Can't stand to be away from my kids! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 12 Old 12-30-2007, 09:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
robin4kids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 360
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OK, I am not sure where this thread belongs, but here is my situation...
I am the mom to 5 wonderful kids. In 12 years I have only been away from my kids overnight, 4 times. Can you guess when that was? Yes during the birth of my kids.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not some overbearing mom. I do go out w/o my kids on occasion. I DO let my older kids sleep over at a friend's house. My three oldest even went to sleep away camp over the summer. I am thrilled that my kids feel so secure that they can be away from me.

My problem, if you can call it one, is that I can't be away from them for more than a couple of hours every once in a while. I really should go back to school and get my masters so i can get a full time job, but the thought of being away from my kids for 4-10 hours a day, 5 times a week, makes me sick.

I physically need to see my kids. It is o.k when they go to camp for a week, because it is only a week. I miss them terribly, but I know that they will be back soon. I care for other kids in my home to earn extra money, but lets face it, it is not much money.

Is there anyone else out there who feels this way. Is there anyone who can't bear to miss one second of their child's life? It sounds so silly. I know that no one wants to go back to work, but yet I watch as parents put their kids in daycare, with such ease.

I know i am sounding like some crazy person, but i am really trying to find some other women like me. So to be clear: I have NEVER gone on vacation for even one night w/o my kids. I don't go out w/o my kids on a regular basis for me time. Anyone ?
robin4kids is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 12 Old 12-30-2007, 09:12 PM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,210
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am there with you mama. The thought of leaving my kids to work makes me have panic attacks and nightmares. I can deal with school dd has been going for 3yrs now but I MUST take her and pick her up.

A few months back we were really in a bind and on the verge of looseing the house and I thought I was going to have to go back to work. I was a mess thinking I was going to have to put ds in daycare and not be able to pick up dd and drop her off to school. I came very near to having a nervous break down. Things worked out thank the good Lord and I am no longer in danger of having to work.

I dont leave my kids for very long either other than dd being in school. If I go to the store they go with me. If I go to the Dr. and it is possible to take them with me I do. The only me time I get is in the bath at night and they are just in the other room and running in and out so I am still basicly with them.

DD has stayed all night with each set of grandparents 3 times each now. She loves it and I know she is safe so it dosnt bother me. Plus I am only 20min away from here then.

So you are definatly not alone.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
#3 of 12 Old 12-30-2007, 09:24 PM
 
uncertain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 146
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am right there with you too. I only have one DC right now (praying for more..), but I have only been away from him a few times, and never overnight. I hate leaving him, and I have absolutely no desire to "vacation" without him; that would be torturous for me! My neighbor has a DD the same age, and she and her husband have been to Europe, Africa, and South America without their DD (in addition to assorted solo vacations in the US). I just can't fathom it for myself!
uncertain is offline  
#4 of 12 Old 12-30-2007, 10:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
robin4kids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 360
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
To go on a vacation? I really am trying to understand this. i know that eventually my kids will grow and move away, but I am thinking that as they get older I will get used to the idea, just like i have gotten used to my kids going to school and camp. The idea of suddenly putting my kids in dc, though makes me panic.
robin4kids is offline  
#5 of 12 Old 12-30-2007, 10:18 PM
 
Amys1st's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 8,322
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I havent left them for a vacation, but dd1 has stayed overnight with my parents a few times. She loves it. I think to each her/his own and whatever makes it work for you. I do a parents day out for my younger one on Thursdays. I use this time to go to appts, work in dd1's classroom or run errands that are difficult w a child or just do some Me time. But it has taken me 5 years to get to this point and it makes me a better mom.

Some parents need to get away for a period of time and that works for them. It makes them a better parent and eventually when my dd2 is older, we plan on showing our girls we appreciate our marriage and will go away for a few days while they stay w Grandma or Aunt/Uncle. But not to Europe or Africa, maybe a hotel downtown for a night or a quick getaway for 2 or 3 days! Then when older, we can do a week but for now, its not in the plans.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
Amys1st is offline  
#6 of 12 Old 12-30-2007, 10:24 PM
 
StormySar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Melvindale, MI
Posts: 1,265
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I'm right there with all of you too. I cant stand to leave my kids. I have never been overnight from my kids except once with my dd, who stayed overnight at my moms when my dh and I got married. My mom would love to have the kids for an overnight once in a while, which I'm slowly getting used to the idea, but I miss my kids even thinking about it.

When we were floundering a couple years ago and it looked like I had no choice but to work, I picked up a paper route so that I could bring my kids to work with me as I drove and deliverd papers. Actually paid a decent bit, before gas sky rocketed, or I'd consider doing it again now!
StormySar is offline  
#7 of 12 Old 12-30-2007, 10:26 PM
 
WoolyMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: New York Countryside
Posts: 25
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have only been away from my girls when they each were born. And that was because my mother came and took them for an afternoon or put them to bed while I nursed and stayed in bed after the births. I know how you feel. We are animals, you know, so I think it is normal.
WoolyMama is offline  
#8 of 12 Old 12-31-2007, 02:31 PM
 
zinemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: from the fire roads to the interstate
Posts: 6,298
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Although I don't feel the way you do in the least bit, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Except...do you have a partner? If so, how is this affecting your relationship? Dh and I don't often get an overnight without our kids, but man, when we do it's a real re-charger. Just being able to drop them at my parents for the evening and sleep in the next day is so wonderful. But, if you feel like things are ok in that department, then why worry.

However, if you really want to go back to school, I think you should do it. I wouldn't worry about the end result of school (full-time job, being away from the kids all day) but instead focus how enriching school will be to you, even if you never decide to work full-time.

You can always go to school part-time, just a class a semester, starting slow.
zinemama is offline  
#9 of 12 Old 12-31-2007, 02:38 PM
Jes
 
Jes's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 137
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm right there with you, and my DP feels the same way (even tho he works out of home). The only time I have left DS1 overnight was to have DS2 and I missed him so much that I actually cried. It drove me crazy knowing I was missing some moments with him.

I do the occasion run to the store without them because it's either to cold or someone is sleeping - it just wouldn't make sense to take them. But I won't go out just without the kids for me.

A lot of people just don't understand how I feel. My kids and DP are my world and I love to spend all my time with them. I wouldn't want to do anything else.

It's nice to see their is someone else like me.
Jes is offline  
#10 of 12 Old 12-31-2007, 03:32 PM
 
Ornery's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,870
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had to work full time and go to school full time until my oldest ds was 8. I was a single mother and HAD to provide for him. I hated every second I was away. Now that I've been a SAHM with my two little ones for the past four years, I really see how much I missed of his childhood and it makes me so sad.

I'm not a person who can't be away from their children. In fact, the occasional two hour break to go have coffee with a friend or window shopping trip (while dh cares for the children) is a lot of fun and really recharges me. But when the two little ones were in daycare this summer (I was really really sick, in and out of the hospital, massive surgeries, etc.), it was horrible. Not to know what they ate for lunch, who they had played with, what they had done all day hurt me so badly. I just feel so blessed to be able to be home with them.
Ornery is offline  
#11 of 12 Old 01-02-2008, 11:24 AM
 
BeanyMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
i'm fine with leaving them with a sitter for a few hours for dinner and a movie with dh. I cannot imagine spending the night away from them. that sounds horrible. maybe when they get to the point that they'd like it? even then i can't see it for more than 1 night. im a total helicopter mom

Mama to four ('03, '05, '08 & '11) chicken3.gif
BeanyMama is offline  
#12 of 12 Old 01-02-2008, 02:33 PM
 
limabean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 9,431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)
It sounds like you actually don't have a problem being away from your kids, since you're fine with them spending the night at friends' houses, going to camp, etc. It seems that you're just not comfortable being away from them to do something you want to do -- you're only okay with being away from them so they can do something they want to do.

Which is fine -- there's no reason you should have to be away from your kids if you don't want to -- but many people don't feel guilty about doing something fun while their kids have one-on-one time with daddy or a grandparent, and that's cool too!

DH+Me 1994 heartbeat.gif DS 2004 heartbeat.gif DD 2008 heartbeat.gif DDog 2014
limabean is online now  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off