Do you feel safe leaving the kids/baby with DH/DP? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 73 Old 12-20-2007, 02:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zoebugsmom View Post
They're his kids. I wouldn't have had kids with him if I didn't trust him to care for them. We do things differently but I completely trust him to keep them fed, clothed (if they let him. LOL) and safe.
I feel the same way. He helped make them didn't he He is very responsible.

Sarah. Wife to Pearry, mama to Pearry II and Isabella Rose, born Breech at home and Benjamin, our January 1st bebe intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpg

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#62 of 73 Old 12-23-2007, 08:20 PM
 
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I have always felt safe leaving my kids with dh. He doesn't do everything the same as I do but it isn't "wrong" either. I know the kids are well taken care of.

Nicole, mom of 3. Mitochondrial Disease.: Epilepsy
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#63 of 73 Old 12-27-2007, 11:40 AM
 
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I'm a single mom but I don't feel comfortable leaving my child with his father. Unfortunately, I don't have a choice in the matter.

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#64 of 73 Old 12-28-2007, 03:34 PM
 
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My husband isn't as hands on with our son as I am. He often starts a project with Oliver around and Oliver has to entertain himself. However, it works for them. Our son would never let me get away with that, but with daddy, he finds something else to do or watches him. Also, they do a lot of things together and it is more than obvious that my husband absolutely loves him. It isn't like Oliver is in danger or he is completely ignoring him and I think Oliver learns a lot too by watching him. And, he's always been really involved in all of the aspects of baby caring- changing diapers, night wakings, burping, childproofing, etc so I know that he knows what he's doing. So, yah, I do trust my husband with our son.
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#65 of 73 Old 12-28-2007, 04:21 PM
 
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Dh may nto do things the same way as me, but I trust him and his judgement.

I've learned to ignore most stuff... like when he'd take the kids out looking lke ragamuffins because he let them pick out the clothes or put something too small on them... He also drops our youngest at preschool and on more than one occassion I've picked her up to discover she is missing mittens or her folder or something. *shrug* It happens to the best of us, I'm certainly not perfect either.

Although I have gotten a couple calls from him that left me a bit concerned. "Honey, are Glade plugins poisonous?" (Um, huh? Turns out my oldest ate one. BTW, they are not poisonous, lol) "Honey, M swallowed a candy wrapper so we are at the ER." ( Dear, she swallows a lot of stuff, she'll poop it out eventually. And they sent him home with that exact same statement, lol.)

Mom to Joscelyne 14, Andrew 12, and Mackenzie 10 and wife to Nate.
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#66 of 73 Old 12-28-2007, 07:34 PM
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i totally trust my husband i have to say he got much better about doing thing when we had #2 but he has always been responsible and realiable. I cant trust him even if he does things diffrent i know they are safe warm and full.
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#67 of 73 Old 12-28-2007, 11:07 PM
 
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No, I don't feel nervous. He's a great father. Even if he doesn't do everything the right... er... my way.

I think the key here is that some things he will probably have to learn on his own. He will take the baby outside under-dressed. He will see the baby shiver or feel baby's hands when he gets back inside and realize it was too cold. He will remember next time.

For DH, it was taking DS out in the rain, at 4 mos old, without an umbrella, and seeing his big, wide eyes staring back at him, soaked to the bone, and with a little lip tremble. :

That was a year ago and he still feels guilty! But he never takes him out when it could rain without an umbrella.

The best thing you can do, in most cases, is keep your mouth shut, and let him learn his own way.

And besides, you might just find your 16 month old standing in the kitchen with matches and a steak knife one day. When DH asked you to keep an eye on him for a few minutes while he took a shower.

Rebecca, mama to M (08/06) and E (04/09)
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#68 of 73 Old 12-30-2007, 09:07 AM
 
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Heeheee...you guys are killing me! Yeah, it took a bit for us, too. DH was a little hesitant at first, I was a little controlling of the baby situation, but Mom's advice was good--let Paulo parent!

Honestly, I do my best to step back and let him be a parent. I back up his judgement calls with the kids (if Daddy says no, then ti's no etc) even if later between the two of us I feel it's necessary to revisit one or two. By stepping back and letting him try things I wouldn't I've learned that sometimes his way works better than mine, and that it can be awfully nice to hand off some jobs to DH because, for example, "she really eats better when you do it, honey!"

Yes, they stay up too late when he's in charge and they eat stuff I wouldn't feed them and play with things I probably would outlaw, but they're ok. He gets a LOT more involved after they turn 1 (I don't think he's changed a single one of the baby's diapers yet) and the time they spend with him is precious. Listening to them together melts my heart.

Good luck! Like most of us, you'll both adjust and relax and everyoone will survive. Kids are more flexible and resiliant than we give then credit for!
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#69 of 73 Old 12-30-2007, 11:02 AM
 
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Ok my DH is very responsible, very, very logical, of course I trusted him to be a good dad and he is...

BUT that doesn't mean he has never made mistakes with DS. When the dad isn't the one with the child all the time he can miss things and yes there might be something dangerous left within reach, he might think the baby can be left in the high chair while he runs up to get something, he might insist on carrying the child in the baby carrier (when his wife was perfectly happy to carry the baby in her arms) and forget to check if the handle is locked and be very lucky his wife was walking behind him so she could catch the carrier before the baby fell out of it!

I can't believe all of these "I would never have had a baby with a man who I didn't trust to care for my children" remarks. It is almost comical how many wrote that. Then they wonder why a PP dared to comment on the self-righteousness?

I don't think the OP doesn't trust him (as in she's worried he will abuse or neglect the child) she just isn't sure he's always going to think of everything. I think it's a pretty jusitified worry because some dads, especially new dads, don't have it all down yet, especially ones who are not with the dc all the time and the mom is (seeing as this is the SAHM forum I'd guess this is what we are talking about here).

It takes time and practice and in the meantime Mom might want to stick fairly close to be sure the dad isn't paying more attention to something in the yard than the 10 month old child who he is sure is safe on the new deck that doesn't have a barrier yet! Really my DH has gotten a lot better but he never will view safety the same as I do and that's fine, but he did need to get a better grasp on it and he has. It doesn't mean he lacked logical thinking, common sense or responsibility in other areas of life!
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#70 of 73 Old 12-31-2007, 12:24 AM
 
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The only ppl who watch my kids are their father OR my mother. I trust their father, well, because he's AWESOME and so is my mother for that matter. I haven't read the other posts, but I really don't have a problem with leaving them for a few hours with either person.
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#71 of 73 Old 01-02-2008, 10:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by karina5 View Post
THIS. I don't know ANYONE IRL who won't leave their child w/ their DP. I can't even wrap my head around it, and honestly, it makes me wonder why someone would have a child w/ such a person.
I think thats taking an extreme view of the op's question. It took me a long time before my mind didn't race with every possible horror scenario when I left my husband alone with DS1. Even now I have to just swallow, smile and wave some days when I really just want to run over wrap my kid up in a space suit and lock him in his room for the next 30 years. Fortunately for his sake I do have some concern for his mental wellbeing as well as the physical.

Leaving my first kid alone with anybody husband or otherwise scared the heck out of me. Not because I was so worried that they were unfit to watch kids, but because having a kid at all was scary and I barely trusted myself to keep the little guy going. The logical part of my brain understands that my presence alone won't prevent freak disasters but the scared mommy bit feels like it really should help.

Of course 3.5 years and 0 full nights of sleep later DS2 gets practically tossed at other people if I think it might buy me time for a cup of tea.

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DH DS1(5) DS2(2)
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#72 of 73 Old 01-02-2008, 01:54 PM
 
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Totally safe. He's their dad. The only thing I can do that he can't is nurse the baby, so I do all the baby-feeding.
Same here. I never had one moment of doubt.

Though I still insist that dp could have breastfed if he really tried
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#73 of 73 Old 01-03-2008, 09:51 PM
 
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I trust dh completely with the kids. He doesn't do things exactly how I do them, but that's okay. Another mother wouldn't do things exactly the way I'd do them either. When I had my first, I worried about how the baby would do without me and I felt guilt when I left him with anyone, even dh. I thought a "good mother" wanted to be with her child 24/7 and if I needed a break that meant I didn't love my child enough. I didn't have that problem after the 2nd and 3rd came along. That had nothing to do with not trusting dh to take good care of the kids though.
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