Any SAHM's without transportation for the most part? Update #29 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 06:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We have one vehicle and hubby takes it to work. We have had this arrangement for several years, but its really taking its toll on me. Especially with two toddlers and a third on the way. We are trying to get a used 2nd vehicle, but I don't think we will get approved for the loan. :

How do you cope with the lonlieness? My son needs pre-school but right now I have no way to get him there (its a pain to get the vehicle from my husband because he has meetings out of the office. I do get it Thursday afternoons to take my daughter to PT). Unless we are able to get a scholarship for a place a couple of blocks from us. Then I can walk him. Won't be fun when its 28 below zero though.

Maybe its pregnancy hormones kicking in. But I am very sad and lonely today. I feel very isolated.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#2 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 09:14 PM
 
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We did it for several years too. Dh has a wacky schedule and has pretty much worked no less than 60 hrs a week for the past 7yrs. For a few years we lived in an area that was very walkable...and that helped. But I was still very lonely and isolated. Then we moved to an area that was NOT walkable and I spiraled down from there.

We HAD to get a car...and we did. I didnt think we would be able too...but by some miracle we got financing. I dont like having another car payment...but I am doing SOOO much better now.

((((hugs))))
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#3 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 09:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The dealer is trying to work with us to get financing on this vehicle. I hope we can get it because I am at the end of my rope.

Thank you for the hug. I need it today.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#4 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 09:52 PM
 
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When I was a kid, we went without a car for many years. We walked, rode the bus, used a wagon for groceries.

Is there a decent bus system near where you live?

I know many people who deliberately have only one car or no car in their family and choose to live in areas where they can bus or walk where they need to go.

I also know a few one car families by choice to save money and gas. What they do is rent a car for times when they need two cars. It takes a lot of planning, but when you consider all the money involved with cars, it might be worth it!

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#5 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 10:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Spring Flower View Post
When I was a kid, we went without a car for many years. We walked, rode the bus, used a wagon for groceries.

Is there a decent bus system near where you live?

I know many people who deliberately have only one car or no car in their family and choose to live in areas where they can bus or walk where they need to go.

I also know a few one car families by choice to save money and gas. What they do is rent a car for times when they need two cars. It takes a lot of planning, but when you consider all the money involved with cars, it might be worth it!

We live in a city of 30,000 people. We have a small bus system that has only been in effect for a year, not many routes are set up yet.

Question though, how do I carry two toddler carseats with me and a stroller and two toddlers on top of being pregnant? Don't I have to have them in carseats on public transportation? Its not like a bus goes by my house and will take me down to the park. Unfortunately. Our town/city isn't set up that way.

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#6 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 10:09 PM
 
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(((hugs)))
I'm right there with you. My DH takes our only car to work and the only way we could walk anywhere around here is to walk on the freeway I have an almost 3 y/o and a newborn. I wish we could go out to the parks, meet other moms, ect. I see all these neat classes I would like DD1 to take but without a car it is impossible. There are days I feel isolated, sad and even really grouchy, I just look at my girls and smile, but hopefully it will all change sometime soon.

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#7 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 10:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KatWrangler View Post
We live in a city of 30,000 people. We have a small bus system that has only been in effect for a year, not many routes are set up yet.

Question though, how do I carry two toddler carseats with me and a stroller and two toddlers on top of being pregnant? Don't I have to have them in carseats on public transportation? Its not like a bus goes by my house and will take me down to the park. Unfortunately. Our town/city isn't set up that way.
Yeah, you've got me there. I'm not sure how you would do that. When I was little and we rode the bus, we didn't use car seats. In fact, I'm racking my brain now about when I commuted on city buses as an adult...I don't think the kids were wearing seatbelts or car seats. Kind of interesting that kids on school buses don't either. I guess we as a society just kind of over look that for some reason.

I don't think you are required to use car seats on public transportation, though. (Although it makes sense to do so seeing as how we use them in private cars...)

Are you in Bozeman MT? I know of a mom who lived in Bozeman with just one car. She lived downtown, though, and she used her bike and a Burley to go everywhere with her child. She only had one child and wasn't pregnant, though.

You might need that second car!
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#8 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 10:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KatWrangler View Post
We live in a city of 30,000 people. We have a small bus system that has only been in effect for a year, not many routes are set up yet.

Question though, how do I carry two toddler carseats with me and a stroller and two toddlers on top of being pregnant? Don't I have to have them in carseats on public transportation?
It just occured to me that having car seats for children on a bus wouldn't do much good because most buses are not equipped with seat belts.

So, I'm pretty sure you don't have to have them in carseats to ride public transportation.
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#9 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 10:23 PM
 
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I know how you feel.

We only had one car, until recently, for the last almost 5 years. It sucked. We live in a town of 1200, so public transportation is non-existant. For a while my husband worked nights, which was nice because it left me with a car during the day, and I didn't have to worry about figuring out transportation-but that was only the last year or so. I think the lack of transportation and subsequent lonliness is one of if not the main reason I've gotten so involved in online communities. You never realize how much you need adult conversation on a regular basis until it's seriously lacking, and online communities have really helped out with that...but it's not the same as real face to face interactions.

We were fortunate enough that my mom was able to give us her old minivan, especially with baby #3 on the way. She actually gave it to us this time last year, but it needed about $2500 of work to pass inspection and get licensed...and we couldn't afford to get it done. A few months ago my FIL became the store manager of an auto shop and was able to get the work done for us, and I finally got it licensed and have been driving it since last week.

FWIW, I'm not sure if you need carseats on public transportation where you live, but last week I was in St. Louis, and there were kids on the MetroLink (kind of like an above ground subway), there weren't even seatbelts, so they couldn't have used carseats, but I don't know about buses.

Hopefully you'll get the car, and you won't have to worry about transportation anymore. PM me if you ever want someone to talk to, I've got Y! Messenger, and AIM-and I'm usually around.

jamie. crinkly (not quite crunchy) mama to 3 amazing little girls, an awesome little boy, and a baby girl making her debut at the end of this summer.

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#10 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 10:24 PM
 
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Its not like a bus goes by my house and will take me down to the park. Unfortunately. Our town/city isn't set up that way.
Yeah, that is the downfall of public transportation in America. For short trips with two toddlers, could you buy a double stroller? Do you have a local Freecylce or Craig's List? Or second hand stores? Even a new one shouldn't cost too much.

That would free you up a little and make it a little easier, as least to get to the park, etc. Good luck!
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#11 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 10:29 PM
 
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We have just the one van. Which is the reason I haven't been able to get to hs groups or anything during the day and our lives center around dh's work schedule (which is erratic for the most part). It sucks. We have a bus system here, but I can't figure it out and I don't think it's very useful because I never see them when we are out. Ever. Plus it would be $2 for us to just get on, not even including getting back, etc.

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#12 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 10:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Kalopsia View Post
I know how you feel.

We only had one car, until recently, for the last almost 5 years. It sucked. We live in a town of 1200, so public transportation is non-existant. For a while my husband worked nights, which was nice because it left me with a car during the day, and I didn't have to worry about figuring out transportation-but that was only the last year or so. I think the lack of transportation and subsequent lonliness is one of if not the main reason I've gotten so involved in online communities. You never realize how much you need adult conversation on a regular basis until it's seriously lacking, and online communities have really helped out with that...but it's not the same as real face to face interactions.

We were fortunate enough that my mom was able to give us her old minivan, especially with baby #3 on the way. She actually gave it to us this time last year, but it needed about $2500 of work to pass inspection and get licensed...and we couldn't afford to get it done. A few months ago my FIL became the store manager of an auto shop and was able to get the work done for us, and I finally got it licensed and have been driving it since last week.

FWIW, I'm not sure if you need carseats on public transportation where you live, but last week I was in St. Louis, and there were kids on the MetroLink (kind of like an above ground subway), there weren't even seatbelts, so they couldn't have used carseats, but I don't know about buses.

Hopefully you'll get the car, and you won't have to worry about transportation anymore. PM me if you ever want someone to talk to, I've got Y! Messenger, and AIM-and I'm usually around.
I was born and raised in St. Louis! Well south county area. We will be in St. Louis Thanksgiving week. So yes, I know what Metrolink is. My IL's are taking my son on it that week. He LOVES trains and anything remotely trainlike. LOL

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#13 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 10:40 PM
 
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I was born and raised in St. Louis! Well south county area. We will be in St. Louis Thanksgiving week. So yes, I know what Metrolink is. My IL's are taking my son on it that week. He LOVES trains and anything remotely trainlike. LOL
I grew up in West Co. and St. Charles. I only went on the MetroLink for the first time last year, even as an adult it was fun...quite the novelty for a suburban girl.

jamie. crinkly (not quite crunchy) mama to 3 amazing little girls, an awesome little boy, and a baby girl making her debut at the end of this summer.

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#14 of 29 Old 09-10-2007, 10:42 PM
 
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I totally feel your pain. We had to sell our 2nd car to help out through tough times and have been down to 1 ever since. Its really hard to make appointments and get anywhere and now I have to spend all day subday running errands and such. We walk every where and I have lost 5lbs We dont have the option of public transportation, but by my dad in ILL they dont require carseats on the bus/train. So that might be something worth trying..

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#15 of 29 Old 09-11-2007, 03:32 AM
 
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We're a one car family as well.

I just decided to start hosting a weekly playgroup in my apt... is it an option to have some people come to you?
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#16 of 29 Old 09-11-2007, 03:47 AM
 
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we are a one car family. i dont even have a license, so on the days DP takes the bus to work and the car is here, its not like i am taking it anywhere. i personally will not drive until we have the money to buy me a car that is ran on veggie oil. till then, i dont drive.

we are lucky to live in a town with a bus system that is decent. i know how to work the system in my favor, so i find it excellent. DD and I also choose to walk as much as possible. i have been in many position, with many physical limitations, and still been perfectly fine with our situation.

as for car seats, in my area, you do not use them on the buses. there is no way to hook them up. seems odd, but the physics of it all makes sense as to why you dont get hurt as easily, even without seatbelts on a bus.
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#17 of 29 Old 09-11-2007, 11:17 AM
 
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I am in the same boat. Dh also needs the car all day to get to appointments for work. Our "bus system" is not really an option. We walk most places and i arrange ahead of time with dh to use the car for anything really important. Dh travels a great deal, so there are entire weeks when I have the car at my disposal so I have it better in that regard. We do rent-a-wreck about once a month when there is a conflict we cannot work around. It is about $30/day but a lot cheaper than a car payment. Especially since the sort of car we could afford would require constant repairs. I also take taxis and I do use carseats on them. Our town is pretty small and the drivers are cool so they will let me leave the seat in the taxi and make sure to send the same car to come get me when I am done. When I do use the bus, which is very seldom, I do not use carseats.
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#18 of 29 Old 09-11-2007, 11:45 AM
 
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I am pretty much without a car. I have a car but it broke down over 2 years ago. We were going to get it fixed but it made more sense at the time to not fix it. My family seemed to think that if I was home with the kids and a car that I could drop whatever I was doing and run errands for them or just go hang out with them. My mom tends to be a bit passive aggressive and has food issues. Her presence overstimulates the kids because she is so loud and pushy. Anyway, not having a working car has saved my butt more times than I am willing to admit.

I tried to sell the car but nobody wanted it. It is now sitting in my driving reminding me that I have no transportation unless I get my 3 kiddos up early and take my husband to work. Getting 3 kids up before they are ready is a nightmare so we generally let dad take the car. We have talked about fixing my car so we can do playgroups and homeschool groups but haven't gotten around to it yet. Everytime we get serious about fixing my car, my family will do something to remind me that if I have a car, I will become their slave again. My mom thinks a kid has been fed if she gives them a candy bar or a snack cake. :
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#19 of 29 Old 09-11-2007, 01:18 PM
 
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I've not read through all the posts, so this might have already been covered. Have you thought about buying a good reliable car from a private seller instead of going through a dealer? Should be a lot cheaper and you can always take it down to a garage and have it checked out if you don't know the seller personally. We've never bought a vehicle from a dealer and have never had any problems with our vehicles. We also have never spent more than $4500 on a vehicle. Well, aside from my current truck, but it's a newer diesel that we bought specifically for moving to Alaska, as we knew it would drive up here and weren't real sure about much else.

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#20 of 29 Old 09-11-2007, 01:43 PM
 
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We're selling our cars this next weekend and I'm so nervous! We're so much in debt and were spending 1k a month on car payments, so we're selling both cars and getting 1 car that DH will take to work. There is no bus system in my city (of 75k people!) and we're not walking distance to any parks. I'm scared. The crappy public transportation is one of the main things on our list to move to another city, so I know what you're talking about. The only difference for us is if I need a car I can take DH to work and pick him up. Its a pain but its better than nothing. I hope you can get the car Mama!
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#21 of 29 Old 09-11-2007, 05:44 PM
 
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Just wanted to share a . We just got a second vehicle about 6 months ago, before our fourth baby was born. I was a SAHM in a one car family for about 7 years before that. It is so hard and I hope you'll be able to get a second vehicle soon.
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#22 of 29 Old 09-11-2007, 08:35 PM
 
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Anne,

We're a one vehicle family and it often stinks. When we do need the car (actually a minivan) I take Marc to work, which is less than ten minutes away. The thing about that is trying to get everyone ready before he needs to leave for work! We're saving for a cheap second car for Marc to drive to work and hope to buy one before next summer.

s I have no friends locally, so I often feel lonely. I imagine pregnancy hormones would make it much more difficult. I hope you can figure something out to combat the loneliness!

Jessica, wife of Marc and Momma to Nikolai (10) and Nathaniel (9) and Olivia (3).
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#23 of 29 Old 09-13-2007, 01:42 PM
 
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We are also a one vehicle family. I don't have peripheral vision in my left eye, and very little depth perception, so I don't drive.

It does suck sometimes. I use transit when we need to go anywhere, but generally we are confined to doing things within walking distance.

Sandra SAHM to Kayleigh and welcoming Emily January 2010
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#24 of 29 Old 09-15-2007, 06:39 PM
 
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s: i'm in the same boat.. we ar a 1 car family too. Actually - i could get the car from DP during the day (he works in a factory - 12 hour shifts and is less then 3 miles frmo home) but i lost my drivers license for 1 year last month

it's going to be a loooooooong year

~Kris mama to Alexis (15), Elizabeth (10), Andrew (7), and 1 angel
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#25 of 29 Old 09-16-2007, 04:25 AM
 
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When we had one car, I kept it and DH hoofed it, biked or took the bus to work. It took him longer that way than if he had the car, but the price was worth it in my sanity.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#26 of 29 Old 09-16-2007, 04:42 AM
 
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We had only one car for most of the last year and I hate it. We dont live in a area that I can even walk around in let alone take the bus and we are moving even further out of the city. We had 2 cars for a little while, since my father is letting us borrow his but that one was just hit and waiting to have the money to fix it We have the guys license number who hit it but no word yet from the cops so probably have to pay for it out of pocket. I wish I could take dp to work but he goes in at 2pm and doesnt get out till often after midnight or later

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#27 of 29 Old 09-16-2007, 06:04 PM
 
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We've been a one car family for the past 5 years now. Recently, DH got a promotion at work and a company vehicle so he's been either walking or biking to work and just uses his work vehicle during the day. So I have the car to use now but I've grown so used to NOT having it around the last few years that I still hardly use it during the day. Do you have a bike and a bike trailer? Our bike trailer was one of our best investments ever, we got one of the ones that can also be used as a stroller. We've gone everywhere in that thing! We're also fortunate that we're w/in walking distance of 3 playgrounds and 2 kiddie pools. Walking and biking (when there's no snow on the ground) have been our main modes of transport. We've also used public transit in the winter, if it's too snowy/slushy to push the stroller, as we're only 3 blocks off the major route in town. It's a huge treat for the kids to go on the bus.

Also if we had plans for the day where we needed to use the car (playdate that wasn't walking/biking distance or grocery shopping), we'd give DH a ride to work in the morning. Is that an option for you?

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#28 of 29 Old 09-16-2007, 06:36 PM
 
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Yeah, I'm basically in the same boat - & living way out from the city, there's no way to walk to or use other transportation. DH's commute is almost 1 1/2 hours each way, so we can't both use his car; we actually have an "emergency car", a 20 yr old (over 300,000 miles on it), 2 door SUV that eats gas & has no a/c anymore (too $$$ to fix) - not real useful in 90-100 degree weather, & I can only get the toddler & her carseat in it by going through the back hatch, jumping up on the tailgate & sort of crawling over the back seat Plus town is an hour's drive away - it's about 20 min of rutted dirt before we even get to pavement. I figure either we will 1) eventually be able to afford a decent 2nd car 2) move somewhere else or 3) if all else fails, the kids will grow up a bit & it will be easier to go places when they can both walk (& climb into the car themselves). Thank goodness for the internet!

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#29 of 29 Old 09-17-2007, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We got another car on Friday for my hubby! A 2000 Audi wagon. Awesome! I am free! I am free! :

Thanks guys. I feel better knowing I wasn't alone in my misery of being a one car family.

My son started pre-school this morning and I didn't know what to do! So baby and I ran errands.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...Picture181.jpg
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http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...Picture172.jpg

Gabrielle isn't feeling well, thats why she looks crabby.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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