Do you pack lunches/wash uniforms/or otherwise help DP get ready for the work day? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 03:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DP works between 50-60 hours per week. He feels strongly that I should help him wash his uniforms for work and pack his lunch. I kind of see his point, but in the same regard, when I used to work that much as a single woman no one washed my clothes or packed my lunches. So when I asked him what he would do if he were single his response was ,"I would not be working so much." I'm just interested in your thoughts on this and how much, if any, do you help your DP prepare for their work day?
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#2 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 03:35 PM
 
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I do pack his lunch, mostly because it's easier for me to do it during the day and then wash up than for him to do it late at night.

Also, he hates doing it, and it doesn't bother me. I love him, so I do it for him.

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#3 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 03:51 PM
 
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I usually make slightly larger dinners and toss the additional portion into a small container. We have several of these in the fridge at any given time, and whoever wants one for lunch that day just takes it. This would be more challenging if I had older kids vying for food, I'm sure

I do all our laundry, simply because it's easier that way. If the man wants something ironed, he does it himself (he's never asked me).

I make tea for us in the mornings (he eats breakfast at work) so we can all sit down together for a moment. This is tough for me, because I'd really like to sleep longer. But the exchange is worth it.

If there were something specific he wanted me to do, I'd probably negotiate an adjustment: "Sure, I'd be happy to pack your lunches. But I might not get a chance to load the dishwasher. Do you mind letting that slide a bit? Or would you like to load it?"
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#4 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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I pack dh lunch, and i do all the laundry. I don't iron anything
Dh works alot at a job he doesnt like, so i try to make life easier for him by doing all the housework and child care. He also does a lot of house maintenance (we are fixing it up). Other than that he plays with the kids. And entertains ds for me when i need a break.

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#5 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 05:26 PM
 
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I used to pack a lunch for dh. This is back when he was busting his hump to establish himself and he really wouldn't take the time to feed himself otherwise. His company built a cafeteria a few years ago and he will go there now.

Now I just grind and brew fresh coffee for him and give him a little pep talk before sending him on his way.

oh, and laundry-yes, I drop it off and pick it up for him-happy to do it!
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#6 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 05:35 PM
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I pack lunches for dh, partly because I love him, partly because it saves money and partly because if he packed his own it would be horribly lacking in nutrition or flavor (think a blob of peanut butter haphazardly smashed between two slices of bread on his way out the door)

He does all the laundry including his work uniforms because well, we have to go to a laundry mat and that is just one of the things he does once a week for our family.

I make sure his uniforms are hung up in the front closet (in the common area) so that he isn't banging around a dark bedroom waking dd and I up as he looks for his things ---

I don't cook breakfast for him because he leaves at around 6:35am and unless dd is awake at that time (rare), mama is still asleep. When I am feeling especially awesome, I may make a big batch of pancakes or french toast and freeze them so he can heat them in the toaster oven.

Sometimes at night I set the coffee pot as a surprise for him in the morning (coffee is ready when he wakes up) but this isn't a rule... I would forget to do it every single day so it is more like a treat for him when I remember.

Ironing? We only do that for weddings and funerals
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#7 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 06:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow - you ladies rock! Now I feel really lame for complaining about it. I am really moved by the responses of those who've said they do it because they love their DP. SO here is a second part to my question: What are you packing in the lunches? Do you try to mix to it up or is it always the same couple of things?
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#8 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 07:34 PM
 
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Uh... no. First off, I feel that my DH is a grown man and can take care of himself. He also has food issues though and I gave up years ago trying to cook for him, forget about packing a lunch. He doesn't do sandwiches, leftovers, etc... so it's up to him to find something he will eat. I do handle all the laundry for the house so his clothes get washed. I do not iron though so he has to do that himself. DH also works a lot lie your DH.

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#9 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 08:02 PM
 
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Generally, no. Every once in a while, I will pack DH's lunch if he's running late or something, but he pretty much always does it himself. Work clothes aren't an issue because he exchanges his scrubs at the hospital. I do his regular clothes laundry about 75% of the time, though.

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#10 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 08:57 PM
 
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DH works the graveyard shift so his before-work time is busy - putting the kids to bed, showering, dressing, etc. so I usually make his lunch. He loves it because he can "tell my friends my wife made it for me" - insert eye roll here- and I'm not busy since the kids are already in bed. Sometimes it's leftovers from that night's dinner, although he eats in his patrol car and that can be tricky with messy foods, so sometimes it's just a sandwich, fruit, cheese, veggies, granola bar, chips, normal lunch stuff. I also buy him beef jerky and trail mixes to keep in his car.

As for his clothes, he wears a jumpsuit that gets cleaned almost daily. I don't wash this because he won't let me. It's not uncommon for it to be covered in saliva, urine, blood, drugs, dirt, etc. and he doesn't want me near that. I do wash his undershirts and boxers.

I like taking care of him

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#11 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 09:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by captain crunchy View Post

Ironing? We only do that for weddings and funerals
Haha, Iron? I thought that is what "Tumble Dry" was for on the dryer....:

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#12 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 09:10 PM
 
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I would really like to, but can't seem to get my act together. I don't get my panties twisted about the whole subservient thing. We are equal partners, I love him dearly, and love to do things for him, just like he does for me. He sucks at preparing food, and he would really like to be eating healthier, so it would make sense for me to prep food ahead of time and pack it up for him. I see it as no different than him fetching stuff from under the stairs because I get all icked out about bugs.

So my answer is I would have no problem doing these things for him. But if you do, then you certainly aren't obligated to.
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#13 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 09:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by izzysmama View Post
Wow - you ladies rock! Now I feel really lame for complaining about it. I am really moved by the responses of those who've said they do it because they love their DP. SO here is a second part to my question: What are you packing in the lunches? Do you try to mix to it up or is it always the same couple of things?
I used to make and pack lunches for my husband when he was working shift work (now he works offshore on a ship and they feed them lobster and all kinds of yummyness) and the funny thing is, he used to pack mine when I was working as an EMT too! When I was packing, I generally sent him with leftovers from the night before, or I made him a sandwich with everything but the mayonaise on it (I just got extras of those packets from fast food joints so he could put them on himself and not have soggy bread). I also sent chips, a fruit and something sweet. Usually I just sent change for drinks out of the vending machine so they would be cold.
You really can make it simple on yourself and just make a little extra at dinner and put it into his lunch. Even better if you can change it just a little before you pack it (example, we had chicken alfredo and I added a little bit of picante to it to change the flavor enough to be "different").
I also enjoy doing things like this for my husband. I feel like Im showing him my love, respect and appreciation for working so hard for our family.
I dont like doing laundry though - in fact I hate it. But I always do his clothes too. I just fold them and set them on his side of the bed to put away, unless it is while he is offshore, in which case I will put them up.

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#14 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 09:21 PM
 
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As for his clothes, he wears a jumpsuit that gets cleaned almost daily. I don't wash this because he won't let me. It's not uncommon for it to be covered in saliva, urine, blood, drugs, dirt, etc. and he doesn't want me near that. I do wash his undershirts and boxers.

I like taking care of him
Not a SAHM but was browsing threads. May I ask what your husband does for a living? Just real curious with the saliva, blood, drugs and all that
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#15 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 09:28 PM
 
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My guess is he is either a Police Officer, EMT or firefighter!

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#16 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 09:44 PM
 
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DH packs his own lunch. Actually, when I was working, he packed both of our lunches and fixed us both go cups of coffee and me a thermos of coffee. I was teaching and had to be at work by 7am, which was VERY difficult for me. When DD was smaller DH fixed me a cup of coffee and left it for me (even if I was asleep in bed) so that when I came downstairs with DD I had coffee waiting for me (which I generally stuck in the microwave for a minute first). DH usually just eats left overs from dinner. He puts away food from dinner and generally portions out his left overs first. He also packs 2 pieces of fruit, a small container of yogurt, and a granola bar too. I also buy some snack food for him to keep at work. He's currently into veggie snacks.

DH does not wear a uniform. I do all of the laundry sorting and managing, though DH often helps me rotate it and fold it. We bring his dress shirts that need to be pressed to a (green) dry cleaner. Once upon a time when we had little money and he did wear a uniform he ironed his own. I don't iron. If I need something ironed (for a formal occasion) DH does it.

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#17 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 11:43 PM
 
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Not a SAHM but was browsing threads. May I ask what your husband does for a living? Just real curious with the saliva, blood, drugs and all that

HA HA, I tried to clarify when I said "patrol car", but I guess I should have been clearer. Authentic_Mother got it right - he's a :cop:

As for ironing - I to iron. I iron everything, even socks and undershirts. I know, I'm strange.

As for the subservient issue, it definitely goes both ways. DH does tons of things for me too :

Wow, so many smilies...

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#18 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 11:48 PM
 
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I don't make lunches but I do most of dh's laundry and I would gladly prepare lunch if he asked me to.

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#19 of 194 Old 07-08-2008, 11:48 PM
 
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I pack his lunch usually. He leaves for work at lunch time so its not anything extra for me. Laundry is something we both do.
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#20 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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I sometimes make lunches for DH. If I don't make him a lunch he'll usually go out to lunch. Either way is okay with him.

As for laundry, I generally do all of the laundry. The caveat here is that I only wash the clothes that are in the hamper. So if DH doesn't get his clothes into the hamper, I don't wash them. This happens often. I do NOT iron at all; if DH wants his clothes ironed he can (and does!) do it himself.

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#21 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 12:22 AM
 
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DH prefers to do all that himself. Not that he would fight me if I decided to take on ironing his uniforms, but I firmly resolved never to iron anything again ever after leaving the military and I pretty much stick to that.

I like to pack his lunch and make his meals, but he prefers to do it himself based on what he has a taste for (plus no one trying to force him to eat vegetables or try a new recipe that might be disastrous).

What I really should be doing to make his life easier is cleaning the house consistently but I do hate cleaning. I put his laundry away for him at least... Oh yeah and I watch our son literally 24-7.

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#22 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 12:27 AM
 
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In the early days of marriage, back when I was a loving newlywed, I packed DH's lunches for work once in a while. I thought it would be a nice gesture. However, he and I have very different tastes and styles of eating. So, the idea of sharing food or meals quickly fizzled.

Now I don't think I'd have the time...something else would have to give, and more than likely it would be something that I get to do for myself because I would feel kind of silly giving up something I do for our child to do something for DH.

I figure DH is a grown up and figure this one out on his own.
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#23 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 12:32 AM
 
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I ask DH of he needs work clothes when I do laundry and need a few more shirts or whatever to fill the load. I don't pack his lunch b/c 1. he's a grown man and 2. his idea of lunch and my idea of lunch are not the same.

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#24 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 01:08 AM
 
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DH doesn't eat lunch. I think I'd pack a lunch for him if he'd eat it because I know he'd appreciate it. I'd be less enthusiastic about it if he thought it was my job, though, I'd probably just not do it.

When he throws his laundry in the basket I do it for him, but he usually saves it and does his own load. I don't think he wants me or DS touching his dirty clothes because they have yuckiness (he's a plumber) all over them. I fold all his clothes for him, though.

I help DH get ready for the work day by gladly allowing him to go to bed early and putting DS to bed by myself. He helps me get ready for my day by giving me lots of downtime in between dinner and bedtime!!

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#25 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 01:29 AM
 
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DH works an evening shift and I happily pack his dinner every day. I actually love to cook and he loves my food so it's a pleasure (and a challenge). I make sure to pack him a nutritious meal everyday along side a fruit and some kind of veggie. He actually very very rarely eats food that I haven't cooked and he will only have a repeat of a meal once (so he gets something new to eat every other day). Basically, what he takes for dinner is what we're (the kids and I) having for dinner that night anyway so it's not really like I go out of my way to make him dinner. I also make us breakfast every morning, do most of the laundry and folding, and most of the daily housekeeping (he does the bathroom and mops floors once a week). It's not a requirement on my part but I enjoy it and it makes our house function smoothly.

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#26 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 01:44 AM
 
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When I SAH, I made sure the laundry was done so DH had something nice to wear. I also made sure there were snacks for him to take to work. He eats with his coworkers at work (sort of an unofficial requirement) and they have a cafeteria at his work that isn't bad and is cheap so I didn't pack lunches.

Now that I WOH, I still make sure the laundry is done so he has his work clothes, and I make sure he has his snacks, but he makes me a lunch every day.
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#27 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 02:20 AM
 
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i wash uniforms and pack lunches. i most all of the laundry anyway, so it just makes sense. lunches are leftovers, and really, whoever cleans up after dinner packs the food up.

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#28 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 03:13 AM
 
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HA HA, I tried to clarify when I said "patrol car", but I guess I should have been clearer. Authentic_Mother got it right - he's a :cop:
Nope, I just skipped right over that part

My ex is a cop. He used to be a street cop, now he's undercover narcotics. Scary. And yes, very scary the stuff they come in contact with. Yikes.
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#29 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 06:22 AM
 
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Dh is a university professor and dresses like his students, so I don't iron, but do wash his T-shirts and jeans - I do all the laundry. I also happily and lovingly pack his lunches for him. He also does it himself, it just depends on who gets to it first.
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#30 of 194 Old 07-09-2008, 08:39 AM
 
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Nope. I'm his wife, not his mother. He's a grown man, not a child.

Now, if he calls up and says he needs something washed, like clothes for soccer that night, I'm happy to help him out. But it also works in reverse. There are plenty of times I forget to do something ahead of time, or that I need him to stop at the store for something on his way home from work. So, we help eachother out with things, and show appreciation when the other does something nice.

But, it's not expected that I do everything for him on a regular basis, kwim?

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