What would you do? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 01-30-2010, 01:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DSS mom has asked us to sign permission for them to go to Disney, fine we will. Well now a mutual friend tells us she is going to Florida and Cancun but dont tell her she told us. So we don't want to put our friend in an ackward position but is that not wrong to not tell the father the whole situation? Should we confront her on this? Were not sure if maybe her parents are going w her to florida and then staying with DSS as she goes to Cancun. Either wayshoould he not have been told the truth about whats going on, it is his son? All I know is she wouls $h!t a brick if we lied about what country we were going to be in, yk.

How would you deal?
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#2 of 12 Old 01-30-2010, 02:49 PM
 
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Does DSS have a passport? Who has it?

You could hand back the form and say "Sure, Disney sounds great and it so much easier than us figuring out how to work out-of-country trips." and let her figure out that telling you would be a good idea?

Also, I think you can file with Border Patrol (is that it?) to have a dual-custody child not let out of the country?

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#3 of 12 Old 01-30-2010, 03:03 PM
 
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Personally, if I ever was told that my ex was taking my girls ANYWHERE outside of the normal city stuff and I was completely left in the dark there would be h&ll to pay. I think that you need to put the friendship aside momentarily and think in the best interest of the child(ren), you can always apologize later if needed, and confront your ex to find out what you were told is true. What if something happens or the child(ren) gets sick?

You do not need to necessarily voice specifically who told you (chances are they'll figure it out on their own if they know their friends) but make sure you let her know that you are highly disappointed that they would keep such information from you.
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#4 of 12 Old 01-30-2010, 03:35 PM
 
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It should be a simple enough matter of Dad's asking Mom for an itinerary and how he can reach the child and/or mother in case of an emergency.
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#5 of 12 Old 01-30-2010, 04:28 PM
 
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I agree. There's no need to give your friend away. Just have DH ask the kid's mother where exactly they will be, and when. He can press if the info is not what your friend said: "Will you be going anywhere else after Disney?" Hopefully that will clear it up.

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#6 of 12 Old 01-30-2010, 05:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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* should've mentioned we're Canadian so Disney is out of country*


But and a big but is we know about Disney.

The iternary is a good suggestion. Like if we weren't made aware of this and something happened there we wouldn't even know to be worried. How awful is that.
I just can't imagine a 3yr old in Cancun. I know they'll be on a resort but still, I dunno just not my idea of fun for me or the child
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#7 of 12 Old 01-30-2010, 05:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Camp-a-roo View Post
My DSS mom has asked us to sign permission for them to go to Disney
What permission is this form in? Is it a letter that has to be given to Customs? I would imagine there would be 2 letters required, one for US Customs and one for Mexican Customs.

Katherine, SAHM to 2 little princes
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#8 of 12 Old 01-30-2010, 05:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Gentle
I think that makes sence, which will tell us if he is or is not traveling to Cancun but if he isn't, it wont tell us whose care hes being left in while she goes.

Besides shes as smart as she is sneaky so she may just find wording that covers the whole situation. Blah, to have a good relationship with her. What I wouldn't give.
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#9 of 12 Old 01-31-2010, 02:00 AM
 
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Personally, I don't care if it were my best friend from birth who asked me not to tell, if it were concerning my child I would confront the situation and just ask outright. (edited to add, I realize this is your stepchild but still from the dad's POV)

He needs to know where his baby is at all times, you just never know what may happen. Probably there would be no cause for concern, he is that child's dad and he needs to know everything. Hopefully your friend's info was inaccurate but obviously you need to get to the bottom of this or you cannot let that child go.

Mama to A born 8/7/99
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#10 of 12 Old 01-31-2010, 02:53 AM
 
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I'm pretty sure that Mexico requires notarized parental permission for children to go there with just one parent.
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#11 of 12 Old 01-31-2010, 02:49 PM
 
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l would ask outright for the itenerary. I would also be sure the permission letter you are signing says exactly what your husband is giving permission for (for example "[Son] has my permission to travel with [mother] by [car/air/etc] to Florida in the United States from [date] to [date] for the purpose of vacation at Disney World and other attractions in the Orlando, Florida area.")

I would have both mom and dad sign the document.

Whether or not it would help keep her from crossing a border with him, it would be a document that could be used to show that she took him out of the country without your permission.

Parenting four little monkeys (11, 8, 6, and 4) with the love of my life. Making it up as I go.
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#12 of 12 Old 01-31-2010, 11:13 PM
 
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All those are good ideas, but why not just ask? Would you not want her going to Cancun with your dss? Or being left with the grandparents?

I'd have zero issues with my ex traveling out of country with our two dds (ages seven and two - we're Canadian as well!) Obviously I'd like to be told the truth straight up, not having to dig around for it, but I have no issues with travel.

ETA - I'm not sure if there's a concern/risk here about her not returning with your dss, etc., so I'm going on regular custody/travel issues.

Full time working mom to two bright and busy little girls! treehugger.gif
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