This is just all piling up on me. Being divorced and having to share/deal with the big "ex" on a daily/weekly basis just sucks. I'm so tired. I'm so frustrated. I'm so sad. There's no one that really understands this all fully...and my issues are not so different than anyone else on these boards. I'm just so defeated today I don't have the energy or creativity to deal with the new current issue.
In short: my ex is giving my older sons (barely 14 and 12 by a couple weeks) condoms. I also froze the facebook page of my older son because of sexual content going out-and explicit pictures/questions going to family...so the ex lets him make myspace pages and keeps it all hidden from me. (tried to anyway) Not to mention child support issues...and then he asks to me to lie on taxes and let him claim one of them so he can catch up his child support. Which is BS for many reasons-they take it out anyway for one, and he's basically asking me to lie to pay my own damn child support. An amount which I settled on at half of what the judge ordered years ago, and waived my right to spousal support, because I just wanted custody of my kids and to run. I took on all our debt, ruined my credit and gave him minimal financial responsibility...I got full custody, legal and physical...and the judge checked a box that says "reasonable parenting time" to my ex. whatever that means. Right now he has them every other weekend, but the crap he is pulling I wish I could not let him see them at all. Not because of the child support stuff-that's just money-but the whole undermining me and breaking rules and introducing the kids to dangerous situations....my 14 year old has a "friend" on myspace who is 23 and in her bra. Her mood status is listed as "high." They always covet the forbidden fruit and he happily dishes it out for them.
Part of me feels like I'm over protective, and yet I don't get the chance to parent them myself before I'm simply putting all my energy into my parental rights against his. I can't help but wonder if he's let them drink or smoke pot at his house...both I know he does himself as well as his "fiancee".
It seems that it's finally time to return to court. Yet I'm so exhausted I don't want to pull up my boot straps and go again for round...whatever...I'm just at a loss. I feel like I'm losing my kids. I don't have the money for legal fees. I want to tell him that I am denying him visitation until the summer and if HE has an issue with it, then HE can get an attorney. Wonder where he's get the money since he can't even afford child support... ... only reason I shudder on that course of action is that it seems that it always looks better to be the "first one to court" or so they say...
I guess I'm not really looking for advice per say. I suppose this qualifies as a dumping vent??? I'm sorry for dumping it here, but I just feel like no one else in the world fully understands how I feel right now. Just sitting here exhausted and in tears. My sweet DH is working 12 hours at a time right now and also so fed up with the ex and his BS affecting our own relationship and the 2.5 kids that we are parenting together.
This sucks you guys! It's total butt kicking. I so respect and admire all of you who have to battle and struggle through two decades or more of all this constant stress. It is totally life altering/life affecting. I can see why rich people just pack up and disappear to another country with their kids...(that was sarcasm, don't burn me please) I wonder how much he really cares about his kids. He doesn't even call in between his visitation times. Hell he wanted me to abort the first time I got pregnant...I bet the only fit he would throw would be more of a power struggle than actual missing of his children...how on earth did I ever mate with this man to begin with? Someone slap me for my stupidity!
Okay I'm done. If you've read this far, my hat is off in gratitude. It sucks to be a part of this club, but I'm glad I'm not totally alone.