He can't see his kids - what to do? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 63 Old 09-24-2009, 05:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I dont understand where you get hung up.
I think I have been through this many times already and am repeating myself.

From the stuff I know about the situation I dont see what options he really had left when he chose to stop fighting. He lost everything to this. He did not have and could not find the money to take her back to court. We are not talking peanuts here. And even if he did have the money to continue he knew she would ignore court orders. This is the key issue. You keep assuming that surely she must be reasonable, or surely there must be a way he could have gone back to court. But then you assume that either I or BF is not telling the truth. I cant dictate that you believe his version or mine. But if you at least play along and assume that we are telling the truth, then that didnt leave him all the options you keep talking about. And his decision makes sense. At least to me who knows his motivations and concerns.

Answers to this thread that are based on the assumption that either my BF or I am not telling the truth will be pretty useless to me and him because they wont apply to the actual situation. Which is why I dont see the point in posting if you dont believe the basic story that is the reason for my request in the first place.

Jujyfruit. She was stable when he left and he does not worry about the kids growing up with her. Prior to that there had been times (years) when she was not stable. As long as she is medicated her illness is in check.

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#62 of 63 Old 09-24-2009, 12:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
Teeny, support doesn't mean unquestioning. Being a step-parent is a tough, tough, tough job, and our kids deserve the very best that we can give them. Or do. If this man is the very best, he'll understand a little bit of hesitancy on Seie's part.
No, you're right, it's just that most folks here seem to see this from only one perspective (the he can't possibly really care about his kids view), and truly there are other possibilities as to what's happening in a situation like this. There are women who are manipulative and hateful and just as bad as men can be, seeing as we're all human. Ah well, I probably never should have set foot in this thread anyways.

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#63 of 63 Old 09-25-2009, 04:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Teenytoona View Post
No, you're right, it's just that most folks here seem to see this from only one perspective (the he can't possibly really care about his kids view), and truly there are other possibilities as to what's happening in a situation like this. There are women who are manipulative and hateful and just as bad as men can be, seeing as we're all human. Ah well, I probably never should have set foot in this thread anyways.
Thanks. I am glad you replied here. I too think the feedback I am getting is pretty onesided and feel I probably should have known better than to bring this up here, but well now it's here. I have gotten some PMs from women who are close to men in similar situations (thanks - it meant a lot to me) and who do think my BFs choices make sense, but they didn't feel comfortable putting the stories out here - no wonder
I know my BF is not the only one in this situation and also not the only one who feels fighting can cause more damage than stepping down when the other party can't be reasonable. Conflict affects the kids too. And if you know that fighting is futile and only adds more conflict then stepping down can be a valid and responsible decision.

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