Every time DSD and I do something really special together (some project, learning how to cook a special dish, etc) she goes and tells her mom. No fail, the following time she comes over to our place she tells me that her mom said she doesn't like me. I replied: "that's really too bad. Your mommy doesn't really know me. I'm not sure why she doesn't like me. Did she give you a reason?" She said "no." Then her dad said: "Maybe one day she will" (not sure why he said that.)
I get upset because I have worked (and continue to work) so hard to create a strong bond with DSD and to have her like me. I just hate when her mom says bad things about me to her. DSD doesn't seem to change when this happens, but what her mom says is definitely important to her (important enough to mention it every time.)
So I automatically wrote an email to her mom, but didn't send it. I know she won't respond, and if she ever does it'll be with an insult, or telling me not to talk about her daughter, or something like that. I wanted to tell her that DSD is very upset every time mom tells her bad things about me and that it actually reflects badly on her and creates unnecessary stress on DSD. But if I'm completely honest with myself, I think I just hate the fact that DSD might not like me as a result of her mom's comments (I'm really sensitive about that.) I want to send the email so she feels bad for her daughter and stops. She is a good mom generally (and makes sure she never says anything bad about her dad to DSD) but not allowing her to love and be loved by someone in her family, in her other household is not a good idea (divorce parenting 101, though she doesn't see me as DSD's family.) Her mom knows I'm incredibly good and loving to her daughter; she just chooses not to think about that and has her own tremendous amounts of hatred toward me.
Writing the email was an impulse, and it also seemed like a bad idea, so I decided to ask for advice before sending anything. Should I just keep letting this one pass? I'm just so tired of this woman's insecurities and bad energy. I know she won't end it for me, but maybe for her daughter's sake? And I know this all sounds kind of silly. Maybe I just need to be told that it's not that big of a deal?