Not the "home maker" type? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 31 Old 02-26-2008, 03:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
Mamatolea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Southern NH
Posts: 1,430
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am a SAHM to a beautiful one year old. She is very active and friendly and destructive..lol

I am also pregnant(and very sick as well from it).

I also watch 2 kidlets during the week as well, both PT, but Mon and Tue and Thur are FT days with them(one is 5 months, one is 11 months).

I NEVER was the cooking, cleaning kind of person on a regular basis. I can't get motivated(I would much rather do anything..lol), but it is so much worse now..

DH gets frustrated with me because he works FT and then comes home and things are not spic and span(I do try to keep it neat, but it seems impossible!). So he cleans when he gets home and sometimes it gets to be too much on him, and I feel horrible!

I have been trying to cook more and try to keep up with laundry, cleaning, etc..and doing better, but still a long way to go.

How do YOU find motivation to keep up and not just bury your head under the covers and go back to bed???

Kara, Chad, dd L(5) and ds E(3) and expecting baby E on Valetine's Day grouphug.gif~We are a home-birthing, baby-wearing, home-made, co-sleeping, no-vax, crafting(both of items and of magick!), green living and loving family in Southern NH

Mamatolea is offline  
#2 of 31 Old 02-26-2008, 09:36 PM
 
CawMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,225
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The only thing that keeps me motivated is dh. He was brought up in a Leave it to Beaver childhood, and didn't leave home until he married at 27 years old. So, to him, a spotless home is the norm.

I came from the opposite, and I am a self proclaimed slob. But, knowing that a messy house stresses him out, I try my best to have it at least picked up all the time. Our home will never be like that of my in-laws, but at least it's sanitary.

Carrin Mama to Sawyer 4/06 and TTC #2 I am a WAHM!
CawMama is offline  
#3 of 31 Old 02-26-2008, 09:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
Mamatolea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Southern NH
Posts: 1,430
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
:

My MIL kept a spotless house, with 7 children no less...and he is used to that...

So I try, but it is soooooo hard! I am honestly thinking of trying to barter for a housekeeper like once a week...

Kara, Chad, dd L(5) and ds E(3) and expecting baby E on Valetine's Day grouphug.gif~We are a home-birthing, baby-wearing, home-made, co-sleeping, no-vax, crafting(both of items and of magick!), green living and loving family in Southern NH

Mamatolea is offline  
#4 of 31 Old 02-27-2008, 12:36 AM
 
StormySar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Melvindale, MI
Posts: 1,277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I just want to say my home is anything but spotless, but my dh has a few requests I try to keep on top of.

My satisfaction comes from a "clean" home (things in their place, surfaces clear, floor neat, etc.). When my home is clean, my mind is clear and things are at peace. I enjoy that, so that is my driving factor to keep on top of things.

I was never the home maker type either! But now a days that is one of my passions!
StormySar is offline  
#5 of 31 Old 02-27-2008, 12:40 AM
 
angelpie545's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Near water, with a refreshing rain
Posts: 6,674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The thing that keeps me motivated is that I love to have people over to my house, and I can't do that very well if I have to keep apologizing for the mess and make excuses for it. Another thing I do is put myself in my kid's shoes, and imagine what they feel like if it's a huge mess, and imagine if for some reason the police knocked on my door or something. Sounds bad, I know, but it gets me going.

Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)

angelpie545 is offline  
#6 of 31 Old 02-27-2008, 09:26 AM
 
DariusMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: I've been in the lowlands too long
Posts: 2,415
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
could you commit to doing a few of the things that are particularly important to your DH on Wednesdays and Fridays when you aren't watching other kids + your own (not to mention being pregnant!), which sounds like *a lot* for anyone to handle! If you could get a bit more done when you aren't watching the other kids, then maybe neither you nor your DH would feel so bad on the other days.
DariusMom is offline  
#7 of 31 Old 02-27-2008, 10:40 AM
 
Joyster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,604
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think for me the motivation largely is that I relax better when there isn't chaos around in my home. So I do it largely for me. It took me a while to really get into the habit though. The messiest rooms are the ones I don't see too often so like my bedroom and the downstairs room waaaay in the back of the basement. lol

I think having a plan and system really helps. Getting lots of baskets to put things away in, having your laundry room organised, having simple but nutritious menus and even something as trivial as having dishsoap or laundry detergent in a scent you like can make it just a tad bit more bearable. Cleaning up the kitchen as you prepare food is a big lifesaver for me, since I really can make a mess making a meal. I also like having music (or a radio talk show I know I'll disagree with...I work well when I'm angry lol) when I'm doing chores, that way my two year old helps, but we also dance to the music which makes it considerably more fun.

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
Joyster is offline  
#8 of 31 Old 02-27-2008, 10:42 AM
 
mbhf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my motivation is knowing it stresses my dh out to come home to a messy house, and i feel so much better when my house is clean.

i have a list. full of every day chores and once a week chores. I check them off as I do them, and my day isn't over until they're all checked off. it's mostly a bunch of little things that take less than 5 minutes (usually much less) like wiping down the counters in the kitchen, vacuuming downstairs, loading the dishwasher, washing a load of clothes. nothing fancy. once a week i mop, clean the bathrooms, that kind of thing. it is so easy for me to keep up with, and if i start first thing my day can be "done" by early afternoon.

you might check out motivatedmoms.com it's something you sign up for, and it makes lists for you. i've never tried it, but a lot of moms i know swear by it.
mbhf is offline  
#9 of 31 Old 02-27-2008, 11:59 AM
 
SollysMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 599
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can TOTALLY relate to what you're saying, except I've just got one baby and don't watch any other kids. But I was never very domestic and I hate cleaning. DH is sort of a neat freak and when we were both working (before DS) he did almost all the cleaning. I'm getting there with the cooking - always have dinner ready when DH gets home even if it's something fairly simple. And I always stay on top of dishes and laundry. But the cleaning is still tough for me even though I try to keep things tidy. I started a thread yesterday with a "Cleaning Checklist" that I'm hoping will help me stay on top of it. I think what will be helpful about it is that it's broken into very small tasks that I can do throughout the week, so the job of "cleaning the bathroom" doesn't seem daunting and need to be done all at once.

Faith, wife to Ben 9/24/05     Tandem nursing and cosleeping graduate (for now!), babywearing SAHM to Solomon 9/18/07 and Abram 12/10/09, expecting our 3rd boy in December/January!
Master Babywearing Educator and President of Babywearing International of Central New York
SollysMom is offline  
#10 of 31 Old 02-28-2008, 12:30 AM
 
Mama Poot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Youngstown OH-Gotta Live Somewhere!
Posts: 6,166
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If you can do without the income, I would stop watching the other children and focus on your own family and household, especially with you being pregnant and having a rough go of things. I think this has less to do with you not being the "home maker" type and just being plain worn out and not having enough time to make these things a priority. But if you absolutely must continue the childcare thing, try to relax and tell your DH to relax and get used to the place being messy. I'd love to see him try to keep a perfect house and care for all those little ones!
Mama Poot is offline  
#11 of 31 Old 02-28-2008, 01:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
Mamatolea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Southern NH
Posts: 1,430
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wish I could, but we are trying to be debt free before the baby gets here because we have to build an addition for the kidlets rooms.

I am trying to relax, but it is so hard...and I agree, I would LOVE to see DH do what I do! LOL

Kara, Chad, dd L(5) and ds E(3) and expecting baby E on Valetine's Day grouphug.gif~We are a home-birthing, baby-wearing, home-made, co-sleeping, no-vax, crafting(both of items and of magick!), green living and loving family in Southern NH

Mamatolea is offline  
#12 of 31 Old 02-28-2008, 11:19 AM
 
DaughterOfKali's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 12,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I admit that it's difficult to get motivated and to find the energy to be Ms Suzie Homemaker. I don't have to deal with a husband that expects a clean home but I deal with something worse. Myself. I annoy myself for not have a spotless home. LOL.
Wish I had some advice for you.
The only thing that seems to motivate is if I invite someone over. Then I'm forced to clean.

Independent Consultant- Thirty One Gifts www.mythirtyone.com/ShopLiz

Origami Owl http://lizcioci.origamiowl.com

DaughterOfKali is offline  
#13 of 31 Old 02-28-2008, 11:49 AM
 
Maddy123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Being pg, having a one year old, watching two other little ones...geez, give yourself a break! Given everything on your plate, how much is your DH expecting you to do?? I understand about debt and all, but that just seems like so much. Keeping a really clean and neat house on top of that seems pretty difficult to me.

Before kids, I was a go-go-go sort of person in the workplace. In terms of at-home motivation, I have looked at my time at home as another phase of my life. I have really grown in my ability to do housewife-y things like meal plan, shop on a budget, keep things clean and organized, decorate the house, etc. I've taken it as kind of a challenge (a friendly one with myself) to put some effort into domestic life.

As others have noted, the "someone's coming over" motivation is a good one!

But with all you are doing, be kind to yourself.
Maddy123 is offline  
#14 of 31 Old 02-28-2008, 12:54 PM
 
Sustainer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: upstate NY
Posts: 10,749
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not the home maker type at all. I don't cook or clean. DP does all the cooking and cleaning. Add that to his full time job and I still think I do more work as a SAHM.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

Sustainer is offline  
#15 of 31 Old 02-28-2008, 02:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
Mamatolea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Southern NH
Posts: 1,430
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
YIKES!

Ask people over?? LOL

Then I have to cook AND clean, because everyone knows I am the hostess that always has food!! You all are trying to kill this preggo aren't ya?

Kara, Chad, dd L(5) and ds E(3) and expecting baby E on Valetine's Day grouphug.gif~We are a home-birthing, baby-wearing, home-made, co-sleeping, no-vax, crafting(both of items and of magick!), green living and loving family in Southern NH

Mamatolea is offline  
#16 of 31 Old 03-02-2008, 06:21 AM
 
lunamegn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: mountains
Posts: 1,096
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My man could care less if the house is a mess - it's me who can't stand it when it's a pit. I never in a million years thought I'd be a stay home mama to my kids. I always envisioned myself a career woman - but once I got pregnant, I realized that I wanted to be the one to raise my kids and be there for everything. So I'm not much of a homemaker - I get the necessities done and I clean every so often.

I enjoy cooking but I crumble under the pressure being expected to make something every night. I also put undue pressure on myself to come up with something new and creative often. It's too overwhelming so I just don't make anything or we just make burritos.
lunamegn is offline  
#17 of 31 Old 03-02-2008, 10:53 AM
 
DaughterOfKali's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 12,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamatolea View Post
Then I have to cook AND clean, because everyone knows I am the hostess that always has food!! You all are trying to kill this preggo aren't ya?
LOL. You don't have to invite people over for a meal. Just invite a friend or two over for tea/coffee. (and stop at the bakery for goodies.)

Independent Consultant- Thirty One Gifts www.mythirtyone.com/ShopLiz

Origami Owl http://lizcioci.origamiowl.com

DaughterOfKali is offline  
#18 of 31 Old 03-02-2008, 11:53 AM
 
jadekat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nevada,MO
Posts: 395
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
If you can do without the income, I would stop watching the other children and focus on your own family and household, especially with you being pregnant and having a rough go of things. I think this has less to do with you not being the "home maker" type and just being plain worn out and not having enough time to make these things a priority. But if you absolutely must continue the childcare thing, try to relax and tell your DH to relax and get used to the place being messy. I'd love to see him try to keep a perfect house and care for all those little ones!
I totally agree! Being prego is tiring enough.

Kathleen SAHM to Jade 10/14/03, Aiden 2/2/06, and Hunter 5/14/09 Wife to Rob 3/28/03
I'm new to: treehugger.gif sewmachine.gif  chicken3.gif
jadekat is offline  
#19 of 31 Old 03-04-2008, 09:39 AM
 
amitymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: London
Posts: 1,769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Okay, my question is, if it's "too much" for your DH to clean after he's home from work, why shouldn't it be too much for you, who also works, plus looking after your own child *and* being pregnant? Just because you work from home doesn't mean that you are wholly responsible for the state your work environment is in at the end of the day. The very nature of a childcare job means messes will be created!

Maybe try putting it to him like this: he works full time out of the home and you work full time in the home, caring for children. While you do your best to keep the house sufficiently tidied as you go, you should be under no obligation to do all the cleaning, organizing, tidying, etc.. simply because you happen to do your job from home. After you've each completeted your respective work days, it is BOTH of your responsibilities to pitch in on cleaning and cooking.

This is a partnership, not an aristocracy, and you are not his servant or employee.

Mother. Doula. Writer. Feminist. Activist. 
Mum to Moo Moo (4) blahblah.gifand EJ (2) bftoddler.gif
 
 
 
amitymama is offline  
#20 of 31 Old 03-04-2008, 10:01 AM
 
slymamato3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 3,464
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I never would have seen myself staying home but here we are almost 8 years later and I will be home for at least the next 4 years and then will probably only work pt so I will be here when the kiddos get home from school. It sounds to me like your plate is overflowing Kara. Is there any way for you to not watch the other kids? I have been so overwhelmed lately by what it takes to keep my home in order. I can't imagine adding someone elses kids or a job outside the home to what I already do. Think of all the time I would miss out on MDC, no seriously though, you are growing a baby and that is an amazing job so go easy on yourself when it comes to the other stuff. And don't feel like you have to be the hostess all the time...thats what other mamas are for when you need them. Because I have to say how helpful it is for me to have other people around since I have been staying home. It helps keep me sane...if that is possible
slymamato3 is offline  
#21 of 31 Old 03-04-2008, 12:55 PM
 
Emmeline II's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,831
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
If you can do without the income, I would stop watching the other children and focus on your own family and household, especially with you being pregnant and having a rough go of things. I think this has less to do with you not being the "home maker" type and just being plain worn out and not having enough time to make these things a priority. But if you absolutely must continue the childcare thing, try to relax and tell your DH to relax and get used to the place being messy. I'd love to see him try to keep a perfect house and care for all those little ones!



When I had ms with #2 dh was lucky to have clean clothes piled on the counter (he was in school too though).

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
Emmeline II is offline  
#22 of 31 Old 03-04-2008, 12:58 PM
 
Emmeline II's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,831
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddy123 View Post
Being pg, having a one year old, watching two other little ones...geez, give yourself a break! Given everything on your plate, how much is your DH expecting you to do?? I understand about debt and all, but that just seems like so much. Keeping a really clean and neat house on top of that seems pretty difficult to me.

Your dh has to choose: debt free vs. clean house. Being pregnant, especially while sick, IS work, plus you watch those children.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
Emmeline II is offline  
#23 of 31 Old 03-04-2008, 01:01 PM
 
Emmeline II's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,831
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by amitymama View Post
Maybe try putting it to him like this: he works full time out of the home and you work full time in the home, caring for children. While you do your best to keep the house sufficiently tidied as you go, you should be under no obligation to do all the cleaning, organizing, tidying, etc.. simply because you happen to do your job from home. After you've each completeted your respective work days, it is BOTH of your responsibilities to pitch in on cleaning and cooking.



"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
Emmeline II is offline  
#24 of 31 Old 03-04-2008, 01:11 PM
 
Jenlaana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 2,878
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
While I won't get into the whole DH debate, I do think its possible to do a few things every day. Not everything, and you can't be expected to keep a house "spotless" but a little done every day is a lot easier to handle than a month worth of mess.

I'm a horrible slob to be honest, and its been tough on me, but here's what works for me:

Every weekend we do a full house cleaning. I make a list, and every person of functional age is expected to help (i.e. me, DH and my oldest son w/ my 2 yr old helping) Its a fair list with items for everyone, and NOBODY relaxes until its done. I make sure everyone knows about half way through the week not to make plans for Saturday (or Sunday) morning. We get the house done before noon with everyone pitching in. Its not perfect but its enough that its not overwhelming during the week.

Every day during the week I make a list. I cross off items as i do them. I even list little things and even as i do them sometimes. That way at the end of the day, even if its not all done I can see what I did during the day and so can DH and DS (and I never expect myself to do EVERYTHING during a week day). Anything I don't do just gets rolled over into the next day, no biggie. It doesnt make my house spotless, but it keeps me motivated and really gives my self esteem a boost.

Be realistic about your expectations of yourself and your DH. What does he do when he gets home? Does he eat your food and then veg out and watch TV? Then he can't expect miracles from you. The most I expect from my DH is to stay active when I'm active at night (i.e. if I am cleaning up after dinner, so is he, or if I am cleaning up or cooking, he is taking care of the kids and getting them ready for dinner/bed)

I think the best way to keep people from getting angry and frustrated and overwhelmed, is to plan it all out ahead of time. If your DH comes home and starts cleaning because "you didnt do your share" then of course he's going to feel resentful, because he expected to come home and relax and instead had to do "work" but if he knows that before he relaxes he needs to do x and y, and agrees to it before hand, he cant get upset. It works both ways too. If you commit to something make sure you don't leave it on his plate at the end of the day (be reasonable...you cant disinfect an entire house top to bottom being pregnant and caring for so many little ones, yk?)
Jenlaana is offline  
#25 of 31 Old 03-04-2008, 04:17 PM
 
mamahart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: in the woods on the ocean
Posts: 532
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am not a good homemaker, ick I do not like it one little bit. I get zero satisfaction from a clean house. But I love being a mama and I do have to clean up after we make bread or paint or something...
My DH works full time - I stay home. We split cleaning and cooking about 50/50. I do not stay home to clean house. I stay home to be with my son. I work a bit on the internet but mainly I try and help out with chores and whatever does not get done I don't care at all about. And if my older daughter wants a cleaner house she can help more. I just don't think SAHM means stay at home maid. no no no no.
mamahart is offline  
#26 of 31 Old 03-04-2008, 05:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
Mamatolea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Southern NH
Posts: 1,430
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamahart View Post
I just don't think SAHM means stay at home maid. no no no no.
ITA!!

And to update, I told both families I watch for that I am just overwhelmed now and they need to find other providers.

I made the hard financial decision. My sanity and this baby's health is more important than a couple of hundred dollars a week.

So now I need to try and find something on the side I can do to make a bit of extra. Off to the WAHM forum to see what I can find!

Thanks mamas!

Kara, Chad, dd L(5) and ds E(3) and expecting baby E on Valetine's Day grouphug.gif~We are a home-birthing, baby-wearing, home-made, co-sleeping, no-vax, crafting(both of items and of magick!), green living and loving family in Southern NH

Mamatolea is offline  
#27 of 31 Old 03-04-2008, 11:32 PM
 
quinbearzmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 632
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh mama- we are going to have things to talk about when we get together!

First of all, I think it is so hard being home and pregnant. I worked as a university administrator throughout my first pregnancy as well as the first 7 months of my second pregnancy. At the time, I thought it would be such a luxury that I would be home for my last trimester. HAH!!!! I was exhausted trying to keep up with my DS. I was so happy to be with him, but I really missed the days of just sitting for most of the day at work. Instead, I was constantly on my feet, running around- I was dead tired. So I totally know how you are feeling.

I too do not do a lot of housework. There was a poll around here recently asking how much DH/DP contributes to the household, and we pretty much split things 50/50. When DH is home (which as he works long hours isn't often for much of the year) we both take care of our kids. DH does bedtime frequently and often washes the dishes. We split cooking duties and have someone clean the house every other week. I know how lucky I am- believe me.

We don't equate SAHM to "homemaker"/maid. DH goes to his job during the day, and my job is caring for our kids. Sure, I make the beds, usually end up doing the laundry/diaper washes, and maybe a few other things during the day- but our house is definitely in disarray by the end of the day and no one would say our house is spic and span unless they visit the day it is professionally cleaned.

Anyway, I've learned to set the image of perfection aside and instead just focus on having fun with my kids. (Oh and FWIW, it was much easier to set aside certain expectations after baby #2 arrived- the kids are the priority, plain and simple...)

J - Birth doula and *very* grateful mama to bouncy Q, fancy F, and mighty F!

quinbearzmama is offline  
#28 of 31 Old 03-05-2008, 06:46 AM
 
Learning_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not a homemaker at all! I wish I was! I have visions of being Martha Stewart but it ain't going to happen.

What does keep me motivated though is to wake up to a clean and tidy house. I do the dishes after each meal because it only takes two minutes that way. I pick up the toys at nap time, and then after bath, before bedtime and run the vacuum round really quick. All washing goes straight into the washing machine, and when it's full it's just turned on and stuck in the dryer when it's finished, then it's folded and put away straight away.

In saying that though, I think my standards are lower than other people. I only clean the bathroom / toilet once a week. The floors are mopped when I look at them and get grossed out. We also have a really small house so that makes it easier.

I find though, if you clean as you go it's so much quicker and you never really have alot to do. Make lunch, wipe the benches down, wash up the dishes when you've finished and the whole thing takes maybe 10 minutes? Wait till the end of the day and it's going to take 30 minutes.

It's complicated.
Learning_Mum is offline  
#29 of 31 Old 03-05-2008, 12:21 PM
 
Snugglebunnymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 85
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamatolea View Post
:

My MIL kept a spotless house, with 7 children no less...and he is used to that...

So I try, but it is soooooo hard! I am honestly thinking of trying to barter for a housekeeper like once a week...
I am one who is naturally inclined to keep a spotless house. But, even at that, I wanted to say something.

You said (and you aren't the only one) that your dh grew up in a house that was kept spotless, and in your case MIL had 7 kids to boot.

When people say stuff like this, I am always thinking "How do you know what kind of house your MIL kept?" The answer is probably "because that's what dh told me he remembers growing up." Well, if he remembers it, then he was probably OLDER, which means he likely pitched in himself and helped .... but also, wonder what it was like when he was YOUNGER?? Of course he wouldn't remember.. Also, these 7 kids- were they spaced closely together? I'm guessing they probably were. In that case, I bet things were a lot more difficult with 3 little ones close in age than they were when she had 4 older ones and another 3 little ones. Even Michelle Duggar (the family with 17 kids who is always on TLC) has said before that life with 4-5 little ones was way harder than her life now. I can imagine that's probably true- she has.....what...12 kids who are age 5 and up... (she has one like every year), so while she does have several little ones, she's got a LOT of older kids--who do the laundry, cooking, cleaning, help with homeschooling, etc etc.

Anyway......long rambly post all this to stay, stop beating yourself up!!
Snugglebunnymama is offline  
#30 of 31 Old 03-12-2008, 10:51 PM
 
Einley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 555
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunamegn View Post
My man could care less if the house is a mess - it's me who can't stand it when it's a pit. I never in a million years thought I'd be a stay home mama to my kids. I always envisioned myself a career woman - but once I got pregnant, I realized that I wanted to be the one to raise my kids and be there for everything. So I'm not much of a homemaker - I get the necessities done and I clean every so often.

I enjoy cooking but I crumble under the pressure being expected to make something every night. I also put undue pressure on myself to come up with something new and creative often. It's too overwhelming so I just don't make anything or we just make burritos.
OMFG I could have written that word for word!

I signed up for a menu (and also get a free one emailed every week) because I put pressure on myself to come up with something new and creative.
It has helped immensely, but because we are vegetarian/vegan I can't always use the recipes and on those days we make burritos
Einley is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off