Hey everyone. Thanks for responding.
As for the move.... I mean.... yeah. DD is 1.5. I am not going to stay in a place I don't like for the next 16.5 years. The reason I want to get out of this relationship is that it's not the life I wanted for myself. (ie I want to be with someone who I actually enjoy talking to and spending time with.) I might want to stay here, but I'm only 26 and I want to have 2-3 more kids, hopefully with a man whom I actually love and like and respect. I can't sign off the rest of my 20s and 30s. I know it's selfish but I have to take care of myself.
The other twist is that DP hates NYC too and is only here because of his 7 yo. He hates it that he has to live here to have a relationship with her because he just wants to live in a quiet peaceful town away from all the crazyness. For ME to stay here would be an extension of that- in other words, my place of living would be governed by his ex, DSD's mom. As long as both DP and I want to leave NYC, I think we will be up to the hassle of dealing with non-traditional visitation.
As for the sibling relationship... I know that it is the RIGHT thing to want them to have a relationship, although DSD is not someone I would've chosen to be in my daughters life if I had my pick of all kids. However they deserve to know eachother and have a relationship.
Smithie, DP is actually not bad news at all in those ways. He's very responsible and a very involved, hands on, loving dad. I just don't like him as a person that much. I never did. I was attracted to his responsibility and reliability, and his love for me. I looked the other way when it came to his interests, values, intellect, humor, spirituality, goals, etc. I just can't sign off on living the rest of my life with someone whos views on almost everything I don't respect or like. Luckily he is a great dad and I know already that he will call her every day and go out of his way to see her as much as possible. (lucky me, i know, i am so grateful.)
Basically I have f'd up my life kind of badly and I need to get back on the right track... The problem is every time I try to imagine the future, it sounds pretty awful. I just was hoping that some people with experience on this could tell me that they have been where I am and now things are okay and their life is back on track.