Staying at home mainly due to lack of support system? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 13 Old 12-24-2007, 01:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
That Is Nice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,798
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Anyone else staying at home due to a lack of a support system?
That Is Nice is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 13 Old 12-24-2007, 03:22 PM
 
turkeygw's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 136
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That describes me pretty much. We don't have anyone to watch our daughters on the days they have off school, (i.e given xmas break, in service staff days, 1/2 days, holidays,etc). I've tried putting ads up, and asking people in my neighborhood, but as usual no one can help. We also can't put the girls in daycares around here, because they all want a maximum of 8hours/5days a week. Of course I got laid off at the temp job, so I've been applying to several places that are looking for at home workers. So far though, no one has called me back or responded to my resume(maybe it's because of the holiday season). I hate not having my own money as well. I just feel so trapped, but can't do anything until I have an income coming in. DP works, and has been supporting the family for 5years. I'd would for once, like to start contributing financially.
turkeygw is offline  
#3 of 13 Old 12-24-2007, 04:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
That Is Nice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,798
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by turkeygw View Post
That describes me pretty much. We don't have anyone to watch our daughters on the days they have off school, (i.e given xmas break, in service staff days, 1/2 days, holidays,etc). I've tried putting ads up, and asking people in my neighborhood, but as usual no one can help. We also can't put the girls in daycares around here, because they all want a maximum of 8hours/5days a week. Of course I got laid off at the temp job, so I've been applying to several places that are looking for at home workers. So far though, no one has called me back or responded to my resume(maybe it's because of the holiday season). I hate not having my own money as well. I just feel so trapped, but can't do anything until I have an income coming in. DP works, and has been supporting the family for 5years. I'd would for once, like to start contributing financially.


It's a hard line to walk. I keep telling myself maybe things will improve...I hope they do for you, too!
That Is Nice is offline  
#4 of 13 Old 12-26-2007, 06:41 PM
 
Momma Aimee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: deep in South Texas and ready to go home
Posts: 9,304
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Spring,

I know from many of your thread that you and your DH are struggling with many things -- like balanceing marriage and a baby, like balancing care for the baby and work and so on .... I know that while you are home you are home feeling like you have no choice to but to be home (liek if i don't do the dishes no one will) ......and THAT is not really allowing you to enjoy being home. I also feel, and i could be wrong, you and DH are missing a lot of the joy of your marraige and your baby dut to the work vs home conflicts.....

my heart goes out to you and i fear you are in a place tooo many families are in.

I was just wondering ... have you looking to to threapy / counsloing for you and DH?

I don't think that SAH is the real issues -- i think it is the most visible symptom.

I think ther eis a lot of conflict in the area of respect and working together for the good of the family -- mutal goals and all that.

???

Aimee

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
Momma Aimee is offline  
#5 of 13 Old 12-26-2007, 10:41 PM
 
S.Lee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: North of Dallas (Celina,TX)
Posts: 145
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know the feelings completely. I can't imagine trying to squeeze anything else in!! Wish I had some advice.
S.Lee is offline  
#6 of 13 Old 12-27-2007, 01:17 AM
 
butterflykisses4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 257
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That is me also. My dh is gone all week long. for us it was either me working and my whole paycheck going to daycare. So a no brainer there. I stay home. But we have worked together to share resonsibilities. Like when he comes home we have saturday date night. We reconnect and it is really like I am dating him. We go to dinner and movies or rent movies. He does most of the "work" when he is home I cook but he cleans up and takes care of the kids. That way i get a chance to relax too. I am thinking like Aimee. Maybe it is just hard right now between you and dh. try talking about how you are feeling. once the pressure is off and you get some help from him you will start to like SAHing.
butterflykisses4 is offline  
#7 of 13 Old 12-28-2007, 12:57 AM
 
meowee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,773
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If I had a support system (and not just a nanny or a lot of money for sitters-- but loving, dependable, willing family) I would either be in school finishing a professional degree and/or working PT.
meowee is offline  
#8 of 13 Old 12-29-2007, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
That Is Nice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,798
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
:
That Is Nice is offline  
#9 of 13 Old 12-29-2007, 12:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
That Is Nice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,798
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by meowee View Post
If I had a support system (and not just a nanny or a lot of money for sitters-- but loving, dependable, willing family) I would either be in school finishing a professional degree and/or working PT.


Yes, a loving, dependable, willing family is a true blessing.
That Is Nice is offline  
#10 of 13 Old 12-29-2007, 12:59 PM
 
Momma Aimee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: deep in South Texas and ready to go home
Posts: 9,304
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
I guess when you get married young, you think you know a person well, but after being married for years and years without kids, people change and become slightly different people...and then when you add kids to the mix...people change even more. Or some people change even more.
thisis VERY Trye My sister stated dating my BIL at 15, got married at 25 and didn't have thier first child will 32 (I think, maybe 331) ..... it was a BIG BIG BIG change for them, and for BIL MOSTLY -- she had been a SAHW for years while they live aborad and when they got home and were TTC ... so he was pretty used to a certain way and having a baby, now two, was a BIG change for him and the marriage. Sis had to make adjustments too, i think havinbg kids lateer is better in a lot of way (around 30. not really like 45 or something) but it is hard in that life is a set way and then WAM it all changes and teh new person has no ablity to "work though things" or "comperminse" or "help out more"

I would suggest you keep after DH to come to therpay with you.

Aimee

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
Momma Aimee is offline  
#11 of 13 Old 12-30-2007, 04:09 PM
 
Mama Poot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Youngstown OH-Gotta Live Somewhere!
Posts: 6,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would try talking to your DH about all of this. You can't expect him to be a mind reader, kwim? Ask him to take some time off and spend more time with his family, to consider you guys as his main priority. And if that cannot be accomplished in the situation you are in now, then make the necessary changes, even if they are big. I was in almost the exact same situation you are in now a year ago, and DH and I ultimately ended up moving and getting ourselves into a better situation. From where we were living he had a 50 minute commute, and was working full time and also going to school. Some nights he wasn't home until 10-11pm or later. Something HAD to change because that simply was not a liveable situation for anyone. Moving also enabled me to return to school myself. I have very little support system here even though my family is here, so I had to rely on other sources for childcare. If you feel that going back to work is a necessity for you, but you would have trouble affording childcare, look into getting state assistance for it. No one should have to feel "stuck" or trapped like you do right now, and like I did last year. You do have options, and I strongly urge you to start exploring them.
Mama Poot is offline  
#12 of 13 Old 12-31-2007, 10:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
That Is Nice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,798
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
I would try talking to your DH about all of this. You can't expect him to be a mind reader, kwim?
Oh, we've talked about it, believe me! He's quite aware of the issue! It's nothing recent...it's been an issue for a very long time. He thinks nothing can be done about it.
That Is Nice is offline  
#13 of 13 Old 12-31-2007, 10:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
That Is Nice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,798
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Maybe I should reiterate that I do enjoy staying at home and raising my children. I place a high priority on that. I feel blessed that I even have that choice.

The irritation is that it is me, the wife, who stays home by default because my DH never for one instant considered staying at home with children. And the irritation is that DH can't wait for me to return to work.
That Is Nice is offline  
Reply

User Tag List



Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off