Stay At Home MOM NOT stay at home MAID! - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-03-2008, 03:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok so I understand we stay at home moms have cleaning we do. But unless the house is really bad, i do laundry, and little cleaning here and there to keep it comfertable. But my time is spend mostly with my son. HE is the reason I wanted to be a stay at home mom.

I am having a hard time with this because we co-house with my mother in law, and she comes home and I can tell by the way she looks at the house, that it isn't perfectly clean, then what the heck did I do all day. That is exactly what she is thinking, i know it. She makes remarks.

I do alot of things, but this is my theory: a clean house isn't going to matter ten years from now, my time spend with my child is.

Why can't some people understand this? Our house is not filthy, not even close. I spend ten minutes in each room, each day. I do laundry, i make a home cooked meal everyday with fridays being my only day off for cooking because that day we just do pizza.

My husband supports me.

But his family always think I am just sitting on the couch eating bon bons watching soaps!!

Anyone else tired of people judging stay at home moms?
We're not maids, nor slaves, we are Moms staying home to teach our children about life! Sure I teach him how to pick up after himself, and we do. But cleaning is not my main priority!

UGH! LOL!
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Old 04-03-2008, 10:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sahmnlovingit View Post
Ok so I understand we stay at home moms have cleaning we do. But unless the house is really bad, i do laundry, and little cleaning here and there to keep it comfertable. But my time is spend mostly with my son. HE is the reason I wanted to be a stay at home mom.

I am having a hard time with this because we co-house with my mother in law, and she comes home and I can tell by the way she looks at the house, that it isn't perfectly clean, then what the heck did I do all day. That is exactly what she is thinking, i know it. She makes remarks.

I do alot of things, but this is my theory: a clean house isn't going to matter ten years from now, my time spend with my child is.

Why can't some people understand this? Our house is not filthy, not even close. I spend ten minutes in each room, each day. I do laundry, i make a home cooked meal everyday with fridays being my only day off for cooking because that day we just do pizza.

My husband supports me.

But his family always think I am just sitting on the couch eating bon bons watching soaps!!

Anyone else tired of people judging stay at home moms?
We're not maids, nor slaves, we are Moms staying home to teach our children about life! Sure I teach him how to pick up after himself, and we do. But cleaning is not my main priority!

UGH! LOL!
I hear you. I know how maddening it is. Some women, sadly many women, feel this overarching need to judge and be critical of others. I am sorry you have to live with that 24/7. Let your dh deal with her criticisms and just go on about your day, loving your family.
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Old 04-03-2008, 11:32 AM
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You've got to bounce this ball into your DH's court...after all, this is HIS mother. You and your DH have decided that your DS is the top priority. Your MIL needs to get a good grasp on what this concept means, LOL.

We don't live with my MIL, but whenever she visited, she was always shocked at my poor housekeeping. Then one morning when DS1 was 4, she happened to wake up at 6am to find me playing quietly with DS1, who has a history of autism-related sleep issues. MIL had tears in her eyes as she told me what a beautiful mother I am, how lucky DS1 is to have me, how she never understood how to be this kind of mother herself. She finally saw what it means to put the child's needs first!

"Isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?" - Andy Warhol
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Old 04-03-2008, 11:48 AM
 
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Tell the MIL to go stuff it! You know what your priorities are and you seem to be happy with them, so keep them! I think I've been pretty lucky in this department. No one in my family has ever said a word about the state of my house. But maybe that's because I'm a way better housekeeper than my mom, so she's impressed when she sees how clean my house is But seriously, if I'm tired and there's cheerios covering the living room floor, they might stay there for a day or two! The basics are covered consistently-toilets, trash cans, floors. It isn't like I neglect that stuff-that would just be gross. But is there clutter and toys strewn about from time to time? Of course.
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Old 04-03-2008, 01:24 PM
 
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MIL's seem to always know best don't they? I'm lucky my MIL is sweeter to me than my own grandma. Plus she still has a house full of kids 90% of the time so her house can be a disaster, plus she never comes to our house. I don't understand how so many MIL's have to always be critiquing their DIL's, it just seems to be such a waste of time. If you and your DH have an understanding of what goes on in YOUR household than just ignore her(I know easier said than done). My DH and I co-clean and usually do a deep clean once a week, but during the week I hardly can ever vacuum during the day because DD is always dragging toys, dirt from the plant, etc..So many times DH does it after he gets home and I can occupy DD until bedtime. This is our way, I do almost all the cooking, the dishes, bathrooms, DH dusts, vacuums. We have our routine, sounds like you have yours. Ignore her.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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Old 04-03-2008, 02:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you everyone!! don't get me wrong, she is a sweet person. but its like this with her, she never thinks before she makes remarks. its funny to me, because i'll hear my husbands stories on how HE was taking care of HIS brothers, cooking, cleaning while his mom went to work or partied. I just love how people point fingers, but what they are accusing you off, is exactly a reflection of what they were like. I am proud i am not like that. I haven't been partying since he was born. LOL!
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Old 04-03-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sahmnlovingit View Post
a clean house isn't going to matter ten years from now, my time spend with my child is.


You said it exactly right! That is how I feel, too.
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Old 04-03-2008, 06:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sahmnlovingit View Post
Anyone else tired of people judging stay at home moms?
Oh, yeah! Big time!

But, I guess after being a SAHM for a few years now, I just look at people who judge my decision or question my views, and I think to myself, "they haven't done the research I have or agonized over the pros and cons like I have, so I am not going to place any value on their uninformed opinion."



Pay no attention to them!
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