Stick it out? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 05-24-2007, 06:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am getting ready to just pick up a paper and go back to work at least part time. We are in a tight spot, not in any trouble(not behind or anything), and its causing major arguments. I mentioned getting a part time bar tending job(I used to do this 40+ hrs a week bf DD), ya know only a couple of nites a week, and DP just gets all huffy and says "well you must really not wanna spend time with me anymore"....: ???
What is that? He doesn't mind watching DD(which was the problem before cause she was bf'ing so much), but he seems to think that because of all the stress we have been under lately that I don't wanna be around him. He has been a crabby, but that doesn't mean I don't wanna be near him. I told him this, and he is just crabby all the time. I just don't know what to do? Should I go to work? or should I stick it out? I dunno....I really don't want to but he seems to be sooooo stressed out with all this financial stress(and he is not feeling well, under immense physical stress)we are going through that I feel horrible and thought that if I could bring in a few extra bucks to help out it might relieve him? Or am I jumping the gun?
I cant figure this out...What would you do?

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#2 of 10 Old 05-24-2007, 06:34 PM
 
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That's a tough one. I have to say, I really like bringing in a little money part time. It's a change of pace, it feels good to have just a little to add to the family budget, and it lets me be a different version of myself for a couple of hours (I teach 2 hours a day, 3 days a week).

Is there somewhere flexible where you could have a trial run before you decide?

As for your partner, if you had a little extra money coming in, maybe you two could have a regular "date night" that you could both look forward to...?

Take care and good luck.
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#3 of 10 Old 05-24-2007, 09:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good Ideas... Thanks for that..

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#4 of 10 Old 05-24-2007, 09:53 PM
 
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I'd say talk it out with your husband more to make sure you are on the same page. I was the crabby one in our house the past few years and communication was key in working through things.

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#5 of 10 Old 05-25-2007, 09:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yea yall are right... I should just have a good ol' talk with him and just see where it goes from there. Its great to have mammas to talk to.
Thanks

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#6 of 10 Old 05-25-2007, 11:00 AM
 
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Maybe the thought of you returning to work makes him feel like a failure somehow. Like he wasn't able to support the family and now the mother of his child will have to get a job. I know lots of guys who would feel that way. They tend to have so much pride when it comes down to finances and supporting their families.

Maybe you could ask him if that is part of it. If it is then maybe you guys could talk about it to help him realize that it is not all his responsibility, maybe that would help.

Just a thought. Good Luck!
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#7 of 10 Old 05-25-2007, 04:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
Maybe the thought of you returning to work makes him feel like a failure somehow. Like he wasn't able to support the family and now the mother of his child will have to get a job. I know lots of guys who would feel that way. They tend to have so much pride when it comes down to finances and supporting their families.
This is what came to mind for me too. My DH takes great pride in his ability to provide for our family and he takes it very hard when he can't buy us everything we want.

Last year, for example, we moved to a new home. There was one house I really wanted because of the location, but we lost it in a bidding war. We went with our second choice, a beautiful home that our entire family loves, but DH was quite upset with himself that we didn't have the means to plunk down another few thousand to get the other place. He viewed himself as a failure and felt that I must have been thinking the same. I assured him repeatedly that I was thrilled with what we got, but it was something he had to work out on his own.

Maybe if you held off on the job and looked into ways of cutting household costs it would be easier on your relationship. If things get worse you could always bring up the idea of you working again.

Kim - Wife to Liam , Unschooly mama to Nick (10/00) Lily (09/05) and Olivia (07/09)
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#8 of 10 Old 05-30-2007, 03:41 PM
 
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I have found that bringing in some extra money working a bit on the side makes me so much happier, and in turn makes my marriage better because I feel more independent, self-confident and busy. Plus a little time away from the kids, as much as I love them to death, can be great. Nobody likes change, so maybe he's just concerned that the shift with you working a little would be difficult. I say go for it! I wish I was a bartender. My best friend was one for years and although some nights were difficult for her, often it was like working at a party and she loved it. Working away in an office seemed so boring and dry in comparison.
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#9 of 10 Old 05-30-2007, 04:24 PM
 
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I'd recommend talking to him about the money situation, looking at the budget and bills together and asking him how he wants to handle things if he doesn't want you to pick up part-time work. There's nothing wrong with you working part-time OR with you staying home IF the two of you agree about it.

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#10 of 10 Old 06-01-2007, 09:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Great Thanks!! Sounds like I will give it a try. We have been talking and it seems to be better. He told me that he would love to be a sahd if I could get a job that makes more than his... That might be a bit of a culture shock for him and DD-she might not like that. But yea we seem to be working things out. I am actually just gonna start workin at the farmers market at the end of the summer. So he thinks we should be fine, and that I was a bit hasty about worring about the money(I think he was right, I do tend to get emotional sometimes )
But thanks mammas!!
Yall made me feel a lot better..

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