4-y-o lost his mother - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 02-26-2010, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Tomorrow I must attend the funeral of the mom of a little boy in the preschool class I'm substitute-teaching a couple mornings/week. (The regular teacher's on maternity leave). My student's mom was hit by a drunk driver earlier this week.

What does this have to do with blended families? I was shocked and upset when I overheard not just one, but two fellow employees comment in hushed voices that "it might be for the best" / "maybe God knew what He was doing". !?!?! In both cases, the women were referring to their beliefs that it's bad for the boy that his parents are divorced, his dad's remarried and has a new baby and his mom "came out" and was living with a girlfriend. Both employees said they hoped the grandparents would end up raising the kid. (Yes, I did speak up when I heard all of this *#@ - and I surely offended people.)

I realize divorce is hard on kids. I realize everyone doesn't look at gay issues the same way I do. But most of the time I walk around (perhaps naively) believing that even people with conflicting opinions have core similarities - like love for our children - that unite us and make us basically kind, tolerant and supportive of each other... and that situations where that's not the case are rare and the exception to the rule. What I heard from these two women keeps coming back to mind and really bothering me. How on Earth could people talk like that, in the face of a little boy losing his mother? And in the face of any young woman dying? Worse, how could they associate such callousness with religious beliefs? I just don't get it. Do they really suppose God bumped her off to shield her kid from her lesbianism? Then how do they explain God's failure to systematically smite, say, child rapists? Even if those women think of homosexuality as a sin, are they really arrogant enough to think their own sins are so insignificant that they should occupy themselves passing judgment on other people's? Isn't that kind of a tenet of Christianity, that any behavior that falls short of saintliness is distasteful to God and we're supposed to strive to improve ourselves, not hold ourselves above each other?

I've only been in this class a few weeks, but I've already met ALL FOUR of the adults in this little boy's life - Mom, Dad, step-mom and girlfriend. ALL involved, loving and likeable. Some of the kids in the class, I've NEVER met their parents.

Now I wonder what friendly-seeming people say about me behind my back? Or, is my blended family not considered a problem for my kids, because I'm not a lesbian?

*sigh*

One woman in a house full of men:  my soul mate:    or... twin sons:(HS seniors) ... step-son:  (a sophomore) ... our little man:   (a first grader) ... and there is another female in the house, after all:  our
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#2 of 15 Old 02-26-2010, 10:23 PM
 
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That's so horrible all around. Sorry you had to hear such awful conversations.
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#3 of 15 Old 02-26-2010, 10:29 PM
 
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All I can say is wow. My thoughts go out to that little boy and his family.

I have run into people who say horrific things before but that is right on the top of the list.

Not all people are like that, I don't think, but some are. I'm not, my DH isn't, and none of my friends has ever expressed anything like that.

My father has expressed similar sentiments and I had to curtail his visitation with my kids.
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#4 of 15 Old 02-26-2010, 11:07 PM
 
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Unbelievable.

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Raising Alice in Wonderland (DSD, 17), and in love with a Superman
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#5 of 15 Old 02-27-2010, 01:27 AM
 
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Poor little guy. I hate to think of him spending his time in the care of people who harbor those kinds of thoughts about anyone, much less his mama. How can people be so horrible?

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#6 of 15 Old 02-27-2010, 08:27 AM
 
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That is terrible, poor little boy

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#7 of 15 Old 02-27-2010, 10:34 PM
 
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That's horrifically sad. And in this case, why would the father/step-mother not be raising this little boy - as opposed to the grandparents?

As someone who 'came out' late (so to speak - lots of people seem to have known... before me), I've been blessed with nothing but love and support so far.

My kids haven't even noticed (perhaps they're too young?) and my ex is actually relieved, since as he says, 'I'll always be the only father figure'. Granted, he and my gf are extremely wary of each other, but that's based on the unknown, and less a personal dislike.

I'm sure there are people in my life who are questioning the impact this has/will have on my two young children, but again, thankfully I haven't had any negative reactions.

It's people like you taking the risk to speak up, even at the risk of confrontation, that make it easier for people like me to hold my head up high in the face of adversity.

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#8 of 15 Old 02-28-2010, 10:32 AM
 
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That is so sad, all around. I can't beleive some people. Good for you for saying something!!!

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#9 of 15 Old 03-02-2010, 01:54 AM
 
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Those people disgust me! How can they say that?! I hoep the boy and his family find peace as soon as possible. RIP.

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#10 of 15 Old 03-14-2010, 08:19 PM
 
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Isn't it sad when people can't just let others be, I can't imagine what goes through the mind of people that always feel they need to speak out against others, just because they do not agree with how a person lives.

Its sad, I feel for the child that lost a mother

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#11 of 15 Old 03-14-2010, 08:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceinwen View Post
That's horrifically sad. And in this case, why would the father/step-mother not be raising this little boy - as opposed to the grandparents?
On top of that I would wonder if maybe the GF would take over care of the boy? I see 2 possible sets of parents and the grandparents only if the 2 refused.

I would have ripped the ladies a new one but then I have a problem with not keeping my mouth shut on gay issues.

Seriously?
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#12 of 15 Old 03-14-2010, 09:19 PM
 
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I would have called them what they are if I had over heard that. Because his parents are divorced and his mom is a lesbian, he deserves to have his mother killed? Can they not see how absolutely disgusting that is? I would hope to god they don't say anything like that where this child can hear. He does not need to find out that some UAV's think his mother's death was "for the best".

I'm glad you spoke up, maybe next time they will think about what they are saying. Even if you offended some people, you were probably nice then I would have been.

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#13 of 15 Old 03-30-2010, 02:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jeannine View Post
Isn't that kind of a tenet of Christianity, that any behavior that falls short of saintliness is distasteful to God and we're supposed to strive to improve ourselves, not hold ourselves above each other?
Yes, it absolutely is. Also "love your neighbor as yourself." While we are not supposed to be afraid to speak out when we see injustice or evil, and we are supposed to help our brothers and sisters live in freedom from sin, we are *not* supposed to be going around pointing out everyone else's failures and wishing death on them, no matter what some groups seem to think.

I'm "one of those people" who believes marriage is supposed to be for a man and a woman, and supposed to be forever. But, frankly, I have too many sins in my life to have time to go around picking on other people. I'm sorry -- it's hard to see the speck in your eye with this big old plank in mine, KWIM?

Furthermore, I fail to see how it is *ever* "best" for a child to lose his mother, especially in such a traumatic way, and certainly not on the basis that mommy has a girlfriend. To suggest such a thing is itself evil, and I for one am glad you weren't afraid to say something.

Michelle, Christian , sahm, homeschooling , breastfeeding , no vax, blogging , photographer mom with ADD and Social Anxiety Disorder Mom to 4 boys, 3 girls.
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#14 of 15 Old 04-06-2010, 12:17 PM
 
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Truly heartbreaking! That's sad those word's and thought's we're even in those ladies minds and mouth's especially at such a tragic time! Who give's them the right to judge! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!
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#15 of 15 Old 04-06-2010, 12:25 PM
 
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That poor mama, and her poor little boy. I'm sad to hear that - I hope he can be surrounded by the love of all his family members, and kept far from the cruel women you overheard (who clearly don't know the real meaning of motherhood or love at all).

I'm glad you said something - that stuff cannot be abided.
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