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#1 of 72 Old 09-01-2009, 06:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have read some posts about kids calling step parents mommy or daddy and I am not really sure if I am wrong or right so I need a little advice.

I have a four old daughter and she calls my ex's girlfriend mommy. I HATE IT. I have talked to the girlfriend and asked her to stop having my daughter call her that. The girlfriend told me that she is not going to ask her to stop. I asked my daughter about it and she told me that it was my ex's girlfriend that asked to be called that. The ex of course denies it. I have also talked to my ex but he sees nothing wrong with it. I don't have my daughter call my DH daddy. To me it is wrong and confusing for a four year old to understand.

Am I wrong???
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#2 of 72 Old 09-01-2009, 06:59 PM
 
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This is probably a touchy subject for many. I've been there on both sides of the coin so can speak from my two experiences.

My ex's two children started calling me mom on their own, and asked if they could call me mom. I told them I wasn't their mother but they could call me that. Their mother got extremely angry and told them to call me "the girlfriend". Our relationship sort of disintegrated after that. Of course, they were older at the time (5 and 8).

Now my DH's older son who is 2.5 knows me as "stepmom" and calls me that. He tells his mom all about his "stepmom" and there are no hard feelings between any of us. DH's younger son is only 9 mos old so he doesn't even know the situation yet, of course.

On the other hand, my ex is sort of out of the picture and has only seen my 3.5 year old and 17 month old once since May. They never ask about their daddy, and I don't bring him up. However, they've started calling DH daddy on their own. Sometimes my 3.5 year old calls him daddy Chris. We are fine with that, but I don't expect them to call him daddy. It's going to be interesting if/when my ex does step back in their life, and I'm sure they'll be a little bit confused at first. But this is what they are comfortable calling him and for all purposes, he is their daddy. He is the one that takes care of them while I work all day long, feeds them, bathes them, changes their diaper, puts them down for naps, kisses their booboos and teaches them the lessons of life. Their real "daddy" has never done any of this for them.

However, if my ex ever got another gf or wife, I would be extremely upset at them calling someone else "mom" or "mommy". So I can see both sides of the equation. It's definitely a thin line to walk. Good luck to you..hopefully someone else will have some advice.

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#3 of 72 Old 09-01-2009, 07:08 PM
 
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I think it is quite expected for the mother to feel hurt, crushed and threatened when she hears that her baby calls another woman "mommy".

Here is my personal view on the subject:

* I do think that it's okay if the child to choose what they call adults in their lives. If a child feels that a certain person fulfills a role - then it seems appropriate to allow that child to express themselves.

* I do NOT think it's okay for the stepparent to insist on "mom/dad" title.

Where does your daughter live FT? How much time does she spend with the girlfriend? How long has it been since divorce?

As far as being a mother goes, let me assure you that no stepmother can fill in the shoes of a loving mom. Heck, some stepmothers can't even fill the shoes of a dead-beat-mom Kids will always have their loyalties with the parents. That's just how it works. The bond you share cannot be shaken up by someone insisting on a name that doesn't fit. If the girlfriend is truly the one pushing the "mommy" name, it WILL backfire sooner or later.

And even if it is true that your daughter is choosing it, then you'll have to remember that it's a different kind of "mommy" than with you.

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#4 of 72 Old 09-01-2009, 07:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My ex and I have 50/50 all the way, legal, physical. Her dad and I were never married. Its very comforting to read postive remarks about how she can never replace me so thank you.
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#5 of 72 Old 09-01-2009, 08:36 PM
 
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I think it is very important to keep in mind that what we're being called are "names", not necessarily the terms of endearment to little kids, that we, as adults, put on them. Kids might not fully understand our relationships, you know? Even if you tell your daughter that she came from Your belly, that is why you're mommy... they don't really understand that. You're a woman, an elder... maybe mommy means just that. The relevant importance (if you consider it such) will make more sense later.

I guess I say this because I've gone through this with my DSS. He called me mommy and mom from the beginning (2yo). I didn't ask, and honestly was a little weirded out by it... he had a mommy. I didn't want to take that term away from her. So, each time he'd say, "mommy" and I'd respond... "i'm so-and-so". This totally confused him. I'm the woman in the house, mom seemed appropriate, why would I tell him differently -- I understand that rationale... NOW. But I confused the situation for a while.

Now he calls me Dad :-) And he calls both his mom & step-father at their house.. Mom.

He figured out we needed different terms, but now is confused by the gender connection. So... what'ya do :-)

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#6 of 72 Old 09-01-2009, 08:37 PM
 
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just to add... I do think it's very inappropriate for a step-parent to require, or even ask, for the child to use Mom/Dad for their terms. They are the adult and they know the importance of these names, even if the child doesn't.

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#7 of 72 Old 09-01-2009, 10:10 PM
 
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Don't know if this helps with anything, but my 2 1/2 yr old started calling the both parents of the 3 yr old I baby sit 'dad' because thats what he heard the 3 yr old yell everytime they picked him up.
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#8 of 72 Old 09-01-2009, 10:43 PM
 
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I agree with the PPs that, if a child CHOOSES to call a stepparent mom/dad, they should be allowed to do so. However, I also agree that it is very inapprorpriate for a stepparent to insist upon that title or to make the kids call them that.

In your situation, I'm sure you are naturally assuming that your daughter is the one telling the truth, but either way, perhaps you could help her come up with another name for her stepmom (or encourage her to do so with her stepmom herself) that is close to "mommy" but different than what she calls you, if that would make you more comfortable. I assume that your ex and his GF have been together for a while and/or are in a fairly permanent relationship, and that is would be nice for them to have a special name too-I can tell you that it is hard to be known as your first name to a kid you are helping to raise, and I can also say I would have a really really hard time hearing dd call another woman mommy! It is tough on both sides-good luck

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#9 of 72 Old 09-01-2009, 11:12 PM
 
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Of course you are not wrong! I would hate that, too!

I would not rely on the 4-year-old's statement that her dad's girlfriend requested it. I mean, she may be accurate. But she's also 4, so she may not be - it's not worth stewing over that aspect of things.

The key is that your ex and his girlfriend's attitude (rejecting your completely reasonable request to stop having your daughter call her mommy) is hostile and, frankly, just mean. The chief reason a mom has trouble accepting her ex-husband's new girlfriend is an irrational fear of being displaced, with the kids. She seems to be telling you up front she likes the idea of displacing you. What a jerk! And she's not even married to this little girl's father!

Your ex and any would-be step-mom SHOULD know that, regardless how well they like you, your daughter needs them to support her relationship with you - and her respect for you. And she needs LESS hostility between her parents, not more! I hope that YOU can rise above their slimy behavior and set a better example for your daughter, of not undermining her relationship with her dad just because he's doing that to you.

Since you're not going to get anywhere with the adults, I think it's entirely appropriate for you to tell your daughter, rather seriously, that mothers deserve respect and it is disrespectful for her to call anyone else mommy. A 4-year-old (especially a girl) is plenty mature enough to grasp that basic concept. Tell her you expect her to stop, no matter what other people encourage her to do. This is a right/wrong issue. But arm her with responses she can use, if she gets pressure from dad's girlfriend and help her come up with something else to call her.

Sorry you're experiencing this! Yuck!

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#10 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 12:31 AM
 
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I think it is very important to keep in mind that what we're being called are "names", not necessarily the terms of endearment to little kids, that we, as adults, put on them. Kids might not fully understand our relationships, you know? Even if you tell your daughter that she came from Your belly, that is why you're mommy... they don't really understand that. You're a woman, an elder... maybe mommy means just that. The relevant importance (if you consider it such) will make more sense later.
This is true... I can understand how kids (especially very young ones) wind up calling a stepparent "mommy" or "daddy." My DS (who has never himself had anyone in a stepparent role) calls every older female "Mama." Me, Grandma, the neighbor lady, even DSD's mom (how's that for a twist on this topic). I could easily see a child using the parental term, then being encouraged by the other parent and stepparent (thinking that the child must really be bonding with the stepparent), and then the name just sticking (even though when the child originally started using the name, they didn't fully understand what they were doing). Very confusing.

I think that so much goes into this that it is hard to make a blanket statement about what the right policy is. I definitely feel that a child should not be forced to call a stepparent by a parental name. But after that, there is some gray area - how old is the child, how long has the stepparent been around, is the other parent present in the child's life, how does the child feel about the subject? It is a tough question, and every situation is so different.

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#11 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 01:31 AM
 
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Of course you are not wrong! I would hate that, too!

I would not rely on the 4-year-old's statement that her dad's girlfriend requested it. I mean, she may be accurate. But she's also 4, so she may not be - it's not worth stewing over that aspect of things.

The key is that your ex and his girlfriend's attitude (rejecting your completely reasonable request to stop having your daughter call her mommy) is hostile and, frankly, just mean. The chief reason a mom has trouble accepting her ex-husband's new girlfriend is an irrational fear of being displaced, with the kids. She seems to be telling you up front she likes the idea of displacing you. What a jerk! And she's not even married to this little girl's father!

Your ex and any would-be step-mom SHOULD know that, regardless how well they like you, your daughter needs them to support her relationship with you - and her respect for you. And she needs LESS hostility between her parents, not more! I hope that YOU can rise above their slimy behavior and set a better example for your daughter, of not undermining her relationship with her dad just because he's doing that to you.

Since you're not going to get anywhere with the adults, I think it's entirely appropriate for you to tell your daughter, rather seriously, that mothers deserve respect and it is disrespectful for her to call anyone else mommy. A 4-year-old (especially a girl) is plenty mature enough to grasp that basic concept. Tell her you expect her to stop, no matter what other people encourage her to do. This is a right/wrong issue. But arm her with responses she can use, if she gets pressure from dad's girlfriend and help her come up with something else to call her.

Sorry you're experiencing this! Yuck!

I don't mean this in a snarky way, but don't you think it would make the 4-year-old more confused and feeling the tension from her mom and encouraging hostility between the parents to tell her she is not allowed to call a parental figure, who she may love as another mother, by a parental name? I just can't see how it is positive in anyway to tell a child that it is flat out wrong to call her stepmother mom. I especially disagree that with telling her that it is disrespectful to her mother to call her stepmom "mom"-that is essentially telling her that loving her stepmom is disrespectful to her mom. As I said above, I would have a VERY hard time with dd calling somebody else mom, but if it is done because she wants to, I hope that I can rise above and be thankful that her stepmother is such a great, loving person that dd has so much respect and love for her-not that she is disrespecting me or loves me less. OP, you will always be the mom-nothing can change that, no matter who else "shares" that name.

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#12 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 02:27 AM
 
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I can not lie. I would be hurt hearing my child calling another person Mama...but

My son came up with the name Daddy Randy for my husband. He had his Daddy, then Daddy Randy. Then it changed. Daddy (bio-name) and my husband was Daddy.

There would have not been a way to stop him. We did not make these names up.

I can see a 4 year old asking can "I call you Momma" and gf say "if you want". Being told she was told to call her momma. Kids that age can mess stories up ~~ mind did this a few times and left me embarrassed.

I would think it would be more effective to encourage you child to come up with another endering name to stop confussion. "MUM2" "Mamoo" "Otmot" (other mother) "Maw, Maw"

We have a friend who is a step-dad he is called "Uby Duby" (uby rhymes with ruby) why? The don't know but it is a term of enderment.
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#13 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 11:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I do understand what everyone is saying the only problem I have with it is she isn't even married to him. I do understand that if they do decide to get married that she will be her stepmom but as of right now no she is not. I have had a lot of problems with this person because she lies to my daughter. I had a son back in Dec and the girlfriend told my daughter that that is not her brother but she tells her that her daughter is her sister. The girlfriend has also told my daughter that she has two mommys. I know to some people she does but my daughter is young and the girlfriend is just the girlfriend. To top it off I went to my daughters mothers day tea at her school in May and the girlfriend was there after I asked her to not to be. My daughter gave her my mother's day gift and she just took it. Maybe I am just worried too much!
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#14 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 11:47 AM
 
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I do understand what everyone is saying the only problem I have with it is she isn't even married to him. I do understand that if they do decide to get married that she will be her stepmom but as of right now no she is not. I have had a lot of problems with this person because she lies to my daughter. I had a son back in Dec and the girlfriend told my daughter that that is not her brother but she tells her that her daughter is her sister. The girlfriend has also told my daughter that she has two mommys. I know to some people she does but my daughter is young and the girlfriend is just the girlfriend. To top it off I went to my daughters mothers day tea at her school in May and the girlfriend was there after I asked her to not to be. My daughter gave her my mother's day gift and she just took it. Maybe I am just worried too much!
In light of the bolded, I have to agree that she's overstepping her role. While it says a lot about your parenting that your daughter was gracious enough to give her the gift, the g/f should have understood (given that she is a mother herself) that you would be hurt and tried to work something out.

I do think it can be difficult to deal with the "who gets called Mom" issue when the kids are little. They don't understand. But... the adults should, and there are ways to work around it - namely, suggest an alternate. It really is not that hard to explain to a 4yo that "I'm glad you love me enough to want to call me something special, but "Mommy" is a special name you use for your Mommy. How about we think of a different special name you can call me?"
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#15 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 01:21 PM
 
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How long has this girl and your ex been together?
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#16 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 01:36 PM
 
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this is something that I would probably take to court. Some boundaries need to be set legally.

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#17 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 01:53 PM
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this is something that I would probably take to court. Some boundaries need to be set legally.
REALLY? I think a judge would be pretty angry if you wasted her time with a hearing about who gets to be called "Mommy." Not saying it shouldn't hurt, just saying it's not a legal matter.
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#18 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 01:56 PM
 
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I do understand what everyone is saying the only problem I have with it is she isn't even married to him. I do understand that if they do decide to get married that she will be her stepmom but as of right now no she is not. I have had a lot of problems with this person because she lies to my daughter. I had a son back in Dec and the girlfriend told my daughter that that is not her brother but she tells her that her daughter is her sister. The girlfriend has also told my daughter that she has two mommys. I know to some people she does but my daughter is young and the girlfriend is just the girlfriend. To top it off I went to my daughters mothers day tea at her school in May and the girlfriend was there after I asked her to not to be. My daughter gave her my mother's day gift and she just took it. Maybe I am just worried too much!

Well, dp and I are not married, but we (myself, dp, dsd, dsd's mom, etc.) all consider me to be her stepmom. So, I think it is more emotional relation ship than legal relationship, KWIM.

However, she should obviously not be telling your dsd that your child is not her bro/sis and hers are, and I understand why you were hurt that she accpeted your mother's day gift and showed up for your mother's day tea. Do you know if perhaps dsd invited her and she just has a hard time saying no or knowing what to say to dsd without hurting her feelings? I'm trying to give her hte benefit of the doubt on those things, since it might not be that she is trying to upset you, but that she is trying NOT to upset your dsd. WHen dsd asked to call me mom, I had a hard time explaining why she couldn't, although we did do what a PP suggested and come up with another name instead.

My dsd says all the time that she has two moms and two dads and I don't think anybody's feeliings are hurt. Heck, I have heard dp (her dad) refer to dsd having two dads without batting an eye. She does, and he is grateful that her stepdad is somebody who she loves and is comfortable with and considers a parent.

I am curious how long your ex and his gf have been together. She sounds pretty involved to be a short-term thing.

It sounds to me like both of you are a little insecure in your positoins in dsd's life and are kind of battling for the "best mom/parent" role-and I don't mean this in a critical way, because I think this is a really common thing and I'm enve pretty sure that I was guilty of it when dp and I were fairly new I would suggest keeping your dd out of the middle of things as much as possible, trying to be really nice to your dd's stepmom, and hoping that things calm down as she realizes you are not competing with her and hopefully she will reciprocate. Good luck again.

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#19 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 02:15 PM
 
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I do not think it is ok for her to call her dads girlfriend "mommy". I don't care what the situation is.
ETA: Just read more of the posts. Does your dd live with you or your ex?
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#20 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 03:05 PM
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Does your dd live with you or your ex?
She said upthread that "My ex and I have 50/50 all the way, legal, physical."
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#21 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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REALLY? I think a judge would be pretty angry if you wasted her time with a hearing about who gets to be called "Mommy." Not saying it shouldn't hurt, just saying it's not a legal matter.
Not just for the mommy thing. It seems like the child is being asked to call the gf mommy...lots of lines being crossed, judgement issues. OP IS the mom and she can ask that boundaries be put into place. I've heard of many people putting those boundaries into place legally when it's necessary. She should consult a lawyer just to see if she does have some recourse...maybe a first right of refusal or modified custody arrangement. The child is being confused and that is harmful and could be a good reason to modify.

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#22 of 72 Old 09-02-2009, 05:33 PM
 
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Thing is, gf says that her dsd asked to call her mommy. It would be pretty hard to prove that gf is forcing her to do so. Mom going in there and asking for a change in custody because her dd is calling her dad's partner "mommy" is probably not going to fly (not saying OP is planning this, but in response to PP's advice). That is basically saying that mom is jealous of her dd's relationship with her stepmom, not that the stepmom is crossing any boundaries.

FWIW: I obviously have no idea whether gf is forcing her to call her mommy or if the child is choosing to do so-just stating that I doubt going to court will do a lot except waste a lot of time and money.

A lot of the OP's complaints seem to be based on her 4-year-olds retelling of events, and while I am sure the child is not lying, it is easy for a 4-year-olds perpective to not be exactly "true" either. Could all be a big misunderstanding.

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#23 of 72 Old 09-03-2009, 07:38 AM
 
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To me the biggest red flag is the GF telling her DD that her brother is not her brother. This to me would make a trip back to court appropriate. The other things just taken with this are huge problems because all of it is working to undermine OP role. But really telling her her brother is not her brother is a HUGE problem.

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#24 of 72 Old 09-03-2009, 09:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I respect everyones feedback. I listen to my daughter because I feel like she had to of heard that from somewhere like the my son is not her brother. I had asked my ex about it and he denied it and I also asked his girlfriend about it and she denied it but when my daughters dad and I went to court about 8 months ago the mediator asked him and he said it was true. I want to say that my ex and his girlfriend have been dating for about three years and yes they live together. I don't like that they live together but I can't do anything about it. I have tried to talk to both the ex and girlfriend and nothing gets better. My family knows that she is doing all of this to get under my skin and I could turn the other cheek but its my daughter and I don't want to back down so easly. I will say it again she is just the girlfriend to me thats it. Here today gone tomorrow. I wish she would back off.
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#25 of 72 Old 09-03-2009, 09:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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On another note I feel like I am fighting to be a mother to my own daughter.
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#26 of 72 Old 09-03-2009, 12:13 PM
 
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Do you live close enough that when she starts school, you can cut visitation down to every other weekend? When you were in mediation 8 months ago, did you discuss altering visitation? Does your daughter spend more time with the girlfriend than her father?

If she's been around for 3 years and has a child with your ex, she's probably not a "here today" thing. She still cannot replace you. Even step-mothers who have thier stepchildren full-time often feel frustrated and sad because the mother always has that place up on the pedestal. The more secure you are in your relationship with your daughter, the more of an authority you will be to her. Bond in every way possible when your daughter is with you. Engage her, cuddle, play with her hair, talk to her, read to her, etc. Make sure that she is secure in the fact that you are her mother and you love her.

Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

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#27 of 72 Old 09-03-2009, 02:36 PM
 
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I would be as upset as you are. It would be intolerable to me. [I had this issue but it was my own mother asking and encouraging my child to start calling her 'mommy' when she started babysitting him a few days a week]

Your daughter should be able to pick/have picked a special name for the girlfriend, if they don't want her to just call gf by name.

Sounds like GF has her own child...she can get her need to be called "mom" filled by him.

Even if she feels like an equal parent to you, since she is with your daughter 50% of the time, if she were a kind person who wanted the best for everyone, she would respect your feelings and encourage your daughter to call her by some other name. I don't think that she has just as much right to be called 'mom' as you. Maybe if you abandoned your daughter, or saw her rarely by your choice, etc, it would be different.

I don't like it when people [I mean ex or gf, not people in this thread] assert that something should be okay because it's 'fair' when it's hurtful to a family member/loved one. Even if your daughter is calling her 'mom' for a reasonable reason or she came up with it by herself, your ex and his GF should be kind and respect that it bothers you and choose/encourage another name.

On the other hand, I don't put a lot of meaning on marriage, so to me, she is just as valid as a permanant partner whether they're married or not, seems like she's there for the long haul. [I don't think that she should get to be called mom if they get married.]

If your daughter decides to call her mom after she's gained adultish consciousness, like after puberty, that's different...imo. Then that's her choice.
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#28 of 72 Old 09-03-2009, 03:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greenemami View Post
don't you think it would make the 4-year-old more confused and feeling the tension from her mom and encouraging hostility between the parents to tell her she is not allowed to call a parental figure, who she may love as another mother, by a parental name?
I can see the validity of this point of view. I don't necessarily agree - I think the people encouraging the child to say/do things that are inconsiderate of her mother are creating the negativity, not Mom, for objecting to it. But I do understand how someone could disagree with me on this.

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Originally Posted by greenemami View Post
I especially disagree with telling her that it is disrespectful to her mother to call her stepmom "mom"-that is essentially telling her that loving her stepmom is disrespectful to her mom.
1- I feel strongly that instructing the girl to call her stepmom something else is not equivalent to forbidding the child to love her stepmom. I know my step-son loves me, but he would never call me "mom" because he understands that title expresses his respect for his actual mother and her singular, irreplaceable position in his life - plus he knows it would upset her to have him call me "mom". I don't think it is wrong to teach children that they should feel loyal to and concerned about the feelings of their parents, not just the other way around. Of course, that shouldn't be taken to unreasonable extremes. A little kid shouldn't be burdened with worrying about hurting Mom's feelings if she says she misses her Dad after a divorce. But it's not "over the head" of a 4-y-o girl to be told, "You'll have all kinds of loving, special relationships in your life, but you only have one Mommy and having you call me that is very special to me. If you call other people by my special name, it makes it not seem so special anymore. I want you to find some special name to call your stepmom that is all her own and let Mommy be just for me."

2- In cases where a step-mom really does function as the mom, obviously this could be different. But clearly this mom is involved in her kid's life. Moreover, she has expressed her feelings to her ex and his girlfriend and instead of being appropriately considerate and responsive, they completely rejected her request. It is not good for the child to be taught by one parent that it is OK to dismiss and disregard the other parent's feelings - feelings which everyone seems to acknowledge are understandable, even if everyone does not agree how this mom should handle them.

3- This isn't her step-mom. I guess if the girlfriend has lived with dad a long time, that's one thing, but for all we know (unless I'm forgetting some details), this could be a relatively new girlfriend, who may eventually pass out of dad's and daughter's life. Daughter (who may be a Mommy herself, one day) should know that Mommy is an important, not a trivial, title.

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#29 of 72 Old 09-03-2009, 03:52 PM
 
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I believe she said they have been living together for three years, but that she sees her as "just the girlfriend" because they are not legally married, which obviously doesn't exactly go with my point of view seeing as I am not married to dp and we have lived together for 4ish years and I consider myself the stepmom, as does everyone else, but that is neither here nor there. Obviously the girl's stepmom considers herself as such, as does the little girl.

FWIW, when dsd has asked to call me mom, I told her no, for all the reasons above, and gently explained that that was a special name for her mom, etc., so I am not defending the stepmom in this case, because I honestly do believe that in most cases, the mom/dad title should stay with the mom/dad. However, I also do not think that the little girl should be further put in the middle, nor exposed to her mom's feelings about this since the stepmom/dad have already told her it is okay to use the title. What will be gained by telling her that it hurts moms feelings for her to use the name mom for her stepmom? She will feel guilty and like she has betrayed her mom in some way that she can't quite identify. Yes, it will be hard for the OP to deal with it, and yes, I think she shoudl continue to try to communicate with her ex and his partner that she does not like it, but going through the child is almost never a good idea. To you and me, asking us not to use a certain name (mom) does not mean that she can't love her stepmom. To a four year old, I almost guarantee that yes, it means that her mom does not want her to love her stepmom like a mom/parent/parental figure. That doesn't mean she will stop loving her like that, it just means that she will feel guilty about it everytime she does it.

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#30 of 72 Old 09-03-2009, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Our custody has been 50/50 because that is what my ex wants but I think it is more of a control issue with him. Like for example I don't have to work this coming monday because of the holiday and my daughter doesn't have school but her dad works until six at night. He happens to work five minutes from me but lives 30 minutes from me. He is supposed to have her on Monday so I asked him if I could pick her up on Monday morning and he can pick her up after he gets off work. He would rather tell me that I can have her if he can have her on one of my days that I work and he doesn't but she is at school anyways. Maybe I am being to harsh. We live 30 minutes between each other so he wants everything she does to be in the middle which is understandable but it won't work. We both work full time and his girlfriend doesn't work at all so she takes her everywhere when her dad can't. My mom takes her to school during the week but I can't ask my mom to do this forever. I want my daughter to go to school where I live but her dad wants somewhere in the middle even though he works five minutes from where I live and ten minutes from my work. I hope I am making sense. I would love to cut down visition down to everyother weekend and sometime during the week but he won't let go of 50/50.
I don't think that girlfriend is going anywhere anytime soon but I don't understand how someone can I have so much disrespect for someone eles kids mom.
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