He thinks she is dead - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 02:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
BioMom was suppose to pick up dss 2 days ago for an overnight. She never showed up, we can't get ahold of her.

So we swung by her place just to ease his worries. She wasn't there. her car is at the shop, so I don't know where she could be.. Plus its not really any of my business where she is.


He said he thinks she is dead. he said it like he would say I think it might rain today. just a brush off Well maybe Sherry is dead?

I was a little taken aback by how lightly he said that. I said, well lets hope she is ok and just super busy, and forgot to bring her phone with her.

I wonder what we should do. She doesn't have any family, except a boyfriend that dss doesn't know, he knows of him, but doesn't know his name or anything.

I told him we will try again later.


I feel creeped out for him. I seriously hope for dss sake that she is ok.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
#2 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 02:34 PM
 
Ditto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 202
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That sounds like a really yucky situation. I'm so sorry. Has she been this unreliable in the past? Is this abnormal behavior for her? If she doesn't show up by this evening perhaps you should call the authorities for a well being check. Good luck!

Me and DP, No children yet, but we plan on having kids someday. I'm trying to lose weight and get fit. Ask if I've done my push-ups this week.
Ditto is offline  
#3 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 02:34 PM
 
Satori's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Earth, I think, kids say Cybertron
Posts: 7,904
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 7 Post(s)
I can understand that, think about it, no kid wants to believe that there mom didn't show up for them, its easier to think mom can't pick them up for what ever reason. When there young death would be a good reason. What ever the reason I hope she shows up soon

Seriously?
Satori is offline  
#4 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 02:36 PM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I just saw your post on top, forgive me for posting where I don't really belong. I really think you should call the police right now to do a wellness check. I understand they are generally glad to do those and take them seriously. From what you've said, there is reason for concern. She may be perfectly fine but there's plenty enough reason to call the police. I hope she's ok.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#5 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 02:43 PM
 
Aubergine68's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: in the soul's garden
Posts: 2,942
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by laohaire View Post
I just saw your post on top, forgive me for posting where I don't really belong. I really think you should call the police right now to do a wellness check. I understand they are generally glad to do those and take them seriously. From what you've said, there is reason for concern. She may be perfectly fine but there's plenty enough reason to call the police. I hope she's ok.
ITA.

I've, sadly, had the experience of checking up on a relative and finding that he'd passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Only wish I'd called the police sooner
Aubergine68 is offline  
#6 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 02:46 PM
 
Heavenly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 4,923
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I too don't belong on this board but I just wanted to say if this is something that has happened before I would keep trying to contact her but if this is something that has never happened before I agree with calling the police.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
Heavenly is offline  
#7 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 02:48 PM
 
Sagesgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 3,385
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, definitely call for a welfare check.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

Sagesgirl is offline  
#8 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 02:51 PM
 
ProtoLawyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,004
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is your stepson's mother, not a babysitter or a friend--I'd have your husband call the police. It may not be your business where she is, but it's certainly your stepson's business (and by extension, his father's business) whether she missed the pick-up due to being a flake or due to being incapacitated or worse.

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
ProtoLawyer is offline  
#9 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 02:55 PM
 
shelbean91's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Mesa, AZ
Posts: 9,442
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree, call for a wellness check. Also, call the shop where the car is and ask when she dropped off the car?

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
shelbean91 is offline  
#10 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 03:04 PM
 
flapjack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: England, easily locatable by Google
Posts: 13,642
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd call the police.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
flapjack is offline  
#11 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This isn't the first time she has done this, it is the longest she has gone without calling and bailing on him.

Having dh go over wouldn't help anything, she hates him more then she hates me and that says a lot.

I did call her neighbor and he said she was there last night and seemed fine, he chatted with her while she was smoking outside. He also said he saw her leave this morning.

So she is just not calling.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
#12 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 03:21 PM
 
Flor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
Posts: 5,279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post
This isn't the first time she has done this, it is the longest she has gone without calling and bailing on him.

Having dh go over wouldn't help anything, she hates him more then she hates me and that says a lot.

I did call her neighbor and he said she was there last night and seemed fine, he chatted with her while she was smoking outside. He also said he saw her leave this morning.

So she is just not calling.
Poor kiddo. We've btdt. I'm sure it's best that she's not around right now, she's probably having some issue that he shouldn't be around. But, still.
Flor is offline  
#13 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I emailed her and sent her a text asking for her to call.

It is possible she is scared to call, she is pretty flighty, and if she thinks dss is mad at her, she will do this dramatic sob thing over the phone, begging forgiveness and make him tell her how much he loves her, witch he does, like a little robot.

I just don't get it. If she couldn't get here, we would have been more then happy to drop him off, we have before?

I told dss what the neighbor had to say, and he just shrugged it off. We made clay out of corn starch and baking soda and he is now making a temple out of it.

He asked if he had to go to her house when she finally shows up, I told him it would be up to him, whatever he is comfortable with, so if he doesn't want to go he doesn't have to because its not a set visit for him. But that it would probably be best to go. No use creating more drama.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
#14 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 04:06 PM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, then, sounds like no well-check needed. That's good, then.

Turning the attention back on DSS, I'm very sorry he's having to experience this. That's gotta hurt.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#15 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 05:09 PM
 
Romana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 4,365
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh is 28 and when his dad bailed on him this Christmas (most likely, as far as he could tell, due to being hung over from excessive drug use the night before), he was STILL hugely upset and left me the angriest (at his dad) voicemail that I have ever heard from him. Amazing the ability of parents to continue to have this impact on their children even when grown. Even dh was surprised that he could still be upset/disappointed by this kind of thing.

Hugs to your dss. I'm sorry he's dealing with this . . . it's so hard.
Romana is offline  
#16 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 05:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
She called!!! Said she was sorry, that she just forgot and it wouldn't happen again... She was saying sorry to me not him. That irked me a little but I kept quiet, then he talked to her, and agreed tomorrow night he would go over. i offered to drive him. I hope she is there when we get there.

I feel bad for him, he turns into a little robot when he talks to her, uses the same tone, doesn't say more then yes or no or ok.

Tonight we are going to cuddle in bed and watch the Labryinth and princess bride.


I had a mother like his when I was a kid so I know how heartbreaking it can be.
Even though he just seems sedated about it all I know it hurts.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
#17 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 08:11 PM
 
UptownZoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: In the monkey cage...
Posts: 2,349
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2toomany View Post
Tonight we are going to cuddle in bed and watch the Labryinth and princess bride.


I had a mother like his when I was a kid so I know how heartbreaking it can be.
Even though he just seems sedated about it all I know it hurts.
Ooh, that's so sad. I'm sure he's detaching/disassociating to cope with his pain.

I'm so glad he has someone (you) in his life who understands his pain. I think having someone to acknowledge your pain, validate its reality, and love you in it is a very powerful thing to help him. Not that there's anything anyone can ever do to erase his pain, but your understanding is a big, big deal.

Also, there is much healing power in each of those two movies. Those two movies and the Little House on the Prairie tv series are my family's "life sucks, everything hurts, I need to escape for awhile" tools.

computergeek2.gif

UptownZoo is offline  
#18 of 24 Old 12-30-2008, 09:40 PM
 
j_p_i's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Maine
Posts: 2,074
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I totally agree with the PP above, I'm glad your DSS has someone like you to understand him and be there for him. It's sad his Mom is so flakey and doesn't seem to realize how painful this is for your DSS. I'm sorry he has to deal with that.

~Erin~ totally in with Olivia! 5/31/09
j_p_i is offline  
#19 of 24 Old 12-31-2008, 01:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
He is doing good today. we made french toast and started our bread baking.

He loves to cook!

I think he is in a forgiving mood today because we asked to make his mom a loaf of bread. So we are. I wish I still had that whole forgiveness button like kids do.

I want to shake her and say "GROW UP Your 46 years old lady! Get it together!"
But of course I won't I will smile and wave.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
#20 of 24 Old 01-06-2009, 12:26 PM
 
JayJay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Southern Minnesota
Posts: 2,492
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Aye...we have a mother in this family like that. She hasn't seen her kids since..ooh...June of 2007. I believe her place of residence on Christmas 2007 was jail. Her place of residence on Christmas 2008 was also jail, but she was out and on the run in the interim and just simply didn't want to get caught, so never called and never showed up, ever.

If only the fact that her daughter has to completely make her up from scratch nowadays (hair color, what her house looks like, what they do together etc) prompted any kind of guilt or responsible feeling from her. It clearly doesn't though. C'est la vie - her son doesn't even talk about her anymore. Ever.

I'm sorry your DSS has to go through this. God only knows I have seen what it does to a kid *HUGE hugs to your DSS and you* XXX

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
JayJay is offline  
#21 of 24 Old 01-06-2009, 03:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well she called the night before his last visit and asked if we could bring them, since her car was in the shop and fixed but she didn't have enough money to get it out yet.

So we brought him, it was freezing out and she wouldn't answer the door, so I had dss wait in the car, while I banged on her window, she was asleep and couldn't hear the door. Its not the first time this has happened.

Kinda ticked me off a little, she knew we were coming, it wasn't early morning, it was 4pm. She doesn't work or have other children, so she should have been up and waiting for him.

Of course I didn't say anything, but I did email her and tell her I won't wait out in the cold for her to answer her door. So from now on we will wait 5 minutes. If she doesn't answer I will go home with dss, she can come and get him when she wakes up.

:

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
#22 of 24 Old 01-07-2009, 11:47 AM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yikes. I guess I just don't understand that.

I'm hearing impaired, so it would be easy for me to not hear the door. But if I had asked you to bring MY SON to me, you can bet I would either be hanging around the front door or at the very least, coming and looking outside every few minutes. Certainly I would not go to bed!! I'd do that just out of respect for you doing me a favor, much less out of respect and excitement for my son.

I take it she did eventually wake up and let DSS in? I sure hope so.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#23 of 24 Old 01-07-2009, 03:09 PM
 
HappiMomof4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 49
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your dss is blessed to have you in his life. Step-parents put up with so much and then take a lot of grief just because of who we are; I find this site so discouraging sometimes. Folks come here for support and then really take a beaten because 'you signed up for this, you know', etc. Anyway, God bless you and your dss. You go way above and beyond for this child and his mom. It's people like you that make the world SO much brighter. Thank you.
HappiMomof4 is offline  
#24 of 24 Old 01-07-2009, 03:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
mama2toomany's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah she eventually woke up, But only after I banged on her bedroom window for awhile.

thanks HappiMom I know exactly what you mean!

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off