real man loves his wife enough to insist she rest every so often and he take over for a day or evening.
Me and my Dh have some issues in this department. But, he is finding out quickly that my life at home is not all "sitting on my butt". He also finds a lot happier wife if he takes over cooking or dishes a couple of times a week.
I'm a stay at home mom to a four year old and 5 months pg with #2. My SO works 90-110 hours a week for two weeks, then has a week off. On his weeks on, I don't ever ask anything of him because I know how exhausted he is, and yet he still does a few things (sort recycling, take out the trash, rinse dishes) when he's around to do them. On his weeks off he's up with me and doing all the daily chores along side me. I don't usually have to ask, and he knows I dont' expect it, but he does it anyway.
I was raised in a family, however, where the mother was the one responsible for all the housework and raising the kids (she was a sahm too) and my dad worked. I always just kind of thought that's how it is until I met my SO. Every family is different I think, and it's best to do what works for you.
My husband barely hits 40 hrs a week. He can wash some dishes and run a vac a few times a week as far as I am concerned.
I don't think it makes one some kind of sucker or anything if they can easily do it or enjoy it. I do the majority, b/c I'm here and can do a tiny bit (read very small amount) while home with kids. But I think in many instances it's too much for one person. And in many instances, I don't think it's healthy to pick up after a partner as if he were a child (assuming he's not working a million hours or something.)
I'm also with the posters who felt that it's sexy to see their dh's do chores. I *always* say something along those lines whenever I see him doing the dishes or cleaning or something. It always puts a smile on his face and encourages him. Praising works wonders.
Now, at the same time, I don't abuse that freedom. If DD and I are painting, then part of the experience is cleaning the brushes and putting away the paints. If we are reading books, one goes back on the shelf before we get another. So it's not like a total hellhole when he gets home. However, there are days where DH gets home from work and there are toys and food all over the whole house. Usually then he just cracks up and says, "Sophie was a busy little bee today, huh?" Our standard procedure for those days is to pick "Child or cleaning?" I almost always pick cleaning, so he can take Sophie out to play for a bit while I get things back under control - but only because I can get some quiet time - talk on the phone, listen to an audio book on my IPod, etc. while I am working.
I try to do most of it - I'm here, and can put a dirty pan on to soak, or throw a load of laundry in or whatever. But, my main job is the kids.
If dh decides that I have to do all the housework because he works an outside job, I know what's going to happen. I'll work my butt off all day to clean up and do dishes and all that crap. And, then when he calls and tells me he's on his way home, I'm done. If he gets a free pass from 5:00 until bedtime, then so do I. He can entertain the kids with me...but he's going to have to materialize dinner out of thin air. Fortunately, this won't happen, because dh just doesn't see life like that. Bringing home the money is a big contribution, but it's not everything.
Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) , Emma (5/03) , Evan (7/05) , & Jenna (6/09)
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing Aaron Ambrose (11/07)