Just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. I wish I had some great advice, but I'm always looking for a way to stay calm myself. My son is 2 years, 2months old and my new baby boy is 3 months old. I guess my baby is what people call high needs. I spend so much time trying to get him to sleep during the day with my toddler stalking me. Often, when I finally get him to sleep, he'll make a big noise and blow it all. Also needs LOTS of holding, which leaves me no arms. And I need my arms.
I know how time flies and I need to make the most of even these hard times so I can look back and be grateful and feel proud of myself.
Yelling at him so much wouldn't allow me to do that. So I vowed to just QUIT. NO MATTER HOW FRUSTRATED I GOT.
If I need to go in a closet and say 3 curse worse, I do it. Sometimes I scream the word and throw whatever I see, perhaps a hanger. Then I take deep breathes, say a prayer, and come out as refreshed as I can. He knows I'm frazzled, but at least I didn't have my tantrum in front of him.
I've made it 4 days with my new plan and I'm loving the fact that 1 I don't have the guilt and 2 my son feels he can trust me again.
I know it's hard. At least I get SOME sleep at night. Baby wakes 2-3 times, but I can sleep in between. It's so hard when your fuse is short for lack of sleep. It's easy to snap.
If I sound at all like I know what I'm doing in this department, I can assure you I don't. But I knew I had to do something because yelling was unacceptable. It felt bad to me for a reason. I never even did it until ds was born 3 months ago. I had much more patience because that's all I had to tend to, one kiddo.
Another thing that keeps me motivated, is the belief that the way I handle my frustration i front of my son really matters. I try to always keep that in mind. I know he'll learn from me how to handle chaos and I don't want him yelling too. I kind of am feeling like, right now, for me, how I handle myself when I'm losing it is the most important thing I do all day. I feel like I'm showing my son how it's done. And boy is he ever learning.
My days feel like a continual set of impossible situations that I have no choice but to find solutions to. And when I dodge the bullets, there is no time to rest and pat myself on the back because either something else is around the corner or I need to switch gears and play lovingly with my son.
I hope this makes sense. Just sounded like we were on the same page.
Also, I FORCE myself to walk around the block in the evening. Even just once. And I just breathe.