Happier when DH goes to work? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 96 Old 05-29-2008, 01:03 PM
 
Absinthia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 88
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesMama View Post
Yup. I'm much happier when DH is at work. I'm able to get stuff done, do what I want with the kids without consulting him (go to the park, play at our neighbors, go on a walk) or waiting for him to do the 8 million things he needs to do before leaving the house. (take insulin, change his clothes, put his hat on, put his shoes on...95% of the time I've managed to get myself and both kids ready and we're standing at the door waiting on him!)

DH was just home for 2 days since he had lazer eye surgery on Monday and I'm SOOO happy he's back at work today.
Yes, my husband takes SO long to get ready to go anywhere and he's habitually late.
Absinthia is offline  
#62 of 96 Old 05-29-2008, 01:08 PM
 
notwonamesalike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 1,105
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can't say that I'm happier when DH goes to work. We love spending time together and we really look forward to the weekends. That being said, I'm also glad when Monday's roll around because I can get back on schedule.

Me:
notwonamesalike is offline  
#63 of 96 Old 05-29-2008, 02:08 PM
 
PNWmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 751
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesdaffodils View Post
I miss mine like crazy when he's at work! DS is SO in love with his daddy and misses him too. DH carries his weight around the house, and a loving attentive partner and father. :
:
Exactly how I feel. I get excited when it's time for dh to come home from work!

 knit.gifmama to my boy autismribbon.gif (9/06) and my girl (3/09) and surprise 1sttri.gif due in May!
 

PNWmama is offline  
#64 of 96 Old 05-30-2008, 06:41 AM
 
BunniMummi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Oslo, Norway
Posts: 299
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I love my DH, he is my best friend. He is the one I run to when I find something cool, the one I want to go see that new movie with etc...

I still look forward to getting him out of our hair after he has been around for a few days. It isn't really his fault I don't think, he would be willing to work with whatever schedule I set up (mostly) but I simply don't enforce my schedules when he is around. The laundry piles up, naptimes are all over the place. After the weekends it takes a couple days for the house to recover sometimes.

He traveled a lot with his last job and the pattern was pretty much always the same:
Him: "Oh, I am in Trondheim for 3 days next week."
Me: "Bleh, ok."

Next Week:
Day 1: Fueled by the force of my "I can't believe he left me stuck here doing all this." anger I get about 3x as much housework done as usual. (I'm not angry at him specifically, just frustrated in general at being left on my own and he makes a good target since he isn't here to complain about it.)
Day 2: House unusually clean, I find the energy to tackle more advanced tasks like washing rugs or decluttering shelves.
Day 3: I am left repairing the damage caused by my delving into areas of the house I should probably just have left in their natural state of chaos.

All three days the kids will have been ready on time in the mornings, dinner will have been started about an hour earlier than usual and while bedtime with a 4 year old and a 1 year old will have stressed me out they are generally clean and asleep at least 30 minutes ahead of the normal Me+DH routine. He will walk in the door, scatter airport junk all over the hall and say something like "Wow, busy much?". Life will desolve back into normal organization mode, I won't love him any the less for it and I will still be annoyed next time he has to leave us.

When he isn't there I know it's all on my shoulders and he isn't going to magically help with anything. If he was home all the time I'm sure a schedule would emerge that he was part of. But for now my daily routine is based around him not being here for most of it and I don't switch well into weekend housewife mode. That isn't totally his fault, he could be more helpful sure but often I'm more frustrated that he doesn't just automatically understand what to do, that isn't really fair and I know it. I haven't quite moved past it yet, but I am getting there and knowing is half the battle right?

SAHM, Geek, Expat American living in Oslo Norway.
DH DS1(5) DS2(2)
BunniMummi is offline  
#65 of 96 Old 05-30-2008, 09:18 AM
 
bwylde's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Posts: 2,842
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I love it when DH is gone. The whole house is happier and we feel more free. He only currently works very part time, so it seems like he's always here!! But he's starting a second job next week and I can't wait, lol!!! There is always so much more work to do when he is here.
bwylde is offline  
#66 of 96 Old 05-31-2008, 09:32 PM
 
umami_mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: home is where the magic is
Posts: 5,121
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
what i don't get is how MESSY the house is on monday morning! i spend all day monday cleaning the house!

i don't know if it's just that we are always distracted by other stuff on the weekends or what, but man the house always seems like it's been hit by a bomb on monday. and DH doesn't clean up. like just now, he gave DD a bowl of peas. she spilled them on the floor and now he is going upstairs to put DS to bed and he will leave the peas there for the rest of his life. so i get to pick everything like that up. even though i just picked up the living room and the dinning room and vacuumed.

"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift." -- Mary Olivercoolshine.gif

umami_mommy is offline  
#67 of 96 Old 06-01-2008, 01:04 AM
 
kay4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,085
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hate when my dh leaves for work and love when he comes home. I do find myself slacking off on my routine (cleaning wise) over the weekends and playing catch-up on Mondays...so Mondays are my big cleaning day.

Kelly,newly single mom of four wonderful children.

kay4 is offline  
#68 of 96 Old 06-01-2008, 01:19 AM
 
RileysmamaNM's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New mexico
Posts: 269
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mostly very very happy to have him leave lately. The less we are together the happier we are :P these days. I like when hes here and I dont have to see him, like when he takes ds the entire morning before he goes to work and I can nap and shower. I use to hate him going to work but now I think I wouldent mind if he was gone for weeks the only thing I'd miss was the free time in the morning.

24 tattooed SAHM to a silly boy born at home in the tub 1/31/07
RileysmamaNM is offline  
#69 of 96 Old 06-01-2008, 03:23 AM
 
stlmomof2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 698
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow... My man can be very grouchy, has a different permissive parenting style, and has no idea how to clean up after himself, but no, I really don't want him to go to work on Monday. We have nothing resembling a routine here, but even if we did, I can't imagine preferring a routine to my husband. Yuck. Even if it were a nice routine, it's just a freaking routine.
I wouldn't say that things are easier or harder when he's around. He makes things easier in some ways (carrying kids, stuff, etc.) and harder in others (toddler violently obsessed with daddy refusing to let me do anything with her when he's around). I just generally like him. If I ever wanted him gone, I'd feel like I was trapped in this marriage or something.

Mandy, mother to Alexandra (10/14/05) and William (12/21/07)
stlmomof2 is offline  
#70 of 96 Old 06-01-2008, 11:50 AM
 
lovemysunshine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: in limbo
Posts: 849
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandymichel View Post
Wow... My man can be very grouchy, has a different permissive parenting style, and has no idea how to clean up after himself, but no, I really don't want him to go to work on Monday. We have nothing resembling a routine here, but even if we did, I can't imagine preferring a routine to my husband. Yuck. Even if it were a nice routine, it's just a freaking routine.
I wouldn't say that things are easier or harder when he's around. He makes things easier in some ways (carrying kids, stuff, etc.) and harder in others (toddler violently obsessed with daddy refusing to let me do anything with her when he's around). I just generally like him. If I ever wanted him gone, I'd feel like I was trapped in this marriage or something.
I may not want to be around the same person 24/7, but I don't feel trapped in my marriage; I just need time to myself (as much as being with my kids can be called alone). I don't prefer a "freaking" routine to my husband, but yes, routine is good for me and my kids. I'm having a hard time here saying what I think and feel after reading your not-very-supportive post without being mean, but I couldn't just let it go either. Different people have different needs, doesn't make it "yuck."
lovemysunshine is offline  
#71 of 96 Old 06-01-2008, 12:29 PM
 
widemouthedfrog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 2,029
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post

He also stresses out easier than I, which, ironically, I find stressing.
Oh yes. Dd and I went on vacation for three weeks to visit my sister. I was so happy that I could just get mad about something, stew, and apologize to dd without dh finding me super stressful.

That was one of the best parts of my vacation,

Tricia, treehugger.gif wild.gif geek.gif mama of dd (6) 

widemouthedfrog is offline  
#72 of 96 Old 06-01-2008, 12:33 PM
 
stlmomof2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 698
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemysunshine View Post
I may not want to be around the same person 24/7, but I don't feel trapped in my marriage; I just need time to myself (as much as being with my kids can be called alone). I don't prefer a "freaking" routine to my husband, but yes, routine is good for me and my kids. I'm having a hard time here saying what I think and feel after reading your not-very-supportive post without being mean, but I couldn't just let it go either. Different people have different needs, doesn't make it "yuck."
I'm sorry--I didn't mean to insult you. I just looked at the thread and thought, "Whoa... that's not me, is it?" and felt kind of insecure about negative feelings I sometimes have toward DH. Maybe some of you feel more comfortable about occasionally having these feelings and your need for space. Sometimes I feel like admitting that things are less than perfect will make things start spiraling downward.

Mandy, mother to Alexandra (10/14/05) and William (12/21/07)
stlmomof2 is offline  
#73 of 96 Old 06-02-2008, 12:04 AM
 
sacredmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Boulder County, CO
Posts: 1,284
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I will be happier when DH goes to work tomorrow. I like him around when he's in a good mood, but man, today he was just not pleasant. I am pretty good at not letting his mood affect me, i.e. staying away from him, but it's easier when I don't have to put that effort in. He gets what he calls the "Sunday Blues", he sees the whole work week ahead of him and finds it daunting. He's usually better by Tuesday, but at least it doesn't happen every Sunday.

*Liz* : mountain mama to DS 12/04
sacredmama is offline  
#74 of 96 Old 06-02-2008, 01:14 PM
 
lovemysunshine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: in limbo
Posts: 849
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandymichel View Post
I'm sorry--I didn't mean to insult you. I just looked at the thread and thought, "Whoa... that's not me, is it?" and felt kind of insecure about negative feelings I sometimes have toward DH. Maybe some of you feel more comfortable about occasionally having these feelings and your need for space. Sometimes I feel like admitting that things are less than perfect will make things start spiraling downward.
No worries mama. I know for me I definitely need my space and since I don't get it when he's home, I look forward to the times he's at work to get a few minutes here and there. I honestly don't think that is a reflection on my marriage; other things, yes, but not that since I feel that way about anyone.
lovemysunshine is offline  
#75 of 96 Old 06-02-2008, 01:33 PM
 
GooeyRN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,119
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I love my dh dearly...

But its nice to see him go to work. He makes messes everywhere. Its hard enough picking up after my 2.5 year old tornado child when I also have a 6 month old baby. When he is gone, I have a routine that I can maintain. The kids know what to expect next. The dishes from one meal are done before the next meal is prepared. DH constantly snacks when home so there are always crumbs and dirty dishes left out. Add the dirty laundry he leaves out, the magazines, etc. DD has a wonderful time playing with him. They are very cute together. But he will not pick up one activity before bringing out the next. And he keeps going on like that. So, crumbs, dirty laundry, dirty dishes, magazines everywhere, it really doesn't look to nice. By noon the entire house is trashed, I am not showered or had breakfast, b/c I am trying to pick up after him. When he is at work the house is near spotless come noon, I am showered and fed, etc. The worse part is he will want/need to work on cars or do something where he is home, but not accessable to dd. She will whine and tantrum wanting him for hours until he is available. Its so much easier on me when he isn't here. I love him, but I like peace, routine, and neatness.
GooeyRN is offline  
#76 of 96 Old 06-04-2008, 07:27 AM
 
sharr610's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,151
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I love my husband, really I do. But as a therapist I was seeing once said to me, "he takes up a lot of emotional space."

When I was pregnant ad 3 weeks past due, DH finally had to go back to work and I was able to go into labor that day, I think because I had the emotional space to myself.

But like with most people, what most annoys me is also what I love the most. He is passionate, loyal, smart as heck and expects a lot from people. And he calls me on my sh%t. Darnit....

S, mama to boy M(6/07) and baby girl R(7/10). We do all the good natural family living stuff!
sharr610 is offline  
#77 of 96 Old 06-04-2008, 07:35 AM
 
Hayeser's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 226
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sooooo glad to hear I'm not alone in this. I feel so guilty about it. I love my DH, but I love having the week alone with DD. When DH is home he either HAS to have a "project" (which I get pulled into in some capacity) or he's asleep on the couch. That's just the way he's built --- going full speed or totally stopped. It totally messes up our schedule when he's home...or it makes me even busier because I get dragged into his projects or have more cleaning to do.

SAHM to 2 daughters (conceived thru IVF) and one baby on the way (conceived without medical intervention)

Hayeser is offline  
#78 of 96 Old 06-04-2008, 07:38 AM
 
mommy68's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 6,623
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
I enjoy time when DH leaves for work. We both work in the home and during the few hours he is gone each day I try to enjoy it. He doesn't like me cleaning house while he is here if I get noisy and the kids tend to get on his nerves if they get noisy, so it gets old after a while. He usually sits in his office with the door closed but a lot of times all of us feel uptight, like we might bother him, so we are much more relaxed when he isn't at home for that few hours each day and take full advantage of it. DH knows this too. He comments all the time how "daddy's home, I know you're all sooo happy" or something like that. He's even able to joke about it. He knows he gets on our nerves sometimes.

I've heard many retired women complain about their retired husband's coming home and complaining about the big changes. I never truly knew what it meant until I married someone who is self-employed, like myself, and we are home all the time. I realized quickly how much I like my time. I don't mind the kids being here but the kids and DH make it hard sometimes.

__________________________________
46-year-old single (divorced), self-employed working, home schooling, part-time college student mommy to:

19 yr old
12 yr old
4 yr old
mommy68 is offline  
#79 of 96 Old 06-04-2008, 06:15 PM
 
Bunnybee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 608
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes I look forward to Mondays most of the time! Weekends and evenings are just more stressful b/c I end up resenting DH for not helping enough with the kids.
Bunnybee is offline  
#80 of 96 Old 06-04-2008, 08:15 PM
 
mommytoamelie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Stockbridge, GA
Posts: 2
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I also look forward to my hubby leaning for work.
mommytoamelie is offline  
#81 of 96 Old 06-04-2008, 10:41 PM
 
Cranberry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 5,318
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do feel like I have my own routine during the week... so sometimes I do look forward to Monday.
Cranberry is offline  
#82 of 96 Old 06-05-2008, 11:26 PM
 
sunkissedmumma67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Central Coast of Cali
Posts: 929
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh yeah, I LOVE IT.

"Love Is Something Eternal, The Aspect My Change, But Not The Essence"
sunkissedmumma67 is offline  
#83 of 96 Old 06-06-2008, 12:50 AM
 
mama_at_home's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 2,714
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I hate it when dh leaves for work in the morning! I dread Mondays, too. I really depend on him, especially now that I am pregnant and exhausted. He is probably the most involved dad I have ever met! I can't wait for him to come home at the end of the day and rescue me.

Blessed mama of four
::
mama_at_home is offline  
#84 of 96 Old 06-06-2008, 12:58 AM
 
Smokering's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 8,610
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Heh. I know what you're saying... it's not 100% true for me, but I get where you're coming from.

I love DH, and I get all excited if he takes a sick day or if there's a publich holiday; and I look forward to him coming home at night. But I like my space, too... he went away for 5 days during late pregnancy and I had a great few days painting the house, keeping entirely to my own routine, eating weird meals and being kinda zen. I'm definitely more productive when he's gone (although that's changed a bit post-baby). If he's home, I want him to clean the house (or whatever) with me, and feel massively paralysed and codependant and unable to do anything until he helps. Which is pesky, because he works a lot on his computer and has something of an aversion to housecleaning. Whereas if it's just me, I do stuff. More often, anyway. And I'm not resenting it if he's not 100% focussed on me because, well, he's at work!

If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

Smokering is offline  
#85 of 96 Old 06-07-2008, 09:34 AM
 
cheery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 676
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
research has shown that single moms have less work to do than married moms with same # of kids.

so it's no wonder you're relieved!

relaxed-unschooler mama to dd (2003). hoping for second one. love being a mama!!
cheery is offline  
#86 of 96 Old 06-10-2008, 11:28 PM
 
janasmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Paradise
Posts: 3,552
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah, my DH doesn't leave for work b/c he works from home and it is like having 3 kids all the time. One time he left for a week on business and life was actually easier.

I love him though and I definitely reap some benefits from him being home, especially during pregnancy when I need a nap during the day.
janasmama is offline  
#87 of 96 Old 06-10-2008, 11:39 PM
 
jwpsgurl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: The sunniest city in the US
Posts: 381
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Its hard to say yes or no b/c DH works shift work, so it just depends what shift he is on. When is on afternoons and midnights I look forward to him actually being home and awake, which rarely happens. On day day shift, I look forward to him going to work just because I can't get anything accomplished while he is home!

Jessica ~ SAHM to Julianne (5-19-07) & Jocelyn (8-10-08) #3 12-25-10
Wife to my best friend and love of my life
jwpsgurl is offline  
#88 of 96 Old 06-11-2008, 01:19 AM
 
kananaskismama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 107
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I love DH and cherish the time he is home on the weekends but honestly there are moments during then weekend when I think to myself "I can't wait for Monday" so that our routine can resume. DH is not big on planning or following a schedule. DD and DS thrive when they know what is coming up next. I enjoy having the house all to myself too. But... I really look forward to DH's arrival at the end of the day. The 4 - 6 pm shift is very difficult wihtout his help - especially to tuck everyone into bed.
kananaskismama is offline  
#89 of 96 Old 06-12-2008, 05:07 PM
 
chiromamma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 781
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by That Is Nice View Post


I was just thinking the other day how great it would be if my husband had to travel for work for a few weeks...or a year.
Dh used to travel 1-3 weekend a month, in addition to his regular work week and it was great.
Now he does 3 11 hour days so he's home Tuesday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday. I am desperately trying to find a second business venture to excite him that will take him on the road again. I love the man but things run more smoothly at home when he works more.
The upside...my boys love baseball and he is always out playing catch and teaching them skills all the time. I stink at ball sports.
chiromamma is offline  
#90 of 96 Old 06-12-2008, 06:04 PM
 
Sopho's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 33
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ugh no.
He's a Pilot, he works for around 8 to 15 days a month, so yeah i miss him A LOT!
It's great when he's here, he helps around the house, he cooks, the kids just adore their daddy and they love to spend time with him and i get to spend more time for myself when he's here. The wonderful "Mummy's Day" like the kids call it, it's saturday, i just love saturdays
Sopho is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off