would you give up 2.5K a month just to raise your kids? - UPDATED POST #91! - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#91 of 101 Old 06-14-2008, 02:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamamelia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: in the kitchen..
Posts: 1,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
just to update!!!

well, i have decided NOT TO WORK!!! not full time, not even part time. dh is very happy with this decision - he strongly believes our babies need me much more than the extra money we could make.
thankyou all so much for your input - i REALLY and truely appreciate it.

for those wondering what led me to my decision.. well... my dd (3.75yo) has some special needs (sensory integration disorder) and we recently took her to a new but fantastic physician who is interstate (but well worth the travel). he ran tests (blood, fecal, brain EEG) and basically confirmed the diagnosis that i suspected she had. my heart really sank. i knew something was up with my baby and it was a relief but great pain all at the same time to have it confirmed with concrete evidence (like the results from the EEG) versus the physc and occupational therapist reports we had done earlier (given same diagnosis too).

he said her case was quite chronic but the prospects looked good. she is on a new diet (we all adopted it actually, to make things easier for her) and a new "surroundings" diet to help her feel more calm, safe and secure in a world of uncertainty. we had a very in depth conversation about things that set her off and decided against placing her in crowded situations (i.e daycare). NO amount of money is worth the confusion or emotional hassle that dd may experience. no amount. her place is at home with dd2 and i, with her lovely grain and dairy free diet where she doesn't have to constantly ask why she can't have a peice of bread like another kid can have, or where she may be misunderstood because she has very moody days where you have to tread on eggshells around her (something she can't control and therefore in no way should be held accountable for it, let alone punished/scolded by some stranger she doesn't even know). she has improved soooooo much with the new diet, its almost unbelievable and is on specific natural supplements to help regulate her mood and excessive periods of hyperactivity/overstimulation. nobody is going to take care of my baby the way i can and after all that she has been through (the many times she would tantrum excessively and violently/behave extremely badly and we would just think she was acting up and dish out consequences) she deserves me to be there for her 120% and to provide all the gentle understanding that she needs and deserves. we thought that it was highly unfair and almost boderline abusive to put her into a situation where she would definitely act up (because she cannot process everything in the same fashion a neurotypical child would) and then have her face consequences from the child care workers for bad behaivour or be excluded etc and not understand a single bit of it except for the fact that she is not allowed to do what the others are doing. very unfair, i'd say even it would even be emotionally abusive towards her and i wont have a dime of it.
anyway, so yes - i'm back to SAHM'ing and not changing it for the world!
mamamelia is offline  
#92 of 101 Old 06-14-2008, 02:52 PM
 
Autumn Breeze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: with the Geek in the Pink
Posts: 15,077
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Congratulations on becoming a SAHM!! My heart goes out to you and your dd, but I'm sure you will enjoy your time with your children so much!!

~Autumn~   Mama to whistling.gif (2001) and hearts.gif(2005) partners.gif madly in love since '99 
Autumn Breeze is offline  
#93 of 101 Old 06-14-2008, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamamelia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: in the kitchen..
Posts: 1,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
thank you! i believe i will too.... i had doubts about being a SAHM in the past, fleeting thoughts about if i was making the right decision for our family and now? i've never been more comfortable. i KNOW i am making the right decision for our family and any nasty comments i get IRL just fall off my shoulder because i am now very confident in my decision. my babies need me, especially my eldest.

mamamelia is offline  
#94 of 101 Old 06-14-2008, 05:47 PM
 
Autumn Breeze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: with the Geek in the Pink
Posts: 15,077
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The nasty comments are from people who have absolutely no business judging your decision. You know your right.

Eventually those in your life who doubt your decision will see the good it's doing for your oldest. :

~Autumn~   Mama to whistling.gif (2001) and hearts.gif(2005) partners.gif madly in love since '99 
Autumn Breeze is offline  
#95 of 101 Old 06-14-2008, 06:59 PM
 
rastamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Blue Ridge Mtns
Posts: 103
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
While i absolutely have no doubt you have made the best decision for your daughter and family, i just wanted to give you some hope about one day socializing her. i have worked in some crappy daycare environments before i had kids and vowed never to send my children to daycare. i often didn't stay long at those jobs.
i have also worked at a preschool where i have seen children with all kinds of special circumstances thrive and flourish. staff are well educated and experienced and would never shame or punish any child. families have support teams with ots pts teachers and administaration all striving to provide a nurturing environment. as your daughter gets older ( and maybe you need a break?) i hope you can find a compassionate school or playgroup or homeschool group, whatever you decide, that allows her to play co-operatively with others, i just wanted you to know they are out there and you are not alone.
sorry nak
rastamama is offline  
#96 of 101 Old 06-15-2008, 05:27 PM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know you have made up your mind, but I wanted to say that I gave up $5800/month to stay home with my dd (and 400 shares of company stock). It was worth every single moment.
velochic is offline  
#97 of 101 Old 06-24-2008, 06:48 PM
 
Collinsky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: On a flat Earth, circled by the Sun
Posts: 2,799
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post
To me money (which i have SO VERY little of) is only worth what i can buy with it. And i can't buy back my kids childhood, so for me the decision is easy.
I loved this. You put it so well.

~ Colleen ~ Joyful Unschooling Pagan mama to hearts.gifenergy.gifsuperhero.gifjog.gif and babyf.gif
"When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead."
Collinsky is offline  
#98 of 101 Old 06-24-2008, 07:01 PM
 
mamazee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: US midwest
Posts: 7,500
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Congrats - you know your family and what's best for you!

And for the record, I gave up more than that, and I don't regret it.
mamazee is offline  
#99 of 101 Old 06-24-2008, 07:16 PM
 
FondestBianca's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 2,670
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
wow, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around a single income being 6 figure. I think I drooled a bit imaging the comfort we'd have around here with that!!! I'm used to the mortgage alone sucking up over a 1/3 of our take home. That being said, I don't know if you have some sort of crazy dept, high mortgage, unreasonible medical expenses, or outstanding car payments BUT, if not I can't see any issues with the 6 figures you will already have coming in. Sure, 30 thou is a lot but, is it worth what you'd be giving up? If you aren't enjoying being cooped up at home yourself and your time with your kiddo can be recovered elsewhere then do what you WANT to do. If you don't like the job or the fact that it makes you feel bad about your kiddo's situation you'll probably end up calling it quite anyway. I think it would be harder to quit once you've gotten used to the extra money personally. If it isn't there to begin with you don't have to worry about adjusting to loosing the income later on.

May I ask, do you feel like your husband's income is enough to be at the comfort level you both would like? If so, and if you have no personal reasons for wanting to work outside of the money issue than why work? IMO 'extra' cash doesn't fill the gap left by working when you'd rather be with kids. If you NEED the money or you simply like being in the workforce then go for it, don't feel weird about it, kids adapt but, if it's only for 'extra' cash I can't see the rational in doing it.

~TRACY, wife to loving dh, mommy to dd (10/05), ds(12/08), 3 kitties, & 2 pups.
FondestBianca is offline  
#100 of 101 Old 06-24-2008, 07:22 PM
 
FondestBianca's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 2,670
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, didn't see the update until after I posted the first time. Oops. better pay attention from now on. Anyway, sorry to hear about the confirmed diag.. at least you know and can now get to working on making it better.

Glad you were able to make a decision and were supported by your hubby. That always helps. Hope the stay at home mommying goes wonderful for you!

~TRACY, wife to loving dh, mommy to dd (10/05), ds(12/08), 3 kitties, & 2 pups.
FondestBianca is offline  
#101 of 101 Old 06-24-2008, 11:01 PM
 
heatherdeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Everywhere... thanks, technology!
Posts: 4,888
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
My ds has similar issues (and more restrictive diet!!). He's 4yo and I'm in the same boat: nothing is worth his comfort and building his self-esteem.

Don't worry about the socialization. You find ways. Mine is EXTREMELY SOCIAL but he's finally at an age where he usually realizes we have to be careful eating. Other kids are nasty and their parents aren't alot better... so I'm BEYOND thrilled to be RIGHT THERE when he encounters this to console him and walk him through it.

I do worry sometimes that if and when we need my income, I won't have the same earning power--but it's a fleeting thought. Seeing what being home is doing for my little guy puts those thoughts aside.

PM me anytime. Especially if you need a diet shoulder to cry on! LOL!

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
Dairy, soy & corn free with limited gluten... yes, really. And journeying towards peace.  Blogging about both.
 
Let me guide you to find the food and lifestyle choices...
heatherdeg is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off