My son is being ignored by husband - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 10-26-2009, 11:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I sit here writing this in tears. I a so sad. I feel alone in the world with no one to talk to. My son is being ignored by my husband and I know that this is killing him. What can I do? My son is constantly disapointing hy husband he has no mercy. He is a child and yes, he lies,cheats and tries to get away with certain things but isn't that most kids? My son is a good kid. I fear that my husband is killing him inside and I am unsure what to do. Last week my son did not turn in his homework for 2 days and did not tell my husband, he told me. Well my husband found out and grounded him for 2 days. My sun had a field trip on Sat so he decided to ground him on Sun and Mon instead. So all of Sat he laughed and joked with him like nothing and let him play. Then Sun comes and he still laughed and joked with him some more. So then at lunch time my son is eating and is still humgry and my husband goes crazy. That my son does not exercise enough and he needs to play outside more, blah blah blah. Then he goes on to lecture about how my son never gets first place in anything and anything good he does is because of us. And my son is sitting there in tears wondering what he did, he just wants more food. So after 15 mins I told him to stop then he went crazy on me. But I am tired of this this happens way too often. He is holding stuff against this kid from when he was 4 and 5 GET OVER IT! He is ten now and yes he drives me crazy but he is still my baby. I can't take it anymore I can't be the refore. My son is not perfect but he is not the monster my husband makes him out to be. My husband claims to love him like his own but if he did he would not talk to him like this. He does this to me to by the way. I don't know what to do. I am in the middle.
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#2 of 10 Old 10-26-2009, 11:48 PM
 
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My initial reaction is leave him.

But if your dh will go to counseling, that would probably be a better first step.

If he wouldn't go, if it were me, I'd be out that door so fast with ds in tow!

Jenne

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#3 of 10 Old 10-27-2009, 12:09 AM
 
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I hate to sound harsh, but it is time to make a choice. Your first obligation is to your son, not this abuser. Yes, he is verbally abusing you and your son. What he is doing is hurting your son, and if you don't put a stop to it it's going to mess up your kid's life. Your husband sounds like he thinks his behavior is normal, so I don't put a lot of stock in him changing any time soon. You need to start making plans to leave- you owe it to your son. If your husband can do some kind of miraculous 180, great- but you have to put your son first. He does not deserve to be turned on and belittled like that. Ever.

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#4 of 10 Old 10-27-2009, 09:37 PM
 
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Hugs to you, I can feel your pain through your post.

Your husband is verbally abusing you and your son. It needs to stop now. If he will go to counseling and you can save the marriage then that's wonderful. If he won't then you need to stop the abuse by leaving.

Either way you and your son don't deserve how you are being treated and your husband is teaching your son how to treat his future wife and children.

I think that you already know what to do deep in your heart even though it is incredibly painful. Even if you are not ready to leave, we are here for you while you work things out. Asking for advice is the first step, and remember, you are stronger than you think!

Wife to dh, Mommy to ds1 12/2002, ds2 9/2005, and ds3 9/2008.
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#5 of 10 Old 10-27-2009, 09:49 PM
 
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I have to agree with the other posters. It sounds like your husband is really verbally and emotionally abusive. I would get you and your son in to some counseling now, and let your DH know that he can attend and start making some really drastic changes or you will start preparing to protect yourself and your son.

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#6 of 10 Old 10-28-2009, 02:07 AM
 
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I feel so sorry for your SON! What a horrible situation to be in, and at that age where he's looking to his father figure for ways to be a man and he's getting a maniac version. Your DH needs some counseling, and you all need some family/couples counceling! If DH would not agree to get help (even free help from a new pastor, or an existing clergy member) then I would make arraingments to leave him ASAP Stay strong momma- your son's health and mental well being needs to be one of your main concerns now, along with his and your safety, and if you need a seperation from your DP, then that's what you need to do.

Married to Michael and Mother of Jake 9, Jillianne 7, Jensen 5, Jacen 4. I've got severe osteoporosis, a fractured hip and chronic pain-so please be patient with me! Pagan,Crocheter,Reader,Homeschooler- that's me in a nutshell.

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#7 of 10 Old 10-28-2009, 07:41 AM
 
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ITA with the other posters, your son is being verbally and emotionally abused, your son needs to be protected and if you are sitting crying in front of a screen there is something inside you saying that you know that this is all wrong. If this has been going on for the last 4/5 years there's already some damage done to your son, I think you need to make plans and some fairly hard decisions. Good luck and give your ds a big hug from us!

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#8 of 10 Old 10-29-2009, 01:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ForLife View Post
My husband claims to love him like his own but if he did he would not talk to him like this. He does this to me to by the way. I don't know what to do. I am in the middle.
Does your husband have kids of his own that he treats differently? Because it might be true. This is exactly how my father treated/treats us and he genuinely thinks it's good parenting. He tells my teenage sister that he liked her much better when she was "good," before she turned "nasty." He made so much fun of her for being a little chubby (mind you, he's in the obese range himself) that my normal-weight sister gained forty pounds from stress. When one of my sibs came home with achievement tests scoring in the 97th percentile he started screaming about what an idiot she must be. And he honestly believes he's helping.

So it may not be a step-parent issue as much as a personality issue with your DH that counseling and parenting classes could help with.
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#9 of 10 Old 10-29-2009, 07:33 PM
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I'm not one to throw the "A" word around very easily, but what your husband is doing to your son is mentally and emotionally abusive. If he will not consent to family counseling, then you need to pack up your son and leave. What he's doing to this child is malicious.

Yes, kids lie and cheat and do other bad things, and parents have the responsibility to teach the child that these things are wrong. But your husband is makin your son feel like a bad person rather than a person who makes mistakes. I'll bet your son gets a momentary adrenaline-high when he does these things, to off-set the sense of worthlessness he's otherwise feeling.

Your husband is an adult and can feld for himself. Your son is a child and you need to protect him. Counseling, and if hubs won't go, leave him.
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#10 of 10 Old 10-30-2009, 01:16 PM
 
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I'm with everyone else. You need to separate yourself and your son from this man until he faces his issues head on. On the same token, you would need to do this work as well...

Consciously mothering 3 girls and 2 boys
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