Is this too selfish - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 04:35 AM
 
ann_of_loxley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Gloucestershire, UK
Posts: 5,454
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
It's not a choice that *I* would be comfortable with. But in the end it's a decision only you have enough information to make.

-Angela
Same here. In fact - I really would never choose 'daycare' (nursery here)... If it was something I just had to do for the sake of everyone, I would choose a nanny first and then maybe a childminder. At least then it someone I know, someone close and in a constant stable environment for my child.

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
ann_of_loxley is offline  
#32 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 01:51 PM
 
hipmummy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,111
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
As a Mama and a nanny, there is a middle ground. How about having someone come to your home or doing a swap with some one 2 days a wek for a half day. That way you get a break but your not away from your dd a whole day. Find someone you trust and comes with MANY glowing refrences. Do a background check. You sound like you really need time and without that time you might not be the best mommy you can be. Everyone does things differently some people do not have a family network and those who do cannot appreciate your situation. Good LUck

:CLC,Doula :Mama to 2
hipmummy is offline  
#33 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 02:14 PM
 
Natalie12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 173
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I work one day a week, but when people ask me what I do I reply "I mother." My kids(2 and 3.5) go to daycare one day a week and they love it. I say, go for it if you can afford it. If it doesn't work out, you can just take her out.
Natalie12 is offline  
#34 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 02:44 PM
 
Louiesmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 15
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A lot of churches in our community offer "Mother's Morning Out" programs which are very inexpensive and flexible, and usually only for 3-4 hours a day, but that could be just enough to get you the break you need. One very close to our house offers this program Mon-Thurs from 9 am to noon; some people sign up for just one day/week, while others go for two, three or four. I'm eyeing it for backup for when my second arrives!
Louiesmom is offline  
#35 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 03:05 PM
 
briansmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Magical PNW
Posts: 661
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Mama,

I was in the same boat. Ds1 exhausted me and I felt physically and emotionally drained until he was about 2 1/2. Then I truly started to enjoy our days, rather than simply try to survive them.

When Dh and I decided to have baby #2, I knew that I would need help. Dh works long hours, and I just knew that the sleep deprivation and round the clock needs of an infant would send me back into extended exhaustion, as well as bfeeding, which I was committed to doing.

We decided to pay for someone to come into our home and help two days per week. It has been worth every penny (one that we make other sacrifices for), and it won't be forever. The transition has been so smooth, and I feel much better than expected. And you won't need this forever, just during the transition.

Could you consider this option? Maybe hiring someone to come and help you when you really need it, like 4 hours twice a week, or a full day, would allow you some space and room, but still give your baby a consistent environment and reliable space for her naps, etc?

I needed help too, but this was a much better option for me than daycare would have been, for many reasons.

HTH!
briansmama is offline  
#36 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 03:13 PM
 
zinemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: from the fire roads to the interstate
Posts: 6,568
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
If your mama instinct is telling you that you need some continuous period away...then please honor it.

Do not let people try to guilt you into ignoring that instinct.

No, it does not make you a bad mother or a bad person.

And as others have said, it's not like you can't change the situation and stop the care if a few months out from now you've changed your mind. And you can consider things as others have suggested, like spreading it out to 2 half days, if you feel that 1 day would be too long.

You are NOT less of an AP mama nor are you less of a SAHM for considering or doing this.

I wholeheartedly believe and assume that you are a competant, thoughtful person, and will be able to choose a good provider.
Yep, yep and yep.
zinemama is offline  
#37 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 03:22 PM
 
Maddy123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You know yourself and your family best. Definitely get some help if you need it. You and your family will be happier. Good luck!
Maddy123 is offline  
#38 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 03:31 PM
 
Ruthla's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 47,599
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Your baby needs a healthy mother. If going to daycare one day a week (where she's cared for by loving, not depressed adults) will give her a healthier mother, then she'll benefit from the daycare experience. In fact, your whole family will benefit if it means that you'll be less depressed and more able to meet your family's needs.

I also recomend the book The Mood Cure for non-drug remedies for depression and other mental health issues.

I would also consider antidepresant medication while nursing- IMO it's better for the baby to have a not-depressed mother even if it means a slight exposure to the meds in the milk. This is especially true if you might wean sooner just to go on medication- the benefits of the milk outweigh the risks of the drug residue, in most cases. I trust you to do your own research about specific drugs vs specific natural remedies- in some cases the drugs are better researched in nursing moms than the remedies.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
Ruthla is offline  
#39 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 03:34 PM
 
Lucky Charm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: brett favre's house
Posts: 7,753
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How could taking care of yourself be selfish?

No, you are not being selfish to have a day to yourself.
Lucky Charm is offline  
#40 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 04:23 PM
 
matey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: The Greene House gone English Brown
Posts: 2,941
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
It's not a choice that *I* would be comfortable with. But in the end it's a decision only you have enough information to make.

-Angela
Quote:
Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
Same here. In fact - I really would never choose 'daycare' (nursery here)... If it was something I just had to do for the sake of everyone, I would choose a nanny first and then maybe a childminder. At least then it someone I know, someone close and in a constant stable environment for my child.
I agree with all of the above. Saves me the trouble of typing it out.
matey is offline  
#41 of 41 Old 05-07-2008, 09:53 PM
 
catters's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 909
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Of course its not selfish at ALL! Mom's over guilt themselves and sometimes many momma's become slaves to their children all in the name of what they *think* is best for their child, when really, the best thing is a happy mom. (trust me, I'm trying to teach myself this!). I'm SAHM too, but I am thinking about hiring someone to watch DS now maybe two mornings a week so I can go back into the office just to get my hand in work again and maybe so I can, oh, say, get a manicure now and then? I don't think that's selfish at all. Also, your child will make friends and get some socialization. I find that that is the hardest thing to come by unless their is a legion of SAHM's all over the place with the same nap schedule, live near the same parks, zoo, etc. etc. who can convene AND you want to spend time with. OY! You're daughter might actually love it. Besides, it doesn't hurt to try, if it doesn't work, it doesn't have to be THE solution. Don't beat yourself up, there's NO one "right" way to parent.

Catherine and B stillheart.gif DS1 (6) biggrinbounce.gif DD (4) loveeyes.gif DS2 (1) drool.gif and expecting #4 shamrocksmile.gif on March 17, 2014.  
catters is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off