New baby-do I include the step-son on the card? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 15 Old 05-27-2009, 08:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Please don't freak out at me, I am here to get this right! My friend's girlfriend just had their first baby together. I will be writing a card and want to know if I address it to him, his gf [mother of said baby] and his other son..or if I just address it to him and gf, leaving off his son because the son is not the bio son of the gf?

I imagine I should inc the son, but want to know what you think. I guess I worry that the gf doesn't feel terribly bonded with her step-son as she only just started living with him and his dad [her partner]. The step-son is with them 50%.

Thanks
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#2 of 15 Old 05-27-2009, 09:00 AM
 
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Hi,

I usually don't address an envelop to the entire family -- just to the parents. For something like this, I might address it to the "Smith-Jones Family." In my note though, I will address everyone by starting off "Dear X, Y and Z, Congratulations...."
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#3 of 15 Old 05-27-2009, 09:03 AM
 
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Yes, I would include him-he is your friend's (the father of the baby's) son and the new baby's brother too, right? Another option would be to address it to "The [boyfriend's last name] & [girlfriend's last name] family". This is assuming that the stepsone has his dad's last name-well, and that between the four of them there are only two last names

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#4 of 15 Old 05-27-2009, 12:42 PM
 
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If you would normally include a sibling on a card, do so--this boy is this child's brother, regardless of whether he has bonded with his new stepparent.

If the son was the bio-son of the girlfriend but not of the boyfriend, you'd probably not think twice about including him, right? There's no need to treat the boy differently because he's from the dad's side rather than the mom's.

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#5 of 15 Old 05-27-2009, 03:55 PM
 
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Definitely include the son. My daughter not only loved receiving cards addressed to all of us, but it was also a great opportunity for her to learn more about my partner's extended family and friendship network and feel more included/bonded. Good feelings all around and nothing to lose.
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#6 of 15 Old 05-27-2009, 07:26 PM
 
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It's fine to address a congratulations card about a new baby to just the parents. But don't leave out the step-son just because he's a step. If you would ordinarily address such a card to each family member, by all means mention him! He's part of their family.

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#7 of 15 Old 05-27-2009, 09:16 PM
 
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If you're feeling conflicted how about a congratulations on your new baby for the parents and another card that congratulations the son on his new sibling?

(I normally wouldn't address a card to anyone but the parents. But in the situation, I would be afraid the son would feel on the outside, and would think it might be kind of cool for the son to get his own card.)
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#8 of 15 Old 05-28-2009, 01:08 AM
 
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I'd include him. YOu'd be surprised how far the little things go. . . in both positive and negative directions.
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#9 of 15 Old 05-28-2009, 03:47 AM
 
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I'd include him. When I sent christmas cards to my cousin, I only put her and her hubby on the envelope for mailing, but in the card I write out her name, his name, thier dd name and her stepsons name.

When I had dd with dh, I included my ds (dh's stepson) in my announcement, as in: so and so was born on this date at this time weighing whatever and measing whatever to parents A and B and proud big brother C.

So yeah, include him. He is part of that family.

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#10 of 15 Old 05-28-2009, 08:05 PM
 
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Personally, I would give the parents a card and pick out a small gift just for the sibling, if the relationship and your budget deem that appropriate. Depending on the dynamic, the big brother could possibly use a boost of inclusiveness and it definitely wouldn't hurt!

If that's not possible, I would agree with the pp's and say that if you would normally address the entire family, then yes - DEFINITELY address the brother. We had a new baby recently and my stepdaughter (who we have every other weekend visitation with) is treated as a sister to her - no ifs ands or buts (and certainly no "halves"!). But most people addressed just me and my husband or The M-B Family (we all have one of two names).

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#11 of 15 Old 05-29-2009, 02:35 AM
 
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I'd include him as he is a part of that family
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#12 of 15 Old 05-29-2009, 02:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anglyn View Post
So yeah, include him. He is part of that family.
He is the baby's brother, right? Of course include him.
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#13 of 15 Old 05-29-2009, 01:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by adlib77 View Post
Personally, I would give the parents a card and pick out a small gift just for the sibling, if the relationship and your budget deem that appropriate. Depending on the dynamic, the big brother could possibly use a boost of inclusiveness and it definitely wouldn't hurt!

If that's not possible, I would agree with the pp's and say that if you would normally address the entire family, then yes - DEFINITELY address the brother. We had a new baby recently and my stepdaughter (who we have every other weekend visitation with) is treated as a sister to her - no ifs ands or buts (and certainly no "halves"!). But most people addressed just me and my husband or The M-B Family (we all have one of two names).
That is my idea, or have just two seperate cards. One for the parents, one for the kid. The kid might like something a little more "child appropriate" for him anyway.
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#14 of 15 Old 06-02-2009, 08:30 PM
 
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I have never posted in this forum before, though I do read here occasionally as I discover the unique challenges and situations that come up in blended families...

I have an 8 y.o. son and am pregnant with my DP who has lived with us for the past year and a half. My own ds has expressed concern about how he will "fit in" once the baby is born (it breaks my heart that he is/was worried about that )... I would say definitely include the son! I really hope that anyone who chooses to send their congratulations when this baby is born will include ds (in fact, I think it would bother me if he wasn't even..) - this is a life-changing event for him as well. He is getting a little sister! Like a pp mentioned, little things do make a difference..
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#15 of 15 Old 06-07-2009, 06:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much everyone-I'll def include him!
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