I have been at home since my oldest daughter was born, about 3 years. My youngest is 18 months. Lately, I have said more and more frequently "I wish I could go back to work!"
Part of it is their ages. I find them very trying at times (Who doesn't?) because while they play beautifully often, they also fight like crazy. I am finding 3 and extremely difficult age with the backtalk, not listening, and general crabbiness mine seems to exhibit a lot of the time. My 18 month old is very active and tries to do everything her sister does and often bugs the crap out of her. So...some days I am pulling my hair out and WAY less than the gentle parent I would like to be. By the end of the day I am losing my mind a good chunk of the time.
They go to mother's day out two mornings a week from 9-12 which helps, but I also end up using that time for errands and stuff. I feel like I am pulled in a lot of directions as I am also working as a doula and towards being a childbirth educator. I feel like I never give my full attention to the kids and yet...I don't accomplish anything else fully either.
Going back to work isn't really an option, because I'm doing what I want to do right now, it just happens to be that it is done mostly in the hours after my husband gets home. So it's almost like I'm working double since it's not as if I'm teaching childbirth classes while the kids are at school or meeting with doula clients during the day...it's all done in evenings or weekends.
I'm looking for creative solutions to a) maximize my time and efficiency so when I am home with the kids I feel like I can give my full attention to them without feeling distracted by other things and b) feel more fulfilled in my professional/personal life and c) manage my impatience with these crazy kids! It's important to me to continue on my doula path and teaching classes...I am ready to be something more than a mom on a personal level and I really WILL lose my mind without some kind of outlet.
So any ideas or just commiseration are welcome!!
mama to 3 girls: Abigail 2.12.05, Eliana 8.26.06, Willa 1.9.09
RN-BSN 5/11, CBE, former doula