New Step-family, facing issues with daughter need advice - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 32 Old 10-09-2009, 11:11 PM
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Originally Posted by bronxmom View Post
Wow - such harsh responses. I wish people had taken the time to read and hear the daughter's situation.

She's moved COUNTRIES (not towns, whole countries) 3 times in the last 4-5 years. She hasn't had the experience of her mom dating or spending time with other people. She has no longer-term friends. Likely her mother is the only constant in her life and now suddenly she's gone from that to a dramatic new change with a new stepdad and older stepbrother and new house/home. AND she's going through puberty, which in itself is a dramatic life change even if you didn't have everything else going on.

What this family needs is NOT some new lay-down-the-law, no-tolerance discipline approach - especially if it is true that the mom had a more lax discipline style. They need to find a way to address the underlying issues that are causing this child to act badly. I am NOT saying be a doormat; I am saying that looking it as just a "behavior" question or being about her being a "pinprick" or "obnoxious" or anything else about her character won't get you very far. Try to empathize with her feelings and situation and work on that first. Build a relationship first - and go from there. It won't happen overnight.

Btw, you don't say how long you and the mom dated and how long you've been together. These would seem to be key pieces of information.
I'm with Bronx Mom, well said and thanks for chiming in on the dd's behalf
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#32 of 32 Old 10-12-2009, 01:22 PM
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Sailor and Bronxmom said it very well. I too am surprised by many of the responses here. I was very dismayed by the OP's use of words like "pin-prick" and "little brat" when it seems reasonably evident what the problems are for the 12 year old (complete social, physical, emotional upheaval in her life).
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