Hi, new here, so afraid I don't know all the abbreviations yet, but wanted some advice.
I've been with F for, um, going on 3 years, and we're getting married. He told me when we met that he's got two kids who live with there mom an hour away. Ok, flash forward, I move in, things get a bit rough between myself and the oldest (boy, "S" now 12), but things are looking up.
It's the little things. He's stopped swearing. (That took AGES!) She (girl, "D" now 10) actually referred to me as step-mom yesterday. They enjoy quesadillas (a food I introduced). I've calmed down a lot, I've learned to pick my battles, and things are generally okay. (Except when the boy acts up -- then I feel like Homer Simpson: "the boy!!! the boy!!!")
I've always thought the ex (M) was mad. I mean, she left D, so how sane could she be? But hey, I'm obviously not holding that against her. She has over reacted at me over little things, like accusing me of cutting D's hair and screaming at me over the phone about it. (I stopped combing her hair for three months after that with the explanation, I don't want your mom to yell at me.) But it's one thing to be crazy to me, the woman solidifying F's independence, but I can't even imagine what that house is like.
I consider it a good sign, though that the kids are finally starting to see that we *can* offer stability, consistency, love and respect. They've commented that they like eating around the table with us. But mostly it's the little comments.
"Yeah, Mom changes her mind a lot at the house." (after she changed the location of where to drop them off and we spent 30 minutes looking for it)
"Sometimes Mom makes jokes that hurt my feelings beacuse she has an strange sense of humor." (said in the ktichen)
She once threatened to take S's x-box to a charity shop in a fight! But then, last year when I asked S how M disciplines him, he sort of laughed and said she doesn't. But they always complain that this or that has been given away or is missing. (We encourage them to leave things at our house in their cupboard.)
So, overall, I'm quite positive, but I don't know what to do about these comments about their mother! I know her behaviour effects them cause the boy acts up everytime the boyfriend moves in, and then the girl goes silent everytime the boyfriend moves out (this happens about 4-6 times a year). Obviously I can't speak to her about it, and I can't very well say "your mom is a little crazy" to the kids, but I'm at a loss of what to say/do. I figure all I can do is provide emotional support and a safe place from what could very well be a bad situation. Any ideas?
I've been with F for, um, going on 3 years, and we're getting married. He told me when we met that he's got two kids who live with there mom an hour away. Ok, flash forward, I move in, things get a bit rough between myself and the oldest (boy, "S" now 12), but things are looking up.
It's the little things. He's stopped swearing. (That took AGES!) She (girl, "D" now 10) actually referred to me as step-mom yesterday. They enjoy quesadillas (a food I introduced). I've calmed down a lot, I've learned to pick my battles, and things are generally okay. (Except when the boy acts up -- then I feel like Homer Simpson: "the boy!!! the boy!!!")
I've always thought the ex (M) was mad. I mean, she left D, so how sane could she be? But hey, I'm obviously not holding that against her. She has over reacted at me over little things, like accusing me of cutting D's hair and screaming at me over the phone about it. (I stopped combing her hair for three months after that with the explanation, I don't want your mom to yell at me.) But it's one thing to be crazy to me, the woman solidifying F's independence, but I can't even imagine what that house is like.
I consider it a good sign, though that the kids are finally starting to see that we *can* offer stability, consistency, love and respect. They've commented that they like eating around the table with us. But mostly it's the little comments.
"Yeah, Mom changes her mind a lot at the house." (after she changed the location of where to drop them off and we spent 30 minutes looking for it)
"Sometimes Mom makes jokes that hurt my feelings beacuse she has an strange sense of humor." (said in the ktichen)
She once threatened to take S's x-box to a charity shop in a fight! But then, last year when I asked S how M disciplines him, he sort of laughed and said she doesn't. But they always complain that this or that has been given away or is missing. (We encourage them to leave things at our house in their cupboard.)
So, overall, I'm quite positive, but I don't know what to do about these comments about their mother! I know her behaviour effects them cause the boy acts up everytime the boyfriend moves in, and then the girl goes silent everytime the boyfriend moves out (this happens about 4-6 times a year). Obviously I can't speak to her about it, and I can't very well say "your mom is a little crazy" to the kids, but I'm at a loss of what to say/do. I figure all I can do is provide emotional support and a safe place from what could very well be a bad situation. Any ideas?