Should I continue to send gifts to dsd? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 35 Old 02-18-2009, 02:16 AM
 
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Are you 100% sure she is getting them? I do like the stationary idea. I would not just do the thank you but different types and don't forget stamps. I would have your dh ask her just to send you a quick e-mail, call, or voice mail letting you know she got them. You can play it off as you want to make sure that the companies are doing what they are suppose to. Last option, I would send them certified to make sure they are arriving at the house.

Also have you thought about going back to court? Since her mom moved out of state she could be force to pay for the visits.
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#32 of 35 Old 02-18-2009, 02:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been doing delivery confirmations on the packages. So I know that and when they get delivered to the house. Now, whether or not maybe the mother confiscates the packages and doesn't pass them on to her daughter, that I don't know... I don't think she would do that, but then, I don't know, she may. (But really, even if you hate your ex, would you do that to your kid?)

We'll come up with something to get dsd to contact dh when she gets the next one. I'd like to make sure it gets to her.

Trying to talk dh into anything that involves dealing with the ex and dsd is nearly impossible. He doesn't think going to court would be productive at all. Plus he thinks since he's the father the system is to completely skewed in the favor of the mother that he doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to just about anything dealing with dsd. (There is a child support modification hearing coming up in two weeks, which she initiated, which will mean higher support payments, but there won't be a chance to deal with the visitation part then, that would have to be done separately.) Plus going to court would be fairly expensive, and money is tight as it is, without much of a reassurance that it would produce the desired result. And, isn't that something he should have done 3 or 4 years ago when her move was actually just about to happen? Isn't now too late?
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#33 of 35 Old 02-18-2009, 10:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Sprucen View Post
(There is a child support modification hearing coming up in two weeks, which she initiated, which will mean higher support payments, but there won't be a chance to deal with the visitation part then, that would have to be done separately.) Plus going to court would be fairly expensive, and money is tight as it is, without much of a reassurance that it would produce the desired result. And, isn't that something he should have done 3 or 4 years ago when her move was actually just about to happen? Isn't now too late?
I would consult your lawyer on this one... in some states, all money issues are dealt with together, and other issues separately. So the cost of the visits might be more appropriately brought up at this hearing. It probably depends on if you actually have visitation time ordered that is not being used.

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#34 of 35 Old 02-18-2009, 11:26 AM
 
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We keep sending gifts, but usually we don't hear anything back, or get a call when things arrive, or anything like that. I like to think it will lodge in their brains and their hearts somewhere that their dad and I kept doggedly trying to pick out meaningful and loving gifts over the years, without a lot of acknowledgement. I also hope that sometimes we'll hit on a 'just right' book or activity that they really value, whether or not we hear about it.

Once in a while when we inquire specifically about a gift, we'll learn that they enjoyed it, which is great. It's not so much a matter of giving "in expectation" of thanks, it's just that when you spend time trying to find something meaningful, and you just kind of drop it into a void, it's a bummer!

On the one hand, yes, I think it's rude never to call and acknowledge/thank, but they've had it modelled very energetically by their mom, and access is always so precarious that insisting or even guiding too much could result in months of non-contact, so we just carry on. In many other ways, they're great kids, and they're very much stuck in the middle, so it may be easier not to go out of their way to offer thanks.
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#35 of 35 Old 02-18-2009, 06:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprucen View Post
I've been doing delivery confirmations on the packages. So I know that and when they get delivered to the house. Now, whether or not maybe the mother confiscates the packages and doesn't pass them on to her daughter, that I don't know... I don't think she would do that, but then, I don't know, she may. (But really, even if you hate your ex, would you do that to your kid?)

We'll come up with something to get dsd to contact dh when she gets the next one. I'd like to make sure it gets to her.

Trying to talk dh into anything that involves dealing with the ex and dsd is nearly impossible. He doesn't think going to court would be productive at all. Plus he thinks since he's the father the system is to completely skewed in the favor of the mother that he doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to just about anything dealing with dsd. (There is a child support modification hearing coming up in two weeks, which she initiated, which will mean higher support payments, but there won't be a chance to deal with the visitation part then, that would have to be done separately.) Plus going to court would be fairly expensive, and money is tight as it is, without much of a reassurance that it would produce the desired result. And, isn't that something he should have done 3 or 4 years ago when her move was actually just about to happen? Isn't now too late?
No it isn't to late at all. It is can also be part of child support. Her move out of state made an extra finacial burden on dh. That money should go to him being able to aford to see his daughter.
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