Join Date: Jul 2007
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I'm sorry, Spring Flower. I've read many of your posts and you seem a lot like me to me. I KNOW that if I didn't have the options available to me, I'd be home too. I know that as a 100% fact. Of course I would definitely NOT judge you for staying home -- just agreeing with your very wise insight into people's support systems. And I also agree with you that a lot of people don't even see how good they have it!
And : with your husband, who doesn't support you being at home but isn't willing to do the heavy lifting at home required by both partners in a two-WOH family. You can't have it both ways, bucko.
It hard to go through life without support.
Believe me in can put you in the dumps when no one is in your cheering section.
Don't depend on anyone even your Dh for support (if he is giving support then great but otherwise....).
In your heart you know it's a good decision to stay home to watch and care for your little one like no one else would.
Can you join a mommy's group?
Make your own happiness.
I use to care what others thought...but afterawhile it wore on me. I decided to do what was "best" for me and the kids. Now, I could care less what other think.
I have conflicted feelings about being a SAHM too.
My husband does try to be supportive but he's ambivalent (IMO at least) about being the sole breadwinner.
He's always been supportive in that he does part of the childcare and housework but that leaves me feeling that my role as a SAHM is undervalued even though I really know in my heart that I do plenty.
My dh is just not into having a traditional homemaker for a wife. He is not the type of husband to just leave everything to me. He wants to participate. So I feel really out of place among SAHMs because almost every one I've met is the ONLY one who does ANYTHING at home. I'm talking about my circle of acquaintances and friends, not MDC so please don't think I'm criticizing anyone's dh
I also have no family support, either logistical or emotional-but that's another long story
Wow, I feel like we're in the same situation. I could have written your post! Yes, my DH is just not into having a traditional homemaker for a wife...and to be honest I guess I would feel a bit stifled in that role, too...but I would like him to support me being a SAHM for a few years.
I also don't have any emotional or logistical support from family...that is such a great way you phrased that.
s to you.
It just doesn't seem like a workable situation to have us both working (as much as I'd like that) and my husband doesn't really support me staying at home short term, let alone long term.
I need to manage this irritation and frustration better, but after a few years of trying to solve this situation, it just seems unchangable.
And : with DH.
Thanks! Good ideas. I agree not to care what people think and I also agree to not depend on anyone for support...
I haven't figured out how to be a SAHM, though, and not rely on anyone for support...I mean, obviously inherently as a SAHM I am relying on DH for support, you know? I did save money before having kids and that supplements our income, but without DH's financial support the savings would have run out eons ago...can you be a SAHM without support? I don't know.
I have joined moms groups, and they're great, but not for day to day support. In some ways, talking to other moms and trying to share the experience of motherhood is kind of a slap from reality because they always seem to have supportive husbands, mothers, family, etc. I know...it's not always what it seems...but I always feel a higher sense of loss when talking to others because no one seems to have the complete lack of familial support that I have and, well, I guess I should count my blessings that my husband financially supports us.
It is hard to be happy staying at home when your husband does not support it, and when everything fiscally and career based tells you it's a good idea to go back to work, and when you know that if you went back to work, your husband wouldn't be able to help much to balance two careers.
Oh, well, I do have blessings and I should be thankful for them. I know many other women in the world have far bigger worries.
|I now understand (as you explained ) that being in a mommy's group is like a constant reminder that things aren't right in your own home.|
I want to tell you I am sorry if I sounded cold. I am not in your situation. I would crumble (and have) when I don't have my dh's support.
I agree with another poster that this is something you and dh have to work out. I don't know how though. I have no words of wisdom. All I can say is your daughter will be happier with you raising her than a stranger.
I now understand (as you explained ) that being in a mommy's group is like a constant reminder that things aren't right in your own home. HOw thoughtless I was before!
I do understand this. At "rough times" I have stayed away from my own mommies groups. (that is another story).
I am here is you need support. At least I can say a few words here and there of encouragement.
you might be srupised it you got to know them i am sure, in fact i try really really hard to make sure, that i look like i have it all together .... but i don't