Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: surrounded by testosterone
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People can write from jail. He knew you were having "his" baby. But you say you haven't heard from him in months and he wasn't interested in claiming his daughter. That his mom and sis want you to take the baby to see him does not mean he's yearning for that.
His relatives have a clear reason for wanting you to visit him with the baby, in a place where he's literally a captive audience. Right now, mom and sis are relying on your good will, to let them see the baby. They know you could change your mind. But if they could get BioDad interested in claiming his parental rights, they would have more assurance of being involved in your daughter's life...and maybe if you take the baby to him - in circumstances where he can't ignore her - he'll fall in love.
And, honestly, aren't you still mired in your inability to accept that he's not interested? Isn't your consternation over whether you should take your baby to jail rooted in your own assumption that "if he just saw her", he wouldn't be able to stand not being part of her life?
I'm not trying to be mean. I know you're hormonal and you've been though a rough emotional ride. But your desire for him to see the error of his ways and get involved is really more about you than it is about your daughter. Think of adopted children. They love the people who are there to raise them and think of those people as their parents. You did the right thing. You kept your family together for the kids you already have. You gave your daughter a good, stable father who will actually take care of her. And you stuck with the man in your life that you can actually rely on to be a partner to you. Go with that choice and quit chasing after the guy who doesn't care - even if you're only chasing after him in your mind, trying to figure out what he's thinking and what he might want, or what might influence him.
If his mom and sister want to be involved, let them - as long as they never try to undermine your husband's relationship with your daughter, by telling her he's not "really" her Daddy - this guy in jail, who deals drugs and hasn't shown any interest in her is the more important Daddy - bull! If this guy comes to his senses some day and makes the effort to approach you about wanting to see his daughter, deal with that then. For now, let her have the Daddy who wants her and stop the distractions.
Best of luck, Mama.
One woman in a house full of men: my soul mate:
... twin sons:
(HS seniors) ... step-son:
(a sophomore) ... our little man:
(a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all