Should SAHMs do all the housework? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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Stay at Home Parents > Should SAHMs do all the housework?
hattifattener's Avatar hattifattener 07:13 PM 04-16-2008
Okay- confession time...

After reading through this thread, the one thing most of the responses have in common is that cleaning never seems to take away from daytime parenting, either because DH helps out when he gets home, or because th e kids are involved in the cleaning, or because the SAHM does it when the kids are napping...

There's gotta be other mamas out there like me, who will occasionally say "Go play with your dollies now, okay? I need to scrub the floor."

TanyaMT's Avatar TanyaMT 07:23 PM 04-16-2008
I do nearly all ours. I don't mind as that is part of my job as my DH works really long hours.

The only part that bothers me is when he leaves clothing, shoes, etc., all over the house. I'll do the laundry and so forth but I expect him to at least put things back where they belong so I can get to the floor to vacuum it and so forth.
kimiij's Avatar kimiij 07:53 PM 04-16-2008
I think it's part of the package of being a SAHM. That is, its part of the job description. However, I don't think its unreasonable to expect husbands to load the dishwasher after dinner or after breakfast, or to run the vacuum on a Saturday morning, or to pick up after himself. So, if not all, most.
TinkerBelle's Avatar TinkerBelle 09:20 PM 04-16-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by hattifattener View Post
Okay- confession time...

After reading through this thread, the one thing most of the responses have in common is that cleaning never seems to take away from daytime parenting, either because DH helps out when he gets home, or because th e kids are involved in the cleaning, or because the SAHM does it when the kids are napping...

There's gotta be other mamas out there like me, who will occasionally say "Go play with your dollies now, okay? I need to scrub the floor."

I do that. I have no problem doing that at all. My kids, thankfully, have always been pretty independent and didn't want me in their face every minute of the day.

I still expect my husband to do something if it needs done, although I do most of the housework. Again, I feel that he needs to set an example for our kids.
theatermom's Avatar theatermom 09:47 PM 04-16-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by hattifattener View Post
Okay- confession time...

After reading through this thread, the one thing most of the responses have in common is that cleaning never seems to take away from daytime parenting, either because DH helps out when he gets home, or because th e kids are involved in the cleaning, or because the SAHM does it when the kids are napping...

There's gotta be other mamas out there like me, who will occasionally say "Go play with your dollies now, okay? I need to scrub the floor."
I don't really do heavy cleaning during the day, but my kiddos are fairly independent anyway. We go about our routines and check in with each other frequently (to read, discuss, do projects, go places, etc). When my oldest was very young, he did require my attention most of the day (very spirited/high needs AND an incredible extrovert), and so I got used to doing mopping and such on the weekends (not that I'm a big mopper, or anything ). I don't have a problem now, though, saying "We'll do that in a minute, I'm finishing up this basket of laundry" or whatever. If I *do* start something, I like to finish it.

That said, even if I were at home without children for some reason, I wouldn't spend much of my day cleaning. Before children, in college and newly married, I cleaned the house once a week, and picked up after myself throughout the week. Without kids, I would be spending my days writing or reading or volunteering or whatever. Cleaning has always been incidental to the rest of my life, irregardless of my employment status.
GooeyRN's Avatar GooeyRN 10:33 PM 04-16-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by hattifattener View Post
Okay- confession time...

After reading through this thread, the one thing most of the responses have in common is that cleaning never seems to take away from daytime parenting, either because DH helps out when he gets home, or because th e kids are involved in the cleaning, or because the SAHM does it when the kids are napping...

There's gotta be other mamas out there like me, who will occasionally say "Go play with your dollies now, okay? I need to scrub the floor."

Sure, I do that. I blow up some balloons and give dd an empty paper towel roll and let her bat at them. Or I give her a bunch of stickers and she is occupied for awhile. A bottle of bubbles keeps her busy a good 15 minutes, too. I don't see independent play as a bad thing. I don't clean while the baby is awake, though.
juliemarie's Avatar juliemarie 12:26 AM 04-17-2008
I do all the housework. Should I do all the housework? Heck no! It's not that my dh thinks that I should, he just doesn't really care. Which drives me crazy! But I think I work pretty darn hard with everything else I do, taking care of the girls, which, hello, is why I'm home and crafting my butt of to try and earn a little extra money and cut down on gift costs. So, no. You are not deluded, but I guess that's just the way it is. Typically speaking.
That Is Nice's Avatar That Is Nice 12:55 AM 04-17-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatermom View Post
That said, even if I were at home without children for some reason, I wouldn't spend much of my day cleaning. Before children, in college and newly married, I cleaned the house once a week, and picked up after myself throughout the week. Without kids, I would be spending my days writing or reading or volunteering or whatever. Cleaning has always been incidental to the rest of my life, irregardless of my employment status.


Devaya's Avatar Devaya 11:52 AM 04-17-2008
DP does most of the 'heavy cleaning' (We have wooden floors so its a pain, u cant just stick a hoover around) and most of the cooking.

I do most of the laundry, clean the bathroom, and pick up things/tidy on a day to day basis.

Sometimes I feel guilty about the work balance, but the fact is housework has always been his cup of tea, not mine He has perfectionist standards which i could never match anyway.

i am seldom in, so this may have a lot to do with it !
DevaMajka's Avatar DevaMajka 04:00 PM 04-18-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by hattifattener View Post
There's gotta be other mamas out there like me, who will occasionally say "Go play with your dollies now, okay? I need to scrub the floor."
Yeah, all the time. Sometimes I do it simply for my sanity. I try to spend plenty of time with him, but I don't feel bad when there's time he has to entertain himself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katheek77 View Post
When he gets home from work, *my* work day ends, as well.
I really like that. Perhaps that would help me feel less guilty when dp does some cleaning up and spending so much time with ds.
kittywitty's Avatar kittywitty 04:06 PM 04-18-2008
No, I don't. I have four kids. I homeschool, breastfeed, and keep track of 5 pets. Even when I had one kid, it's awesome to have any sort of help. If I wanted to pick up a grown man's socks for him, I would've just gotten a maid job.
chirp's Avatar chirp 08:44 PM 04-18-2008
nope.

G works from 7-4, then comes home and relaxes while i get dinner ready.

then whatever has to be done we pretty much both DO, or don't DO.

we're collectively motivated or lazy depending on the day.

alright, usually i will do the dishes before bed (that's a pet peeve of mine and he can let them sit for longer than i can.)

but really that's the only thing.

eta: i do the things that keep the house together that are not cleaning, during the day...like making the bread, desserts, feeding plants, going food shopping, preparing for dinner, preparing lunch for the next day...i do some cleaning like laundry...but the daily pick up gets done by both of us.
bellacymom's Avatar bellacymom 02:22 PM 04-21-2008
My DH has an easy job and I am with two kids under 3 y/o all day. He starts going nuts and is ready to go back to work by the time the weekend is over so yeah I expect him to do half of the housework. My "job" is taking care of my kids. He completely understands and helps a lot.
Periwinkle's Avatar Periwinkle 05:06 PM 04-21-2008
I feel both ways about it. On the one hand, the bulk of the chores and especially errands fall to me. This in my opinion is both to be expected and completely reasonable. It's kind of hard to run errands at night, kwim? And if I waited until after bedtime to clean the house, it wouldn't get done because we'd both be exhausted.

But on the weekends and when my husband is home, we share 50/50. So during these times, we both pitch in equally to wash or fold laundry, cook, vacuum, whatever. We both especially like to garden and both of us definitely help with yardwork too.

As for the focus on the kids thing... it is seriously against my values to literally be on the floor playing with the kids all day long. Of course I do this sometimes, but no, if there is a pile of laundry or dishes or the house is a mess OF COURSE I take care of these things. It's called being a grown-up IMO. I'm kind of laughing imagining Ma Ingalls being like, "eh, don't feel like milking the cows, doing the mending, and sweeping the floors today... let's play dollies All. Day. Long. instead!" I just think it's totally unnatural to do that (again, not talking about an occasional "rainy afternoon" thing or whatever), and I think the fairly consistent focus ON THE CHIDLREN all day every day, even at the expense of taking care of oneself (showering, getting dressed, even working out, etc.) or one's home (dishes, cleaning, cooking healthfully, etc.) is in my opinion not in any way desirable or beneficial AT ALL.

Preparing for rotten tomato onslaught.
nicole lisa's Avatar nicole lisa 06:40 PM 04-21-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Periwinkle View Post
Preparing for rotten tomato onslaught.
No tomatoes from me; I agree. But when not doing something more intensive with DS I'm doing something focused on me and not on the house. DS doesn't need or want me in his business all day and mostly we just parallel play - we'll both read at opposite ends of the couch, he's on the computer and I'm drawing or writing, he's building lego stuff and I'm on the computer. When we are doing stuff together it's out of the house (going for lunch, a matinee, seeing friends etc) so no house work i=s getting done then either.

Regardless of what I do all day picking up after everyone isn't my responsibility only. We all make the messes we all clean them up.
VOBetz's Avatar VOBetz 06:50 PM 04-21-2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post
I believe that a large part of mothering is maintaining a home for your family. That includes the fun stuff (decorating!) and also the not so fun stuff (scrubbing toilets).

I would never expect my husband to dust or to vacuum. Certainly I should not have to pick up after him, but the cleaning is my job. I would get upset if someone else did it.
This is how I feel too.

DH does help regularly. He helps if I don't ask and he is more than willing to help if I do ask.

But its still my job.
phathui5's Avatar phathui5 06:56 PM 04-21-2008
There was a time when I would have answered yes, but with my own four kids and the 1-4 extra that I have during the week, it's a solid NO. I either need help from dh or someone to come clean.
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