How much does your dh help out? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: How much does your dh help out with house work?
He does at least 50% if not more of it. 55 100.00%
Very close to half of it if not half. 59 100.00%
He only does about 25%. 74 100.00%
He only has 1-2 things that he does on a regular basis. 80 100.00%
He occasionally does something. 68 100.00%
He doesnt do anything at home & I am OK with that. 9 90.00%
He doesnt do anything at home & I hate it but dont know how to change it. 20 100.00%
His job is outside the home mine is to do the housework. 39 100.00%
Even though he works outside the home he should do some work at home to. 100 100.00%
Other 20 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 10. You may not vote on this poll

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#61 of 128 Old 06-04-2008, 11:14 PM
 
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he does things occasionally and I am fine with that.
I don't expect his help around the house, I am home all day and have plenty of time to get everything done while he is at work. When he's home I'd rather we all just relax and hang out with the kids and that is usually what happens. I'm happy with that.

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#62 of 128 Old 06-04-2008, 11:44 PM
 
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I have a DP and not a DH, but I voted the first option. Maybe her attitude is different because she's another woman? I don't know...

She does the dishes from the day before first thing every morning (I can't do dishes because of horrible reactions to soaps and gloves.) She takes out the garbage. She gets up with DS every morning and lets me sleep in another hour and a half to two hours. I cook. I do the majority of the cleaning. I obviously take care of DS during the day, but she's super helpful when she gets home.

I the partnership we have.

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#63 of 128 Old 06-05-2008, 01:02 AM
 
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I put near 50% b/c we are pretty even when it comes to housework. DH does his laundry, I do mine, and we take turns with the kids'. He also does all the lawn mowing for now (we both did before kids) and most of the shovelling. So I think it's near even for housework but parenting is another issue. I rarely get a nap or bath or to sleep in on weekends. We are supposed to take turns on weekends so I get one day to sleep in but DH sleeps thru DD crying/asking to get up and go eat so I end up doing it for my poor DD's sake. I have also done/do 99% of the nighttime parenting, even while pregnant with DS. UGh. OK, I am going off topic but as far as HOUSEWORK, I can't complain!
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#64 of 128 Old 06-07-2008, 07:28 PM
 
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my dh mows the yard (when he feels like it)
rakes (when he feels like it)
shovels (when he feels like it)
takes out the garbage (almost every week)

he does about 85% of fix-it type stuff (other 15% just doesn't get done)
he stays home with the kids while I go get groceries (about once a week)

and every once in awhile, when I get really frazzled, I walk out or go back to bed he knows to give me some extra rest or away time.
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#65 of 128 Old 06-07-2008, 07:47 PM
 
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I put 25% but it varries. He always does the trash and anything to do with the cars or outdoor stuff. He pretty much does anything I ask him too, and he will gladly take DS so I can do stuff. He is in the army and has crazy hours though so most of the housework I see as my job because I am home all day.

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#66 of 128 Old 06-08-2008, 01:47 PM
 
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I voted 25% of housework. I do what I want to do, dp does what he wants to do (actually, we do the things that are important to us to get done).
He would never dream of complaining to me that something isn't done. If it bothers him enough to complain, he cleans it instead.
He goes out of his way to reuse his dishes as much as possible. When I tell him it's no big deal, that I go through a ton of dishes, he says that I can go through as many dishes as I want, because I'm the one doing the dishes, he will continue to be frugal with the dishes.

I do all the dishes and all the cooking. If I choose not to cook, he gets pizza or fixes leftovers. Other than that, we mostly share. I'd say I do the most of the inside housework, because it just works out that way. Sometimes things get left undone because neither of us cares enough to do it. He does most of the outside stuff- mowing, etc. He does the trash and the recycling. He still does more work than I do counting his job, overall. Unless you count MDC and facebook as work, then I got him beat by a long shot. lol.

He is definitely 50% in the parenting. He spends a lot of time with ds when he's not working or sleeping.

If I had a dp that, say, insisted that it was my *job* to do HIS laundry, yet refused to put his dirty clothes in the clothes basket, I would SOOOOOO not do his laundry that was not in the hamper. (my cousin's dh was doing that). Dp totally agrees with me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle View Post
Sighing about doing something for the children or the wife? Not doing anything except the 40 hr workweek? Not parenting their own children? And what is this about stroking their ego for bringing home a paycheck? What about the husband stroking the ego of his wife who is doing really hard work caring for the house and kids?

Why not mutual appreciation? Why do some men seem to think that they don't owe their wives any consideration whatsoever? Would they treat a friend like that? I bet not. A co-worker? Nope. Their mother? I definitely bet not. If a man cannot treat their spouse as good or better than their mother, then shame on him. A wife is supposed to be cherished and loved above all others.

I mean, this is 2008. Time to grow up, stop acting like turds and do your share. The children didn't get there by osmosis. Women are not servants. Women are not "below" men when they don't bring home a paycheck. We are supposed to be partners.

The part about how some guys don't even scrape their own plate and who don't pick up after themselves is really disturbing. That is so demeaning to be expected to wait on someone hand and foot, because you don't bring home a paycheck. I know one thing; if my husband acted like that, I would not be attracted to him in any way, shape or form.
Definitely that.

Op, if it were me, I would start doing only the things that you want to do. For me, that would mean I'd keep doing dishes. But I'd probably leave his clothes laying around unwashed. I'd leave his trash laying around. gah. I'd be so frickin irritated.

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#67 of 128 Old 06-08-2008, 06:37 PM
 
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He does 1-2 things, but not ONLY. They're very time intensive, namely cooking and groceries.And he always helps when I ask him specifically.
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#68 of 128 Old 06-10-2008, 06:33 PM
 
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Husband used to do ALL the housework and I took care of the kids, even when he worked days. He works midnights now so I do more than half but he still does a lot.
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#69 of 128 Old 06-10-2008, 07:08 PM
 
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DH & I work so well together that I couldn't vote for a percentage of what we each do.

Me, my Sweetie , DD 1 (Dec 07),  and DD 2 (Dec 09). Co-sleeping, delayed-vaxing, quia Lutherans!
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#70 of 128 Old 06-10-2008, 10:08 PM
 
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I had to say other b/c my DH works at home....it makes my job harder b/c I make him all his meals which are usually grander than what they would be if he worked outside the house, then I have to clean everything up, keep the kids quiet when he needs that, etc.

But, he helps a lot. I mean I do all the cleaning, 98% of the cooking, but he helps with the kids, gets them a snack and changes diapers even during work hours. Not always a lot, it depends on his workload.

So really it kind of evens everything out and puts me back to where I would be if he worked out of the home but it's nice to have a break from doing for the kids sometimes.
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#71 of 128 Old 06-12-2008, 04:43 PM
 
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i thought maybe we were secretly married to the same man until you listed the *small* list of the things he does - which is twice as much as my dh does!!!

Mama to Amelia - age 6

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#72 of 128 Old 06-12-2008, 08:56 PM
 
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My dh used to say that since he went out and worked a 40 hour week and brought home the money, my job was to take care of the kids and clean the house. Than when I was finishing up nursing school he had to take care of our middle baby for a couple days during the day. After that he is surprised when I get anything done in the house during the day. He also realizes that I never get time off, that I'm always at work even in the middle of the night. Since these realizations he is much more willing to help out around the house even after a tough day at work. Usually I am happy if he can just play with our toddler for a bit so I can clean up after dinner and start a load of laundry...

Tara - nurse and wife to a nurse, mama to four, Izak (7/28/99), Liam (9/25/06), Freya (5/28/08) and Luna (5/19/10)
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#73 of 128 Old 06-12-2008, 11:02 PM
 
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My DH works a very demanding job and including his commute, he's close to 55-60 hours a week. He takes care of the animal feeding, does the trash/recycling and occasionally does dishes or cooks dinner. Right now I just have the one infant and am able to do quite a bit, but I'm the one who feels like I'd like to do more to keep the house in order - he constantly tells me I "do it all" and never expects me to do everything.

The only thing that drives me a bit nutty is that whenever DD is fussy, she goes right to me. This means that DH can't pacify or soothe her so fussy time is exclusively reserved for me....wonderful :.

I know that my expectations are a bit lofty and expect things to change as our family grows but for now I really can't complain because I'm oveall quite happy.
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#74 of 128 Old 06-12-2008, 11:13 PM
 
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DP works outside the home from 6am to 2pm and then after we eat dinner when he gets home he goes outside and works on the homestead until it's time for him to give DS his tubby.

He will help with things if I ask, but I really hate to because I feel we both do our fair share and work our tails off to get what we want done. Sometimes it does aggrevate me that he gets to work on his things without interruption or constantly having to think about someone else's needs first, and I always have to work around DS and maintain the delicate balance of getting things done and parenting. But someone has to do it, right?

loving a small homestead with DH and DS (12/2005) keeping it natural, frugal and back to basics :
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#75 of 128 Old 06-12-2008, 11:48 PM
 
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Okay i may get slammed for this but its my opionion...if i worked full time outside of the home, and if dh was the stay at home parent i would be pretty upset if i was expected to come home and clean...i stay home therefore the house should be my job
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#76 of 128 Old 06-13-2008, 12:08 AM
 
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I take care of cleaning, laundry, food shopping, getting dinner ready and general daily running of the house. I also get kids to school bus, make lunches, doc apptss, etc. Fine with me since the reason I am home is to take care of that stuff and I enjoy it. I don't expect help with that stuff.

If he doesn't like what I planned for dinner then he cooks his own. He used to complain about my cooking on occasion so then I just cooked kids faves (mac/cheese, veggie burgers, etc) and he stopped. My cooking is better than nothing

He mows the lawn, takes care of all home maintenance, goes to the dump, does all recycling, takes the kids to the bus when I need him to, comes to ballgames, goes on family vacations, etc. I can have him come home during the day to stay with dd2 bec I have a doc appt (etc) and can't get a sitter he does. No big deal (he is self employed).

I do about 80-90% of stuff in the house and pertaining to the kids and he takes care of the money, the work and the outside and all physical care of the home. Works for us.

I am sure he would do more if I asked or needed him to.

ETA: When dd1 and ds were young I still worked out of the house three days week. At that point, from dd1 birth until she was 5, dh stayed home one full day a week to care for the kids while I worked (they had a babysitter the other two days). He loved it. He did things differently than I did but they lived

Kim , mom to Amanda (16):, William (13), and Annie (5)
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#77 of 128 Old 06-13-2008, 09:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mkarntz View Post
Okay i may get slammed for this but its my opionion...if i worked full time outside of the home, and if dh was the stay at home parent i would be pretty upset if i was expected to come home and clean...i stay home therefore the house should be my job


Not slamming, but I think that it would have to depend on the circumstances for me.

What if DH were sick that day? Or the kids? Would you leave your dirty clothes, dishes and other mess lying around so your DH could clean up after you? Would you flop in your chair after work, and expect to be waited on? Would you not help with your own children, even to giving them baths so DH could get dinner finished, or take a break after chasing kiddos all day? What about weekends?

There are so many variables here.

I mean, I also would be highly pissed if I worked fulltime, came home and nothing had been done, the house an absolute pigsty, and for no reason other than he didn't feel like it. But, if that were not the case, I still believe that a home belongs to a family and the family should take part in caring for it.
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#78 of 128 Old 06-14-2008, 03:01 AM
 
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I cook, shop, fret about details, and garden. I also do the majority of the laundry and most of the day to day cleaning. DH gives me a break when he gets home, does the dishes and is more then happy to be at my beck and call when we need to do a deep clean.

Mama to Raina (9/06) and Peter (8/09)!
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#79 of 128 Old 06-14-2008, 01:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X View Post
Dh and me both were raised in families were the mother does all the house work while fathers only responsability was to bring in money. Before kids it wasnt that bad because the house work was just me and him now that there are 2 kids involved I am over whelmed and I am the only one doing any cleaning. I do have dd picking up her toys and ds is doing some as well but that is just a drop in the bucket really.

Dh will lay on the couch and watch me clean but has no desire to get up and help. Even if I ask or in the past crying he will just lay there and ignore me.
mama

my dh grew up in the same sort of family too.. thankfully he grew up knowing that it was wrong of his father to treat his mother "like a slave" as he puts it. i feel for you mama - my best friends dh doesn't lift a finger in the house, expects his plate to be taken away from his lap too.
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#80 of 128 Old 06-14-2008, 10:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mkarntz View Post
Okay i may get slammed for this but its my opionion...if i worked full time outside of the home, and if dh was the stay at home parent i would be pretty upset if i was expected to come home and clean...i stay home therefore the house should be my job
See part of me feels this way but I cant do it all myself I have tried and I stay and CANT do it alone. He knows I cant but he refuses to even try and make things easier for me ie not putting plates with food in the sink or other little things that would make a big difference. I will sit and cry because I cant keep things the way they should be and he ignores me.

The other part of me cant help but think how is it wrong to ask him to load the dishwasher once a month even or help me pick up the living room every once in awile.

One thing that is really concerning me is that he does expect me to go back to work once ds goes to school then I will be expected not only to do all the housework but carry my job as well since my job cant possibly be as hard as his. : That is how he felt before kids when I was working. But that is a few years in the future.

I will hire someone to come in clean when I go back to work but right now with us just barly getting by I cant justify that expense.

 
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#81 of 128 Old 06-14-2008, 11:54 PM
 
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This thread has given me a whole new appreciation for my wonderful husband who does a ton for me around the house, and will do anything I ask for help with. I have no room to complain.
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#82 of 128 Old 06-15-2008, 03:30 AM
 
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As much as I ask him to and hardly anymore than that.
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#83 of 128 Old 06-15-2008, 07:27 AM
 
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DH hardly does anything and he really has no excuse since he doesn't work much (lately it's 20-24 hours a week; retail is slow!! He just started a second job but he's still not working more between the two, otherwise I'd be more tolerant since he'd be here less to make less mess; seriously, he's worse than the kids).

I don't dare ask for help as he's so angry all the time, not to mention I'm sick of asking as it has never made a difference before, so why now. Even if, like the OP wishes, he would pick up his dirty clothes, put away the clean ones I washed, dried and folded, put his dish in the sink or even anywhere near it (heck, I'd even clean it off) or anything. I'm always running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to get everything done and I can't do it. My 3 year old does more than DH.

I'm just tired of it, of being unappreciated, of not being listened to, of not feeling like a true partnership.
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#84 of 128 Old 06-15-2008, 06:48 PM
 
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Mine works a regular 40 hr a week job and while I am home doing most of the work I don't mnd. BUT, what I do mind is that when I do ask him to help he doesn't and I rarely ever ask him.

It would be nice if he could put his dirty clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor next to it, hang up the clean ones if he plans on wearing it again, help more with DS(instead of instigating so that I have two children to look after), on occasion cook me a meal, I guess just plain old be helpful or WANT to do SOMETHING nice for me. Hell, I got nothing for my B-Day and mother's day, literally nothing, not even a meal cooked for me. Guess what we did today? Not a damn thing, why should I?

We have fought countless times over this, I don't mind doing the bulk of the work BUT some help would be nice. I don't get the weekends off like he does, I don't think he understands that at all.

He has never ever learned how to do laundry, cook food, or even clean his room, seriously, he has NEVER done any of that. His mother babied him up until we got married and I think he expects me to do the same. I have stopped doing his laundry before and other things but that doesn't faze him.

Now I'm pregnant with #2 and am so tired I literally can't make myself do much. It's getting really hard for me to keep my cool about this because I need his help more now then ever. I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like wen the new baby comes.

wife to DH 2/03, mama to DS 3/03 & DD 1/09
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#85 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 08:34 AM
 
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I chose Other. I don't have a dh/s.o.

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#86 of 128 Old 06-19-2008, 05:38 PM
 
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Women are from Venus and men are from Mars !!! :
My DH helps out occasionally, but it bugs the hell out of me that he has NEVER cleaned the bathroom or emptied the cat litter tray-even when I was in hospital for a month!!!
It annoys me that he can be so helpful one minute and then nag ME about something not being clean etc the next- if it's that important DIY !!! There is more to life !!
I don't ask him to help cos I'm talking to myself !! If he does something, good, if not, then it's just normal !!
If you "nag" your husband, if you stop do you think he might click that something is wrong?
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#87 of 128 Old 06-19-2008, 11:51 PM
 
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I have a huge appreciation for my husband. Admittedly, I'm disabled, but even before it affected my abilities, he helped out around the house. He does anything I ask, in his time frame of course.

He even cooks dinner occasionally which I LOVE!
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#88 of 128 Old 06-19-2008, 11:52 PM
 
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I voted doesn't do anything and I can't change it

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#89 of 128 Old 06-20-2008, 10:19 AM
 
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My DH does about half. Our housework is different though. He does things like mow the lawn, clean the garage, take out trash and recyclables. I do things like washing the dishes, sweeping and mopping the floors and vaccuming. Then we have shared chores like washing the dogs, cleaning togather after guests leave, and laundry. I do most of the work with our DS, but thats because of my DH's work hours at the moment (2:30 pm- 10:30 pm). So DS is asleep when he gets home. But luckily the hours are changing next week to 6:30 am- 2:30 pm. We are excited afternoons togather finally. My DH also cooks too, but I do majority of the cooking but I like it. I am sorry for all the not-so-good partners out there, doesn't make parenting any easier.
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#90 of 128 Old 06-20-2008, 10:27 AM
 
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Women are from Venus and men are from Mars !!! :
My DH helps out occasionally, but it bugs the hell out of me that he has NEVER cleaned the bathroom or emptied the cat litter tray-even when I was in hospital for a month!!!
It annoys me that he can be so helpful one minute and then nag ME about something not being clean etc the next- if it's that important DIY !!! There is more to life !!
I don't ask him to help cos I'm talking to myself !! If he does something, good, if not, then it's just normal !!
If you "nag" your husband, if you stop do you think he might click that something is wrong?
Bolding mine.

That is disgusting. Simply nasty. I don't mean to be harsh, but....ick.

Admittedly, I am not June Cleaver. But, that is just something I will never understand. How can someone let a cat box and a bathroom go for a MONTH? I find that to be a total lack of respect for the spouse who is unable to clean it. I mean, the cleaning chores should be done by both anyway, IMHO. But, you step up and take care of things when your spouse cannot. It is that simple.
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