I don't think I continue doing this anymore. - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 35 Old 07-13-2009, 01:03 PM
 
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Have you looked into whether she might have ADD? ADD is very very often missed in girls and the first visible signs of it (to the family) may be anger, depression, possibly difficulty at school (though some ADD girls get very good grades) and acting out at home and/or school. Please consider it!

BTW, just because there are family stresses and issues doesn't mean that all of the problems are due to the divorce/blended family etc. My own family of origin was a divorced/blended family and everyone blamed my problems on that and on my food allergies. Big mistake. If I'd known then what I know now, I may have done much better in college, instead of getting so overwhelmed and dropping out (and I got straight As in high school, too).

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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#32 of 35 Old 07-13-2009, 01:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by writteninkursive View Post
I say keep up the counseling, get your husband to BE HOME, get everyone on a schedule, lay down some serious rules, and include your younger children. A family meeting is definitely in order! Sit them all down and say "We've had some behavior lately that is unacceptable and that is going to change." so that your younger kids know that what has been going on is NOT okay. They don't need to be afraid of their older step-sister. She's just a kid on a power trip. She'll do what she can get away with. Lay down the law.
How do you know the child will "do what she can get away with?" How do you know she's on a power trip? Why on earth would stricter rules work better when she's struggling under the current rules? OP, focusing on behavior is like focusing on the symptoms and ignoring the underlying problem. Treat the underlying problem, and the behavioral issues will correct themselves. I agree that a family meeting is a GREAT idea, but I don't think it should be used to lecture or give orders. I think a helpful angle to approach this from is to try to include her as a team member in the family, instead of focusing on her as a problem to be fixed. I totally understand that your DH CANNOT work less right now, and I think that's okay. Does she have a cell phone? I do think it will be helpful if he tries to connect with his older DD as best he can during the day-- like maybe he could text her during the day? Just to let her know that she matters and he is thinking of her. I think if she doesn't have a cell of her own yet, that could be such a positive thing, a vote of confidence (of course you will need to have all kinds of parental controls in place, which is easy to do nowadays.) Good luck!

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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#33 of 35 Old 07-13-2009, 10:32 PM
 
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How is the situation now, OP?

When I saw this thread back, I was hoping for a small update
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#34 of 35 Old 07-13-2009, 11:22 PM
 
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He does have a choice. He can leave his program and refuse to go on deployment and suffer the consequences if he cannot be relieved of his duties without consequence on compassionate grounds. Shipping the kid off is the wrong thing to do . If your family is going to abandon her, at least hand custody over to the state so she might have the chance to become part of a family, rather than boarding her at an institution.

4 kids under 10
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#35 of 35 Old 07-14-2009, 09:31 AM
 
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FWIW, when I was a kid I thought boarding school sounded like a blast. I would have loved to go. I'm NOT saying that's what the OP should do, but it seems like it would be completely better than foster care, no comparison. I don't understand how boarding school is necessarily seen as abandonment? Anyway, I will be interested in an update as well . . .

♥ blogger astrologer mom to three cool kiddos, and trying to figure out this divorce thing-- Blossom and Glow ♥

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