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Blended and Step Family Parenting > "How precious. A male heir."
ProtoLawyer's Avatar ProtoLawyer 12:53 AM 02-27-2010
I suppose I should focus on the fact that my stepdaughter's mother asked me, without any prompting, for my work contact information so she can put me as an emergency contact/authorized pickup on SD's school forms rather than her Facebook-status reaction (and the fact that I do not follow her Facebook status, my husband does not follow her Facebook status, but one of his aunts does and took great joy in relaying this information to us over e-mail) to finding out I'm having a boy.

(Actually, the gossipy aunt is bugging me way more than Mom's reaction, since Mom probably put this in what she assumed was a reasonable venting space where we'd never see it--maybe forgetting she was friends with the aunt?--and the aunt just shoved it down our throats. This is the same aunt that told my husband--ON OUR WEDDING DAY--that his ex-wife was posting nasty stuff about us all day. My husband is figuring out words to have with her.)

How's everyone else's Friday?

SomethingAnonymous's Avatar SomethingAnonymous 01:00 AM 02-27-2010
So that was the facebook status? How mature! At least you can be glad you aren't as childish as that....
singin'intherain's Avatar singin'intherain 02:22 AM 02-27-2010
I mean really! Some people just love to stir up trouble!
PoppyMama's Avatar PoppyMama 03:07 AM 02-27-2010
People get to be immature on their facebook. I would be the most peeved with the aunt too and your dh might consider letting his x know that the aunt is relaying information from it so she can decide if she wants to defriend her.
Ceinwen's Avatar Ceinwen 10:44 AM 02-27-2010
Well, first off - congrats on having a boy! I'm totally envious! After two girls, I'd love to have a boy.

Secondly, considering all the back story, I'd say she's envious, and totally blowing off steam. Not very nice - but relatively harmless.

I can only imagine my ex's response when my gf and I decide to have a baby.

Definitely have your dh talk to the aunt about the appropriateness of relaying certain negative messages - you don't need the stress of dealing with that!
ProtoLawyer's Avatar ProtoLawyer 01:41 PM 02-27-2010
Yeah, like I said--it's not really so much of a big deal that she's saying something immature and vent-y on Facebook, where we're not supposed to see it. (It's kind of like me posting things here--I'm nearly certain she does not read this board.)

It's not like she said it to her daughter or to one of us directly (though, maybe, if she did say it to us directly, there would be body language and tone to work with--I could picture a few friends of mine saying those exact words and it being hilarious).

My husband tried to call his aunt last night, but she wasn't answering. From what I understand, she meddles. When his mother died, she immediately started trying to swoop in from afar and be a surrogate (he was 24 at the time, so it wasn't like he needed a guardian).
pinksprklybarefoot 02:43 AM 02-28-2010
At least you can take satisfaction in the fact that she is jealous of the fact that you are having a boy (a seemingly antiquated notion - in today's society, what does it matter?).

Maybe you should get a nice t-shirt with "male heir" across the bosom and an arrow pointing down at your belly.

Don't let either of them ruin your lovely baby bliss. Easier said than done, I know. Just breathe deeply and shake your shake at other people's issues.
Momtwice's Avatar Momtwice 03:40 PM 02-28-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post
People get to be immature on their facebook. I would be the most peeved with the aunt too and your dh might consider letting his x know that the aunt is relaying information from it so she can decide if she wants to defriend her.
Word to your stepmother.
Oriole's Avatar Oriole 06:28 PM 02-28-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by pinksprklybarefoot View Post

Maybe you should get a nice t-shirt with "male heir" across the bosom and an arrow pointing down at your belly.
Made me laugh.
I wouldn't dare to stir trouble that way, but it's fun to fantasize anyway.
ProtoLawyer's Avatar ProtoLawyer 10:19 PM 03-01-2010
It occurred to me that, per the terms of my will and life insurance, my stepdaughter actually stands to inherit, well, 50% of my estate should my husband die before me. (100% to him, then to SD and any children born to or adopted by me, in equal shares.)

I doubt my stepdaughter's mother knows this.
sleepingbeauty's Avatar sleepingbeauty 03:03 AM 03-02-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer View Post
It occurred to me that, per the terms of my will and life insurance, my stepdaughter actually stands to inherit, well, 50% of my estate should my husband die before me. (100% to him, then to SD and any children born to or adopted by me, in equal shares.)

I doubt my stepdaughter's mother knows this.
Not to butt in (it's late, I'm wandering the boards..sorry!) but you should make sure that the step mother doesn't have any way of getting a hold of the money.

She sounds like a real charmer. FB brings out the worst in people sometimes, I swear...
Maluhia's Avatar Maluhia 03:14 AM 03-02-2010
I think you have a good point - she's venting in her space and honestly making a venty comment about you having a boy is something she can do to her 'friends' if she wants to. As long as she's not speaking ill of you via SD then she's in her own space allowed to say what she wants...

I'd be WAY more annoyed with this pattern from your DH's aunt. It's meddling and not cool and she needs a direct communication from you & DH together asking her to stop this sort of negative message-passing behavior that serves no healty purpose.
ProtoLawyer's Avatar ProtoLawyer 11:42 AM 03-02-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by sleepingbeauty View Post
Not to butt in (it's late, I'm wandering the boards..sorry!) but you should make sure that the step mother doesn't have any way of getting a hold of the money.

She sounds like a real charmer. FB brings out the worst in people sometimes, I swear...
I am the stepmother, but I know what you're getting at.
Everything's set up so that my sister is the custodian of the estate (meaning, until my stepdaughter and my to-be son become adults, expenditures can only be for health/safety/education-type reasons, with my sister acting as gatekeeper. Braces and college, yes. Fancy status boarding school when the local schools are just fine, no.).

Same thing with my husband's (not huge but enough to make a difference) inheritance from his mother--should he pass away, it goes into a new trust, split evenly between his children, with his uncle and a bank lawyer acting as trustees. The trust gradually matures when the children hit ages 35-45 (this was set up by his mother and can't be altered by him). My stepdaughter's mother or myself could petition the trustees for help with basic health/educational/support expenses for our respective children (my husband was able to pull his own college tuition and dental work costs from the trust), or if things were truly dire for housing costs (his mother would not have wanted her grandchildren to end up homeless) but not for luxuries.
sleepingbeauty's Avatar sleepingbeauty 09:45 PM 03-02-2010
Oh Geez, I'm sorry! I must have read it wrong. I'm glad you got what I was trying to say though. *embarrassed*
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