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#1 of 20 Old 07-09-2007, 04:27 PM - Thread Starter
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I think it is important that we all discuss openly the things that are wonderful and not so wonderful about being a SAHM. I know I see a lot of posts about how much people love it and are fulfilled which is great...but maybe we should also point out the things that are not so great. I never second guess my decision to take this path but boy, there are sacrifices for sure. I would imagine that different families make different types of sacrifices so let's all point them out. I will start with the bad and end with the positive.

Things I hate:
Constant money issues ie. having one car, living paycheck to paycheck, arguing over where the last dime is spent and so forth
Envying that DH gets to have adult conversations during the day and sometimes even happy hours after work
Boredom and monotony of course
Not getting paid or respected for what I do, even by other women in many cases
Doing housework that never ends and feeling like I'm constantly looking at a messy house all day no matter how much I clean which leads to:
looking at the same four walls all the time

Things I love:
Not having to go by a schedule
Being able to wear whatever the hell I want on any given day
Avoiding rush hour traffic
Having time to really delve into crafts or cooking if I choose to
grocery shopping when everybody else is working
Utliizing my time to do chores in a more ecofriendly way ie. handwashing dishes, line drying clothes, using cloth diapers
Nursing on demand without a problem
Knowing that I'm always here if the little ones have a problem or get sick
Most importantly I love knowing that I am teaching my children the value of not having a lot of things but placing more importance on family, community, and the ingenuity of imagination. Although they may complain about not having certain luxuries, a tv, or the latest video games, when they are adults I am certain they will gain something from a childhood that revolves around simplicity and tradition.
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#2 of 20 Old 07-09-2007, 04:32 PM
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Love - sleeping in, not rushing to get ready in the morning, taking it easy if I want, going somewhere if I want

Hate - struggling to get focused, feeling like I don't get enough done (think I've got that Eddison trait thing going on), days when the kids are cranky
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#3 of 20 Old 07-09-2007, 04:40 PM
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Sometimes I really have a hard time with the repetetiveness (??) of each day. I guess it's more housework than parenting that feels that way. Like, DH has to work the same job all the time, but at least he gets to do different things each day. My day (housework-wise) consists of the same stuff all the time...cleaning, doing dishes, doing laundry, cooking, etc).

Me (30) - DH (32) 11.5 years!
DD (9) ~ DD (7) ~ DS (5) ~ DS (2)

Mama to 10 babies in Heaven
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#4 of 20 Old 07-09-2007, 05:04 PM
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-Being there for my kids no matter what
-exclusively breastfeeding on demand
-no set schedules
-being able to do things at the spur of moment without worrying about a work schedule


- same thing everyday...it gets me into a depressed funk most of the time
- money issues sometimes from living on one income
- no real adult socialization
- looking at the house 24/7 and feeling the need to clean something, if i wasn't here all day, i wouldn't have to look at it or think about it until I got home..but now its all i think about! blah!!
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#5 of 20 Old 07-09-2007, 05:22 PM
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I Love:
-sleeping in/no tight schedules
-doing shopping/errands at non-busy times. I tried to run into the grocery store the other day during the after work rush, OMG what a nightmare!
-plenty of family time. DH works at home so we get to be very flexible.
-lots of time at home for personal stuff (reading, journaling, etc..) while ds plays

I Don't Love:
-financial dependence, lessened financial security
-lack of motivation. big problem for me because there is *always* later
-not enough alone time. I probably get a lot more than many sahm's, so this is a personal issue. I need lots of time alone to feel really centered and settled in my own skin.
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#6 of 20 Old 07-09-2007, 05:31 PM
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Originally Posted by onemoremom View Post
I need lots of time alone to feel really centered and settled in my own skin.
Oh yeah, SAH can be hard on an introvert - ironically.
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#7 of 20 Old 07-09-2007, 08:41 PM
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Lets see,

Love being there with my kids all the time.
Love being home enabling my dh to really advance in his career. If I was also employed, he would have to pitch in on daycare etc and leave early or many other things.

I really dont get to sleep in, wear whatever I want when I want, shop when everyone else is working because I am also working! A lot of times I am forced to change outfits because I was spit up on, thrown up on, splilled on..... Most moms usually want to live my life or choose to sah or WOH so I dont see the wars unless its on like the Today show or whatever.

I really dont dislike anything about it, but
the days are long and the years are short.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#8 of 20 Old 07-09-2007, 09:04 PM
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Things I love:
*Being there for dd. Can't say this enough. If this was the ONLY reason I liked staying home, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
*Not missing anything of her life.
*Not having a schedule, though I dont really get to sleep in, since dd wakes me up!
*Going to do fun things with her-pool, Sea World, Disney, ect.
*Taking a nap with her.
*Not worrying about getting up early, doig hair and make up, getting dressed in a nice outfit.
*Cooking, I like it, so it's not a chore for me.
*Feeling like I can be a better wife and mother because that is what I focus on.

Things I hate:
*Being alone.
*Never ending house work, laundry, ect.
*Not talking to an adult for a long period of time.
*Feeling jelous of dh because he gets to travel, have down time, do what he wants, when he wants, and that affects our relationship.
*No down time.
*No sick days, I'm pregnant and not feeling well lately, and I just have to deal. DH on the other hand can take a day off and sleep in all day.:
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#9 of 20 Old 07-09-2007, 10:49 PM
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Thanks for asking this question-it is really good to count our blessings, but also think about things we wish we could change.

-waking up next to my daughter smiling and not to the blaring sound of my alarm clock!
-buying fresh groceries and cooking healthy meals for my family
-being present for every milestone in my baby's life
-being here when my husband needs me to do something for him/us
-being able to run my Wedding Consulting business from home so I don't get bored for too long
-no sales quotas to meet, no deadlines for work and no boss breathing down my neck-I was in corp america for 11 years prior to staying home

I Wish were different: (we try not to use the H word in our home
-unlimited income/budget
-never getting "a break" to just freely spend an afternoon or evening doing whatever I want
-feeling isolated at times-even though I get adult interaction-it still seems like people don't understand why I would EVER have anything to complain about!!

I have to say, I do find it a privelege to be a sahm and wish other women would give it the same high regard that we do in my family! It is the toughest job on the planet because there are not any sick days or vacation days!!
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#10 of 20 Old 07-09-2007, 11:21 PM
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I was just thinking about this this afternoon.

I really like that *I* am the only one that can do this job. Always before, if I had quit that afternoon, they'd eventually find someone to replace me. There's no replacing someone's mama. I like that.

And, I echo the idea about helping dh's career.
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#11 of 20 Old 07-10-2007, 12:01 AM
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I don't like:
the lonliness of Sahimg (I know lots of moms, but most of my mom friends woh-so I see them on weekends.)

yes, the same routine over and over

cooking/making food all. the. time. (Well I do like cooking-but 21 meals a week can get to anybody: ).

always wishing some of our immediate family lived closer to "help out."

the feeling that I'm losing my skills. I am a nurse and I haven't worked in 3 years.

What I like:
picking my oldest daughter up from school, being here on her sick days

not feeling rushed

enjoying having time with my youngest dd, with dd1 I only stayed home for her first 7 months.

having the time to help dd with her assignments, music lessons, etc.

just trying to enjoy each day as it comes
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#12 of 20 Old 07-10-2007, 01:59 AM
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What I like:

Waking up to my daughter smiling at me instead of an alarm clock. (that one really resonated with me)
Cooking healthy meals for my family, and having the energy to do so.
Being able to nurse on demand without having to worry about going back to work.
Reading to my son a gazillion times a day.
Taking an afternoon nap.
Being able to support DH's career in the ways previously mentioned by other posters (daycare, helping him get up in the morning, getting his uniform ready, etc)

What I don't like:
Not feeling appreciated
Not contributing financially
Not having "enough" adult interaction

Vanessa... Happily married to a paramedic - celebrating 10 years of marriage!  Mama to one crazy 6 year old transformer and one chatterbox 4 year old princess.  Daycare provider to many jumping beans  I'm expecting my third in late November. 

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#13 of 20 Old 07-11-2007, 01:33 AM
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i like:
* watching DD unfold with new skills daily (she's 14 mo).
* taking the time to look out the window for the horses across the street, which delight her to no end, and when they are out, we walk over to see them.
* taking DD to the pool almost every day, where i'm constantly her shadow as she explores
* the conversations DD and i have first thing in the morning
* nursing her down for her naps
* being with her all. the. time.

i don't particularly like:
* not having my own income for the first time in 16 years
* missing out on the feeling of accomplishment one gets from having a paid employer
* how unappreciated the work you do really is, even when DH sees it all the time. he actually thinks one has time to do anything else whilest watching a very busy 1 year old
* the work is never done. when she takes a rare nap, i'm rushing around to unload the dishwasher, throw in a load of clothes, make the bed, sweep the floor, etc. all the things that are impossible to do when she's awake
* especially: the feeling that i'm not enjoying my time with DD as much as i would otherwise if i could just. catch. a. break. for awhile. i really really need a little time to myself and it's soooooooo hard to come by.

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#14 of 20 Old 07-12-2007, 02:57 AM
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Realism. I love it.

What I dislike about SAHMing:
No privacy.
Lack of respect from family, spouse, strangers.
Feeling like I have no accomplished enough during the day.

What I like:
Watching my children grow and blossom.
Knowing that I can live more eco-friendly at home during the day.
NO BOSS, other than the 3 and 1 year olds - who are quite frankly worse than some of my worst bosses
Being able to literally smell the roses on a daily basis.

Mama crochetsmilie.gifto Max blahblah.gif9, Neva hearts.gif 7, & Esme fairy.gif4 and Julius guitar.gif 2.


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#15 of 20 Old 07-12-2007, 09:32 AM
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*No sick days, I'm pregnant and not feeling well lately, and I just have to deal. DH on the other hand can take a day off and sleep in all day.
Not in my house. Last time he pulled that crap on me when I was sick, really sick, I just went to my room and locked the door.
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#16 of 20 Old 07-12-2007, 10:15 AM
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-being here for my DD for everything and everyday

-being so in tuned to her and her needs because I just know her this well because we spend so much time together.

-being able to enjoy all the good moments of childraising by myself and not having to share

-being 100% sure about the fact that when she throws that completely unreasonable hissy fit for the 5th times in a row after a LONG day, I dont have to worry about her caregiver being mean or abusing her.

-respect from my DH that I work hard and I do a good job

-respect from friends for what I do.

-not having to let anyone else make decisions about my DD's life (food, clothing, care, sleep, exposure to stuff)

-knowing that no matter how hard it gets on a bad day, its all truly worth it, unlike working your butt off for a company, its never really worth it.

-not having to answer to anyone because I run my life, my time, my decisions

-being able to concentrate on doing what matters most- being a wife and a mom

What I wish was different (sorry, I dont hate much stuff, I try not to):
-I dont get as many opportunities to dress up as much as I would like

-for practical reasons, I end up wearing very practical clothing/shoes on weekdays, however 'nice' they are.

-no medical leave!!! Gosh, I wish there is a safe place I can put my DD at when I am sick and just do not want to work (when my DH is unable to come home). :

- More time for myself
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#17 of 20 Old 07-12-2007, 02:40 PM
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This is a really good thread.

Love it!
~Not missing a thing in my ds' life. Watching him grow and learn.
~Feeling fulfilled after a hard days(or months) work.
~Housework and organizing(i know, I know, I'm a strange one)

Hate it!
~Like onemoremom, I struggle with lack of motivation. The lack of structure is tough for me, I'm not good at setting my own routine sometimes.

Christy wash.gif Mom to DS 4/21/04 reading.gif DD 9/20/09  dust.gif DD 7/2/11jog.gif

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#18 of 20 Old 07-14-2007, 06:31 PM
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I think about this a lot when I think about going back to work.

I love: being here to see every first, not having anyone to answer to or any place to be regularly, making my own schedule, being able to just get up and go whenever I want

I hate: lack of respect from a lot of people, dh thinking b/c he leaves the house and goes to work that when he gets home he should get to relax, no free time, no time off, loneliness, getting into a pattern of doing nothing but sitting home, lack of interaction with other people

Megan, momma to Colin and Ainsley
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#19 of 20 Old 07-14-2007, 10:12 PM
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Love-being able to breastfeed on demand
take ds to library, park, baby group WHENEVER
take the occasional nap
being able to stay in my pjs all day if I want

Hate- the shortness of money

mommy daddy son daughter = our family
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#20 of 20 Old 07-14-2007, 10:16 PM
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Love - being with my kids all day, being able to wear jammies all day, having time to do housework, feeling of satisfaction when kids are happy, healthy, clean, full bellies and asleep at the end of the day. Being available to my kids and DH any time.

Hate - rarely get quiet time, never being alone, no "lunch break", sometimes going days with no adult interaction besides DH.
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