How often you see your children or step children? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 12-07-2009, 06:10 PM - Thread Starter
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I am wondering what other family’s custody arrangements are and how often you see your children or step children. I am wondering this because we feel we do not get to see my bf daughter as much as we should.
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#2 of 17 Old 12-07-2009, 07:00 PM
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We are in a 50/50 arrangement - DSD switches houses every week on Friday after school.


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#3 of 17 Old 12-07-2009, 10:05 PM
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When we lived in the same town we had a 50/50 split. She was with us every monday and tuesday and every other weekend (Fri - Sun) and mom every Wed and Thurs and every other weekend. The parent who she wasn't with for the weekend had a 4 hour "visit" half-way through (Friday for us, Sunday for mom).

Now we live across the country. She is here with us every school break (Winter, spring, and summer less two weeks for vacation with mom) plus an additional week (not a school break, so she's pulled out of school) every other Thanksgiving. My husband flies there to see her (and has her with him, or us if we all are able to go, which we try to do once or twice a year) one weekend a month including 3 long weekends, plus an additional 2 one-week periods during the school year. All-in-all that means my husband has custody just over 1/3 of the time, which is more than usual for 3000 miles between homes.

Parenting four little monkeys (11, 8, 6, and 4) with the love of my life. Making it up as I go.
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#4 of 17 Old 12-07-2009, 10:51 PM
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Up until 2 years ago, DSD came over Friday night and went back to her mom's Sunday night. Now she lives here, and sees her mom about twice a month for a day, and occasionally overnight.

Holidays are always based upon what each family is doing, and dsd's preference.

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#5 of 17 Old 12-07-2009, 10:57 PM
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Most weekends during the school year (the custody agreement says Mom gets one weekend a month, Dad gets the rest, but Mom works Saturdays so unless she specifically has time off, my stepdaughter is with us).

Most weekdays during the summer (the schedule flips--but we make a "weekend" Sunday to Monday to accommodate Mom's work schedule. Thankfully, the camp we use will let us pay for four days a week).

Holidays are ad-hoc. I think there's a standard holiday split in the custody agreement, but it's never been adhered to due to travel schedules, work, etc. This works OK for us.

The last time I calculated it, I discovered my SD was with us about 37% of the time. If we all lived closer, it would probably be some form of 50/50.

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#6 of 17 Old 12-07-2009, 11:14 PM
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dsd is with us every other weekend (from after school friday until sunday night) and one overnight a week (we pick her up from school and drop her off at school the next day). We use this schedule year round, with changes for vacations etc., as needed. Holidays are split pretty evenly. This works out to, I believe, just under 30% of the time and is pretty much the standard visitation for our state as far as I know.

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#7 of 17 Old 12-07-2009, 11:27 PM
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we have my DSC's pretty much all the time. Their mom is supposed to have every other Sat for 8 hours but rarely takes advantage of it. so we have custody like 99% of the yr. It's not our choice it's hers.

Katie, Enjoying my time with my love Josh:, kiddos Kendel '01 and Xander '03 and our furry beast Sherman '08:
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#8 of 17 Old 12-08-2009, 02:38 PM
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Everyday! Dss's biomom is suppose to take him for a day or two every month but she never shows up.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#9 of 17 Old 12-11-2009, 10:49 PM
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My DH adopted both of my children, and they are with us 7 days a week, 365 days a year. My DSS #1 (the elder of the two) comes every other weekend and every Monday all day. My DSS#2 (the youngest) comes every other weekend from Friday afternoon until Sunday night.

Mommy to four under age 4!
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#10 of 17 Old 12-14-2009, 10:11 PM
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Originally Posted by LittleBlessings View Post
I am wondering what other family’s custody arrangements are and how often you see your children or step children. I am wondering this because we feel we do not get to see my bf daughter as much as we should.
I see my own children every minute of every day.

So I'm answering for my husband here:

My husband's 12 year old son comes to our house every weekend except for one per month, currently the time is 7:30 pm Friday night to 4:30 pm Sunday afternoon. He is also here for a week over winter break and July 1st through July 21st every summer.

This year, his mom setup winter break differently, just suggested something my husband agreed to. I believe their son was here last on Nov 29th, but it may have been the 6th. Well, his mom home schools him so there is no need to follow a public school schedule. She is saying there is 20 days winter break, but it's only ever been 14 days before. Going off the 20 day break, she suggested my husband have their son from 5:30 pm Dec 25th through some time (I'm sure she was specific in her email to him, I just didn't catch the time when my husband informed me) Jan 2nd. I gather they each get their son on their own birthday, and my husband's birthday is the 1st, so he normally has their son the second half of winter break so that one day gets attached.

My husband once calculated the amount of time he has and (If I remember accurately) he usually has their son 90 nights, ~100-110 days out of the year, give or take. So that means he has time with their son about 1/3 of the year.

ETA: We live in different cities, about 1.5 hour drive apart, one way.

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#11 of 17 Old 12-15-2009, 02:54 AM
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Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot View Post
We are in a 50/50 arrangement - DSD switches houses every week on Friday after school.
Same here! Except we switch on Mondays.

Artist, teacher, wife and mommy to DSS, DD1, DD2 and surprise baby girl on the way, 7/12!

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#12 of 17 Old 12-16-2009, 03:13 PM
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When we lived in the same city and the kids were pre-school age, we did a 50/50 thing for a while.

Now that they live 3 hours away, I get my kids every other w/e from friday night to sunday night. I get spring break every year, we alternate 1/2 of the xmas break (it's my year for xmas day, yay) and 2 weeks in the summer.

My step-children are with us pretty much full-time. Their mom used to have them every other w/e, but she's not in a stable living situation right now.

Our rainbow baby, Anna Beatrice was born April 11/2010 after 4 m/c. She joins 4 brothers and sisters.
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#13 of 17 Old 12-16-2009, 03:19 PM
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DH was not very assertive at the divorce and dsd's mom moved out of state, so we only have holidays and one month or so in summer. Not ideal.

Lucky wife to DH and mom to DS (10/02) and sweet DD (7/08) and DSD (3/93) and assorted animalia
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#14 of 17 Old 12-18-2009, 11:30 PM
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Legally, 50/50 split. In reality I have them more because I take them on his weeks when hes at work.

We're planning on moving cross country in a few years though...I'm waiting until my fiance is done with school, my ds is older (my youngest is only 16 months and I'm wanting him to be more like 4 years old before, since the visitations will be long), and we have the money to hopefully buy a house. At that point, I have no idea what will happen...I think my ex will fight me for the majority time and I'm not willing to let it go (long story, but due to many reasons I don't feel like hes the ideal full time all...), so I guess we'll see what the courts decide. Personally though, I'd like to have them for the school year and let him have them for xmas break and summer break-all of it. Maybe even extended xmas break.

I'd homeschool but I'm not good at it.

Cari-mama to Eriq, Lile, Paikea, Kaidyn, and Mieke is here!! 2/9/10
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#15 of 17 Old 01-01-2010, 12:33 AM
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I have full legal custody, and primary physical. He gets 1st full weekend every month, Easter weekend every odd year, Thanksgiving weekend (Fri-Sun) every year, Dec. 21-24 every year, and 2 weeks in the summer, and Father's day weekend. Now, IMHO my DD isn't cared for well there, so his time has been shortened over the years. She doesn't get bathed, sometimes doesn't get all her asthma meds, and is constantly smoked around. He breaks every aspect of our custody order all the time, so over the years I've managed to shorten his time. HTH!
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#16 of 17 Old 01-02-2010, 07:09 PM
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Hi! I'm new here but thought I'd jump in.

We have DBS (Dear bonus son) every weekend Friday-Monday (I drop him off at BM before I go to work) and we also get him every other Wednesday and Thursday. We hope to eventually have him more often - we were trying for every week W night - M morning.

Bonus Mom to one son (5/08)
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#17 of 17 Old 01-02-2010, 07:45 PM
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Answering for DDs1&2, who are my step-daughter (although I honestly loathe that word).

We have EOW from after school Friday-drop off at school Monday morning.
Every Wed after school-drop off Thursday morning.
They've been here all winter break (go back to school Monday) minus two evenings, one weekend and one full day with biomom.
All snow days/sick days they're here.
Spring break here.
We're working on getting them here for the summer as well.
During sports we have them an extra evening a week if their sport practices twice weekly.

In other words, as often as physically possible. We'd love to have them all the time, and are moving toward that.

Thankfully we live 4 miles from biomom so we're able to be very flexible.

Oh! I forgot about the extra week in January we'll have them this year because biomom is going on vacation.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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