Meeting your childs new step-parent.. UPDATE #26... We met!!!! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 33 Old 12-17-2008, 05:33 PM
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I don't think you could have helped telling her. Honestly I WISH someone had told me about my ex cheating on me. I tell you - I felt like such an enormous idiot when I found out (after YEARS) what the full extent of his problem was.

Then again, perhaps some people prefer to live in the dark. That's alright as well - whatever - but either way, you're gonna get someone saying "I wish I'd been told" or "I wish I'd never been told" - you'll get the flack either way, so I really don't think it matters whether or not you told her.

He's in deep do do now though isn't he. Then again I don't feel even the slightest bit sorry for him. HE should have been a bigger person. What a liar.

What you may have done (even without her ever being in contact with you again) is set in motion a chain of events that will enable her to cut this man out of her life before the situation becomes so badly tangled up that divorce and custody lawyers have to get involved. Nobody ever likes the messenger, but it's not as though you're a thoughtless gossip, spreading rumors here. This is a nasty situation anyway - not saying a darn thing isn't going to make it any better, is it? She obviously wanted to know anyhow - good for her.

Sounds like the two of you have done the best thing possible in this situation - hey - at least two people out of three are having an honest, two way conversation.

Hopefully he'll stop threatening to kill himself and whatnot, and start acting like a grown up father to your child instead of blubbing and lying and covering up and then frantically trying to climb out when the heat gets too hot. Bah humbug - his behavior just really does suck. I have no patience for cheaters at all....

End of rant

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010!Pregnant with Prairie Baby, AKA #3. Due October 17th, 2015.
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#32 of 33 Old 12-17-2008, 08:38 PM
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All I am going to say about this is that it is your business to some extent when your daughter is tied into this mess. It is a HUGE mess at that. Now, this is not a situation you need to interject yourself in, but your ex should have to answer to you with regards to how his behavior will affect your DD. You definitely just need to establish a co-parenting relationship only with your ex.

Mama to Ava (12/03) , Leila (4/06) , Violet (11/08) , and bonus mama to Madison (7/98)
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#33 of 33 Old 12-19-2008, 06:43 PM
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Sounds like he is a cheating lying ass and not letting this woman know this before he marries her is basically setting your DD up for yet another broken relationship. When the step mom to be finds out what kind of a jerk he is, is she already going to be married and leave him then? Or is it better for her to be fully informed NOW and make her decisions based on the truth? She doesn't have to be your friend, but I think as women, it is only fair for us to be honest with each other and at least give us the opportunity to make life long decisions based on the truth. If I had found out my DH had cheated on me with his ex, well, I wouldn't be married right now. And if he was willing to cheat on me with an ex while we were engaged, what keeps him from being that much of a jerk to do it w hile we are married with someone else?

For the sake of the child, I think everyone needs to have the truth to make the best decisions. If she can forgive him and move on, that is then on her, but she is going into it without all the information. That is totally unfair.
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